A/N: Yeah. Um... what shall I say… again, I don't really have an excuse for this monster delay. Or maybe I do... at least in part.
Which is: I discovered a certain novel called No. 6. And OMG GUYS! I swear that's THE explanation for being out of it FOR MONTHS. I kinda vanished from this website for ages, as my entire mind was SO freakin BUSY reading and thinking about… ugh, EVERYTHING… like, whoa. Sooo fascinating, but exhausting. I'm telling you. o.O
Anyway, I'm rambling on and on. Just... that novel's super stunningly impressive and freakin' mind-blowing and heart-wrenching and heaven and hell at once and... omg... it should be a mandatory read for MANKIND, seriously! In case you haven't read it yet, go and google "nostalgia 9th avenue no. 6"!
But yeah… have I already mentioned that I'm rambling?^^
New chapter ahead. Enjoy.
-15-
STRUGGLING
The second Sureen woke up, the memories came crashing down on her like boulders. She desperately wished they'd been nothing but a nightmare… a vivid nightmare that stuck with her and was hard to shake off… but they weren't. Jet… Sureen hadn't been aware that he had returned her feelings that deeply. Of course she had always hoped and then even felt that he had liked her back, even if he hadn't been sure about how to love someone and even if the thought of falling in love had made him awfully scared. And then… the moment he had revealed everything, the moment he had become sure and had stopped being scared… had been the moment everything had come to an end.
Sureen felt as though she were suffocating. Everything was over. He was gone. The pain was crushing her heart. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't breathe. There was no air. Her whole body hurt. Jet was gone. The one she loved with every fiber of her being would never be with her again. Her vision blurred. She couldn't really tell whether it was because of the tears that were welling up in her eyes, or because of the dizziness enveloping her mind and constantly growing more overwhelming. Either way, she noticed with relief that she was pulled back into unconsciousness, and she didn't fight it. As long as it stops the pain… I don't want to think… don't want to feel… make it stop… just let me slee-
x-x-x
Zuko was woken by a throbbing pain in his head, his throat feeling as though it hadn't been in contact with any liquid for ages, and he was freezing and sweating simultaneously. When he sat up, the room around him started spinning, and a feeling of nausea overcame him. Agni... gh... damn. It wasn't as if he had ever had a real hangover in his life… but still, he was sure THIS was what it would feel like. It seemed to take him forever to get out of bed and put clothes on.
And strangely enough… was it just him and his weird state, or was it really uncommonly quiet in the house? Usually, Zuko would hear whatever sounds were coming from the restaurant, the kitchen, or at least Sureen's room, telling him that she was awake as well. But today, everything was quiet.
After assuring himself that the girl really was nowhere to be found in the restaurant, the prince eventually decided to knock on her door.
KNOCK. Nothing happened.
KNOCK-KNOCK. He waited a little longer and listened carefully. But still, no reaction.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKKNOCK – "Sureen! You still in there? You alright?!" Again, no reply. Ultimately, he opened the door.
The girl seemed to be fast asleep. Even with her eyes closed, she looked incredibly exhausted and worn out. Her face appeared way too pale and even in her sleep she couldn't stop frowning. Zuko just couldn't bring himself to wake her up. He sighed and carefully retreated from her room. Never mind. So he would do their kitchen work alone. No big deal. But he really had to get going, then - he was awfully slow today.
Hastily, Zuko turned to hurry down the stairs. But as he did so, the nausea came back, causing the staircase to spin around him. Whoa, I guess I'd better not move that qui- As he grabbed for the railing, he felt his knees buckle.
The last sensations he perceived before everything went black were his ribcage and his head painfully colliding with the stairs, over and over again.
x-x-x
What the… what's going on THIS TIME, where am I, what weird kind of dream is this?! Something was off. Sureen definitely was still in bed… but for what she could tell, it wasn't HER bed! It felt different, it smelled different… but how the hell could she be in the wrong bed? And why was it so hard to wake up? Why was it so dark around her, even when she managed to open her eyes for a second? Sureen was fed up with her daze – she had to figure out where she was! Yet the dizziness stuck to her like glue. Only this time, she didn't have the slightest interest in giving in to it. After what felt like ages, Sureen finally dragged herself away from unconsciousness. She managed to sit up in the bed that wasn't hers and tried to scan her surroundings.
The darkness she had noticed earlier hadn't just been her imagination. The bedroom she found herself in seemed to be located in a basement – there was only one small window in the wall next to her, right below the ceiling. The door was on the opposite side of the room. As swiftly as possible – as her body still didn't seem to be obeying her properly – Sureen left the bed and headed for the doorknob. Pheeeeeww… not locked! When she turned the knob, the door opened. Behind it, there was a narrow corridor connected to a steep staircase. Carefully, the girl sneaked up the stairs and opened the door at the top. Again, she found herself in a corridor, but this one was much broader and brighter. Apparently, it belonged to a pretty large dwelling. There was a front room and a wide-open living room connected to a dining room and a kitchen. At the end of the corridor, Sureen saw another staircase, probably leading up to the bedrooms.
Wait, what was that? Sounds. Like someone's cooking. Coming from over there. Taking a deep breath, the girl turned towards the kitchen. Just as she entered the living room, a plump elderly lady in an apron came out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with a pot of soup and two bowls. Sureen felt her body stiffen.
Noticing her guest awake, the elder lady returned Sureen's startled look with a warm smile and put the tray on the dining table. Although her curly hair had already turned gray and her face was wrinkled, her eyes still shone briskly.
"I see you've woken up, young lady… Sureen, is it? I'm glad you seem to be better." The lady's voice was soft and friendly.
Sureen, however, wasn't exactly sure yet if her situation was anything to be glad about.
"Um… yeah. Whatever. And you are?"
"Oh, sorry. My apologies, dear! My name is Marla. I'm the owner of the hotel the two of you have been working for. This is my humble home."
Sureen still wasn't convinced: "Well. How come we've never met, then?"
"Oh, that's because I've retired already… well, more or less. I still do all the bookkeeping, you know. Retirement just isn't for me. But, well, my daughter convinced me to at least stay out of the daily bustle in the hotel… I had to promise her to work from home. Oh, but I'm sure you've met her! Tsuri - my daughter - I mean. She should be the one who hired you and your companion."
Sureen nodded. Indeed. She could remember the girl. And as she came to think of it, both women looked a bit alike. As a result, it was actually pretty likely they could be mother and daughter. Hmm… alright then. But…
"But why am I here now? And why the hell did you put me in your basement? Um… and how did I even get here? What happened?! And where's Z- um, said companion of mine?"
Marla sighed. "That's a lot of questions, dear. Why don't you just come back down to the basement with me? See, I've made you some soup – you should eat it while it's still hot, so… let's see if your companion's hungry, shall we? I was planning to check on the both of you anyway."
"Oh… sure. So he's in the basement, too?"
Marla nodded and reached for the tray, then turned towards the corridor. The girl followed her back down the stairs. Obviously, there were quite a few rooms in the basement she hadn't noticed earlier. One of them served as Zuko's bedroom. When the woman opened the door to lead her in, Sureen couldn't suppress a whimper.
Zuko's head and torso were swathed in bandages. The prince grimaced and winced in his fretful sleep. Beads of sweat had formed on his face, and his breath came in hurried, strained thrusts.
Wide-eyed, Sureen stared at Marla, grabbing hold of her sleeve. "W-what happened to him?" the girl asked stutteringly.
The elder lady slightly shrugged her shoulders, as though she hadn't really found the answer to that question either. "Well, he's pretty badly bruised, and I'd say he also has a broken rib and maybe a concussion. Besides... you know, when my daughter found you in our restaurant two days ago, you were both unconscious. While you, young lady, apparently, just hadn't managed to get out of bed, your friend was at the bottom of the stairs, lying there in a tangled mess. I take it he had fainted while he descended the stairs."
"Oh... I see," Sureen ground out, grimacing at the thought.
"But what's actually giving him a hard time is that fever he's suffering from. Also, he seems to be struggling with some rather serious nightmares."
"Gh..." The girl swallowed hard. Swiftly, she scurried into Zuko's room, grabbed the chair she found in the corner behind his nightstand, and placed it right next to his bed. While Marla put the tray with the soup on the nightstand, Sureen alighted on the chair with a hushed sigh.
"But... I guess maybe it's no wonder. You know," Marla went on, her voice more insecure than before. "You're the first prisoners who ever came back. Who got kidnapped by the Dai Li and managed to return."
Sureen whirled around. "You... know?!"
"Well, the news spread like wildfire. You're the number one topic of conversation in this area of the city - behind closed doors, of course. But as the owner of a hotel and someone who's spent almost an entire lifetime behind this city's walls, I've learned how to catch the secret whispering that goes unheard by the general public. And let me tell you, you made everyone catch their breath. What you accomplished... no one would have considered it possible."
"Um... yeah," Sureen replied, feeling kind of embarrassed. "So... tell everyone 'thanks' then, I guess... Like, secretly. Or whatever."
Marla gave a brief chuckle before turning serious again. "But that's exactly why we decided to secretly take you to this house, and why your rooms are in the basement. You've become a little too famous since your return. And a restaurant is a pretty public workplace. The Dai Li would have managed to find you in NO time. Believe me, dear, those sneaky snoops don't give up that easily."
Sureen's eyes grew wide as the message sank in.
"The official version of this entire thing is: we decided to temporarily close the hotel's restaurant due to various required renovations." Marla folded her arms and nodded firmly.
"You - seriously? Wow. You're... helping us. Y-you shouldn't ha- whoa…" Sureen stopped in mid-sentence, hastily turning back to Zuko, who suddenly started tossing and turning in his sleep again, his face distorted, clinging to his sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. While he shook his head from side to side as if to flee from whatever turmoil was on his mind, a terrified whimper found its way through his clenched teeth.
The girl couldn't help but grab Zuko's trembling shoulders. "Hey there, shhh..." She wanted to call him by his name so badly, to get through to him no matter how deep he was lost in his nightmare... But then again, she knew she couldn't give him away, couldn't reveal his identity... Aaaaargh! "There, there... Easy, now... Shh. Listen, it's alright," she mumbled softly. "I promise you're safe... I'm here, you're here... It's okay, everything's okay..."
The prince didn't quite wake up, and Sureen couldn't tell if he could even hear her muttering. But at least, eventually, his features relaxed and the tossing and turning ceased. With a gasp of relief, the girl let go of his shoulders and sat back in her chair.
"You like him a lot, don't you?" Marla asked, having watched the scene quietly.
"What?! No! N-no. I mean... of course I do. I mean... Not like that, though, um..." Sureen tried to recover herself. "I'm fond of him, that's for sure."
"I see. As in - there's someone else?"
Being reminded of that certain 'someone' that unexpectedly, the girl hastily pulled her knees close, hugging her legs with both arms. There was only so much she could do to bear the shattering memories. "He's... gone."
"You mean that person broke up with you?"
"No! He's gone," Sureen hissed, digging her nails into the flesh of her knees. Hesitatingly, she added, "There were... three of us, originally. But... only two of us m-made it back from..." Her voice cracked. If it hadn't been for Zuko lying there like a picture of misery, Sureen would've fled the room.
"Oh, dear... I'm so sor-"
"LEAVE," the girl snarled back at the woman. "Um, please," she sheepishly added, seeing her flinch and shy away. "Just... leave me alone. Go. Please."
With a heavy sigh, Marla nodded and retreated from the room, carefully closing the door behind her.
Collapsing into a sobbing heap on her chair, Sureen desperately wished for a way to stop her tears, to cease the pain. But it seemed as if there was no way out...
"C-cold. I'm so… cold..." Zuko's voice was shaky and hoarse. With a start, Sureen lifted her head, meeting Zuko's muzzy eyes, then noticing the additional blanket folded up at the bottom of his bed. Hurriedly, she bent forward, grabbing the blanket, and spread it over the shivering prince.
"Zuko... there, there," she mumbled, finally allowed to call him by his name. Scruitinizingly, she placed one hand on his forehead. "Geez, you're burning up!"
The prince - whose eyes had followed each of Sureen's moves - suddenly reached for the girl's face, wiping away the tears that were still staining her cheeks. "Yeah... 'n yer... uh, spillin' over," he ground out, failing to sound as facetious as he intended to.
Yet a smile flashed over Sureen's face. Making jokes didn't exactly seem to be one of Zuko's greatest talents. Oh well... but it's the thought that counts, right? "Um, yeah... I guess shit happens, huh?" She couldn't help but chuckle. Hurriedly, she wiped her face with both hands. Okay, change of subject, please. "But seriously, how are you feeling? Whatever weird sickness this is, it seems to be pretty... exhausting, to say the least."
Meanwhile, Zuko had pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the bed's headboard. "Yeah... dunno. Been dreaming weird stuff, like everything that ever happened to me, but even more confusing and worse and... Ugh, Agni, my head." He bent forward, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Oh, damnit, THE SOUP!" The prince winced at Sureen's sudden outburst. "Oh, um, sorry. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to... But we got hot soup, see?" the girl explained proudly, pointing at the tray on Zuko's nightstand. "Welllll, I mean, at least I hope it's still hot..." Luckily, the pot of soup was still steaming. Alright then, here we go. "So... may I politely inquire whether his Majesty would have the kindness to dine with me?" Sureen turned back to Zuko, balancing a bowl of hot liquid in each hand. "I mean, seriously, let's have some soup. I'm sure it won't hurt." Smiling tentatively, the girl passed one of the two bowls to the Fire Prince.
Zuko bemusedly lifted his head again, his eyes wandering between Sureen, his nightstand, and the bowl of soup right in front of him. For a second, he was too puzzled to react. Finally, things clicked back into place in his head.
"Should milady, in return, have the kindness to disclose some valued details regarding our current purpose and location, I'm positive his Majesty will accept her offer with pleasure," the prince replied smoothly, grabbing the bowl with shaky hands.
While the girl listened to Zuko's repartee, her eyes glinted amusedly. Apparently, they were both recalling each other's messages on a certain scroll.
"My pleasure, your Highness."
x-x-x
When Marla descended the basement stairs a few hours later, she made out the lighthearted tune of a relaxed conversation. She paused for a moment, figuring that the sound came from the boy's room. Whatever it was that her two young guests had been through - and she had no doubts it was quite something, as no one would break down like that for no reason - their friendship seemed to be strikingly deep. Evidently, they were good at helping each other out. A relieved smile spread across the woman's face. Apparently, her presence wasn't required. But it didn't bother her at all.
She turned around and headed back to the living room.
x-x-x
Heavy footsteps. Coming from above, echoing through the house. Mostly lumbering and stomping, sometimes hectic and fast-paced. Apparently caused by a lot of feet. Ruthlessly and menacingly surging from one room to another. Suddenly interrupted by a daunting voice, loud enough to be heard even in the basement: "Ma'am, we hereby declare you guilty of accommodating the banished Prince of the Fire Nation in your house. We instruct you to hand him over immediately. Should you fail to obey..."
Shit. Sureen sat up in bed with a start. No way. NO. They had found out. They knew who he really was. They were here, coming to get him. Panic-stricken, the girl jumped out of her bed and into her clothes in next to no time. She had woken up early this morning but found herself unwilling to shake off the drowsiness and face another day. Instead, she had decided to just snuggle into her blanket for a little longer, as its coziness was too irresistible to let go.
Until all that coziness became a matter of absolutely no importance. 'The Dai Li would have managed to find you in NO time!'... 'Those sneaky snoops don't give up that easily...' Marla's words resounded in the girl's head, making her blood run cold. But something didn't feel right. They should be searching for THE BOTH of us now, shouldn't they? If this is about getting us back, because we managed to escape... why are they only interested in capturing Zuko?!
She wasn't given the time to think any further. The footsteps from above had come closer, their trampling sounds suddenly echoed in the staircase - apparently, they had discovered the basement -
When Sureen eventually flung her door open, they had already found who they were looking for. They were dragging him out of his room, mercilessly forcing him up the stairs.
No one cared about the girl standing in the corridor, her face as pale as a sheet, her eyes wide with shock, and her voice reduced to a toneless whisper. "Zuko..."
x-x-x
It was all about change. At least, he'd figured as much. The weird sickness he was struggling with… it had been caused by... by the insight that he had the ability to change himself. But unfortunately, the realization didn't bring him any closer to a way out.
Back at Lake Laogai, Zuko had drowned the Blue Spirit. On purpose. It had been his own decision. But in doing so, what exactly had he decided for? Had he concluded that the Blue Spirit was dead, so Zuko would never resume the role? Or did it mean he had finally realized that the Blue Spirit had, in fact, always been a part of him, and that he didn't need to hide behind a stupid mask anymore to live up to that side of himself? And if he really had the ability and the power to initiate that kind of inner change, then how many more sides were there that he could possibly adjust? He also wondered which parts he even wanted to change, and which of them was "the real him", after all. 'Never forget who you are…' The parting words of his mother chased him through his nightmares. But how could he really know who he was or who he was meant to be? In which direction should he go? Those questions seemed even more difficult to answer now that he had found out he could decide in favor of or against each trait hiding inside him.
He had the power to become all or nothing or anything in between. He just had to make the appropriate decisions. Or at least that was how it felt. The insight had been driving him crazy ever since he'd returned from the lake.
No matter how much the prince wished for a way to stop the thoughts, they insinuated themselves into his consciousness time and again, pulling him away from reality… While his reality did its best to become more caring and gentle as it had been in ages: he was spared the daily dawn to dusk work in the kitchen, and there was always a warm meal on his nightstand when he managed to jerk himself free from his nightmares. Things he had been so used to that he hadn't even noticed them when he lived in the Fire Palace. Now he appreciated them again. He knew they were what pulled him through it all, through his strange sickness.
And, of course, there was Sureen. Spending more time on a chair beside his bed than anywhere else - or at least that was what it seemed like to him. Zuko knew that, under normal circumstances, he'd be awfully annoyed by her constant presence. But he also knew that, under normal circumstances, Sureen wouldn't hover over him like that. And admittedly, seeing the girl on that chair whenever he managed to open his eyes was anything but annoying. She was like a counterbalance, setting off his inner turmoil for a while.
In spite of his own worn out state, Zuko could tell that Sureen wasn't feeling much better herself. Many times, when she mistook his stillness for unconsciousness, he heard her muffled sobs. And more often than not, he didn't know what to do about it, so he just clenched his teeth and continued to pretend he was asleep.
Yet whenever he managed to jerk himself free from the chaos on his mind and actually react to whatever Sureen was doing, their conversations turned out to be pretty... well, enjoyable. They didn't really go beyond small talk, but that was just fine. It was an unspoken rule that neither of them would discuss anything serious. They both wanted nothing more than to keep away from that kind of stuff. And luckily, right from the start, they easily managed to talk about nonsense, settling for lighthearted bickering that kept them distracted and focused at the same time. Distracted from their inner struggles and focused on reality, on lighting up one another's mood.
Eventually, it felt as if holding on could be worth it. Zuko almost began to believe they were on their way back to normal...
Until the morning he was awoken by the trampling sound of feet. When his door was flung open and those ruthless hands dragged him out of bed and up the stairs, into the living room. Where he met the remaining Dai Li agents as well as…
AZULA?!
All his life he's been told
He'll be nothing when he's old
All the kicks and all the blows
He won't ever let it show
'Cause he's stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow
... ...
All the hurt, all the lies
All the tears that they cry
When the moment is just right
You see fire in their eyes
When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been struggling to make things right
That's a how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power
... ...
She's got lions in her heart
A fire in her soul
He's a got a beast in his belly
That's so hard to control
'Cause they've taken too much hits
Taking blow by blow
Now light a match, stand back
Watch them explode
[THE SCRIPT - SUPERHEROES]
x-x-x
A/N: Cliffhangers ftw :D. Sorry not sorry :P. It was just too irresistible to not write it that way!
But never fear (well... but then again... Maybe rather DO fear. Who knows… :P) - the next chapter already is on its way from the knots of my synapses to this website. It's gonna be the final bit of this story's Part II! Finish line ahead! Brace yourselves!
Apart from that... ugh. This chapter was called "Struggling" for a reason. Been struggling with its plot for months, especially with the last part describing Zuko's change-process-thingy. As I did NOT want to copy the "real canon" here. As in, the episodes in which Zuko wakes up from his "illness" kind of thing and then, all of a sudden, acts super nice and friendly and fghp7qöfgx613üvz43w YUCK :S. I can't stand that nice guy-Zuko! So I tried to put it differently. But it was kind of... brain-wrenching^^ and I can't tell if that bit makes sense now and if I managed to keep Zuko in character…
Apart from THAT, here's the challenge: The person who'll find all my little subtle (or even not so subtle :P) No. 6 analogies within this and the following chapter will win a… dunno… a bowl of soup? Whatever ;)... It's just… I couldn't help it, I HAD TO include those parallels, for better or worse. It was another thing that was just too irresistible to not write it that way...
And apart from THAT, this a/n really is long enough now. Have I already mentioned that I'm rambling?^^
Empty review box ahead. It's all yours. See you next time. :)