A/N: Thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read this, regardless of following it or not, I'm just glad you took the time to click on this complete crack!fic. :D
River sighed as she noticed her family exiting the building and nodding for her to follow. "Well I believe this is my cue." She did wish she could stay longer. Dean could hold a very interesting conversation.
"Hold the fuck up," said Dean worriedly, "You lot are our only way home!"
River winked. "Don't worry. This won't be the last you'll see of me. Now do my mother a favour and make sure you get a proper British breakfast."
"Mother!?" Dean and Sam said simultaneously.
River winked again. "Don't do time-travelling kids. It messes up your family."
She joined her messed up-family and the two strangers as they walked out the restaurant door.
The Doctor beamed at her. "River, this is – wait." He frowned. "You didn't tell us your names."
"Sherlock," said the taller man, with cheekbones that almost made River do a double take, which was saying something considering the cheekbones her husband had.
"John," added the shorter man. Neither of them seemed willing to make conversation.
"Well that's brilliant!" the Doctor said; he seemed to be in a very good mood. "Now where did you say you lived?"
John gestured to the left. "Just down that street. It's only a two minute walk."
"Strange coincidence. That's where I parked the TARDIS."
"Your what?"
"My ship; the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimension in Space."
"Ship? Like a spaceship?" John asked weakly. "So you're an alien?"
"Well yes."
Rory turned to John; both of them were lagging at the back of the group, "Yeah, I know. It's a bit weird. You'll get used to it though."
John shook his head. "It's not a joke, is it?" Rory shook his head, and somehow John decided to trust the person, who had obtained John's initial reaction of being an idiot. "So what about you and, sorry, what was her name? Amy? And River? Are you aliens too?"
Rory shrugged. "Well it's complicated. River is part Timelord, they're of the species Gallifreyian, a race you'd call alien. But she's got completely human parents.
The ball dropped for John. "You and Amy?" he asked, deciding not to point out that River looked like Amy's mother, not the other way around.
"Yep. Though I wasn't always human. I mean I was plastic for a bit. A Roman plastic. But then that never happened." He pulled a face. "Sorry. Paradoxes. So what about you? And Sherlock?"
John shrugged. "Well we're best friends. And flat-mates. He's a consulting detective, the only one in the world. And I'm his assistant, Doctor John Watson. And his personal blogger I guess."
Rory nodded understandably. "I know what you feel like. You grow up, wanting to help others, do well in your medical studies, next thing you know, your life is suddenly mixed into the life of some genius and you're being treated like a simpleton."
John looked at Rory in surprise. Well, Rory wasn't the American idiot John thought he was.
The conversation ahead could be heard by both the doctor and the nurse now. "Ah, here's the alley where we parked her. Now she doesn't look like much, but wait until you see inside, you won't be able to-"
The Doctor broke off in mid-sentence and a look of horror appeared onto his face as the six of them stared into the empty alley
l/l/l/l/l/l/l/
Merlin, Guinevere and Arthur were still marvelling at the modern way of eating. Or rather Merlin and Guinevere were marvelling while Arthur was still blaming Merlin for what had happened.
When the waitress came down to take their order, both Sam and Dean decided to follow Amy's wishes and order a traditional English breakfast, while Castiel opted not to order anything and the three citizens of Camelot eventually decided on cereal, which Dean assured them was a 'modern day example of the existence of God. Just like that angel beside you'.
As Merlin ate coco-pops, Guinevere ate cornflakes and Arthur ate rice-krispies (Or rather Arthur glared at his rice-krispies suspiciously as they popped until the Winchesters assured him it was what they always did), they were filled in on what was going on, or at least the facts the Winchesters had managed to pick up.
As time went by, the restaurant gradually became more and more crowded as more customers came in and by eleven – it took a good ten minutes on the behalf of the Winchesters to explain the concept of times and clocks – the place was crowded.
Sam noticed a miserable expression on Merlin's face. "You okay?"
"Hm? Yes, it's just a bit sad, that everything's so advances and yet these people," Merlin said, pointing at the waiters, "Are being forced to work as servants."
Dean and Sam burst into laughter and even Castiel cracked a smile. "Dude," Dean said, wiping tears from his eyes, "this is their job. These people are paid to do it."
A look of awe appeared on Merlin's face. "The future is a good place," he muttered.
"Lucky for you, you live in the past!" said Arthur with a smirk. "Don't worry Merlin, I wouldn't dream of paying you."
Merlin smiled. "I wouldn't dream of expecting you to."
"The TARDIS is gone." Rory said, and decided to repeat it. "The TARDIS is gone."
The Doctor's good mood seemed to evaporate. "Well yes Rory, my TARDIS is gone, thanks for sharing that."
"Who could have taken it?" Amy asked worriedly.
"Well to find out who," said the Doctor "We should try and figure out how."
"We need to find out how could anyone steal a large blue box that heavy?" River mused.
"And once we've found out how," Sherlock added, "It will certainly minimize the number of suspects, so then finding out who should be simple."
Amy, Rory and John stared at them.
"You okay Pond?" asked the Doctor, giving Amy a quick hug. "All of today…well it's a lot to take in, isn't it?"
"I'm fine," she said and returned the hug. "It's bad enough to cope with you and River. I'm not up to dealing with all three of you."
The Doctor laughed and turned to address the others. "Well, first things first, we should go back and get the others," he turned to Sherlock and John, remembering for the first time how little they knew about the situation. "Oh, by the way, we're with King Arthur, Merlin, Queen Guinevere, a couple of demon hunters and an angel. Just so you understand that. Well come on then!" he said as he practically bounced across the street with his never-ending energy. "We've got a TARDIS to save."
When they reached the diner, it was still crowded, but the Winchesters and co. were nowhere in sight. The Doctor groaned, more to himself than to the others.
"Now what?" Rory asked. He wasn't sure if he liked these people, but he didn't like to think of them lose on London.
"Phone please, Pond." The Doctor said to Amy, "I knew he'd do this – ah, there we go." He scrolled through Amy's contacts until he came to 'dean ;)'. "You didn't notice him taking your phone? Well he would be good at that sort of behaviour, all hunters are."
"What do you have against hunters anyway?" Amy asked as the Doctor hit the call button. Much to her annoyance, the Doctor pretended not to hear her as Dean answered.
"Hello Dean! It's me, the Doctor. What? Yes, I know. Okay, so where are you? What? Why are you – oh never mind. Right, hm, by the way, we've got some bad news. Really bad news. What is it? Oh, well it's a surprise! Yes a surprise! That's quite cool. Okay, we'll see you there soon. Okay, we'll get a bus now."
"Where are they?" Rory asked, feeling extremely worried about the safety of London.
"The ice-rink on the other side of this block, "the Doctor answered as if it were the obvious reply and began to make his way to the nearest bus stop. When nobody made to follow him, he simply yelled back, "Last one there has Dalek breath."
"Daleks breathe?" Rory asked River.
"You'd be surprised," she answered and followed the Doctor with an impressive speed considering the size of her high heels.