(Longest AN ever-Commence) I'M DISOWNING ALL OF YOU! You bastards sicked the mermaids on me, and now they won't let go! I'm just a humble author-person, why are you doing this to me! When I started this story, I thought, "Oh, this will be kinda cute, a little off shoot for my spare time," but nooooooooooo. You guys just had to go and make it so damn tempting for me to continue to write this one and struggle with my FMA story. Arrrrggghhh. I couldn't help it really. Go look at the stats of my two main stories. LTIS has almost double the worlds and quadruple the amount of hours put into it, but this story has almost as many reviews...I'm getting tons of them. I have a feeling that you guys will overrun the FMA crowd soon...If any of you like FMA, go read my other one and review, so I can get a kick start on it. And if you don't like FMA, then you aren't doing it right. So yeah. You suck for being such wonderful fans. Damn you all. *shakes fist* This is turning out to be quite the love/hate relationship...

Lol, you seem to have gotten the wrong idea. I am historically a horrible updater. There have been times that I've gone months without posting anything at all. And my chapters in my other stories are just as short as the chapters in this one. I am neither consistent nor swift with my writing, but this thing has fucking thrown me for a loop. Like, I write fricking constantly at school. In fact, I am on break right now, as I write this AN. I can only hope that this isn't a signal that I'm going to run out of steam. Keep up the great reviews so we can make sure that doesn't happen, okay?

I have a question for you guys. Actually, a couple of questions. Have you ever had a reading-drought? Like...nothing you read has been interesting enough to continue with for so long, that you don't even want to read at all? I am in one at the moment. I can't even pick up a book right now, and I only make it a couple of chapters in for online stories before I get burned out. It doesn't seem to be affecting my writing too much, but it is sort of depressing. Also-have any of you actually read my other stories? How do you decide what you will read on here? Is it by the author, do you not pick up some of my others because of the number of reviews, or the fandom? How about with other authors? I'd love to know. Someday, I will finish one of these stupid things I am working on right now, and I will start again on my FMA vampire story, or start posting and actually working on one of my other ideas (which include, but are not limited to: a FF7 crossover short emo-esque story, a KH adventure involving AU and dead people, a Naruto AU humor/bakery thing, an FMA smutty bondage oneshot, and-holy shit a Hetero FFX courtly love.) ...I'm gonna be writing these damn things until I'm 80.

*Ahem* Anyway...Allen time! Fun fun fun. Also, Kanda in the last chapter was kinda fun. He was all "Okay, I've taken care of it, it's out of my hands now, so I don't give a fuck." *huggles Kanda* Haha, I know that a lot of the people on this site are pretty young. Do you guys have to worry about your parents finding you with this stuff? My mom actually reads this story from time to time (she likes the turtlez too). A friend of mine from school reads it over my shoulder when I write, but she isn't really into anime, so she just assumed that Kanda is a swordsman and can read auras since he's Asian. Because, you know all Asians know kung-fu, wield swords, write haiku, and have sex with tentacle monsters. Obviously, Kanda must do all of these things, right? *tries to envision it* LOL. (Why are there so many different spellings for DGM character names?)

~0x0~

Pain. That's all there was. Slowly, the pain faded to a dull ache that throbbed in time with someone's heartbeat. This was easier to deal with, and sleep enveloped his mind.

After what seemed like forever, some light filtered into his brain. It wasn't really awareness-it was more like separating himself from the pain so he could think. His consciousness remained stubbornly out of reach, so he let his subconscious take over, and he noted wearily that he couldn't quiet recall much about anything at all, really.

Something within him called for him to systematically go through all the facts he had. He shrugged and complied, having nothing better to do.

'Let's start with the basics: What is your name?'

'Uh...'

'I'll give you a hint-it starts with an 'A'.'

'A...Ah...Al...len?'

'Very good. Your name is Allen. Now. Where are you?'

'...I dunno?'

'You should probably start figuring that out then.'

'Why?'

'Because. Don't you remember what happened?'

'No...'

The voice in his mind that sounded strangely familiar sighed exasperatedly.

'Fine. Let's see if this helps.'

Something reached out from the depths and nudged him a bit. When he rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, it took hold of his shoulders and shook him.

'Wake up!'

~0x0~

Memories flooded into Allen's head. Everything that had happened came back to him in a nauseating rush, causing him to gasp. He jerked awake, eyes flying open and arms flailing.

His heart hammered and his breath came to him in short, sharp gasps.

"Good Luck, Idiot Apprentice."

Allen cursed his master for putting through that horrible experience. For a second, he simply panted, wondering why his head hurt so much. Then, he remembered:

The spell.

His hand flew up to the side of his neck. No gills. He took a deep breath through his nose and was surprised at how natural it felt. Slowly, he extended his arms out in from of him. His right one remained unchanged, but there were markings all over his left that didn't come off when he rubbed at them. He looked down, and saw two distinct bumps under the cloth that was covering them. When he tried to move his fins, both bumps moved. Allen sat up quickly, and flung the cloth from his body, marveling at what he saw. There were two legs where his tail used to be and-wait, were those human clothes?

Tentatively, he felt the pants that he was somehow wearing, jumping a little bit when he could feel the touch through them. The white haired youth slid his hand up to the shirt that covered his torso. He then moved his hand to the side of his head that he couldn't see from. As soon as he touched the left side of his face, it throbbed, making his teeth clench. Once it had become bearable again, he lightly drew his fingertips over the rough fabric that seemed to be wrapped around his head.

For a few minutes, Allen paid attention to nothing but the changes to his body, experimenting with his new joints, trying to judge his current range of movement, checking for injuries (His new toes were quite fascinating). Finally, when he knew that he could no longer ignore it, he checked the most important thing-his magic.

He closed his eyes (or the one eye that seemed to be functioning at the moment) and searched his soul for that vital spark that lit his whole world. But there was nothing, no response. He was in the dark. It was like part of him had been ripped out, leaving him feeling very violated, very afraid, and so utterly hollow inside. Allen actually started to tear up and he called upon his Lenalee's words for strength.

"I know you can do it. We all believe in you."

Allen shook his head, blinking back the unshed tears. No point in crying over something that he couldn't change. He might as well try to make the best of all this. He looked around, taking in his surroundings for the first time since waking up.

He was on...something. He thought back to his two weeks on board that ship, recalling all the conversations he'd had with Lavi and all the things that the human had told him about. It wasn't everything there was to know about human society, but it was a good starting point. He dredged up all the information he'd gathered and concluded that he was on a very oddly shaped chair, big enough for one to lay down in. He was in a room with a window and a door. On the wall, there was a small mirror.

Allen awkwardly swung his legs off the 'chair', nearly yelping when his feet hit the cold stone floor. He took a deep breath (without gills or having to think about it!) to calm himself.

'I can do this. I saw humans do it all the time on this ship. Walking should be no big deal, right?'

Using the platform/chair that he was on as leverage, Allen tried to stand. He promptly found himself sitting back down, so he tried again. And again. And one more time.

'How do they do this?'

Slowly, Allen tried once more and was encouraged when he didn't immediately fall back down. Slowly, while still leaning against his chair, he straightened up, adjusting his footing as he did. He was standing.

'That wasn't so bad, I guess. It's all in the position of the knees and the placement of the feet. Walking should be a breeze.'

He continued to tell himself this, even after the first five attempts to take a step. On the sixth try, he managed to actually complete the step and remain somewhat balanced. On the seventh try, he accomplished three steps, which he was quite proud of, until he realized that he was now stranded in the middle of the floor with nothing to hold onto. Allen swallowed audibly. He looked at the mirror on the wall and glared at it, cursing it for being three more steps away. Allen gathered his wits about him, determined to not be beaten by simple motion and stiffened his spine, drawing up to his full height. He found that he kept his balance easier with his arms out, so he spread them wide, closed his eyes and made one, two, three precisely timed steps. He wobbled a bit, but managed to right himself and opened his eyes. When he did, he was face to face with his own countenance in the mirror.

Allen laughed and heaved a sigh of relief. He studied his reflection for several moments, noting that his hair looked a bit different. It was...shiny. Maybe a bit softer than it was before. It reminded him of the hair that his cousins, the river Naiads, had. This made him think that he'd been exposed to freshwater at some point while he was passed out. Then he turned his attention to the fabric on his head. Judging by the pain, there was probably a wound under there, and he guessed that the cloth was for stemming the blood flow. His face didn't feel wet though, (which was really strange...he normally concluded that feeling dry was an abnormal state of being, not the other way around. This body was really throwing him for a loop.) so he guessed that the bleeding had already stopped. He started to gently fiddle with the strip of cloth, slowly loosening it until it fell from his head to rest on the floor, which sort of hurt, since it was stuck to his face a little bit. When it finally fell completely away, Allen leaned in close and examined himself.

There was a horrible gash running down the left side of his face. It was still very red and puckered, an angry line over his eye. He had wondered where he'd gotten wounded, but the odd preciseness and delicate lines told him that this was caused by magic. It must have been one of the 'side effects' his master had described. When Allen tried to open his eye it hurt like hell, but the lid did flutter, and he saw some white under it before his eyes teared up.

'At least my left eye is still there.' he thought, dabbing at the moisture.

Now that he'd sort of learned to stumble his way across the floor and had taken inventory of all the changes to his body, Allen decided that it was high time he figured out where he was. He shuffled over to the window, moving his hand along the wall for support. When he looked out, he gasped. Far below him, there were rolling green hills, dotted by small little things that he assumed were buildings. Little plumes of smoke rose from the buildings, and Allen shuddered. He knew smoke came from fire, and he knew what a fire could do to a ship. He wondered why the humans weren't trying to put it out. He couldn't see much of the building he was in, but it must have been pretty tall.

'Wait...Master said that the spell would drop me off on the beach. But I can't even see a river, much less an ocean. I don't smell the sea in the air, either. How did I get here?'

Well, there was only one way to find out.

He turned around and made his way to the door, only falling once. He was actually able to pick himself back up again, and was very proud at the swift progress that he was making.

He finally got to his destination, and he tried to remember how the humans had operated these things. After about a minute of pushing on the door without it budging, he remembered the handle. Tentatively, he turned the knob, pleased when he heard a soft click. He slowly pushed the door open, trying to peek out of the crack. When he saw nothing, he pushed the door open the rest of the way.

A blood curdling scream filled the air. Allen jerked back, and would have fallen over, had he not still been holding onto the door.

"EEP!...O-Oh...You're awake...W-Wonderful..."

A thin, angular woman huddled on the floor in front of his doorway. She had dark, curly hair and bags under her eyes.

'Well...at least I can understand the language. I should try and be polite and blend in...It would be horrible if someone found out that I am really a merman.'

"Uh...I'm sorry...Did I startle you?" Allen asked, still not letting go of the door for fear that he would lose his balance.

"Y-Yes, just a bit..." the woman stood, though she kept she body slightly turned, as if poised to run.

They just stared at each other for a long moment, which would have been fine with Allen, if he hadn't had so many questions.

"Uhm..." the woman flinched at the sound of his voice. "Could you tell me-"

"OH!" Allen was now the one to flinch at her sudden outburst. "You t-took your bandages off...that's no good, it hasn't healed yet." she took a step to the right. "Come along, I'll lead you to someone who can patch that up for you."

Slowly, Allen nodded, wondering if all human females were this daft. He took a step and stumbled, keeping himself from falling by holding onto the door jam.

"A-are you all right?"

"Yes...I'm just a bit dizzy." Allen lied.

"Oh...well..." The woman trembled slightly for a moment, then her hand shot out and grabbed Allen's wrist. Allen jumped a bit, but he didn't lash out. Her hand was a bit clammy, but her grip was gentle enough. "I'll help you get there, then..." And with that, she tugged a bit, prying his hand from the door frame and tugging him along the hall, helping to steady him when he wobbled along the way.

'She's a little odd, but she doesn't seem like a bad person...' Allen thought, a strange feeling of fondness growing within him.

As they walked, Allen looked around, trying to figure out where he was, but this just seemed to be one long stone hallway with the occasional door thrown in for fun. Torches were at regular intervals along the wall, and Allen made sure not stray too near to them. He didn't like fire. It was too hot, and smelled funny, and put ashy wreckage into the ocean that left your hands black when you touched it. The light from them became less and less necessary as they neared what looked to be an exit. Allen had to blink a couple times to adjust to the light once they were out of the hallway. Once he could see properly, He was taken aback. This place was certainly impressive.

They were in a single circular room that seemed to span all the floors of this building, ringed by platforms like the one they were currently standing on. The whole ceiling was glass, letting in loads of sunlight.

"Wh-Where are we?" Allen asked, still rubbernecking, realizing that there were still so many things that he didn't know.

"This is the European Branch of the Black Order." The woman answered simply.

She continued to half carry, half drag him along, walking around the edge of the platform to yet another door. She opened it and pulled him through to a room that was absolutely gigantic, with several windows along one wall. Looking around, Allen saw a few faces he recognized, and many that he didn't. Before he could even react, the woman who'd escorted him here began to speak.

"Oh, good. You're all here." The woman pale woman said, seeming a bit more comfortable in this new company. "He's awake. Rohfa, could you replace his bandages?"

"Oh! Why, yes, of course!" A smaller girl rushed over to him and he was once again dragged across the floor to one of the many chairs dotting the room. This new person had some really strange hair and was oddly flushed as she pulled more 'bandages' out of nowhere and began to wrap them around his head.

Once she was finished and pulled back a bit, he noticed that every single person in the room was staring at him, but one gaze in particular stuck out.

'Lavi! Lavi will help me figure a way out of this, I'm sure.'

Allen did his best to keep his emotions off his face.

"Uh, I don't mean to be rude but...could someone please tell me what is going on?" Allen asked.

"Perhaps you can tell us." A tall, serious looking man stepped forward. He had long sort of dirty blonde hair and odd dots on his forehead.

"I am Inspector Howard Link from Central. We have brought you here to conduct an investigation."

"An investigation of what? Have I done something wrong?"

The man didn't even seem to hear his question. "Have you always looked this way?"

"Huh?" Allen asked, thinking that there were much better questions to begin with.

"Your appearance. Have your hair and eyes always been that color?"

Allen understood. This man must have been told of his time on the ship and was trying to figure out whether or not the boy before him was really a merman. He should've just asked if Allen had always had legs.

'Ignorance! Feign ignorance.'

"I'm not sure. I don't remember much."

Inspector Howard Link's face seemed to tighten around the edges a bit. Allen heard whispers all across the room.

"Amnesia?" One man asked.

"An obvious lie." said another.

"But he has experienced shock and severe head trauma...the symptom matches the cause. And the...creature has show the ability to tamper with people's minds." said the little old man that Allen had seen on the ship.

Lavi stood from the seat he was reclining in as the speculation continued to fly about as if they thought Allen was hard of hearing or something. He walked over to the Inspector and whispered something in his ear. Howard Link merely nodded.

Lavi then made his way over to where Allen was and leaned down with a smile that looked horribly fake. "Come now. You remember me, don't you? We're friends, right?"

Allen worked desperately to keep his mask in place. "Uh...no, I don't recognize you...have we met?"

"Come on, it's me, Lavi. Surely you remember me, right Allen?" The red head continued to speak, but his heart just wasn't in it. Somehow, Allen knew that Lavi didn't really believe that a merman had come to the surface. And for now, Allen could do nothing but lead him on.

"Allen? Who's that?"

"You don't recognize that name?"

"No."

"Then...what is your name?"

Allen pondered it for a moment, outwardly making his face appear as though he was trying very hard to remember. After a couple moments, he said the first thing that popped into his mind.

"Neah. The only thing I can seem to remember is the word 'Neah.' Maybe that's my name." Allen lied.

'Strange...I'm pretty sure I've never heard that name before...I wonder where that came from? Oh well...'

"Neah, then. Do you remember anything else?"

Allen shook his head, keeping a slightly afraid, mostly dumbfounded look on his face. He had to make this believable.

The little old man stepped forward and Lavi shrugged, going back to his seat.

"So you remember nothing? Nothing about your past, or even how you got that wound?" the elderly man asked.

Once again, Allen shook his head.

"Very well. We believe that you have been involved in some sort of plot against the Black Order. As of this moment, you are not suspected of willingly complying. The Order thinks that your appearance and memories have been tampered with in a vain effort to make us believe that you are someone else. We wish to keep you here, in the European Branch, so that we can find some way to help a poor soul that has unwittingly been pulled into our affairs."

'In other words, you want to keep tabs on me to make sure I don't try anything funny.'

"Oh, of course." Allen tried to sound just a little lost and naive, but willing to help. "I'd like it if you could help me get my memories back."

'Ask questions. A person who had just been told their memories had been taken away would ask questions.'

"But..." Allen hesitated, trying to seem as though he was struggling to piece everything together. "Who could do such things? And why would they want to?"

The little old man simply looked at him for a moment, then leaned in close.

"Neah, do you believe in fairytales?"

Allen cocked his head, not because of the question, but because responding to his new alias felt completely natural. Strange. Very strange.

The wrinkled little man took that confused look to be Allen's wordless response, and continued to speak.

"We think that a mermaid has worked its magic on you."

Allen widened his eyes and opened his mouth a bit, a perfect picture of surprise. In his head, he was griping at the stupid human.

'I already told you, dammit. I am a merman.'

The old man nodded in agreement with his reaction. "Mermaids are horrible, evil creatures that hurt humans. If you really had a run in with one, then you are very lucky to be alive."

"Wow." Allen dramatically clutched at his own chest. "That's...terrifying. You're really going to help me get rid of a mermaid's magic?"

"Yes, lad, we'll help you."

"Then...thank you very much. I hope I won't be too much of a bother to you." Allen bowed his head and pasted on a grateful, innocent smile. Inside the darkness of his mind, he was calculating his next move, trying to find a way out of this mess.

'Hopefully, it won't be too much of a bother to get away from you.'

~0x0~

To My Reviewers:

Kurazilssia- See what I did there? *points at name* I put all your names together for major awesomeness. Thanks for all the reviews! No real memory loss, Allen is too awesome for that. The Noahs will probably make an appearance at some point, though I haven't quite decided when or how. I hope Kuu-tan, Razill-chan and Kussia-san continue to enjoy my story.

Felnore- Hehe. I really don't want to rush this story, because I believe that good things take time. One of my favorite authors recently updated her story, and before, it was slow building, believable, and quite enchanting, but the most recent chapter introduced a villain, confronted the main character and had them sit down to discuss the afterlife all in one go. It sucked. I really want to avoid that with my story.

JayPay- He was nekkid, just under the covers. A noa didn't really appear this chapter...OR DID HE! *dun dun dun* And yes, Kanda is Kanda, and I wouldn't have him any other way.

XxkogainugamixX- WOW! Thanks for such high praise. I am glad to give you hope for this fandom, because a lot of fanfictions can be pretty hopeless.

scrletfyre- ^_^ I like fans who try to read deeper into the story and make their own opinions. It tells me that my story really makes you think, which is pretty awesome. Thanks for reviewing!

XxGothicXxXLolitaxX- Awww, I am really glad you look forward to these chapters!

Miso Ramen-sama- Let me just say that your reviews crack me up. I burst out laughing when I read the thing about the pancake fryer. I can wait for the fights either. Those are going to be damn funny.

ivory-fanged-goddess- They work for the Black Order, but their jobs are not quite the same as in the anime. That will be explained more next chapter.

kyone- That would be pretty funny.

fan-fan31- It's okay that you missed out. You are back now, and you left me a review, which is awesome. Yeah, poor Kanda. Having a totally hot mythical creature that doesn't even want to kill him drop into his lap. What an unfortunate soul. XD

LizluvsSpongebob- Smutty smutty merfolk are smutty. That's how. (Also, that's why I turned Allen human, so I don't have to worry about figuring that out.)

KingRabbit- Lavi is very disappointed, but not for long. Eventually, things will work themselves out.

sweetkakes35- Kanda is awesome sauce. Lavi couldn't immediately tell because Allen is a damn fine actor. Also, Allen picked up some of the basics about humans on the ship, remember. He has a lot to learn, but it's better than nothing, and that's also why I had him spend so much time as a captive. It gave him more time to learn about the land, since he would eventually be going there. ^_^

Conrii- No, it's not cruel. I like Allen's scar too.

Kawaii Bishyness- I'm not all that fast, just obsessed. ^_^ I am glad that you like my story.

TotalAmuto- ALLEN IS SO DAMN SNEAKY! I LUFSS IT! AND I LUFFS YOU TOO! *glomp*

Tintaglia In Flight- Hehe, I don't think that's so strange, I do victory dances all the time. Allen reacted calmly and sneakily, just like he should. Allen is damn smart under pressure, after all. Hehe, thanks for protecting me from the FMA crowd...they are probably pretty upset right about now.

HeidiFox- Hehehe. LOL. *runs from sparkles*