Chapter Fifteen: The Untold Story

So, Daddy knows now; quiet a way to find out you have a son? And now Spencer has to spill her secret due to the fact that Toby has her trapped on the gazebo. Now this was not the way Spencer wanted to tell Toby about her secret. Both just can't seem to be satisfied with how things are working out. So, how did Spencer's secret begin? Well, it started way before Emily had assumed: a few months prior to Emily finding Spencer in a crying mess.

They stay like that for some time with Emily soothing Spencer by rubbing circles in her back. When Spencer's sobbing comes to an end Emily helps Spencer up and then bends down to retrieve Spencer's phone. When she picks it up she sees the constant calls Spencer had made to her older sister, Melissa. "Spence, why are you calling your sister? I thought you two weren't speaking to each other anymore."

Spencer looks at Emily with bloodshot eyes feeling guilty for not telling her or her other best friends about what happened with Melissa. Being in a vulnerable state Spencer breaks down again telling Emily everything that happened with Melissa and Taylor. After Spencer tells Emily she continues to cry. "I can't do this, Em. I c-can't!" Spencer sobs out.

"Yes, yes you can. We'll tell Toby-"

"No! No, we cannot tell him," Spencer declares sharply in a hoarse voice.

Emily is taken back by Spencer's quick words. "Why not? It is his child, right?"

Spencer bobs her head up and down. "Of course."

"Then why can't we tell him?"

Spencer turns on her heel facing away from Emily. "Because he'll want to keep it."

Her response is soft and almost a faint whisper. Emily looks appalled as she realizes what Spencer means by that statement. "You are seriously thinking about an abortion? You're thinking about killing an innocent baby?"

Spencer flinches violently, but she keeps her body facing away from her friend. "I can't keep it."

"Yes you can," Emily sputters still not believing the words coming out of Spencer's mouth. "Spence, you can't kill a living thing."

Spencer spins to face Emily with ranging hormones driving her emotions out of whack. Emily notices the silent tears falling from the corners of her friend's eyes. "I can't keep it. I don't want a child. I never wanted a child. I was willing to change for Toby, but after what happened with Taylor I confirmed my thoughts against having a child. I will not have that constantly needing thing in my life. Em, I want to be a lawyer, I have no time for a child. I have no want for a child. I can't keep it."

They remain silent for a few ticking moments just letting Spencer's words sink into both of them. Emily sighs and tries to understand her friend's decision. Even though Emily ends up blank she comes to understand that it is not her life that's being turned completely upside down because of a pink plus sign. A baby is not in her tummy, it is in Spencer's; it was not Emily's choice to decide what happens to the baby. As much as Emily wants to protest and tell Spencer what is right, Emily knows that what may be right to her is wrong in Spencer's mind. "Okay."

Spencer lifts her eyes up from the floor, in which she was burning a hole in. "Okay what?"

"Okay, you can't keep it." Spencer draws in a breath of relief, but Emily's not done yet. "We should at least tell Aria and Hanna."

Spencer shakes her head violently. "No! No one can know. I don't want to remember any of this. I want to get this over with and forget all about it. Only you can know."

Emily strains to protest this time not wanting all the ones that her and Spencer shared love for to be in the dark about this. But, Emily resists the urge to disagree and nods her head lightly. "I promise I won't tell anyone."

Toby scrunched his eyebrows together. "But, if Jace is here that means…"

Spencer transferred her gaze to the side not being able to look Toby in the eyes. She continued on with her story.

"Spencer Hastings?" the nurse calls out looking up from her clip board.

Spencer glances at Emily before standing up and walking over to the nurse. Emily follows behind Spencer quietly. Spencer got an appointment two hours away from Rosewood to make sure no one they know could bump into them. They follow the nurse until she stops in front of a door and gestures for them to enter.

Ten minutes of nervous tapping passes before the doctor enters the room. The young woman greets them with a smile and offers her hand to both of them to shake. "Hi, I'm Dr. Miller. You must be Spencer," she says looking at Spencer, but then shifts her gaze to Emily. "And are you her significant other or…"

"Friend," Spencer and Emily say in sync.

"Ah, well you can never know these days," Dr. Miller pulls on some rubber gloves. "Okay, first thing we're going to do is have an ultrasound to check on the baby's health and see how far along you are."

Dr. Miller instructs Spencer to do a few things before they get started. With gel spread across Spencer's stomach Dr. Miller pushes a scanner across the gel. Stopping at a spot Dr. Miller smiles as she examines the screen. "The baby looks like it's in a good condition." She listens for a few moments. "And the baby's heart rate is at a healthy pace as well."

But, the words of Dr. Miller don't reach Spencer's ears. All Spencer could hear was the beating of the baby's heart. Her eyes stare at the screen sticking there like glue. Spencer's heart begins to beat rapidly as she hears the constant drumming heartbeat. The heartbeat of the baby that was inside of her. Dr. Miller grabs her clip board. "You are thirteen weeks along…oh." Dr. Miller moves the scanner off Spencer's stomach canceling the sound of the baby's heartbeat. Spencer snaps back into reality when the heartbeat stops pounding in her ears.

Dr. Miller looks up from the clip board with sadness filling her eyes. "I see you're here for an abortion. Well, if that is your decision we'll get to it."

Suddenly all Spencer can hear was the soft heartbeat of the baby's, but it is getting louder and louder pulsing in her ears. Spencer's own heartbeat was increasing in pace and her palms were becoming clammy with sweat. The air in the room thins and breathing is getting harder as if she has to use force to fill her lungs. The walls seem to cave in making Spencer feel as if she is squeezing into a small compacted box. Wanting to escape the compressed feeling and ringing heartbeat Spencer bolts from the room without a second thought.

Emily quickly gets up to follow Spencer, but Dr. Miller grabs hold of Emily's wrist halting her. Emily stares at her curiously. "She is going to need some space to think over the decision she just made."

Emily's expression is full of confusion. "She made this decision a week ago and she was one hundred percent sure about getting an abortion."

"Your friend is thirteen weeks along."

"So?"

Dr. Miller sighs loudly and sadly. "The thirteenth week in pregnancy is the last week in the first trimester. The fourteenth week is the start of the second trimester. When you enter in the second trimester of pregnancy you can't get an abortion anymore."

"I'm still confused."

Dr. Miller sighs once again. "Your friend is a little over three months pregnant. She has known that she is pregnant for a while now."

Emily shakes her head no, not agreeing with the doctor. "She just figured out a week ago."

"No, she's known longer than that. If anything, she's been seconding guessing about getting an abortion for a week."

"So, you couldn't go through with it?" Toby asked the obvious.

Spencer shook her head. "No, I couldn't. I didn't want a child, but at the sound of the baby's heartbeat I knew I couldn't abort it."

Toby pinched the bridge of his nose. "How did this all happen, Spence? We were always safe."

"Not always." Spencer turned her gaze towards Toby catching his eye. "Do you remember when you came home from that two week long project in New York?" Toby nodded his head remembering the chilly two weeks in November when he had a project for school. "I didn't take the pill those two week and you came home a day early; I didn't take the pill that day. But, we were so lost in the moment I forgot to tell you."

Spencer tore her gaze from Toby feeling ashamed, but Toby had more questions. "So, when you started wearing larger clothes complaining that it was cold and started wearing flowy shirts stating that it was a fashion trend, it was because you were hiding your pregnancy?"

Spencer bobbed her head up and down answering his question. "Surprisingly, at five months I wasn't showing that much."

"And when you went to stay with Emily a few days you were planning your disappearance?" Toby guessed.

"Then I moved to New York leaving my life here behind. And while I was in New York I ran into Jason." Spencer smiled sadly at the mentioning of her half-brother. She hadn't seen him in a while. "He was the money bag in all of this. He paid for my doctor appointments, online schooling, and a condo to live in when I left his place. He even helped me get into the law school he went to. Emily and Jason were there for me, because they had the fortunate luck of appearing and finding out about my pregnancy. So even though I wanted nothing to do with the baby, I planned on naming it Emily if it was a girl and Jason if it was a boy."

Toby picked up on the name. "Jason…Jace; so Jace is a nickname."

Spencer nodded her head. They stood in silence until Toby spoke up with something to say. "But all this doesn't explain how you didn't know Jace was your son."

The expression Spencer was wearing became even more ashamed as she finally answered Toby's beginning question.

The pain is unbearable-not scratch that-the pain is excruciating. Why does any woman want to go through this just to pop out a non-stop crying machine? Tears stream down her face mixing in with the layer of sweat that is covering her face. She gives all her respect to Emily who remains calm and still able to produce calming words with Spencer gripping her hand with a firm death grip. Spencer pushes with all her remaining strength she has only to be rewarded with the piercing sound of high pitched crying.

Cringing at the sound with taunting memories resurfacing Spencer slumps back against the hospital bed drained of all energy she once had before. Spencer lets her eyelids fall and her desperate breaths fill her lungs. "It's a boy!" she hears, but she keeps her eyes closed.

Jason, Spencer thinks, but her pleasant thought doesn't last long due to the loud crying bursting out of baby Jason. "Born August 19th at 7:14 am," the doctor spews out more facts along with the birthday. Then she asks one that makes Spencer clamp her eyelids shut even tighter. "Do you want to hold him, Miss Hastings?"

Rapid heartbeats make her feel like her heart is about to burst out of her chest. Another layer of sweat pours out of her pores coating her face. Somehow Spencer is able to let words tumble out of her desert dry mouth. "No. I'm giving him up for adoption." She squeezes her eyelids tighter and tighter together.

Even with her eyesight unavailable Spencer can tell the doctor's thousand watt smile has been shut off. "Are you going to name him?"

"Jason," Spencer says quickly. "No middle name or last name."

And that's it. All is done. Emily stays quiet the whole time after the birth not speaking a word. When baby Jason is sent off to the nursery Spencer finally opens her eyes. Immediately Spencer catches Emily's eyes and reads them knowing exactly what Emily is thinking. Spencer hangs her head in shame and whispers barley hearable words. "I'm sorry."

Now silent tears were falling from her eyes as retold the heartbreaking memory. "As soon as they let me leave I headed to the nearest bar and drowned myself in alcohol. And I kept drowning myself in alcohol damaging all my brain cells, but the alcohol finally worked the memories away; then it was a new life." Toby opened his mouth to say something to calm her down, but Spencer kept spewing words out of her mouth. "And the worst part of all of this is that I actually started to like Jace. Before, I never-not once-regretted my decision, but now…"

A silence fell between them, like many times before, as Spencer cried silently. Toby was lost for words with his brain swamped with new questions. Toby's throat suddenly felt unclenched and his tongue darted out to moisten his dry lips. "I should've found it suspicious that Emily kept disappearing off in New York saying she was visiting her so called ill great aunt that lived in New York."

Spencer sniffed and wiped away some of her drying tears. "No, she really does have a great aunt in New York, right by Pennsylvania. It worked out quite well as an alibi: Emily would say she was staying with her great aunt for a few days when really she was driving up to New York City to go to my doctor's appointments with me."

"Wait, Emily's great aunt lives near Pennsylvania?" Toby questioned. Spencer nodded her head with a questioning look dancing in her eyes. "Emily had gone baby crazy after you disappeared. She begged Maya day after day for a baby until Maya finally agreed one day. After graduation they married and one day Maya was joking around saying that she wanted a baby with my blue eyes if she was to have a child."

"And what better way to get a baby with your blue eyes than your actual son," Spencer mumbled.

Toby nodded his head. "A few days after Maya said that Emily found an orphanage just on the edge of New York near where her great aunt lived."

With eyes popping open and her brain starting to run her gears Spencer put two and two together with Toby's statement and prior knowledge on the subject. "When I left the hospital I thought I had seen Emily's great aunt, but I was still on so many drugs that were just wearing off that I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. She must've been the one to take Jace home from the hospital. Oh God, it all makes sense. She kept Jace until Emily said so and then she must've dropped Jace off at the orphanage the night before Emily and Maya visited. That's why she said sorry."

"What?" Toby asked.

"She had written a letter to me. That night of the thunder storm when I fetched Jace's baby blanket the letter fell out. That's how I found out Jace was my son. Though, Emily knew I would've never guessed that if I hadn't read the letter."

"And why is that?" Toby inquired with his blue eyes begging her to continue.

"She changed a few things hoping I wouldn't remember, and she was right due to all the alcohol I consumed. His real name is Jason so she nickname him Jace acting as if it was his real name. Also Jace is actually four not three; his birthday is August 19th not January 15th. I've also never seen him before, so I wouldn't even know what he looked like."

Toby understood what Spencer was saying; little details changed to trick a drunken memory from remembering. "So, why is she sorry?"

A sigh left Spencer mouth. "She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone about my secret; and yes, she did keep her promise, but she found a loophole around it. Since no one knew who Jace was they could still know about my child without really knowing he was mine. He could have the family he should've had if I didn't run away. And most of all, Jace could have his dad. Emily made us the godparents of him in case anything were to happen to her and Maya, because she could bring us back together to be with our child even if we didn't know. Emily was sorry, because I didn't want anyone to know, but most of all I didn't want you to know: she's sorry for fining a loophole."

Once again they fell into a silence with all this now learned knowledge rambling around in their heads. Spencer sighed internally: this was not the way she wanted to tell him about her secret. Now they were here and Spencer couldn't help but feel massive amounts of shame upon all of her previous actions and decisions. She brushed away the last of her tears and started to make her way off the gazebo, but Toby stepped in front of her blocking off her path. "Where are you going?"

"I answered your questions."

Toby frowned. "You're not leaving, are you?" Spencer looked away not answering his question. "You can't be disappearing again?"

"What do you think?" Spencer snapped at him sharply, hurt flowing in her words. "Why stay? Why would you want to be with me after everything I just told you?"

Toby's expression changed in bewilderment. "Why would I want to be with you? I want to be with you, because I'm in love with you. After every little moment that happened since you came back in my life I have fell even deep in love with you. I've learned what happens when I let you go and that was the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn. And now I know better and I am never going to let you go again." With all he needed to say said Toby leaned down slipping two fingers under Spencer chin lifting it upwards bringing her lips up to his.