Sorry for the long time gap between chapters. I've been super busy. But anyway, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Quillian whose positive feedback convinced me not to abandon this story.
(Just realized that I had left a small chunk out when I copied and pasted it onto the online file. My bad.)
...
He went back to Ax's old scoop. He hadn't gone since the day he had gone to the mall and he needed clothes. The scoop held too many memories of the war that frankly he just wanted to forget. Especially after the day at the cemetery. But he supposed that if he wanted to leave with Ax to the Andalite homeworld then he would just have to deal with it.
Surprisingly enough, it was intact. None of the many hikers and campers that wandered by had stumbled upon it. Even the picture of the cinnamon bun was left untouched. Tobias wondered if the TV still had cable. After hopping to the couch and pressing the "On" button of the remote with his beak, he found that it did.
Twenty channels later he finally found a channel that wasn't featuring the Animorphs or the war or romance or bad sci-fi. It was just an old horror movie that would have been scary if he hadn't already faced all of his greatest fears and survived.
Tobias stared at the screen for five minutes and then mentally sighed and morphed human because hawk eyes really weren't meant to watch TV. Instantly, he was hit with a wave of nostalgia and he let out a groan and buried his face in a pillow.
This was stupid. He should have just left with Ax when he asked him to. Anyway, it had been almost six months since the end of the war and he still hadn't managed to pull himself together.
A small voice that sounded an awful lot like that of his old leader's told him he wasn't trying hard enough. But he was. He really really was. The fact that he was still alive proved that, didn't it?
So screw Jake for thinking otherwise and screw him for maybe being right. Yes, he was alienating himself and maybe it wasn't healthy. But Jake was the one who caused this in the first place and therefore his opinion wasn't valid no matter how right it may be. And yeah, maybe Rachel wouldn't want this for him. But Rachel wouldn't have wanted to die either.
He turned so that he was laying face up watching the swaying branches and watching the sun's rays poke through the leaves. He closed his eyes and pictured the others there. Rachel was curled up next to him with her head on his chest and her hand interwined with his. Though of course, every now and then she would lift her head to utter some witty comeback back at Marco who was perched on the arm of the couch, throwing his head back and laughing at some awkward question Ax had asked. Ax was an Andalite and was standing close to the couch, a confused look on his face as he stared at the TV. On the floor leaning against the couch was Cassie who was laughing quietly with her head on Jake's shoulder who had an amused look on his face. Yes, even Jake was there because like it or not Tobias had actually cared about the idiot and considered him his friend at some point.
Tobias had a smile on his face, eyes closed tight willing the image to be true with all his might. But of course, when he opened his eyes they were all gone and the smile wiped off his face.
He missed them. He hadn't admitted it to himself before then, but he really, really missed them just as much as he missed feeling okay. He just didn't think that he was strong enough to deal with the emotional baggage that he knew would come with visiting them. The onslaught of memories would be too much for him to handle, and he did not want to break down in front of them.
But what did it matter, really? It wasn't like if they hadn't seen him being weak before or vice versa. All of them had at some point broken down in front of the others, and not once had Tobias thought less of them because of it. And he was sure that the others felt the same way. Probably.
Tobias turned around and turned off the TV. He wasn't paying attention anyway. Instead, he returned to stare off into space and thought about hope.
...
Cassie was in town. He knew this because he had forced himself to go back to the barn and had promised himself that if she was there, he would talk to her no matter what. And she was.
She hadn't changed much. She was still wearing a baggy shirt and too-short jeans and dirty boots, but that was probably because she currently had her hand shoved down a wolf's throat. Typical. Her hair was longer and pulled back in a pony tail and she was about an inch taller, but that was it. She was still same old Cassie.
He hesitated before talking to her. He hadn't seen her for a whole six months and didn't know what to talk about. She would probably want to talk about how he'd been doing and if he was okay and about the war, but that was exactly what he wanted to avoid. He almost left right then because his nerve had suddenly escaped him upon seeing her and nervousness started to kick in.
But before all his courage left him, he flew down to one of the hay bales and said, ((Hey Cassie. Long day at work?)) like if it'd been days since he'd seen her instead of months. His voice sounded much more confident than he felt.
Instantly she spun around, wide eyes darting around the room until they fell on him. Her mouth was open in shock and she didn't say anything for a full five seconds as if she couldn't comprehend what was going on. He fidgeted slightly at her stare and had to resist the urge to flee.
"Tobias?" she asked disbelievingly.
((Hi, Cassie,)) he said, his thought-speak "voice" sounding a bit high-pitched.
Before he had the chance to say anything else, she launched from her spot and threw her arms around his hawk body. He instinctively flared his wings and let out a small screech before calming himself down. Hawks weren't meant to be held.
"Sorry," she said quickly, letting him go for a second. "Sorry, it's just... Oh my God, Tobias. It's really you." And just like that she started to cry and she hugged him again, much to the hawk's annoyance. However, Tobias told the hawk to shut up and wrapped his wings awkwardly around her.
((Hey,)) he said, trying to sound reassuring but probably failing. ((It's okay. It's okay.))
She didn't let go or stop crying, though, and then she laughed after a few moments. She said, "Maybe you should just go human if you find this uncomfortable because I don't think I'm capable of letting go for a while."
She didn't even let go when his bones rearranged and grew thicker even though it must have felt extremely weird while she hugged him. Once he was fully human, she pressed her face to his shoulder, tears still streaming down her face. He reassured her that it was him and that he was fine, but she still didn't let go.
It was like this that Cassie's father found them when he entered the barn. Tobias was about to call out a greeting before remembering that he had only met him as a hawk, not as a boy, and he suddenly felt subconscious. He just found his daughter crying and embracing a strange boy.
Walter eyed him suspiciously and asked, "Cassie, who's this?"
Cassie looked up at him with tears in her eyes and smiled. "It's Tobias, Dad. It's Tobias," she said with awe.
Walter looked taken aback. "Tobias? But... He's..."
"Hi, Walter," Tobias said. "I decided to ditch the feathers for a bit."
Walter tried to smile. "Hi, Tobias. Glad to see you." He turned to Cassie. "Cass, I have to run a few errands. I'll be back in a while," he said and closed the door behind him.
Cassie finally let go and said, "Would you like to go inside? I think there are some leftover waffles from this morning."
"Okay," he said and followed her into house.
He sat at the table a bit awkwardly waiting for Cassie to bring the food. After a minute, he realized that he should have probably helped her, but it was a bit late for that now.
"So," Cassie began as she put the plate full of waffles in front of him. "How have you been?"
"Alright," he lied and toyed with his food. He wasn't really hungry and wasn't sure why he had accepted the food in the first place.
"Hmm, really?"
He squashed down the urge to squirm in his seat. "Yeah."
"For some strange reason, I have trouble believing that," Cassie said simply, keeping her eyes on him without even glancing down at her own food. It appeared she wasn't hungry either.
Tobias didn't say anything for a few moments. Then finally he asked, "So how has your work been?"
Cassie sighed and leaned back on her chair. "There is a giant elephant in the room that you're refusing to acknowledge," she said, not being one to dance around unwanted topics. That's the problem, actually, he thought, there is no elephant anymore.
"I know," he sighed without looking up.
"You've been gone for months."
"I know."
Cassie didn't say anything, then. Tobias didn't meet her eyes, but he could feel their intensity burning into his skull.
"We missed you," she said, softer this time.
This time he did meet her eyes. There was a look of... not pity, per say, but sadness and worry. Instantly, he felt a rush of guilt for upsetting her and looked down again.
"I know," he said for a third time. Then, softer, "I'm sorry."
"Tobias, I really want to help-"
"I know, and I appreciate it. I really, really do. But I just don't want to talk about it," he said, interrupting her.
"Okay," she said after a pause.
They didn't say anything for a long time, both just reluctantly picking at their food. There was an awkwardness that had never existed between them before, and Tobias almost regretted coming.
Eventually, Cassie found the silence unbearable so she reached to grab the TV remote in the middle of the table and pressed the power button. Some commercials were on, and neither of them said a word until what had become the official Animorphs' logo appeared on the screen and what appeared to be the theme song of a show came on. "No turning back. No backing down. Nowhere to run. No solid ground!" the TV sang.
"Oh. I didn't know that stupid thing was on. I'm sorry. I'll turn it off." She reached out to grab the control again but stopped when Tobias spoke.
"No," he said. "I want to watch."
Cassie stared at him for a second. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," he said, sounding annoyed. "I'm sure." Did she seriously think he would break down at the very mention of Rachel? It wasn't like he didn't already think of her every living second of his life.
So she left it on. It appeared it was one of the earlier episodes. They were all in the mall, and he hadn't been trapped in morph yet. The guy who played Jake was tall, muscular, and athletic. He looked like the stereotypical quarterback, not like Jake at all. Predictably, the girl who played Rachel was gorgeous, with big curves and long silky hair and a pretty face. "Cassie" was too white, too thin, and too fashionable to pass of as the real deal, and her hair was longer. Marco's actor barely resembled Marco. He was big with bulging muscles and way too handsome. Tobias rolled his eyes. He had probably been hand-picked by Marco himself. None of them passed off as thirteen year-olds. In fact, they were all probably older than his current seventeen year-old self.
"Are they serious?" he hissed when he saw the actor who played him. He was dressed in the stereotypical "nerd" look sporting dorky glasses, braces, and even some suspenders. Besides the blond hair, he did not resemble Tobias in the slightest.
Cassie sent him an apologetic look. "Sorry. Marco and I tried to talk the director out of it, but well... The director does what the director wants, I guess." Tobias rolled his eyes but didn't say anything else for a few minutes.
"It's true," TV Tobias said with a sad, crooked smile. "Nobody gives a rat's rear about me."
"I do," TV Rachel responded.
He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Cassie, seeing his reaction, immediately turned off the television and began to apologize, but he sprang up from the chair.
"I'm going to be sick," he said and ran to the trashcan next to the counter, doubling over to throw up.
But after a few minutes, nothing happened, and he slowly stood up, body trembling and knuckles white. His breaths came in short gasps, and he swallowed back the lump in his throat. He didn't turn to face Cassie until he had his breathing back under control.
She wasn't at the table anymore. Instead, she sat at the couch, and she patted the space next to her to signal him over when he turned to look at her. He made his way over to her slowly, and curled up on the couch with his head in her lap, feet dangling from the edge.
She didn't say anything, just stroked his hair as tears threatened to fall down his face. "I miss her," he said softly, his voice hoarse and full of emotion. So much for not breaking down, he thought.
"I know," she said. "But she wouldn't have wanted to see you like this."
He gave a bitter laugh. "I know, Cassie! Don't you think I know? But she was- She was everything to me. She was all I had! I loved her so much, and I don't know what to do anymore. I mean-" His voice broke and he struggled to suppress a sob. "We were supposed to be together. We were supposed to get married and be happy, and I just... What am I supposed to do with myself now?" he whispered. "God, this is so unfair."
"You still have us," she whispered.
"It's not the same, Cass. You've all moved on," he said.
"That's not true, Tobias," she said quietly. "Do you think we've forgotten? That we don't wake up every night having nightmares? Because I still do. I remember."
"That's not what I meant. I still do, too. What I meant is..." he trailed off, looking for the right words. "You all have something. Something to keep you grounded. Something keeping you alive. I don't have that luxury anymore."
"Aren't you leaving with Ax to the Andalite home world?"
"And who know when that will be. But until then-"
"Until then you will stay strong," Cassie said firmly.
He remained silent for a moment. "I don't think I have any strength left in me," he muttered.
"You know..." she began after a few minutes of silence, "I know where Loren lives. You could meet up with her, if it would help."
For an instant, a feeling resembling hope filled him. Wasn't this what he had always wanted? He was the one that went to look for Loren in the first place. Yeah, she had left, but that didn't necessarily mean she didn't want to see him. She just didn't know where he was. He could go live with her while Ax came and pull himself together. Maybe she could go with them too, and she could meet her parents-in-law. Maybe, just maybe, he might actually get another shot of happiness, or at least a chance at being okay... But...
"I think... Maybe not being with her is for the best," he said a little sadly.
"What? Why? Tobias, this is an opportunity for a better life! This is your chance to-"
"Cassie, look at me!" he said, a little louder than intended. "I'm an emotional wreck. I'm totally broken. I can't do that to Loren. I mean, imagine having me as her son. She's totally new to this parenting thing and to give her a hopeless case like me... I'm just going to hurt her."
"That's not true! Tobias, no matter what, you're still her son," she said, lowering her voice towards the end.
"Cassie, I'm not going to go human permanently. Not now and probably not ever. How can she cope with the fact that her son is a hawk?" Then he added quietly, "Maybe she doesn't even want to."
He silently cursed himself for saying that last part out loud. He always had mixed feelings when it came to Loren. Part of him wanted her with him badly. Part of him was mad at her for leaving in the first place. And part of him thought that she was better off without him.
"You know, she asked around for you after the war. A couple of months ago she even called Jake to see if he knew anything about you." His body tensed when she said Jake's name.
Then why did she leave? he asked himself. Wanting to change the topic, he blurted the first thing that came to mind, "So, are you two still together?"
She went stiff for a moment, and her hands stopped running through his hair. Then she relaxed and let out a sigh. "No. We're not."
"Because of Rachel?" They both pretended not to notice that his voice cracked when he said her name.
"No," she said. "Not because of Rachel. We were..." She paused. "We were already drifting away even before the end. Maybe even before I gave the Yeerks the morphing cube."
And call him selfish, but part of him was happy to know that Jake hadn't gotten the girl either. He didn't get a happy ending either.
"We changed too much, you know?" she continued. "I love Jake. I really do. But even though I love this Jake, I was in love with the old Jake, not Jake the General."
"I'm sorry," he said. And he was. But for Cassie, not Jake. Never Jake.
"It's not your fault," she said with a shrug.
For a while, neither of them spoke. And this time, the silence was comfortable.
"You know," Cassie finally said in a low voice. "You could always come with me."
Tobias turned to look at her. "What?"
"To the new Hork-bajir Valley. Well, I guess it's not a Valley now." After he didn't say anything, she said, "Come on. You were always really close to them. And besides, I think Toby misses you."
"Toby..." He had always been protective of his name-sake. He cared for her and played with her when she was smaller. He spent hours a day teaching her anything and everything he knew. He was even the one who taught her how to read English. She was like a little sister to him. Albeit, an alien sister.
He shrugged off the thought when he remembered who his father was.
"Where are they at, anyway?" he asked.
"At Yellowstone."
"Cassie, that's in another state."
"So? Tobias, you won't be alone anymore. You could help them out from time to time. And they adore you! They would take you in with open arms."
He thought about it for a minute. What was he still doing there in the first place? There was nothing there for him anymore. Just depressing memories and ghosts from the past. Besides, he was getting kind of bored.
"Okay," he said. "I'll go."
"Really?" Cassie asked, her voice surprised, as if she didn't expect him to accept.
"Yes. I'll go. You're right. It could help."
"Great!" she said, sounding cheerful. "However... I leave tomorrow."
"Wait, tomorrow?"
"Is there a problem?"
He quickly sat up. "I was going to visit Marco. What time is it?"
"It's..." she trailed off looking at her watch, "barely nine. Would you like me to call him to tell him you're going?"
Tobias smirked a little. "Nah, it's cool. I'd rather surprise him."
Cassie rolled her eyes, knowing the by "surprise" he meant "find a way to scare him out of his wits."
"Just be here by eight tomorrow. The jet leaves at 8:30."
"Wait. Jet?" He gave her a questioning look. "I expected that more from Marco."
"Hey, I would rather go on a plane, but the government is scared someone will try something to hurt me, so they bought me a private jet instead."
Tobias nodded, a bit confused. Even though he was sure Cassie could take of herself, he supposed there were still extremists out there who hated all the Animorphs and wanted them dead. "Okay. See you tomorrow," he said and started to walk towards the door.
"Wait, Tobias?" Cassie called and ran up to him wrapping her arms around him again. "I'm glad you came."
He smiled and hugged her back. "Me too."
She kissed him on the forehead, and said, "Take care. And don't be too mean to Marco, okay?"
"I'll try my best."
...
Marco's house was a mansion, and it was one of the biggest houses Tobias had ever seen, rivaling even the former Visser One's cannibalistic brother's home. Of course, he lived there alone except for his servants and the occasional girlfriend. His relationships didn't last more than a few weeks.
It took him five minutes to find what he was sure was Marco's bedroom because it was the only room with the window open and the bed was unmade. When he hovered outside of the window for a few seconds, he could make out the sound of a shower going behind a door in the room that was presumably the restroom. He had hoped to find Marco asleep so that he could scream in his head to wake him up and watch him jolt awake and fall of the bed in panic like he used to do sometimes during the war. Obviously, he would have to find another way to make his presence known.
He flew in through the open window and immediately a robotic female's voice said, "Unidentified life form."
((What the- Oh crap.)) Before Tobias had the chance to jump out of the window a green light flashed around him stunning him mid-flight and paralyzing him. He let out a yelp of surprise as he fell inside the room and crashed into a lamp on a drawer next to a bed, knocking it over and following it as it dropped to the floor. ((Ah! Ouch! MARCO!))
A second later he heard a door slam shut signalizing Marco's presence and he barely made out a pair of wet bare feet running towards him. He tried to look up to see his friend's face but found that he couldn't move at all.
"Oh my God. Tobias, is that you?" Marco said as his arms picked up Tobias' body.
((No. It's freaking Big Bird. What do you think?)) he said as Marco lifted him up into the air and Tobias got a view of Marco's hair covered in shampoo and the towel wrapped around his waist.
"I think that somebody woke up on the wrong side of his branch today," he answered, getting over his shock rather quickly. Even though that was a typical Marco response, there was a tone in his voice that Tobias couldn't quite place.
((Of course. Being paralyzed totally didn't affect my mood.))
"Relax. The effect only lasts a few minutes." Marco set him down on top of the drawer. "Hey, at least I didn't dracon you."
((Why on Earth would you dracon me?))
"Not you, specifically. Intruders in general."
((Paranoid much?))
Marco shifted from one leg to another. "Not this time. Some of the voluntary hosts were given the power to morph. And, well. They weren't too happy that the Yeerks didn't win."
((I thought all of the Voluntaries were imprisoned for treason.))
Marco shook his head and some of the foamy shampoo started dripping on the floor. "Not all of them. Some we couldn't prove were traitors and others were pardoned. And technically, it's illegal to morph now without a government license, but I don't trust them not to break into my mansion and try to kill me or something. So, I set up the Gleet Biofilter, except that I set it to stun, not kill."
((How merciful. So you had to break the habit of flying in through the window instead of walking through the door?))
"Nah. It's programmed to let my osprey in. And Jake's peregrine and Ax's harrier." Cassie had the same osprey as Marco.
((Oh,)) was all Tobias said.
He knew what Marco was implying. Tobias' DNA wasn't entered into the system because Marco thought that he would never return.
Suddenly, silence fell over them, and it was ten time worse than with Cassie because if there was something that could be said about Marco, it was that it was never quiet when he was around.
After what seemed like an eternity but was only a few seconds, Marco said, "I should really go finish my shower," and walked back into the restroom.
Tobias mentally sighed and wondered what he could possibly talk about with Marco that wouldn't sound like he was trying to avoid the only topic that mattered. All while trying to move his talon. Eventually, he was able to move his wing a few inches and immediately started morphing to his human self in order to fully regain mobility. When he was finished, he heard Marco clear his throat to get his attention while leaning against the restroom doorway fully-dressed and shampoo-free.
He eyed him up and down with a guarded look in his eyes. Finally he said, "You should really get a haircut. And a new morphing outfit."
Tobias ran a hand through his hair. It had never been short exactly, but it was definitely longer than usual, almost reaching his shoulders. And his morphing outfit was feeling kind of tight.
"I can take care of that for you," Marco said.
Tobias scoffed. "Yeah. Right. I'm not letting you touch my hair."
Marco rolled his eyes. "Not me, you moron. I have stylists for that. I can call one of them right now."
Tobias' eyes widened. "I don't want anyone to know I'm here."
"And they won't. I'll just make something up."
Tobias nodded, and the silence came back.
Eventually Marco sighed, and said, "I don't suppose you want a tour around my very humble home?"
...
By the time they had finished touring around the mansion and Tobias had gotten in a few snide remarks about the extravagance of the place, the stylist arrived. Marco told her that Tobias was an old friend and thankfully, she didn't ask too many questions or talk much for that matter. Probably why Marco had called her instead of anybody else. Within an hour, Tobias' hair had been returned to its normal length (looking much more stylish, of course) and he had a new morphing outfit and four new extremely expensive regular outfits which he tried to argue against, but of course, Marco didn't listen.
The whole time Tobias tried to keep up their usual snarky banter, but Marco's replies were curt and blunt. After the stylist left, Marco walked to the kitchen and went back to the living room with a bottle of vodka.
"How'd you get that? I doubt you could convince the cashier that you're over the age of thirteen, let alone twenty-one," Tobias asked from his place in the couch.
Marco was looking down serving the drinks in the small table in front of the couch, but Tobias could have sworn he saw him struggling to smile. He cheered inwardly.
"Nope," Marco replied, his voice going back to the same semi-cold tone he had been using with him the entire time. "This is just one of the perks of being a widely-known celebrity."
"The law is biased, I see."
"At least it's biased in my favor now instead of against," Marco muttered while setting down a glass of clear liquid in front of him, though Tobias wasn't sure what he meant by that.
They were quiet for a few seconds, each taking small sips of their drinks until Tobias said, "I'm leaving tomorrow to Yellowstone with the free hork-bajir. I just thought you should know."
Marco snorted. "Well, that's new." This time, he didn't even try hide his snide tone.
"If there's something you want to say to me, just say it Marco," Tobias finally said, frustrated.
Marco looked up from his drink and stared him for a full minute before saying, "You're an asshole, you know that?"
Well, that wasn't what Tobias had been expecting. "Excuse me?"
"What, do you think you can just drop from the face of the planet for months and then suddenly pop up again like everything's normal again?"
"Well, I can try," he muttered.
Marco sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're back. Really. And I'm glad to see you haven't killed yourself. But hey, there's no guarantee that when you get to Yellowstone you won't just disappear again and we'll all be here biting our nails not knowing whether you're alive or dead."
"I'm not going to disappear again."
"And how do I know that?"
"I'm not. Didn't Ax tell you? I told him I'd go back with him to the Andalite home world when I was fine again."
"And are you? Because I honestly have no idea."
That stopped Tobias short, not knowing how to answer. Instead, he curled his hand into fists beside him and nearly growled, "Look, you don't know what it's like to-"
"Exactly," Marco cut him off. "I don't. If you run off on your own for months without talking to any of us, how could I?"
Tobias looked down. He was definitely mad. But whether it was at Marco or himself, he wasn't sure.
"Look, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to. I never expected you to." At this, Marco got up from the other couch in the living room and plopped down next to Tobias. "I just don't think it's fair to just leave everyone who cares about you behind. Just because you like to pretend that you're alone in this and that nobody but Rachel loved you doesn't make it true."
"That's not what this is about," Tobias said softly.
"Then was is it about? Jake talked to me after that night you saw him at the cemetery, you know. And he said that that's pretty much what you said. Or implied, anyway."
He had said it. And what Marco was saying was true, and on some level he understood that... But...
"I don't know," was all he said. "I just really didn't want to see anyone after Rachel died."
Marco rolled his eyes. "No shit, Sherlock."
"Then keep digging, Watson."
Marco replied by shoving him off the couch and Tobias laughed a bit. Marco stared at him. "Huh. I didn't think I would ever see you laugh again."
"It's a rare gift. You are one of the lucky few to witness it. Appreciate it."
Marco smirked. "Well, if this is the last time you'll be gracing me with your presence for a while then we probably shouldn't spend it here angsting."
"I thought we were going to get drunk," Tobias said, looking up at his half-full cup.
"Which leads to angsting. C'mon. Let's go out somewhere."
"Uhh, paparazzi?"
"Uhh, morphing? Just don't tell Cassie." He held out his hand to help him stand up. "C'mon. Let's go."
"Yeah," Tobias said taking his hand, "okay."
...
The flight to Yellowstone was spent in his human morph because the ride was too bumpy for his hawk self. He spent the entire time staring out the window and contemplating how different this flight was to the ones he was on when he was a kid. Before, he spent the entire time dreading the moment the plane landed and he would be thrown back into the custody of someone who didn't notice, let alone cared, for him. Now, however, he was, dare he say, kind of excited to see his old friend. The feeling was foreign, but it was much welcomed.
"Tobias?" Cassie called, snapping him out of his thoughts. She was sitting on a couch-like seat across from him. Previously, she had been tapping away on her laptop's keyboard while muttering under her breath. Probably something to do with her job, he thought.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Here," she said, carefully handing him over a picture. "Jordan gave it to me a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure whether to give it to you or not, but it's probably for the best if you keep it."
Jordan was Rachel's younger sister. During their temporary stay at the Valley, she had become interested in photography mostly because there hadn't been anything else to do and Marco had gotten a camera during one of his many trips to garage sells. After that, she was snapping pictures of everything and everyone at the most inconvenient moments.
This particular picture Cassie had handed him, however, was one of the few pictures that had been taken with consent. It was a picture of him (in human morph) and Rachel. He had an arm around her shoulders and she was smiling, which was usual, but what wasn't usual was that he was smiling as well. He briefly wondered how many pictures existed of him smiling genuinely.
He stared at the picture fondly and cracked a sad smile as a wave of nostalgia hit him. This picture was taken a few days before the final battle took place. This picture was taken a few days before he stopped believing that he could have a happy ending. Or at least a decent one.
Until now.
He looked up at Cassie. "Thanks," he said. He hadn't meant to, but his voice suddenly held a lot of emotion. She gave him a small smile and reached over to squeeze his hand.
The rest of the flight he spent contemplating the picture and wondering what Rachel would think of him if she saw him now. She probably wouldn't be too happy to know he had just been moping around for months. I promise I'll make you proud, he thought quietly.
Eventually, Cassie said "We're here." Carefully so that it wouldn't fold, Tobias placed the picture in his backpack which held a few of his belongings including the outfits Marco had gotten him.
Then, after a quick demorphing and remorphing to carry his stuff, Tobias hopped off the jet and took a look at his surroundings. They had landed in a small clearing surrounded by mostly pine trees near where the Hork-bajir Not-valley was. Most of the trees closely resembled those in California, but some were new. Tobias made a point to check them out later along with the Old Faithful Geyser. But for now, he and Cassie were to wait for Toby to arrive. She had promised to meet Cassie at the clearing in half an hour.
Meanwhile, Cassie gave a brief summary of what had happened to the hork-bajir in the last few months, which was basically a repeat of what Marco had already told him. For one, they had been relocated to Yellowstone, obviously. The hork-bajir were granted a portion of the park to themselves in which, in theory, nobody but the hork-bajir was allowed to roam. Toby and Cassie had both become the representatives of the free hork-bajir (Cassie was also working on defending the YPM, or the Yeerk-Peace Movement). Currently, they were working on securing the hork-bajir's rights to prevent any more violence against them, which unfortunately, Cassie said was far too common. Just last month, a couple of, in Cassie's words "merciless brutal savages" shot down one of the hork-bajir. Charges had been pressed against the killers, but they were let free within a week. Tobias felt a wave of anger hit him when Cassie told him this, but he also felt a pang of guilt for leaving the hork-bajir alone. Maybe if he had been there...
While Cassie told him about the hork-bajir that had arrived from their home world, a voice called out from behind them.
"Cassie!" Tobias turned around to see his name-sake jumping from a tree to the ground. She had grown. "What a pleasure to see you aga-" Toby suddenly stopped short and stared at him for a few seconds. "Tobias?"
Tobias smiled at her. "Hey, Toby! Long time, no see. You've gotten taller." And suddenly he found himself lifted off his feet and embraced by the hork-bajir who thankfully knew how to hug a human without chopping them in half with her blades. However, it seemed she didn't know how to hug one without squeezing them to death. "You've also gotten stronger," he gasped, struggling to breathe under her tight hold.
Instantly, she put him down on the floor and let go, and he took in a large breath of air. "I apologize," she said, looking a bit sheepish. "I just didn't expect to see you."
"It's okay," he said, finally managing to regulate his breathing. "I'm glad to see you, too."
"Toby!" Cassie said from behind them, smiling at their exchange. "How are you?" She came up to hug her and this hug didn't involve any lifting or choking.
"Very well, Cassie. And you?"
"I'm great!" she said, taking a quick glance at Tobias as she said that. "Ready to work?"
"Yes, yes, of course. However..." she turned to Tobias. "How long will you be staying?"
"Uh..." he began, suddenly nervous. "I don't know, I suppose I'll-"
"He'll be staying indefinitely," Cassie interrupted and Tobias sent her a mild glare. Toby, however, beamed.
"I mean, if it's not an inconvenience," he said quickly.
"Nonsense!" Toby exclaimed. "You are never an inconvenience. Quite the opposite, actually. We'd all be more than happy to have you here. In fact, I was thinking that we could have a welcoming ceremony for you." The hork-bajir were big on ceremonies and rituals.
"That'd be great!" Cassie said. "Don't you think so Tobias?" The tone in her voice was almost challenging, making it impossible for him to disagree. Well, almost.
"Um, yeah," he stammered. "It'd be awesome, but... don't you think it's a little too much?"
"Like I mentioned before," Toby said cheerfully, "quite the opposite, actually."
...
Just like Toby and Cassie had said, all of the hork-bajir were ecstatic and overjoyed to see him. In fact, a lot of them went up to him shyly and told him how glad they were that he was there. And sometimes when he would turn around and smile at the younger hork-bajir, they would duck their heads and giggle, almost. It was a bit odd, being treated like a celebrity. Back in the original Valley, everyone had respected him and yes, they were almost at awe with him, but they were far too used to him being there to view him with so much wonder. It was a bit awkward, but sweet for the most part. At least with the hork-bajir. He thought that if they had been human, it probably would have been a lot more unnerving then sweet. And there would be more screaming and cheering. And also a lot more questions.
Not one of the hork-bajir had asked any questions that he did not feel comfortable answering. He wasn't sure if it was because Toby had asked them not to or because hork-bajir were just naturally considerate. Either way, he was extremely relieved. Just another of the many reasons he felt so at ease with the hork-bajir.
The ceremony had lasted a few hours, and by night time, most of the hork-bajir had already left. After saying goodbye to him and repeating how much they appreciated him being there, of course. The pizza box Cassie had ordered for both of them lay empty on the floor, and she was currently talking with some young hork-bajir, laughing while they excitedly told her a story.
His morphing time was almost up, and he was just itching to regain his wings once more. He had been spending too much time in his human morph the past two days, and while it had been enjoyable for the most part, it had also been emotionally exhausting. He supposed it was for the best, however. He did feel a lot better than he had weeks prior.
It was while he was contemplating this that Ket Helpak, Toby's mother and one of the first two hork-bajir he had rescued, came over to him and pulled him aside and away from everybody else. She had already expressed her joy of his moving into the colony with them, and had hugged him tenderly (unlike her daughter), so he was a bit surprised at her sudden actions. But before he could asked if she needed anything, she cut straight to the point.
"Ket Helpak lose Jara Hamee," she said. That took him by surprise.
"Yes," he said, unsure of what to respond. "I know. I'm sorry." And he was. Jara Hamee was yet another person he had cared about and lost.
"Ket Helpak cry and cry. But Ket Helpak not alone. Ket Helpak have other hork-bajir. Other hork-bajir helped. Ket Helpak feel good again." She paused, then she said, "Tobias lose human mate too. Tobias leave because Tobias sad."
He looked away. Of course. He couldn't go a day without somebody mentioning Rachel. He wasn't mad at her. Not really. He couldn't be. But he didn't feel like being reprimanded for leaving again.
However, Ket Helpak did the exact opposite. And later, Tobias wondered why he was even surprised. She crouched down to be at eye-level with him, and she gently placed her hand on his cheek in a human gesture and turned his face to hers, like she had probably seen the other Animorphs' parents do before, making sure not to hurt him with her claws.
"Tobias will be okay. Tobias strong. And not alone. Never alone. Ket Helpak here for Tobias."
He stared at her for a long time until suddenly she looked a bit distorted and he began to see blurry. It was then he noticed that there were tears in his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, too tired, too emotional, too overwhelmed to speak louder. This time, it was Tobias who hugged her.
And for the first time since Rachel's death, he finally felt something resembling peace.
...
Okay, I'm not going to lie. I am incredibly tempted to just leave it here, at this story's happiest point. Truly. But I can't. I have far too many ideas and there are far too many unanswered questions.
I just ask you to bear with me, please. Like I said, I am extremely busy. The only reason I'm updating this right now is because it's Spring Break so I chose today to just finish this chapter and upload it before I start on my homework. So yeah, it'll be a while before there's another one. But hey, feedback always helps. After all, it was Quillian's support that convinced me to keep writing this in the first place.