Thanks to SusanQ, Nicffwhisperer, Kikki7, Vampshavelaws, Pam, Julie, KittyVuitton, Stephanie, Jaime, Nolebucgrl, and Sydney Alice for all of their help pre-reading/betaing/supporting me. I'm always tinkering until right before posting and any mistakes are mine.

New Year New Start

"Bella? Did your fingers just move? Can you hear me?" He massaged my hand, his raspy voice tinged with hope. "Move them again, baby. Please let me know you can hear me. Come on. You can do this."

And I did.

There was a renewed energy inside me, sparked by Edward's excitement from my initial responses. I wanted nothing more than to sit up, open my eyes, and throw my arms around him.

But it didn't work like that. Not even close.

My recovery was a slow, exhausting battle of two steps forward, one step back. At first, it was difficult for me to maintain focus for very long at all before succumbing to darkness again.

Yet the hope was there, and I was improving every day. The doctors were encouraged by my progress, which made Edward even more diligent in his endeavors to get me to answer him.

The first time I was able to see him almost broke my heart again. Despite his smile, the toll this had taken on him was obvious: the dark circles under his eyes, his pale skin, his sloppy, wrinkled clothes. His face even looked thinner. It made me wonder how long I had been in this condition, and if he had slept even a moment in the meantime.

There was never a single second I was awake when he was not right there beside me.

At some point I was taken off the ventilator, and I was eager to talk and ask about our baby. I didn't care about my injuries, only whether he was okay.

One thing I knew, he was alive.

As my senses cleared, and my ability to respond strengthened, so did his movement. Or at least my awareness of it.

He was there with me, of that I was sure.

It restored my faith that there was good in the world. Surely after taking both my parents, God wouldn't have taken my baby too. I didn't know if I could have survived it.

And the thought of Edward losing a second child was just as difficult to imagine.

The problem with determining my baby's injuries was that I couldn't quite get the right words to come out. I tried to communicate, but wasn't doing a very good job. The doctors and Edward kept telling me it would take a little more time and to not get discouraged, but to me it was another form of being trapped. When talking didn't work, I tried writing down my questions, but I couldn't even draw a straight line, let alone form words on the paper.

It was more frustrating than anything I'd ever experienced.

Aside from all the regular doctors and nurses, it seemed like I had different therapists coming in at all hours, working with me on my movement and speech recovery. It was like I had to learn how to do the most basic things all over again.

I was told the fact my memory seemed mostly intact was a great sign, but it didn't help me in figuring out how to express my need to know about our child. After a few minutes of one of the therapists coercing me through a puzzle, I pushed it away in anger.

Edward was at my side immediately, brushing away my tears. "What's wrong?"

I took his hand and placed it on my belly and pleaded with my eyes.

Understanding crossed his face, and he leaned down to kiss me. "You want to know about the baby?"

I nodded and he smiled.

"Of course. He's okay, Bella." He reached across the bed and pointed at the screen of a machine. "This is the fetal monitor. Dr. Nash has been here to see you many times, but you've usually been asleep...or maybe just out of it." Grief flashed in his eyes before he brought my hand to his lips. "There were a few scary moments when they thought they'd have to take him out early, but you both pulled through. In fact, Dr. Nash seems to think he was spared almost completely. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I was stupid to assume you heard her at some point. You must have been so worried."

I took in everything he said, but clung to the most important part.

Our baby was okay.

The tears which fell from my eyes now were entirely due to relief. Edward's assurance that he was healthy was all I needed. I could breathe again.

From that point on, I pushed myself as hard as I could to recover, heeding every word of medical advice, every suggestion, and every therapeutic exercise with renewed vigor.

~~~*~~~NOP~~~*~~~

Within a few days, I was speaking almost normally, able to hold full conversations with the doctors and Edward. In fact, I had progressed so much I was moved out of the ICU into a regular room.

Well regular in the sense that I was no longer deemed critical or hooked up to a thousand machines, and I was allowed to have more than one visitor at a time.

The room itself was massive, comfortable, almost hotel-like. Large flat-screen TV, wide windows, a couch and chairs, more comfortable bed, along with vases of flowers stashed everywhere. I wondered if Edward promised them he'd build a new hospital wing or something to net me this room.

Once I was talking again, I wanted all the details of my injuries. Every time I tried to get Edward to talk about it all, he got evasive and tried to distract me and urge me to focus on getting better. The doctors were more helpful, telling me I had been out for almost three weeks. My concussion had been so severe they had to put me into a medically-induced coma to reduce the swelling of my brain, and aside from my head taking the brunt of the fall, I also had contusions from head to foot and a couple of cracked ribs.

Although by the time I was fully awake, most of the bruises were healed up and the fractures were well on their way.

Bottom line was that I had been lucky. And my baby even luckier.

The physical part of my recovery took a bit longer. The first time I was helped to stand on my feet, I would have fallen on my butt if they hadn't been holding me up. It was somewhat disheartening to feel helpless and so unsteady, especially when I had been doing so well with my leg exercises while lying down.

It was as if I'd never walked before. Like there was a disconnect between my brain and my legs.

But I worked as hard as I could, eager to get out of the hospital. I wanted my things around me. The familiar sights, smells, just the feeling of being home. I especially missed being able to sleep next to Edward.

He never left my side, helping me through every single moment of my recovery. They brought in a makeshift bed to put alongside mine every night, where he slept close enough to hold my hand.

If he slept at all.

At some point, my worry changed from my recovery to his. As much damage as my body had incurred, the injuries he sustained emotionally may have been even worse.

He never let up, never took a break, never left at all. He even showered in the private bath connected to my room with the door open...just in case I needed something.

His parents, Alec, Hannah, Jasper, and Emmett all had whispering conversations with him, trying to get him to at least go outside for a breath of fresh air. He took the items they brought him from home and ignored their suggestions.

There came a point when I couldn't stand it any longer. It hurt to watch him wearing himself down.

"Edward?"

His face was a mask of concentration as he massaged my legs, lifting them and bending my knee over and over. "Hmm?"

"You need to get out of here for a couple hours. Go on a drive. Go to the gym. Go take Max on a walk. Anything."

He wouldn't meet my eyes. "I'm not leaving you."

"It wouldn't be leaving me. It would just be taking a little break. You need a break."

"I'm fine. We'll be out of here soon."

"Edward!" I said sharply, waiting for him to look at me. "You're acting crazy and it isn't healthy." I sighed at the hurt on his face and softened my tone. "Please, would you do this for me? Go do something for yourself for a little bit. I'm not going to magically run a marathon tomorrow, so we have a long way to go, and I'm going to need you. You won't be doing either of us any good if you keep this up. You're exhausted and worn down."

He placed my leg back on the bed, moving a chair and sitting down next to me. The pained expression on his face when he lifted his head again made my stomach twist.

"I don't want to leave you."

Normally those words would have made me deliriously happy. But not like this. Not when they were partially driven by something other than needing me and loving me. It was suddenly clear to me what was happening.

He felt guilty.

Was that why he'd kept telling me how sorry he was?

I reached over, stroking his scruffy cheek with my palm. "What happened wasn't your fault."

He didn't answer, instead closing his eyes and leaning into my touch.

"Look at me." I waited until his pretty green was focused on me again. "It wasn't your fault. It was Kate's. It's not possible for you to control everything or everyone, so stop blaming yourself for this. You can't be attached to my side every second. We can't live like that."

He was already protective of me before, I couldn't even imagine what was going to happen now.

"I shouldn't have let go of your hand."

I shook my head. "Then she would have found a different way. It's her fault. She did this, not you."

He stood and leaned over me, his fingers brushing my face before he gave me a kiss. I knew he was avoiding the topic, but perhaps he just needed more time. I let myself enjoy having him close, and ignored the big, fat elephant in the room.

This close I could see his eyes. Smell his skin. Taste his lips.

"Knock, knock."

Edward and I both turned our heads toward door, finding Alec there with an apologetic grin on his face.

"Sorry to interrupt."

Edward groaned and sat back down, but I smiled and waved for him to come in, a brilliant idea forming in my head.

"It's great that you stopped by. You can hang out with me while Edward runs some errands. I need to talk to you anyway."

Alec nodded. "Sure, no problem."

Edward glared at him before turning his gaze my way. "I thought we just talked about this?"

"We did. We agreed you were going to get out of here for a couple hours. For me."

Our stare-off lasted a couple minutes, and it was fascinating to watch the emotions cross his face. Anger, hurt, guilt, love, worry and maybe a bit of relief. He was keeping so much bottled up again. If he didn't blow off some steam soon, he was going to explode.

Finally his shoulders slumped a little, his lips curving up in a small smile of resignation. He was giving in.

He stood to hover over me again, taking me by surprise when he buried his face in the crook of my neck, nuzzling and kissing my skin. I bit back the moan of pleasure I wanted to release from his playful touches.

He wasn't shy about PDA, but it was a little awkward for him to be so forward in front of only Alec.

"Maybe I should leave..."

Edward mumbled 'yes' and I said 'no' at the same time. I laughed and put my hands on his cheeks, to push his face away, taking pleasure in the sight of his small smile.

"I'll be right back," he said.

"Go take Max on a run in the snow." I ran my fingers through his much-longer-than-normal hair. "And maybe sneak in a trim."

He laughed, and it was the first time I'd heard that sound since before my fall.

I liked his laugh. It was infectious. It made everything better.

He kissed me again. "I love you."

"I love you too. So go and get out of here. I want to see you windblown and smiling when you get back."

It took a few more minutes to finally get him out the door, but at least it was progress. Plus, he promised to bring me back some good ice cream and not the foul slime from the cafeteria.

"What did he say to you on the way out?" I asked Alec, who'd sat down in Edward's vacated seat.

"That if I left this room at any point while he was gone, I was a dead man."

I sighed at his chuckle. "I'm worried about him."

"He'll be okay. Believe me, he's much better now than he was a few weeks ago."

I was nervous about the answers I'd get, but I needed to know.

"How bad was it?"

Alec looked down at his lap, shrugging his shoulders.

"Tell me."

"You don't want to hear it."

I huffed. "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't. Be honest with me. He's always so weird when I ask him these questions, and this is the first time I've gotten anyone else alone. What happened after I fell?"

"He's told you about Kate, right?" He raised his eyebrow in question. "What exactly do you remember from that night?"

I frowned at the mention of that witch.

"I remember the party, but the last thing I recall is dancing with Edward. I know what happened from what he and Esme told me, but I can't remember her actually pushing me. I'm glad they arrested her."

He snorted. "Of course they're going with the crazy plea. That bitch needs to be locked away in a cell."

I agreed, but as long as I never had to see her again, it would be fine with me. She had been charged with first degree assault, and Eleazar had hired a team of lawyers and doctors to try and plead her out and into a mental facility, rather than go through a trial and prison. Since I hadn't been able to remember exactly what happened, the other witnesses filled in the details for the D.A.

They must have been very specific in their descriptions, because she was charged with the most severe level of assault. If she was found guilty, she could be sentenced to prison for a long time.

Unfortunately the trial wasn't for a couple months, and she was out on bail until either a deal was reached or until she had to be back in a courtroom. Apparently her father had her in some "spa" somewhere, which was a nice way of saying she was unstable and under constant supervision.

I hoped they had her in a straightjacket.

"Did you know Carlisle went after Eleazar?"

I glanced at him in shock. "What?"

"Yep. Confronted him a few days later, screaming and threatening. Eleazar swore he had nothing to do with it. He said Kate went crazy, but he didn't know she would try to hurt you. Carlisle went after him. I wasn't there, but I wish I had been."

I was stunned. It took me a couple of moments to even find the words.

"Did he hit him? Or just threaten to?"

"He had some bruised knuckles, so you can make your own assumptions. All I know is if Carlisle had brought a gun with him, this world would probably be less two scumbags."

That chilled my blood. I didn't want anyone to do something that drastic.

I shook my head. "I can't believe he did that."

"Well, it was because of what Kate did to you, for all the trouble with Edward, but also because Esme was pretty upset after that night. They had to keep her sedated for a few days."

Another fact I hadn't known. I felt awful she had to witness my fall firsthand.

"And Edward?"

He rubbed his hands up and down his jeans a few times before meeting my eyes again with a sigh. "You already know." He stood and walked over to the window. "He was out of his mind."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying not to cry.

"The doctors didn't know if you were going to make it. I had to hold him upright when they explained your injuries and the ramifications to your baby." He turned back toward me, his arms crossed over his chest. "There were a few days there when we all thought neither you or the baby would survive. I don't know how he would have dealt with losing one of you, let alone both."

The tears streamed anyway, despite my effort to hold them back.

"He feels guilty, doesn't he?"

"Yes."

At least he was honest.

"How do I make him realize it wasn't his fault?"

He came back over and sat down. "I don't think you can. Just give him time. It was a good first step to get him out of this room." He leaned forward with a grin. "Right?"

I cracked a small smile at his teasing.

Yes, he was right. I had to let Edward deal with it in his own way and hope with time, patience, and maybe a few more therapy sessions, he would be able to stop blaming himself.

Alec and I spent the next two hours playing chess, making fun of daytime television, and answering all of Edward's calls to check on me.

And even though I'd forced Edward to leave, I was happiest when he walked back in through the door, looking freshly-showered and carrying a pint of Chunky Monkey.

He knew how to show his love.

~~~*~~~NOP~~~*~~~

A week later, I was finally discharged and allowed to leave the hospital. I still required some assistance to get around, but Edward had arranged for my continued therapy in the comforts of home.

In all, I hadn't been outside a hospital in around six weeks.

Before we left, Dr. Nash came by one last time to check on the baby, letting us know he was healthy, but voicing concern on two fronts. The first was urging me to gain back the weight I'd lost during my recuperation, and the second regarded the delivery. Because of my recent brain trauma, she believed it would be safer for me and the baby if she performed a C-section rather than going through a natural childbirth.

I was nervous about having surgery—particularly because the thought of being back in a hospital any longer than necessary was very unappealing—but I wanted whatever was best for the baby. At least I wasn't due for about eight weeks, so we had time to discuss everything.

Edward wheeled me out to the car, and I gave Felix a big hug before getting in. I was all smiles on the drive home, sitting close to Edward, smelling the wintry air, and watching the snow fall over the city as we passed.

I was glad to find the snow still around in early February, because it would have been disappointing to miss it all.

Snow was my favorite.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, one arm around my shoulders, the other hand rubbing my belly. "You look happy."

"I am happy." I turned my head toward him. "I was just thinking how pretty the snow is. I only wish I'd been able to spend Christmas with you."

He stared at me, not saying a word, a secret smile playing in his eyes.

"What?"

That made him grin. "Nothing. I don't know. This kind of reminds me of one of the first things about you I fell in love with."

My heart pounded while I waited for him to continue.

"You got a bum deal growing up, but you didn't let it keep you down. You weren't bitter and burdened. I remember thinking how strong you were when I met you." He leaned in and brushed my lips with his. "It's the same now. If I were you, I would be so angry. But you're smiling and beautiful and happy about the snow..." He broke off and shook his head.

I linked my fingers with his, not needing him to say another word. I knew what he was trying to say, and it meant the world to me that he felt that way.

Suddenly the baby kicked hard, and both of our mouths fell open, our eyes widening in surprise.

"You felt that, right?" I asked, knowing he hadn't been able to feel the baby move much at all up to this point.

He nodded slowly, his eyes glancing down to our hands. "He's going to be a soccer player."

I giggled when he bent over to place his head on my belly.

"Kick for Daddy. Kick me."

It took a few pleas for him to get his wish, but he sat back up afterward, rubbing his cheek with a mile-wide smile.

It was just about the cutest thing ever.

I laughed. "Quit acting like it hurt."

"You don't know. My boy has some strong legs."

I gave him credit for realizing his mistake almost immediately, gulping at my mock-glare. But I wanted to play with him.

"I don't know? Did you really just infer I had no idea how it felt to be kicked by him?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

I narrowed my eyes. "How did you mean it?"

He hesitated, watching my face to see if I was serious or not. "There's no way for me to get out of this, is there?"

I couldn't hold my smile in any longer, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer for a real kiss.

It felt great to have some of our normal back.

The normal was short-lived though.

As soon as we pulled in front of home, I only got a second to enjoy the sight before Edward was bundling me up and helping me out of the car.

"It's too cold out here," he said, bending down to pick me up in his arms.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting you inside."

I groaned. "Don't you dare treat me like an invalid."

Although it felt good to be in his arms, I was tired of not doing things for myself.

He kept going, being very cautious and slow on the steps leading to the front door. Just as we got there, he kissed me and put me on my feet. "I don't think you're an invalid. I just didn't want your first set of stairs to be snow covered."

He was right. I was being a brat. Before I could apologize, the door swung open and Hannah hurried us both inside.

I almost started crying again when I was in her arms, with Max circling us both and barking.

It was home sweet home.

I leaned over to rub Max's ears. "How's my good boy? You are so big!"

I couldn't believe how much he'd grown since I'd been gone. I was sad to have missed it.

He tried to jump up on me, but Edward grabbed his collar and held him back. "Don't even think about it."

Max didn't seem to be minding Edward any better than he had been before. At least that hadn't changed.

"It's so good to have you back." Hannah didn't even pretend to hold back her tears.

I turned to face her again. "It's good to be back."

She eventually let go, taking my hand. "Come on then. Let's get you settled."

Edward chuckled and held my other arm.

I was surprised as we passed through, turning to look at him. "You left up the Christmas decorations?"

He nodded. "We weren't going to have the holiday without you."

I almost choked on a sob. "So we can still have Christmas?"

"Everyone's coming over in a couple days to celebrate."

It meant so much that they would wait for me. "I'm surprised you managed to keep them all away today."

He laughed. "Yeah. That was a tough one. I had to threaten bodily harm to a few of them. But I wanted you to have a little time to get settled first."

When we passed the stairs, I raised my eyebrows at Hannah. "Where are we going?"

Edward cleared his throat. "I had some remodeling done."

Neither of them said another word, although I was bursting with curiosity. I didn't expect to find what awaited me.

He'd reconfigured part of the first floor into another master bedroom.

"This is just temporary, until you feel you are able to get up and down the stairs well enough," he started, sounding nervous.

I was surprised, but amazed at his thoughtfulness. It was definitely better than me falling down any stairs again or having to deal with him wanting to carry me around or something equally ridiculous.

"This is great." I squeezed his hand to make sure he knew I appreciated it. "Thank you."

"Are you tired? Do you feel like a nap?" he asked while Hannah left my side to put my bag away.

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was to be lying down again.

"I want to take a shower and eat."

Hannah practically did a jig. "I have so many of your favorites ready to go. Let me go whip some things up."

Edward and I laughed, watching her rush off toward the kitchen. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He hugged me back, rocking us both a little.

Almost like we were dancing.

"This is what I last remember," I said, smiling against his chest and filling my nose and lungs with his smell. "The way it felt dancing in your arms."

He stopped moving, and I glanced up to find him frowning.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head, giving me a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Nothing. Let me show you the new shower I had put in."

I held back a sigh, but let him lead me away.

How long was it going to take for him to get back to normal?

AN: Baby Cullen is okay! I would never have been evil enough to ask for baby name suggestions and then take away their little one. But I loved all your responses to the last chapter. I hope this one gave you the answers you were looking for.

Do you think Edward is right in feeling guilty?

Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing, and letting me know your thoughts. I appreciate you all very much!

Find me on facebook at Twilover Seven-six – I try to put up pictures and a teaser for coming chapters in the NOP group.

Find me on twitter at twilover76

Fic Recs:

This is the all-vamp AU edition! Some of my favorite canon-style fics:

Broken Angel by drotuno…this is the first in a whole series

Distractions by windchymes…maybe my favorite New Moon AU

Falling Beyond Redemption by Aleeab4u

The Fallout by OCDindeed

Sacrificial Lamb by Nolebucgrl

Heavenly Scent by Infinitypoet