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Here is the next chapter. hope you like it.

Nick spent the whole morning walking around the loft nervously. He was happy that the guys weren't around because the last thing he needed were nosy questions or stupid comments.

He knew that he had to talk to Jess, when she would come home from work. When he had left Cece's apartment yesterday, Jess hadn't been that mad anymore but it was clear, that she still expected some explanation from him. And he wanted to give her some. He had decided to come clean with her.

It was about 4 pm when he heard her coming home. He didn't want to attack her immediately after she stepped into the loft, so he waited a moment in his room. He could hear her scurrying through the kitchen, probably making herself a snack and some tea and then disappearing into her room. After another few minutes, he stood up, took a deep breath and went over there.

Her door was half open, so he peeked his head through it and knocked slightly against the door frame. She was sitting on her bed, playing absentmindedly with the tea bag paper.

"Hi", he said softly.

"Hey", she gave him a little smile.

"So how was your celebration of my stupidity?", he asked awkwardly.

She pressed her lips together for a moment. "It wasn't really a celebration, Nick"

"Yeah right...sorry.."

He entered the room and closed the door behind him.

"Can I...can I say something?"

She looked at him surprised. A glint of hope in her eyes.

"The floor is yours, Miller", she said in an announcer voice and immediately after shook her head and grimaced like she always did, when she did something, even she found too weird. Then she just smiled at him shyly and nodded.

"Jess", he started and rubbed his hands together. Why did he never know what to do with his hands in such situations? He decided to put them into his pants pockets.

"There is something I want to tell you and..I never told this anybody so...I mean..Winston knows parts of it, because he grew up with me, but...I never talked to him about how I felt so..", he made a pause, cursing himself internally because he couldn't even say one whole sentence without stammering.

But the expression on Jess's face encouraged him to go on, "You met my dad and you know that I had my...difficulties with him. He was so unpredictable and sometimes he just left us for weeks without saying a word. But, you know, the really...hurtful part was, that my dad always gave me the feeling that I am not good enough. I tried so hard to replace him, when he was not around. To step up. To be the man. But every time he came back, he acted like it was nothing. Like it was completely normal for a 14 year old boy to take care of his mother and his little brother. And if something went wrong during his absence, he blamed me. When I was little, I always looked up to him. He was such a fearless man and I was just this scared, angry little boy. I tried everything to please him. I lied for him. Or at least, I tried. You know, I'm not good at it. I played that stupid, diabetic boy. I was good at school. I went to college. I walked around with a mustache like he had for years for god's sake. But it was never enough. He always gave me the feeling, that he loved everybody else more than me. Sometimes he even told me that. And it...killed me", his voice cracked and he paused a moment to clear his throat. He could feel his eyes starting to burn and get dangerously watery. He pressed his palms against them angrily. He hated it, that this story still affected him that much.

Suddenly he could feel a warm touch on his arm. He lowered his hands and looked directly into Jess's eyes. Big. And filled with sadness and compassion. She didn't say anything but her hand was still on his arm and her thumb was stroking him tenderly.

He took a deep breath to calm himself and then continued. "I mean, most of the time I'm over it. But when you told me you were pregnant, the feeling somehow came back. I felt like this 14 year old boy again who just can't make it right. And the next day I got fired, because Shane wasn't satisfied with my work. So I felt confirmed in this thought and I just panicked. I was so scared to disappoint you and I had this voice in my head that told me, that you deserve better and that I could never ever be enough. And that's why I did all that stupid stuff. And I'm really sorry"

He caught her hands with his and his thumbs draw circles on the back of her hands.

"I don't want to say, that it is not my fault that I'm a mess. That's not my style. I don't want to put all the blame on my dad. But he did scare me, I guess"

He thought back to the time when his dad had visited him and the conversation he had with Jess after his dad had left, once again, without saying a word.

"As I told you before. I'm a little broken", he gave her a weak smile, "And I just wanted you to know why. If I ever do something stupid, like the last days, it's not because of you. It's important for me that you know that. Because I really love you Jess. And I'm sorry that I never said that before..."

"No", she suddenly cut him off, "I am sorry. I should have said something. I always expected you to talk about your feelings but I never said what I feel myself. But I was scared too. I never knew how serious the whole thing was for you. I know that you don't want to be alone and I thought, maybe I'm just an easy target. Because, you know, I was already there. The woman next door. Two steps across the hall. Why going out and hunt when there is already served steak?", she shook her head slightly to stop her rambling, put her hand on his chest and continued, "But I do love you Nick. More than I ever loved anybody else. And that's probably why I was so scared to say it. But had I known that you needed..", she paused and looked at him with meaningful eyes, "I should have said it"

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth was the last thing Nick needed, to get pushed off the edge. His stomach clenched in a good way and he could feel his eyes getting watery again. But this time he wasn't able to stop the tears from falling. So he pulled Jess into his arms quickly and buried his face in her neck. She did the same and he could feel her hands clinging onto his back. Suddenly, it was the combination of her words and the fact that she was holding onto him like he was some sort of life preserver, the realization hit him. Jess might actually really need him! Just him!

After they had melted into each others arms for a while, Nick brought a bit of space between them and looked at her. She had a little smile on her face and her blue eyes were beaming at him. She was so beautiful. He just couldn't believe that she was afraid, that he wasn't serious about her.

"Have you really thought I'm just dating you, because you're my roommate?", he asked with a little laugh. She shrugged shyly.

He shook his head. "Do you know how hard I tried NOT to fall for you because I thought I have no shot with you anyway and it would just complicate things? But it was impossible"

Her smile grew. "So that means you had these feelings before we even got together?"

"What?", his eyes widened as he realized that he just implied that. He thought about a way to take it back, but the happy expression on her face calmed him down. Why shouldn't he admit it? Jess wouldn't judge him. She wouldn't hurt him. It was okay. ,"I have been having these feelings for a long time, Jessica", he said softly.

Jess let out a little squeak, grabbed his shirt, pulled him towards her and crashed her lips on his. After a millisecond of surprise, he responded immediately and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer again. She let out a little moan and a shiver went down his back.

"I've missed you", he whispered against her lips.

She slipped her hands under his shirt and let her fingers wander over his bare stomach, while her lips were moving from his lips along his jawline to his ear.

"I need you Nicholas", she whispered in a husky voice and pushed him towards the bed.

I'm not really good at writing smut stuff, so I will let your imagination go from here ;)