A/N: Welcome to Part III, everyone :o)! Although I haven't uploaded anything since then, I've used my Christmas vacations wisely - as in, spending many days (or well, nights :P) outlining and plotting the details of this story's Part III. It's gonna be the final bit of this journey, and what I'm planning for it... it's gonna be intense. Maybe, ultimately, I'll have to change this fic's rating to M. We'll see. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it :P. Which is... not yet. For now I just hope you're gonna enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it :). Have fun discovering how the setting of Part III unfolds. Here we go!

(More general background info will follow below the chapter. Right now I don't want to bore you with those details. :P)

.~°~.

.~°~..~°~..~°~. - PART III - .~°~..~°~..~°~.

PROLOGUE

Having been chased by warfare nearly all my life, I have come to think that the worst thing about it is neither the death nor the devastation it leaves behind. The worst thing is that it turns you into your own worst enemy. It makes us contravene our principles and betray our convictions... until we ultimately lose ourselves or regret our betrayal over and over again.

Just like I regret leaving my children then – the only family I still had. My punishment turned out to be the way I missed them, every day and every night, every time I took a break. And I'm sure I'm not the only man who left his home behind to go to war.

Which is why the war needs to end, once and for all. And I'll do what I can to make it happen. I'll lead my men into battle, and I'll fight for it myself. No matter how much I detest it, I'll give my fair share. I won't back down.

So one day no man will have to turn his back on his family, and no man will regret his betrayal. No one will be forced to make the mistakes I made. No one will have to lose himself in a war that's not worth it.

So one day we all will recover a place to return to. A place called home.

-x-x-x-

.

-17-

CROSSING DIVIDES

After struggling through a restless night, he got up from his cot long before sunrise. When he arrived on the deck of his ship, he stepped towards the railing, inhaling the cold, salty sea air with shuddering breaths.

Today was going to be the day. The day of the black sun. The day his men were going to invade the Fire Palace and keep their opponents busy - so Aang could take down the Fire Lord as soon as the moon would cover up the sun. Hopefully their invasion plan would work… there were so many individual steps that required flawless implementation, what if… but wait, what -?

His train of thought was interrupted by a hurried scratching noise, almost too low to attract attention. Almost. For a second, the captain's back stiffened, but something occurred to him. When he slowly turned around, his eyes carefully scanning the ship's deck, his suspicion proved true. In a corner, crouched down on the wooden floor, shoulders moving hectically, someone was busy swabbing the deck with a scrub brush. Frantically, the petite woman moved the brush back and forth, only stopping to dip it in the water bucket next to her.

A gentle sigh escaped the man's lips. It was not by far the first time he'd seen her like that. Since their fleet had left the South Pole, he'd found her many times early in the morning washing the dishes, cleaning the deck just as she was tonight, or doing whatever kept her busy… and distracted from the nightmares. The girl never talked about anything, but it wasn't difficult for him to put two and two together, having been through nights like that himself. The icy claws of a nightmare that hold you captive in a state of silent horror, even after lying awake for hours… He hurriedly shook his head to dislodge the memory of the all-too-familiar sensation.

With firm steps, he approached the younger woman and knelt down beside her.

"Sureen, it's alright. The deck looks just fine to me. I don't think it requires any further cleaning."

He saw his subordinate flinch back – apparently she'd been too immersed in her work to notice that she wasn't the only one on deck anymore – and she seemed more than a little embarrassed.

"Oh, right. O-of course, Captain Hakoda, s-sir," she stuttered, in her confusion saluting with the scrub brush still in her right hand; said captain couldn't help but chuckle amusedly.

"At ease, soldier. No need for such formal behavior on my ship."

He soothingly put a hand on Sureen's shoulder before he went on. "You see, today's going to be the day. It's gonna be all or nothing. So I need all my men… um, and women, of course… anyway, I need all of you fully alert and awake. I need you to stay focused and give it your all. Which will most definitely not be possible if you spend half the night swabbing the deck like your life depends on it," he added in a low growl, scowling at his subordinate. But when he saw the helpless look she gave him, his features softened. "Please, try and get some more rest. I know it's hard to go back to sleep after being chased by a nightmare..." He felt her back stiffen under his touch before she pulled back her shoulder entirely, and Hakoda's hand slowly sank to the ground "... but please, give it a go."

Unwilling to admit anything, the girl averted her eyes. How the hell could he know about the nightmares? She'd never told him a damn thing, never told anyone, so how…? She couldn't deny that he had a point, though. Reluctantly, Sureen wiped off the beads of sweat that had formed on her forehead. Now that she'd been forced to take a break from her frantic work, she felt her heart hammering in her chest and noticed her shaking arms and her aching muscles. If she kept on swabbing the deck, she'd definitely spend the day sore, exhausted, and in a daze - a state she'd have been able to cover up any normal day. But not the day ahead. That much was sure. But still, she couldn't go back to her cot, couldn't bring herself to do it.

She knew the second her body and mind came to rest, the pictures that had chased her through the night would be back. She would be back. Back in her burning village, nailed to that damn tree, out of harm's way.
Tonight, she'd seen him burn in the fire. It was neither her her people, nor Jet - as in the many nights before. This time, it was Zuko surrounded by the greedy, mercilessly closing flames. And even when Sureen managed to break free from the overwhelming gravity of the tree and tried to run towards her friend, she couldn't get any closer. She didn't move forward the slightest bit. And he was right there, right in front of her, yet out of reach… and the fire - she couldn't stop it, couldn't do a bloody thing. And while the flames inevitably enveloped him and Sureen desperately screamed his name again and again, the prince glared back at her, his eyes flaring with shock, disappointment and unspoken accusations, and he looked so betrayed and hurt that her voice cracked eventually and –

The girl desperately clenched her teeth, trying to steady her trembling shoulders and bite back the tears that suddenly blurred her vision. Dammit, she just couldn't go back to her bunk. By no means would she go back there.

"You know what? Please excuse me for a second, I'll be right back…" As if from very far away, Sureen heard Hakoda's voice, followed by rushed footsteps. It didn't take long for him to return. "So I was wondering if maybe you might want to take the small bunk for the rest of the night. You know, the spare one, right next to the stairs, instead of going back to your room? And maybe you could use this..." He carefully placed a burning oil lamp next to her on the floor.

"I-I… um –" Too taken aback to find a suitable response, Sureen just opened and closed her mouth while her eyes disbelievingly wandered between the lamp and her captain. "Um, yeah… I guess y-you're right. I should… should give it a go," she eventually mumbled, reaching for the oil lamp with shaky hands. "Thank you, sir." Getting up from the floor with the lamp in her hand, she hesitated for a while before she added, "You really care for your men… um, and women, of course..." The hint of a smile tugged on her lips "I... well, never mind."

Without finishing her sentence, Sureen hurried towards the stairs. But before she reached them, she suddenly stopped and whirled around to face Hakoda again, as if something had just occurred to her.

"Captain… I know I'm in no position to give you any instructions, but from what you just told me - like, you need all of us to be fully awake and focused today – I think that really applies to all of us. Which also includes you. I… well, regarding the invasion plan you and your son worked out, I know there are a lot of things that could go wrong today. But they won't. Because we know every step of the plan and we know exactly what we have to do. We won't mess it up. So don't… um… don't worry so much, sir. There's no need to. You can count on us."

Sureen paused for a moment, trying to make out Hakoda's face in the dark, to find out whether her blunt words had been a mistake or not. But all she could see was his motionless silhouette. "Well, whatever. What I'm trying to say is you should try and get some sleep, too."

With that she turned around and stepped down the narrow steps to the bunks, the oil lamp lighting her way. It wasn't long before she heard Hakoda's steps behind her, and only a few more seconds later, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder again. Although no words passed between them, a brief smile flashed across Sureen's face when she sensed the older man's unspoken reply the second he made contact. Apparently, her words on deck had been much appreciated.

They kept descending the stairs in silence, Sureen heading for the spare bunk to her right, more than a little relieved that she didn't have to go back to her own cot.

"Sureen, I… hopefully, you can put your mind at ease for the rest of the night. And… thanks," Hakoda mumbled, passing by her.

"Yeah. You too, captain," the girl replied shortly, entering the narrow room and quickly closing the door behind her.

She put the oil lamp on the nightstand and landed on the cot with a sigh. Personal conversations still made her feel uncomfortable. She couldn't help but shy away from any hint of a bond, even if it was only with a thoughtful captain who cared about his subordinates. She could barely handle it. But then again… Sureen didn't know much about ships and troops and invasions and being a soldier, but she knew that, no matter how sentimental it sounded, she'd unheistatingly go to hell and back for her commander. Over the last few weeks, she'd realized that he hadn't become a leader because he strived for power or recognition. He'd obtained his position because he knew the wounds war left behind. He knew what it felt like to be affected by its aftermath because he'd experienced it all himself. That was why he was determined to put an end to this war.

And Sureen wholeheartedly agreed.

Standing in front of the closed bunk door, Hakoda hesitated for a moment before he walked on. He wondered again if it had been the right decision to allow the young woman to join his invasion fleet. It wasn't just the fact that Sureen had been the only female volunteer. What had made him second-guess his decision many times since then was hard to describe. The girl's behavior was… well, loyal and polite, that much was clear. But the look on her face revealed that she was almost too fierce and eager about this mission, and at the same time too unapproachable and distanced. She hardly ever talked to anyone and seemed determined to let no one ever get close to her. Yet Hakoda was sure that a lot was going on behind the walls she'd built. And Not only because of the nightmares she tried so hard to hide.
He hadn't expected Sureen to be so insightful regarding others while remaining a closed book to him. Her assumptions and reassuring comments had left him with a lump in his throat. And now he found himself standing in front of her locked door, just as he always found himself standing in front of her polite, yet cold, façade.
With a sigh, he eventually turned away and kept walking along the corridor. After all, he was nothing but her commanding officer, and this wasn't supposed to be any kind of personal relationship anyway. He really needed to stop caring too much for his subordinates.

Clenching his fists, Captain Hakoda sped up and headed for his bunk.

Sureen curled up on the unfamiliar cot, her gaze fixed on the warm glow of the oil lamp. The blanket smelled a bit musty, as if it hadn't been used for a long time, but she didn't mind. At least everything around her looked and felt different from her own bunk. Almost with relief, she noticed how exhausted she really was from swabbing the deck for hours without interruption. Her eyelids slowly became heavier and heavier. Hakoda was right: she urgently needed some more sleep to be in shape for the day ahead of her. The day they'd attack the Fire Palace and all its inhabitants, including…

"… Zuko."

She hastily turned in her sheets, hoping to escape the memories behind the name that slipped from her lips. Today she would inevitably put the final nail in the coffin. Today she would complete her betrayal of him.

But her eyelids had already fallen shut. The heavy drowsiness already was consuming her mind enough to stop her from grasping the disturbing thought.

x-x-x

Dusk had already begun to fall when he hurried home from the library, his head almost exploding with the information, his heart more confused than ever. His breath was ragged from the panic looming at the back of his mind, and his steps were hounded, because all he wanted was to get back to his room - the only place that made him feel somewhat close to safe. Every window, every silhouette, and every shadow he passed seemed to stare at him, to watch and judge his every move with malicious joy, to detect his slightest lapse.
Sensing the last beams of sunlight fading away, he sped up – the absence of his source of power only made his distress grow.

Finally, the Fire Palace appeared in front of him. Zuko hurried up the stairs, almost ran along the endless corridors, and slammed his door shut behind him. The prince let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. He was finally alone. His knees buckled as his defensive walls came down. The room seemed to spin around him. He helplessly leaned back against the door for support and felt himself slowly sliding downwards, his legs refusing to carry his weight any longer. Eventually, he slumped to the floor and doubled over, his arms and head resting heavily on his bent knees.

It was all wrong. Everything. Was. Wrong. He didn't even know where to begin. He'd fallen for the wrong person, turned his back on the wrong person. His father had been given an incorrect report of events, so he was proud of him for the wrong reasons. He was at the wrong place, acting all insincere, making all the false decisions – in short, he was living a lie.
And what he'd learned this afternoon after days of research at the library was the last straw. Finding out about the truth within only one day was somehow harder to take than slowly discovering the lies surrounding him.

Shaking one arm weakly, he let a scroll drop out of his wide sleeve. Technically speaking, the prince had stolen the document from the library's archives. But the library was the property of the state, or in other words, his father, so the damn scroll could scarcely be considered stolen as long as it was in the Fire Palace. Pfffft, so what? He couldn't care less.
Cautiously, he began to uncoil the scroll on the floor, as if he hoped that its contents had miraculously vanished since he'd last looked. But no, of course not. At his feet lay the drawing of a family tree. The royal family tree. It showed Azula, himself, Fire Lord Ozai, his mother Ursa, and then went further back in time, reconstructing Ozai's and Ursa's bloodlines. Naturally, he knew Ozai's bloodline inside and out, but...
His eyes blankly bored into one area of the document. There it was, in black and white, still unchanged - no matter how many times he read it:

"Lady Ursa. Granddaughter of… A-avatar Roku."

Avatar Roku... Avatar Roku... Avatar Roku… While the room spun around him and the drawing at his feet blurred, the name echoed in Zuko's head.

x-x-x

When she'd heard hurried footsteps approaching, she managed just in time to hide behind one of the columns lining the corridor. Watching her brother rush by, a deep frown on his face, his eyes flickering nervously, she couldn't suppress a derisive chuckle. Since their latest little… let's say, heart-to-heart, Zuko had turned into a nervous wreck. And that allowed only one conclusion. An evil grin flashed across Azula's face. She loved it when her plans worked out just as plotted.

It had been awfully predictable that sooner or later her brother would show up to ask her why. She'd waited for that day with malicious anticipation. And finally, her time had come. She'd enjoyed every sentence of their conversation, right from the moment Zuko stormed into her private chambers, furiously asking her why she'd told their father that he had killed the avatar down in the ancient city of Ba Sing Se. Why she'd claimed that Zuko's honor deserved to be redeemed and that the Fire Lord and the entire Fire Nation could be proud of the glorious deeds of their heir to the throne.
Her reply had been her triumphal procession.

"Call it a generous gesture. I wanted to thank you for your help, and I was happy to share the glory."

"You're lying."

"If you say so…"

"You have another motive for doing this. I just haven't figured out what it is."

"Please, Zuko. What ulterior motive could I have? What could I possibly gain by letting you have all the glory for defeating the avatar? Unless, somehow, the avatar was actually alive. All that glory would suddenly turn to shame and foolishness. But you said it yourself: that was impossible."

It felt as though time stood still for a second. Then Zuko whirled around and left without another word. But the image of his eyes widening in panic, the way his breath had caught and his face turned pale when the message sunk in still filled every fiber of Azula's being with the sweetest satisfaction since the day her blue lightning bolt had put an end to Iroh's life.

And as far as she could tell from the way her brother was rushing by, his state of mind hadn't changed since their conversation. The smirk on her face grew wider. But wait, hadn't she tortured him enough already? Wasn't she supposed to stop her manipulative little game? Shouldn't she feel sorry for her brother, who'd already had to endure so many strokes of fate? No.

"I always knew you were a pathetic, pitiful wimp, Zuzu. That's no news to me. So why should that suddenly stop me," she smirked. After all, this was her road to victory, not to sympathy.

When she heard a door slam in the distance, she stepped out of the shadows, the evil grin still spread across her face. If things kept turning out the way she'd planned, the next Fire Lord

... would be a Fire Lady.

x-x-x

He'd skipped dinner, or maybe he'd missed it anyway, sitting on the floor and staring at the scroll at his feet for what felt like hours. Deciding that he didn't want to spend the whole night like that, he reluctantly dragged himself to his feet and tiredly trudged to his bathroom.

Eventually, Zuko collapsed on his bed, curling up to a ball and pulling the blanket up to his shoulders.
If Sureen were here now, seeing that scroll, realizing that Avatar Roku was his great-grandfather… He could clearly picture her being all like, "Ooooh my God, oh wow, oh my God, Zuko, that… that's a thing, I mean… wow…" her eyes wide with excitement. Then she'd ramble on and on, gesturing vividly, about what that meant and how it made so much sense to her and how it was THE explanation for absolutely everything – the hint of a smile made his frown disappear for a second – and then she'd look over at him, falling silent, noticing his inner turmoil, and just… feel him. And he wouldn't need to explain a thing.

Pressing his face into his pillow was all he could do to muffle the sobs that suddenly shook his body.

But she wasn't here - Zuko didn't even know where she'd gone - all because he'd decided to go back to his former life, to what he'd thought was his destiny. How badly he'd been mistaken.

He'd maneuvered himself into the center of a web of lies, and now he was so tangled in expectations, requirements, and anticipations that he could scarcely breathe. Because if he was honest with himself, he knew he couldn't meet any of them. He didn't even want to meet any of them, as that would only get him caught up in even more lies.
And there was no one on his side anymore. Everyone around him either was using his every step and decision as an opportunity to pursue their own goals, or just wouldn't understand.

Even Mai probably wouldn't understand him. Either he simply wouldn't know how to explain it to her, or she'd get bored after only two sentences of his stuttered attempts to do so. He could clearly remember her words before they first kissed. "I only wanted to know if you're cold. I didn't ask for your whole life story."
Letting out a shuddering breath, he turned in his sheets and glared at the ceiling. Too bad my life story is the fucking point of it all. I most definitely didn't choose this shit myself. My apologies for having a messed up life!

Mai simply wasn't someone to talk to. He loved her unapproachable, unimpressed attitude, as he knew it was only a shield, not unlike his own standoffishness. And he loved how she put up with him and never felt intimidated by his often foul mood. But she wasn't exactly a person that could relate to him, and he wasn't exactly a person that could share what was on his mind.

He'd always been sure he'd be better off alone, that he didn't want or need anyone to take a hand in his affairs, that he could get along all by himself just fine… but again he'd been mistaken.
Back then, his uncle had always had his back, had always silently watched over him and unconditionally supported him, no matter what Zuko had been up to. And he'd never realized, let alone appreciated, what Iroh really had done for him. He'd never thanked him.
Zuko pressed his eyes shut and forced himself to take deep, slow breaths to bite back the new flood of tears behind his eyelids. It felt like his heart was convulsing with pain whenever he let the memories of his uncle get too close.

He desperately tried to shake them off, focusing on a thought that had just occurred to him. In fact, through the ups and downs – well, mostly downs – of his messed-up life, there had been no more than three people able to relate to him who had stood by his side. And now two of them were totally out of reach. One had left in the dead of night when he was only nine, and the second was dead.
And the third… he had pushed her away so harshly and had made it so impossible for her to follow him that there had been no choice but to leave him behind.

But maybe for once he could make up for a wrong decision - or at least find a way to apologize before it was too late, before he had to live with his mistake forever. Even if he had no idea where Sureen was. He was no longer sure if she'd really joined the avatar as he'd suspected down in the caves. He simply had no idea where to find her.

Nevertheless, a plan formed that night in Zuko's head.

Even if he could neither get his mother and his uncle back nor restore his friendship with Sureen, he could prove that he'd finally woken up, that he'd realized what all of them had tried to show him for so long.
He wouldn't bend over backwards anymore for his father or try to be Ozai's loyal and obedient right hand, only to obtain the false appreciation that Zuko had once thought would redeem his honor. Because "... you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor..." His sister's words suddenly resounded in his head. Azula had been spot on. But in fact, things were not at all like what she'd meant.

He'd been a traitor towards himself and the few people who'd never lied to him for far too long.

With newfound energy, he sat up in bed. He lit the torches in his bedroom and went to his desk, grabbing a piece of paper and a thin brush. After a moment's consideration, he began to write. Hopefully, Mai would understand his decision when he wrote his reasons down for her. Hopefully, reading his explanation would be less dull for her than hearing it.

For it would be the only trace he'd leave behind.

x-x-x

A/N: First things first: a reviewer informed me that adding song lyrics to my chapters apparently is against the rules of ffn, even if I mention their source and the original singer :(. So I can't do this anymore and will remove all song lyrics from my previous chapters one by one. Well... which probably no one but me will really notice and/or care about. But for me it's pretty sad, as this fic always felt more like a Musical to me, so the songs at the bottom were a damn essential part of the overall thing... but yeah. No more Musical then, I guess *sighs deeply*. All I'm allowed to do is to write down the name of the song I had in mind for a chapter. This time, it's "New Divide" by Linkin Park.
I'm planning to additionally upload this fic on ao3, though. There I've read so many storys that include and refer to song lyrics that I don't think it will be against any rules there.^^

And also in reply to a review: yup, in this universe, Sureen (which means Jet as well) has originally been from the Fire Nation. The idea occurred to me while reading the "The Search" comic books. I don't want to spoil anything in case you guys haven't read them yet, but as you might already know, it's the story about Zuko's search for his mother and also includes Ursa's back story. In those books they mention a place called "Forgetful Forest" - feel free to look it up on Avatar Wiki. Reading about that place left me awe-struck and mind-blown for hours :'D... cause those descriptions sounded like it's THE perfect place the forest people could've lived in: hidden from the rest of the world, surrounded by spirits and mysteries, yet located in the Fire Nation ':o)!
So, to sum it up: in this universe, Jet and Sureen originally come from the Forgetful Forest.

And last but not least: Hehehe, look who's there... HAKODA :D! I hope my surprise-thingy was... um... surprising? Mind telling me? Review box is right ahead :)!
Oh and gimme, like, one more chapter to really get away from the "real canon's" plot... as in, apparently I'm entering the scene somewhere in Book Fire, so things still are what they are for now. But that won't last for long, I promise *evil smirk* X] ...