Disclaimer: I don't own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody or The Suite Life on Deck. If I did, I could probably get my sisters to read my fanfiction...

Chapter 10: Letters

Miss Tutweiller sat in the sun a few days later, peacefully grading papers. She could hear the quiet chatter of the deck's other occupants, which combined with the sounds of seabirds to create a soothing effect. The teacher was very glad for this, because she was in desperate need of soothing.

Ever since she had seen the second video, the first one to show what the twins had gone through, Miss Tutweiller had been unable to look at Zack the same way again. It had been even worse since the last videos, though, because she had learned the full truth- reviled to be in three videos in one sitting (not the smartest way to do it, in hindsight). Whenever she saw him since watching the last videos, she had to keep herself from going up to him and hugging him to death. She supposed that these were her maternal instincts and smiled in irony. Who would've thought that Zack Martin would be the one to bring them out?

With a sigh, she pulled herself out of her thoughts and focused back on her work. She had assigned the students an essay in History, and those who bothered to do it had turned in the day before in class. She was a quarter of the way done with her grading and, as she progressed, she noticed a lack of essays from the students she expected, like Woody and London. Most of the other students' essays were average, earning C's, B's, and the occasional A. The further she got, the more Miss Tutweiller found herself anticipating Bailey and Maya's essays. Bailey was an amazing student across the board, so of course her essay would be amazing. As for Maya, Miss Tutweiller had already seen her topic, the September 11, 2001 attack on the World Trade Centers, and was interested to see her viewpoint.

Sadly, it was beginning to seem that her wanting to read Bailey and Maya's essays was actually pushing them further back in the collection of papers. She had gone through about half of the remaining papers when she predicted that they would likely be the last two that she read.

Miss Tutweiller sped up her progress, going as quickly as she could while still being thorough. It still took over an hour before she approached the end of the stack. Finally, after pushing aside Addison's essay, which was about fifteen pages above the length assigned, she held the last two essays in her hand. She looked down, expecting to see either Bailey or Maya's names in the upper left-hand corner, but to her surprise, the first essay had Marcus' name and the second had Zack's. She was surprised. She could've sworn that she already graded Marcus' and Zack hadn't turned his in. She frowned. Maybe her desire to read Bailey and Maya's essays had also made her forget that she had already had the day before? Quickly, she leafed through the graded papers, her confusion increasing when they were, once again, absent.

Maya had been known to not turn in homework occasionally, usually under Zack's influence, but Miss Tutweiller couldn't remember in happening for a bigger assignment, such as this one. And Bailey, of course, had never turned anything in even a day late. So, she was pretty sure that the two hadn't simply decided not to do it.

She pondered for a few more seconds, but couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation, so she decided to go ask the girls themselves about what had happened.

Miss Tutweiller left the Sky Deck and checked all the science labs as well as the more popular hangout places, like the pool and the Lido Deck. When she could not find the girls in any of those places, she resolved to check their cabins.

The first room she tried was Maya and Addison's. It was deserted, though, so she continued further down the hall to London and Bailey's room. When she knocked on the door this time, though, she was rewarded with a soft "Come in." Silently hoping that Bailey was there and not London, Miss Tutweiller pushed open the door.

She stepped through the doorway and saw Bailey and Maya lying on Bailey's bed with their homework spread out in front of them. Marcus and Woody were lying on London's bed, but unlike the girls, they weren't working. Woody was eating a muffin and Marcus seemed to be smelling London's pillow. Miss Tutweiller decided to ignore that and looked towards the girls, who had looked at her when they heard the door open.

"Hi, Miss Tutweiller!" Bailey said breezily, and the reaction was immediate. Marcus snapped his head away from London's pillow and Woody started choking on his muffin. It was mean, but Miss Tutweiller had to hold back a laugh. It was amusing that their reaction to her was the same even when they were out of class and trouble.

The two boys calmed down in a minute, but luckily, they didn't notice her stifled laughs because they were focused on Bailey and Maya, who hadn't bothered to mask theirs.

"Shut up!" Marcus yelled at them, his face red. "It's not funny!"

"Yes it is," Maya squeezed out between laughs.

It took several minutes before the girls calmed down, but once they did, Bailey turned to Miss Tutweiller, who was still standing just inside the doorway.

"Miss Tutweiller?" she asked. "Did you need something?"

After a second, the teacher nodded. She had almost forgotten why she came to find the girls in the first place.

"Yes," she said. "Bailey, Maya, I've looked through all the History essays, but I can't find either of yours. Is there a reason neither of you turned in yours in? I thought you two were both pretty excited about this assignment."

Upon her words, both Bailey and Maya frowned in confusion, increasing Miss Tutweiller's suspicion that they had both done the essay.

After a minute of silence, Maya spoke. "Are you sure you don't have them? Because I know we both did it: we were working on them together."

Miss Tutweiller, too, frowned at this, but before she could respond, Bailey spoke, her eyes lit up with realization.

"Maya, remember!" she said. "We were working on them in Zack's room, but then you got called into work. You told me to put your essay in your room, but before I could, I had to go help London with something. I told Zack to put our essays away. He must've forgotten to give them to us."

Maya nodded at the end of Bailey's explanation. "Miss Tutweiller, would it be okay if we turned our essays in late?"

She hesitated, then said, "You can turn them in for 80% credit. But, judging by your academic records, that won't hurt either of you."

Maya nodded in acceptance, but Bailey's eyes widened and she froze up at the prospect of her best work only being able to earn a B. Luckily, Maya noticed and rolled her eyes, dragging Bailey out of the room before she could explode. Marcus and Woody followed after a second, and after another second, Miss Tutweiller made her way back to the Sky Deck to continue grading.

About twenty minutes later, Bailey, Maya, Woody, and Marcus entered the deck. Miss Tutweiller spotted them and pushed her grading aside, but she noticed that Bailey looked more freaked out than before and neither she nor Maya held papers in their hands. She frowned in their direction, but waited for them to come explain.

"Um… Miss Tutweiller?" Maya began when they reached her. "We're sure that our essays are in Zack's room, but we can't find them. It's a mess in there. We've looked everywhere."

Miss Tutweiller's frown deepened. Sure, she knew that Zack was a slob, but surely that was at least a slight exaggeration. They should be able to find their papers somewhere. She voiced her hypothesis.

Maya, however, shook her head. "I'm not exaggerating. Come see for yourself." She turned on her heel and led the way up the stairs, Bailey, Woody, and Marcus trailing. Miss Tutweiller paused for a minute, then followed after them.

They navigated through the corridors until they reached the boys' cabins. The teens finally stopped in front of a door on the left-hand side. Once Miss Tutweiller had caught up, Maya put her hand on the knob then turned back.

"It smells pretty bad in there. You'll get used to it in a minute, but watch out." Slightly more nervous, she nodded in response.

Maya twisted the knob, then swung the door inward. Miss Tutweiller braced herself, but still gagged and had to slap a hand over her nose when the stench hit her. It smelled awful, like a combination of old pizza and dirty socks, both of which she was sure were somewhere in the room.

Like Maya said, though, she eventually grew used to the smell and was able to uncover her nose and venture further inside.

It turned out that Maya had not been exaggerating when she described how messy the room was.

Every inch of the ground was covered with an assortment of dirty clothes, moldy food, and crumpled-up paper- likely old classwork. The two beds and desk that the room came with were too covered in several inches of junk- so much that Miss Tutweiller wasn't even sure what it contained. There were several posters and other objects hanging off the walls, but most of them were at an angle or held up only by a corner. Finally, the porthole and door to the bathroom were open, and clothes were draped over each.

Miss Tutweiller made a face of disgust as she took in the scene. "This is awful," she finally said. "Does he ever clean?"

Maya, who was already navigating her way through the entropy, paused and smiled at the teacher over her shoulder. "Sorry," she said wryly. "I haven't gotten around to it this week."

Miss Tutweiller smiled, and Bailey spoke up for the first time. "See, Miss Tutweiller? You could lose a person in here. Could you help us look for our papers, please?" She sent the teacher a hopeful look.

Miss Tutweiller hesitated. Searching through Zack's room wasn't exactly her idea of fun. But then again, neither was grading, and that was what awaited her if she said no. Plus, she knew how hard Bailey and Maya had worked on their essays, and she suspected that Bailey would have a panic-induced seizure if her essay was not found. She sighed.

"Alright," she answered. The others smiled, Bailey whispered "Thank you," and together, the five of them tackled the chaos.

A break was finally called for an hour later. Miss Tutweiller, Woody, Marcus, and Maya all jumped at the chance (not literally, of course, since they were all about to collapse from exhaustion), but Bailey, running on her desperation, continued searching.

Miss Tutweiller turned to face her, or face her as much as she could, since Bailey had her head buried under Marcus' old bed. "Bailey?" she asked. "Are you sure you don't want to take a break? You must be tired."

"I'm fine," she answered curtly, getting up to look under Zack's bed.

Miss Tutweiller sighed, but decided to let it go. She turned to the other three, who were sprawled out on top of the bed Bailey was searching under. She sat down next to them. They made small talk for a few minutes as Bailey continued searching.

Finally, Miss Tutweiller saw Bailey sit back and turned to look at her, immediately noticing that she held a spiral-bound notebook in her hands.

"Is that your essays?" she asked.

Maya snapped around to look, but Bailey shook her head. "No. They weren't in a notebook."

Maya grabbed it from her hands and opened it up. "My rough draft was, though. Maybe I can turn that in if we can't find the final."

Miss Tutweiller nodded as Maya flipped through the notebook. She stopped on a collection of pages for about ten minutes, and Miss Tutweiller was about to ask if it was her rough draft. Before she could, though, Maya gasped and put a hand over her mouth. Miss Tutweiller was also sure she saw tears in the brunette's eyes.

Bailey jumped towards her. "What is it? Is it your essay?"

Maya fell back and shook her head, blinking rapidly. "N-no. It's... it's not my essay."

Marcus asked the question they were all thinking. "What is it, then?"

Maya was silent for a minute before answering. "It's… it's a letter. From Zack to C-Cody. Written after he died."

The room fell silent. Miss Tutweiller worked hard to control her breathing.

"What does it say?" Woody piped up.

Maya shook her head. "I don't want to read it."

Bailey gave her a begging look. "Please, Maya?"

It was silent for a few minutes, then Maya took a deep breath and started to read.

Dear Cody,

Hey, buddy. It's me, Zack. How are you? I know we haven't talked in a while. Well… I talked to you every day while you were in the hospital, but I'm still not sure if you heard me. I guess doing things this way isn't a much better solution, but I need to get my thoughts out somehow.

I know, surprising, huh? Me, Zack, the "strong twin" is writing a letter to you. To be honest, though, this wasn't my idea. I had to go back to school a few days ago and was doing so awful that Mom made me go talk to a therapist. Her name was Mrs. Phillips, and she was really pretty. She wasn't that old, so normally I would've hit on her, but I didn't, because now isn't even in the same universe as normally.

Anyway, Mrs. Phillips told me that writing down how I felt might help the pain. Of course, she doesn't know anything about pain, since her twin brother never died, but I decided to give it a try because I'd do anything to get rid of the hurt. I didn't want to start using a diary, though- I haven't stooped that low, so I decided to write you a letter. I don't know why I chose that, but I think it's because it makes me feel like I'm talking to you; like you're not gone. Is that stupid? I don't think so. Well… it might be to people like Max or Bob, but you've always understood me better than anyone, even myself at times.

Everything is different at home now. Dad took a break from his tour to stay with us here in Boston. He's been staying in the room across the hall and Mom got a few weeks off work as well, along with my time off school. Normally, I know you (and me as well, not that I'd ever admit it) would appreciate the opportunity for family time, but now I just feel like they're always hanging over my head, waiting for me to burst into tears. For once, I can't wait for things to go back to normal.

I'm not sure they ever will go back to normal, though, or even that there's a normal for them to go back to. You were always Mom, favorite- don't try to deny it, Cody, I know it's true- and whenever we look at each other, I know she isn't really seeing me. She's seeing you, Cody. Whenever she looks at me, she's reminded of what she lost.

And then there's me.

I miss you, Codes. I miss you more than anyone and everyone. But I can't show it. Mom thinks that I'm just in denial, but you know the real reason, and you're the only one who does. I trained myself not to show emotion after Mom and Dad got divorced. You were always asking why I did that, but I never found the right time to tell you, so I guess now is as good a time as any. I did it to protect you, Cody. I knew that, as the older brother, it was my job to take care of you. So that's how I did it. I became tougher, so that if something hurt you, it wouldn't hurt me and I could be there for you.

But back to what I was saying. The truth is, I can't be upset. I can't. It goes against everything that has been my life for the past six years. I know that I don't have you to protect anymore, but what's that saying? Old habits die hard. I'm still used to being calm and emotionless about everything.

Truthfully, though, I'm really not. Your death has shattered me more than anything in the past could ever compare to, and I just can't deal with it.

I'm so so so sorry, Cody. I know this is all my fault. You may deny it, but it's true. I should've been there for you bet I wasn't and it's killing me. I'm not sure who I hate more right now: myself or that scumbag known as Drew. I would hate you for disappearing, but that's impossible. I could never hate you, Cody- no one could.

I do try to make up for my fault, though. Once I returned to school, the first thing I did was beat Drew up so badly he could barely stand. I know I should've gotten into huge trouble for that, but the principal took pity on me, giving me only a couple of cleaning detentions and a long lecture about how making Drew suffer the way you did wasn't the appropriate solution or whatever. I'm not entirely sure what he said, because the whole time he was talking, I was zoned out thinking about you- that seems to be all I do now.

Speaking of school, I hate it know. I've always disliked school- you of all people should know that- but now I legitimately hate the place. Whenever I show up now, people always come up to me and say things like "Zack, I'm so sorry about your brother," and whatnot. I know they're just trying to help, but they have no idea what it's like, so why can't they just mind their own stinkin' business!? I really don't need constant reminders of what happened, as if it's not on my mind twenty-four hours a day. In fact, I don't know if there's been a single class period where I haven't had to be excused for one reason or the other.

And, even worse, I've been removed from the basketball team. Well, not technically, but I haven't been able to play in any of the games because I've been practicing so badly. Whenever I try to do a free-throw, I remember that time where you did eleven free-throws in a row, and whenever I play a game, I picture you on the sidelines, cheering for me harder than anyone.

Oh god Cody, see what's happening? I'm losing myself. I know that I always complained about you cramping my style and such, but the truth is, I can't be me without you. Being your older brother was such a big part of who I was, and I don't know what to be without you. Please come back, Cody. Please. I need you. I always got- as you put it- "separation anxiety" whenever we were apart, like the time you went to Math Camp and London, Maddie, Muriel, and I drove up to "rescue" you. I wish that you were there now, so I could just drive up and bring you home, because I need you, Codes. There can't be me without you.

There can't be Zack without Cody.

I miss you, bro.

Your brother,

Zack

Maya finished reading the letter and closed the notebook. The sound echoed through the silent room.

It was a long time before anybody spoke.

Eventually, Bailey broke the silence. She was able to whisper "Oh, Zack…" before the tears broke through.

Miss Tutweiller wrapped the blonde girl in a hug. They clung together tightly, each drawing strength from the other.

One by one, the others joined in, until they were sitting in a huddle on Zack's bed, right above the fallen notebook.

It was a long time before anybody let go.

Hiya, everyone! Welcome to Chapter 10! As usual, I hope you like it, and, as usual, sorry for not updating in forever. But, if you follow my other stories, you may notice that I've updated all of those, coming to one update a month (including this one) since January. And that's a bit better than I have been doing right? Anyway, I know this chapter is pretty long. I hope you don't mind, but if you do, I'm sorry. I tried to cut down a little bit, so this version is actually a bit shorter than my first draft. I also hope you liked Zack's letter. Was it too out of character? Please review and tell me what you think!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed Chapter 9!

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