A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, with this chapter we're reaching the finish line of what seems to be part one of this fic :). The sturcture I've made up so far comprises two further parts... at least at the moment. So this, in total, is still far from being over! But it's the end of part one.

Alright... this one is the longest chapter so far... so... get ready for your final ride from caves to mountain-tops and back... and from thunderstorms to sunshine! :)

And SPECIAL THANKS to Ersatz Einstein who helped out with betaing this chapter... acting as replacement for xxTigerAvatarxx who's currently really really busy with other stuff. Man, that was... QUITE [*LOL*... sry, inside joke :D...] intense ;)! But now you can be assured that the following text is betaed like hell. :o)

-6-

(NOT) JUST A DROP

It felt as if he had been staying in that cave for ages by now. Doing nothing but staring at the walls or at the campfire or sleeping. But despite all that sleep, he couldn't find peace. Constantly, his mind made him repeat the same thoughts over and over again. And there was no distraction.
As he was still in a quite sickly state, there was not much he could actually DO. Nothing to keep himself busy. Nothing he could do to get his mind off those thoughts that kept haunting him. Memories he thought he had blocked out long ago. He tried to shut out the pictures flashing through his mind again and yet again... but there was no escape.
'No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.'... But WHO AM I after all?!
'Sleep... just like MOTHER!' Azula always lies. Azula ALWAYS lies...
'Lucky to be born... a miserable failure...' Is that who I am!?
It was like he was trapped in a never-ending circle of memories and there didn't seem to be a solution or a way out. It was just wearing him down!

Sureen really did the best she could - Zuko knew that - and although her efforts couldn't get him out of his scattered thoughts, at least they were something REAL... something to hold on to. She looked after him. Fed him. Trusted him. It was overwhelming.
He wasn't sure how many days had actually passed by when Sureen told him she that had to leave for a while to get some fresh stocks of food and she probably would be gone for the rest of the day... but that she would try to return as soon as possible.

Eventually, the prince found himself lying in the cave all alone... he couldn't help thinking he was the only person left in this world. Besides the sound of his shaking breath, all he could hear was the constant patter of rain coming from outside. Nothing else was moving or was making any noise. And what was more, he didn't even know where he was... where this flying Sera-creature had actually taken him. Some cave somewhere at the foot of some mountain or whatever. He could be anywhere in this fucking world right now! He just didn't have a clue! The feeling of being lost and disoriented was steadily closing in on him, making it almost impossible to breathe.

Damn! What the hell was wrong with him?! Just a few weeks ago, being all alone had been exactly what he had wanted! Being cut loose from his uncle, being able to continue his journey on his own, being free to make his own decisions... and finally to find his own way. And now his life had kind of kicked him on his own way... so now THERE HE WAS, finally all by himself. But no. Rather than being able to make his own decisions, he didn't feel capable to move forward or to make any decisions at all. Instead, his mind tortured him by going round in circles all day long.

NO. Things couldn't go on like that. He just had to DO something, otherwise he would go insane! Just get himself going. Once again, his strange dream came to his mind... it had felt so real... he could still remember every move of this redirect-lightning-technique his uncle had taught him. In his mind's eye, he could see the sequence of moves quite clearly. It felt as if each move was alive within his body. So all he had to do was actually to get up from his makeshift bed and to repeat those moves the way he could still feel them... the way they were saved inside him.

Alright then. He had been lying around uselessly for long enough... and this was just a simple sequence of moves!

Just a second later, for the very first time in a long while, he was finally GLAD to be all alone. To not be watched by anyone while he struggled to get up, slumping down again and again, as his shaky legs refused to carry his weight... then finally managed to drag himself to his feet, leaning against the cave wall for support, feeling sick to his stomach, breathing heavily with exhaustion. With every breath he was painfully reminded of his wounded ribcage. His head was swimming awfully, beads of sweat were covering his forehead. But all of this still felt better and more real than being tortured by his thoughts.

With relief he noticed that he began to recover after a while. His doziness was decreasing slowly and his legs felt less wobbly, so he decided to push himself away from the wall and take some steps closer to the campfire. Still felt a little unsteady but seemed to work well enough.
Hesitatingly, he began to repeat the moves from his dream. The pain in his upper body was tolerable, so he kept going. At the beginning, his awkward movements felt all wrong and he was sure that he looked quite ridiculous... but the more often he repeated the motion sequence, the closer it got to the way he felt it... the way he had done it in his dream. He could almost hear his uncle's explanation...'You must create a pathway from your fingertips up your arm, to your shoulder, then down into your stomach... ... Are you focusing your energy? Can you feel your own chi flowing in - down - up - and out?'

Yeah, he got it. That was it. Finally it felt right! A satisfied look flashed over Zuko's face. Right at that moment he heard the roll of thunder outside. A thunderstorm was approaching! Then he saw the flashing glare of lightning, followed by another peal of thunder some seconds later. LIGHTNING! Real lightning! He HAD to take this chance, he simply had to!
Hurriedly he stepped outside, into the pouring rain, and took a look around. In doing so, he noticed the cave wasn't located at the foot of a mountain at all! It was actually quite high above and offered a wide view of the valley and the low angry thunderclouds. The top of the mountain seemed fairly close! And that was exactly where he wanted to go right now, in order to reach it in time... to catch this real lightning and to redirect it, using his uncle's moves! Without hesitation, he started climbing upwards. Heedless of his injuries, the lashing rain that drenched his clothes and the bitter wind blowing in his face. There was no holding him back.

Totally exhausted, his vision blurred, his ribcage burning like mad with each of his heavy breaths, he finally reached the very top of the mountain. There he was. He knew he could do this. If only lightning would come down right here, RIGHT NOW!
Deep inside he knew that doing this actually wasn't about redirecting lightning. It was about redirecting... everything. Redirecting all those horrid things his life had done to him up to this very moment. Like... every humiliating failed attempt to capture the avatar... the countless times he had been bullied by his sisters or beaten up by his father... each time in his life he had been at somebody else's mercy, too weak to defend himself. A living proof of his own insufficency. Like the failure his father had talked him into believing he was. But now, for the first time, he felt as if he could get himself out of that position. Finally, he was given the option to fight back.

His father. Consumed by the same wild rage that had caused him to burn down that abandoned village a few days ago, the words just burst out of him -

"You've always thrown everything you could at me! But I can take it! And now I can give it BACK! C'MON! STRIKE ME! YOU'VE NEVER HELD BACK BEFORE!" From the bottom of his heart, the prince yelled at the pitch black sky, flinging all his hatred and his rage towards the merciless thunderclouds. His infuriated outburst echoed from the mountains nearby, spreading out across the whole valley. With a brief look around he assured himself that he was all alone... before he finally allowed a grief-stricken tear to escape his good eye.

And suddenly there it was. The lightning he had so urgently been waiting for. Before he could even take another breath. From one second to the next it raced down on him. It didn't give him the ghost of a chance to even think about what he was doing... it just hurtled towards him. Without a warning.

-x-x-x-

What the...?! He was gone. Once again he had disappeared!

When Sureen got back from fishing and collecting fresh stocks of food, she found the cave empty. No prince Zuko around. But once again his sleeping-bag and his luggage were still there - so obviously, even this time, he intended to come back. The girl sighed. This was kind of getting to be a pain.

Damnit! He's INJURED, his wounds haven't healed yet! I don't believe this! I swear I NEVER acted like that when I was that age! NEVER EVER! I mean... didn't I?! Well... ok... actually I never stayed at one place for a very long time. And escaping always was so easy for me, as Sera never really left my side and I could count on her whenever I felt like leaving everything behind again. So... yeah... maybe I wasn't much different either back then. Maybe I was even worse. But anyway. WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?!

He wasn't somewhere outside the cave either. Or at least not in the valley she was just coming from. Otherwise she would have noticed him on her way back home. But where else would he go and above all else - WHY?! They were in the middle of a thunderstorm, for WHAT REASON would anyone hang around outside right now? She couldn't help starting to worry. Something was not right, was it? With another sigh she tried to push her uneasy feeling aside and started to prepare their dinner instead. These fish would probably not gut themselves on their own.

Eventually, the fish were skewered on sticks and roasting on the campfire and some rice was gently bubbling in the cooking pot. Outside, dusk was slowly approaching and the rain hadn't lost any of its intensity. And still - no sign of Zuko. Sureen was really worried by now. She was seriously just about to call for Sera and see if they could... but wait a sec! WHAT...?! Wasn't that the sound of... steps... coming from outside!? But suddenly the slow rhythm of those steps was interrupted by the sound of a heavy thump... then everything became silent.
Instantly, Sureen jumped to her feet. A second later she was outside the cave, standing in the pouring rain, her eyes frantically scanning the surroundings.

"ZUK... oh... damn!" She felt her heart sinking upon seeing the boy's motionless body lying right in front of the cave. Without hesitation she ran towards him, grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him across the muddy ground until they reached the dry, warm cave. Carefully, she turned him on his back, her eyes scanning his ribcage. Although his shirt was rain-drenched, the girl could see the stain of fresh blood. Yeah of course... that just figures! Hesitatingly, Zuko opened his eyes. It took him a while to focus on the girl bending over him, arms akimbo, her eyes narrowed in anger.

"WHAT THE...?! What were you DOING out there? Right in the middle of a f...ing thunderstorm!? ARE YOU COMPLETELY NUTS? Where the hell have you been?!"

"None... of your... bsnss. St... actin... like... you're my moth...!" the prince growled through his clenched teeth, hardly able to speak.

"Yeah sure! Then YOU maybe better stop actin' like some little child that I can't even leave alone for just a few hours!" While scolding him, Sureen was furiously gesticulating right in front of his face, but suddenly stopped to wipe her cheeks with the back of her hand, quickly removing the tears of sorrow and relief that had welled up in her eyes. "DAMNIT! Zuko! I was freakin' WORRIED ABOUT YOU, don't you get that?!"

"No." He looked at her blearily. "Why sh... anyone... worry...bout... ME?" Sureen's eyes went wide.

"'Cause I do. 'Cause you matter to me! And YOU are seriously telling ME that I AM the one who doesn't have a clue about anything?! Sure." The girl sighed. Zuko averted his eyes, turning his head sideways. "Very well. So... hanging around outside in the pouring rain and getting soaking wet just is your new hobby or what!?"

"Pssibly." he growled, his head still turned to the side.

Sureen rolled her eyes. "You drive me crazy, you know that?!" She hesitated for a a second, running her hands through her hair, before she added in a low voice, "I'm glad you're back."

-x-x-x-

With a low groan Sureen alighted on her sleeping bag and began to eat her fish. Zuko did so as well, sitting opposite her at the campfire. Luckily the cave wall was right behind him, giving him the option of resting his back against it... without letting show that he was actually unable to sit up straight under his own power. But he was just unwilling to go back to the state that he had been in for days.

Although the Fire prince had behaved as unapproachably as always while Sureen had applied a fresh bandage on his wound, the girl had noticed some change in his eyes. The haunted look that was constantly flickering in them during the last days... it was gone. It had been replaced by something else... something way more reassuring and resistant. Like he had discovered some new strength somewhere deep inside him.

So whatever Zuko had been doing outside in the thunderstorm... it must have been quite important for him. A crucial step or something like that.
And although he was worn out like hell now... yeah you are, my feelings tell me the truth about you anyway. I mean, I know you don't wanna let it show though... so.. go for it then... although he was completely exhausted, Zuko's body temperature was still around normal and even his wound wasn't bleeding anymore. So all in all, his condition was a lot better than Sureen had expected it to be when she had found him lying outside the cave. Alright then.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" Sureen was a little startled at his abrupt question, as the prince hadn't seemed to be in the mood for talking since he had come back. Taken by surprise, she raised her eyebrows...

"Oh c'mon, why are always YOU the one to ask ME questions? This is not exactly even, don't you think?! You haven't even told me where you've been today and instead of doing so you ask ME to tell you... whatever." Grumpily, she folded her arms.

"FINE! You wanna know where I've been!? I've been on top of this mountain, learning to redirect lightning!" he snapped back at her. Sureen raised her eyebrows even higher.

"So... um, wait a sec. The first thing that came to your mind, after being out for days, was - 'Oh great, there's a thunderstorm outside, so let's climb up that mountain and LEARN TO REDIRECT LIGHTNING'?! Yeah... that... totally makes sense."

The sarcasm in her words could hardly be missed. Zuko tried to avoid her questioning look - and Sureen knew there was something more. He was still hiding something. But well... obviously he wasn't willing to deal with that in any further detail right now. Alright then. "Ok. Anyway. Whatever. So... what was that thing you wanted to ask me?" With relief Zuko noticed that she wasn't trying to dig any deeper.

"Um... maybe it's a little... personal..." he kept humming and hawing.

"So...? C'mon, spit it out!"

"I've been wondering... how you... I mean... back then, after you... how did you get over it? What did you do to... get back to normal?" the prince asked stutteringly.

"Back to normal, hmm?!" She couldn't choke back a grin at the thought of someone really reckoning her "normal"... but a second later she got serious again. "So... you wanna know what happened after my suicide attempt... that made me stay alive?" Zuko nodded. "You know... I can't explain this with a sentence or something. It's a pretty long story. I'm not sure if you..."

"I want to."

"Well... ok then." Sureen ran her fingers through her dark brown hair, collecting herself. Not exactly an easy topic to talk about. But there was nothing wrong about his question and so there was no reason for her to leave it unanswered.

-x-x-x-

"This is probably gonna sound a little muddled... but that's because I've got gaps in my memory when it comes to that period of time. But anyway... what I still remember is that I was in that sick bay for a very long time. No idea where this place actually was located or who had brought me there... but that was where I woke up, feeling more miserable than ever before. I was trapped in this damn senseless life although I had lost my right and my reason to exist. That was what it felt like.
During... maybe during the first days, no idea... I was in a state somewhere in between being awake and being asleep - I wasn't able to think clearly or to perceive anything that was going on around me. But it kind of... got better after a while. I mean I kind of woke up entirely and I started to notice what was actually happening.

"The next thing I can remember is... those healers and medics needed every helping hand they could get, since the sick bay was literally swamped with injured warriors. I guess there must have been some battle against the Fire Nation close to there. Whatever. I just know that the nurses invovled me in helping them with treating the injured as soon as I was fit enough to get out of bed. And so I found myself in the middle of all that mess, helping out all day and sometimes even all night, trying to care for those injured people as well as possible.

"Although that was the toughest job I could imagine, it kind of saved me, I guess. Because I got in touch with life again... and with all those people... with their fates and their stories and what they'd gone through. In doing so I learned... what living in a war was really like. I learned that a war creates nothing but victims... that it makes everyone suffer and hurt... and it leaves behind nothing but death, broken souls and horrible mistakes that one can never ever make up for. There are no 'winners' in this war, prince Zuko. There's only loss, pain, guilt and destruction. No matter where you look."

Zuko's blood ran cold upon listening to Sureen's toneless voice. Regardless of that, the girl went on.

"And so I learned that... I wasn't the only one who was suffering. Everyone was. And some of them even more than myself. And in view of all that... I finally concluded that my idea of committing suicide was just too pathetic.
And furthermore from being confronted with this terrifying mess, I realized that I was actually able to help in a way. Not by healing people's injuries... that wasn't my job... but simply by staying with them and listening and just being there. For the first time in my life I could ever really use my tribe's special abilities. I was given the chance to apply my knowledge... MY PEOPLE'S knowledge. It felt like their spirit was living on through my deeds, you know? So it was like... for the first time I could give something back..."

Hearing that, Zuko's own words came back to his mind - '... But I can take it! And now I can give it BACK!' Just some hours ago, these words full of rage and hatered had been bursting out of him, crashing into the black clouds. But this was a different thing, wasn't it? Sureen was not talking about fighting back. Or maybe she was. In a different way though. But also for her it was about... getting out of the position that had held her captive.

"... Give something back to my people... and also back to those injured warriors. Their physical injuries were of course their obvious ones... but I daresay they were hurt far deeper than that. In so many cases their worst injuries were hidden inside their hearts and their minds.

"So... yeah... on the one hand learning all that stuff was a really tough experience... but on the other hand, I also learned a lot about my strengths and my skills. I found out that I had the ability to provide support and empathy... and stuff. And it seemed like backing somebody in that way... was rarely happening in this war. And so I finally began to feel like... well... maybe there was a reason why I had been the only survivor back then. Maybe I hadn't died because... I was still needed in this. There was some task for me to accomplish. So... possibly it was RIGHT that I was still alive. Maybe going on wasn't that meaningless after all."

Their eyes met for a second. Sureen's gaze was clear and focused, whereas the prince's eyes stared back at her absentmindedly. '...There are some important tasks for you to accomplish. Your time is yet to come...' - Iroh's words from that strange dream resounded in Zuko's head.

"So it was like... you found a new task... or a reason... to keep going on and to get moving again... so as to give your life a meaning..." he mumbled, lost in thought. It seemed as if she had found a new direction back then. A direction to align herself with. She had been given some new orientation, maybe. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed. He grabbed his left wrist, feeling the cold, plain stones of his bracelet. '... the star in the middle is a symbol for orientation and guidance. It's a guiding star. The symbols on the stones next to the star are ancient Fire Nation letters. It reads 'challenge'. Altogether it means... I shall always find some orientation in my life, no matter which challenges are getting in my way.'
He swallowed and took a deep breath. So this was what it was all about? Finding a way to head in a new direction?!

Sureen smiled back at him carefully, a little surprised that he had got her point. "Well... yes... pretty much like that." her reply interrupted his thoughts. "The heart is capable of moving past the pain, as long as you keep moving forward as well." Still staring into space, the prince nodded slowly.

"And so... now, with some hindsight, I think that was why I really started to move after the situation in that sick bay had relaxed a little. Luckily, I had Sera, who was my trusted buddy all the time. Who took me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted to. So I started travelling from one place to another. Trying to help as much as I could, then going to the next place and so on and so on. This has really been a journey for Sera and me, so far. Well... and one day I met Aang and his friends and they allowed me to come with them them for a while." Again the girl smiled, this time at the thought of her 'big pony' and the long journey behind both of them.

But a second later she shrugged her shoulders, averting her eyes. "But although... you know... although I've always tried to help as much as I was able to, I have to face the fact that I'm just a sole person with very limited influence. There's this war going on and it seems like I'm just a small helpless shrimp caught in the middle. And no matter how hard I try, I'm just not able to really improve anything. Sometimes it just feels like... I'm nothing but a tiny drop in this endless ocean..."

This time it was Zuko's gaze that was clear and focused.

"No. You're not. You're not just a drop in the ocean. I... I mean... f-for me... you..." He began to stutter and timidly averted his eyes as well. He couldn't speak on. He just couldn't get the words out. But they were there, his mind was full of them - Sureen could feel them as if they were her own thoughts: '... You're the only one I could possibly eventually trust... the only one who knows me and still likes me... and doesn't reckon me to be a failure... you're the only one who cares... the one who's not afraid... the one who's with me and stops me from feeling so lost... you're the one who... saved my life.'

The prince swallowed hard. "... You're not just a drop." was all he managed to say. But Sureen knew the score.
As Zuko finally dared to look up, meeting her eyes again, he saw her smiling as brightly as if the sun itself was sitting next to him.

"Ok. Thanks." was all she said in return. Oh... my... goodness. That was... wow... that was the greatest compliment I've EVER received, for sure! Sureen couldn't even describe how much her heart was jumping for joy. All she could do was sit there and look back at Zuko with the most beaming smile her face was able to give, her eyes sparkling, giddy with pleasure. Her real reply did not require any words to be understood.

DAMN... why... how... what the hell... well, anyway. Zuko shook his head in disbelief, a telltale shimmer in his eyes.
There she was, that woman, Sureen... seeing through him, sensing his unspoken words and, in answer to them, smiling at him as though there was no misery in the world. The look on her face hit him like a warm-hearted wave, touching him deep inside and swamping the depths of his hurt soul, enveloping him with convidence. In spite of what she had been through and what she had just told him, she had kept that joy inside her heart. Still she was able to smile at him like that, setting his restless mind at ease and comforting his troubled heart for a second.

His worries and doubts would come back though, wouldn't they... of course... still he couldn't escape from them for long. But anyway... alright then... at least for now, this moment, he felt at ease. And so... the prince couldn't help it. Sureen being all smiles was just too infectious. The corners of his mouth began to twitch and, finally, turned upward.

This was the first time Sureen had ever seen him smile.

One step closer, I'm feeling fine
Getting better one day at a time
I'm moving forward with all of my might
I'm heading toward a new state of mind

...

Motivation, a powerful strength
Hesitation was my first instinct
I got the notion my weakness was
Total devotion, it's okay, because

I will hold back tears
So I can move in the right direction
I have faced my fears
Now I can move in the right direction

I'm doing fine, one step closer every day at a time
I won't lose my mind, lose my mind, uh uh.

[GOSSIP - MOVE IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION]

LINK TO THIS SONG:
w w w. myvideo. de/ watch/ 8565689/ Gossip_ Move_In_The_Right_Direction
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]

-x-x-x-

A/N: Pheeeeww... no, still I'm NOT crying *blink...blink...inhale...exhale...swallow* :P. And yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy, finally, I got him to smile :) :) :)! Mission accomplished :D.
(Yeah I know, it's fluffy like hell though ;)... or fluffy like... whatever... HEAVEN :D?! Hell is probably not exactly fluffy, right...)

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me haaaappyyyyyyyyyy, when skies are grayyyy..." *sing* :o)
... I'll never know, though, unless you reeeviewwwww, please leave me a review today! :D