Chapter 3
Mabel: (Laughing) …and that's Mabel's Guide to Laughing for an Uncomfortable Amount of Time. (brief pause) Uh oh: here comes some more! (starts laughing again, with Dipper looking uncomfortable and Dani banging her head against a desk in the background)
(cue theme song)
Mabel: Today: Mabel's guide to: Color! (cut to Mabel next to a slide projector and projector screen) Ah, color: it's all around us. (slides change to show Dipper suffering from motion sickness) From the green of a noxious twin brother, (…a close up of Stan's face) to the weird orange of an old man's nose, (,,,a shot of Dani, blushing on account of being caught singing a song of some sort) to the vibrant red of an embarrassed best friend, (…and finally a photo of Soos inside the bathroom) to the beautiful sky blue of toilet water.
Soos: (points from off-screen) I'm in that one!
Mabel: Yes you are, Soos (changes slides) …but it wasn't always this way (the slide changes to a newspaper clipping from the Great Depression) According to history, the world was black and white until color was invented (newspaper paper suddenly shows clear evidence of being altered by someone *cough*Mabel*cough*) …by a magic wizard named Krandoff the Fabulous. What's YOUR favorite color, Gravity Falls?
Pacifica (standing it a place that obviously mixed red into their load of whites): (smiles) Hot Pink
Grenda: Beige!
Dipper: (not paying attention) Wendy (suddenly paying attention) Wait: what was the question again?
Soos: (in a golf cart) Lasers. Ooh, or liquid metal. Does leopards count as a color?
Wendy (sitting with her family in a plaid setting, literally): (nonchalant) Flannel
Soos: (still in the golf cart) Okay, okay: I've narrowed it down to Aurora Borealis, camoflauge…
Candy: Magic Vision Poster (no points for guessing what she holds up while saying this)
Gompers: (simply bleats, but the caption reads "burgundy")
Dani: (holding an orange) ORANGE you glad it's edible (winces even as she starts to peel it) Fudge nuggets: it's contagious (groans even as she takes a bite, for some reason)
Stan (who's packing a suitcase for some reason): None
Mabel: What?
Stan: I don't have a favorite color: I don't even LIKE colors
Mabel: Not even RAINBOWS?
Stan: Beats me: I've never seen a rainbow
Mabel: WHAT?! (declares a "Color Emergency" before gathering up Dipper, Candy, Gredna, and Dani, the latter of whom is playing with Waddles) Alright guys, how can we get Grunkle Stan to see a rainbow? I need ideas, people!
Grenda: Sometimes when I drink expired milk, I see rainbows. I'm going try right now! (takes a gallon of expired milk and starts to drink it, which I wouldn't recommend)
Dani: (taps her chin as Waddles starts to, well, waddle away) I think I could make it happen, but I'm going to need a rubber chicken, a length of garden hose, and some glue; don't worry: the glue isn't what you think it's for…
Dipper: (nervous) Uh, how about no?
Candy (takes out some paper and draws on it): (shows the drawing to the camera) What if we reflect the rainbow from the falls into Stan's window?
(Candy and Dipper collectively go "Yeah" and high five as Dani begins to sulk)
Grenda: Yeah! (falls forward and drops off into slumber soon afterwards)
Candy: It's fine: she does this
Dani: (sighs) I'll get the first aid kit (cue static)
Mabel: Okay: despite a few silent complaints from my sweater buddy, we're ready to unleash the full power of the "Roy-G-Biv-Atron" into Stan's office (we briefly cut to Candy and Dipper reflecting the rainbow in the direction of the Shack)
Stan: (walks in carrying a pair of sunglasses) No idea why Dani said I might need these… (shrugs and tosses them aside) Anyway, nothing seems to brighten a dark room like light from a window: time to open the window… (opens the shades to reveal a blinding rainbow light) Oh no! Why!? Why is this happening!?
Mabel: Ta-dah! Surprise!
Stan: My eyes are on fire! (begins to yell out in pain)
Mabel: Maybe we over did it a little bit…
Stan: (still yelling) Oh it's so hot it hurts! (begins to yell out in pain again; cue static)
Dani: (helping the others bandage Stan's eyes) I was JUST going to distract Stan with a rubber chicken glued to a wall and then use the hose to CREATE a rainbow: what did you THINK I was planning?
Dipper: Well I thought your plan was…uh, never mind: it's too weird, even by THIS town's standards…
Stan: (grunts) Just get those bandages nice and tight: I'm not giving my life savings to some quack doctor!
Dani: I hate to say I told you so, but… (snorts) Who am I kidding? I actually quite enjoy it…
Stan: (waves a hand) Yeah, yeah: my bad for not taking your warning at face value…
Mabel: That's it for today! Join us next week where we'll be doing "Mabel's Guide to Apologizing to your Great Uncle."
Stan: I hate color more than EVER!
Mabel: He's just saying that (whispers) Cut it; CUT IT! (cue static)
Next time: Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained: Gruncle Stan's Tattoo