Once upon a time, in the Ice Kingdom, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were mindlessly sliding through the snow with an office chair. They were laughing, going up and down hills, smashing the Queen's Snow Golems right in their head, only to see them replace them with a dog's head made of snow. As our duo went up in the air and fell back down, their chair was broken.
"Oh, no, our sled's broken!" Fionna complained, "hey, let's build one out of snow!"
She gathered some snow.
"What are you doing, Cake?" she wondered as Cake was turning big.
"Sleds are for suckers," she laughed, "just ride on my gut."
"Okay," she agreed and jumped onto her guts.

And here they went, sliding once again, past Iceclops who tried to reach for them but felt head first in the snow.
"Switch!" Cake yelled, getting on top of Fionna's tummy.
They slid some more hills before Fionna started to freeze.
"Switch back! Switch back!" she asked and they did, right before sliding through an horde of penguins. Both of them, followed by some curious penguin, fell through an ice tunnel that led them flying through the air when they reached the surface.
"I'm a flying cat!" Cake laughed as her fist met Fionna's in mid-air.

Meanwhile, the Ice Queen was calmly shoveling snow into a small wheelbarrow, not bothering anyone. She was happy minding her business when the duo crashed down next to her, creating a crater.
"What?!" the Queen wondered, approaching the crater, "who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!"
"Aww," Fionna realized, disappointed, "Ice Queen's here."
"You know why I'm here?" she asked, her hands on her hips, "do you know what "Ice Queen" means?!"
"Yeah, I know what "Ice Queen" means: A big nerd!" Cake threw shade at her, making the human laughed.
"It means I'm Queen of Ice!" she yelled, out of her mind, "this is my domain! And you are violating Ice World law-trespassing!"
"Come on, sister!" Cake relativized, "we're just trying to beat the heat."
"Yeah!" Fionna added as Cake was nodding, "There's a big sleeping lava girl in our front yard, and she is SOOOOOOOOOOOO hot!"
She gestured her hotness.
"Wait, wait, no, I take it back," she said, seeing the look on Cake's face, "I mean, not like "sexy" hot."
" No, no, you do mean "sexy" hot," the cat teased.
"No, I mean-"
"I don't care!" she yelled, annoyed, "this is my kingdom. You ladies can't just scoot about on my land willy-nilly. I've got rules here."
"Why don't you just try being cool," Fionna sighed, building a snowman with Cake.
"What?! I am the queen!" she flipped out, "I don't need to be cool! That's it! Rise, monsters of snow, and go beat up Fionna and Cake!"

At her words, using her magic, five unformed snow monsters arose to slide down the crater to face the worried cat and the playful human. The fight did not last long as the monster were quickly put back to snow flakes.
"Ooh, you guys are gonna get it," the Queen screamed angrily.
"Yeah, right, sure," Cake smirked as Fionna laughed.
The Queen used magic again to freeze the trespassers right where they stood, into the arms of each other, celebrating their small victory. All that was left to do for the Queen was to summon minions to put them in her wheelbarrow and push them up to her castle.

When the Queen entered her Ice Castle, she walked straight to her jail.
"I'm back home!" she told the princes she held captive, "Hello, boys!"
Lumpy Space Prince, Hot Dog Prince, Emerald Prince, Ghost Prince, Slime Prince, Raggedy Prince and Wildberry Prince all looked terrified to see her coming back.
"Now, now. I've brought you a baby and a kitten," she said, tossing Fionna and Jake into the room, letting them free themselves of the ice by smashing them against the wall.
"Fionna, are you okay?" a blueberry asked.
"Huh, Wildberry Prince?" he exclaimed, looking around, "Hot Dog Prince? W-what's goin' on?"
"We're all prisoners, Fionna," explained Slime Prince.
"Ice Queen!" she called angrily.
"What?" she asked, evilly.
"Why are you keeping these boys prisoners, ninny?" she asked.
"You don't understand!" she screamed, "I collect princes because I want to marry one."
"Well, why'd you capture six of them if you just want to marry one?" Cake wondered.
"I'm collecting them all first to be sure I make the right choice," she retorted, "you're both too young to understand, but marriage is a serious thing and lasts forever. You can't just rush into it, you know?"
"Ice Queen, don't do this," she tried to reason her, "just let the boys go. They don't want to be here."
"Of course they do! I would have killed them already if they didn't want to be here. Right boys?" she asked them, shooting ice from her fingers with a crooked smile.

"Don't worry, princes," she reassured them as she saw the princes were all nodding not to get killed, "I pledge that Cake and I will protect each and everyone of you and furthermore I see all of you happily married to whatever sweet thing y'all want to be married to!"
"Yay!" the princes yelled happily.
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.
"Rad!" she said, ignoring the mumbling of the Queen and searching through her backpack, "what I need is something to spear the Ice Queen ... toothbrush... quilt... sweater... trail mix... my flute!
She played it a little, before violently throwing it at the Queen which, with all the damaged it had taken, did not even make it to the bars and leaded, broken, on the ground.

"My flute!," she snapped.
"Aw, nuts, honey!" Cake sighed, "you broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre's heart!"
"Darn it!" she swore hearing the Queen laughing.
"Nice try, lady!" she said, dancing "princes, did you see? Did you see Fionna fail?"
"Don't worry, Fionna. I'll get us out of here with Key Hand! Hah-hah!" she assured her, turning her hand into a key.
"Oh, no you won't!" the Queen stopped her by freezing her neck down.
"Cake!" Fionna yelled.
"Eat it," the Queen laughed.
"I... I'm okay," she promised, freezing to death.

"Ice Queen!" Fionna snapped, red from anger, "you better either set us free or come in here and fight me 'cause otherwise I'm gonna flip out!"
She could scream, she could flailed her arms, even her legs if she wanted but she could not even touch her through the bars.
"Oh, are you trying to hit me?" she smirked, "well, excuse me because I have to go."
She then left, leaving Fionna uselessly calling her name.

"Fionna," Cake shouted.
"Huh?" Fionna wondered, a bit less angry towards her friend, "Cake, you alright?"
"I'm fine, honey," she assured, "calm down and tend to the princes."
"Oh my glob", she realized before apologizing, "I'm sorry, princes. Slime Prince, are you alright?"
"She's held us here for weeks, questioning us about our favorite sports and quirky behavior," he explained, "I've tried to tell her as little as possible."
"I understand. And, Lumpy Space Prince," she called, walking towards him, "how do you fair?"
"'Tis quite boresome here, I am not delighted," he confessed.

"What? Not delighted?" the Queen asked, coming back, "But last night I read you the story of how I killed my last servant."
"'Tis was not delightful, 'tis was boresome," he explained.
"Other princes, do you feel the same way?" she wondered.
All the princes , without being fully willing to admit it, were feeling the same way.
"Well, here, watch, I'll show you. We'll have some fun. Fun's my middle name."

She went to her small keyboard and played a sppoky tune and hummed along with it.
"Here, now, Wildberry Prince. I need you to play this," she asked of him, bringing the instrument to the cage.
"I don't know how," he admitted, shyly.
"Well, come here, I'll teach you. Put your hand through the bars," she guided him.
"I don't think I can," he whimpered weakly.
"Just play it like I showed you," she commanded.
"Leave him alone, Ice Queen!" Fionna yelled at her.
"PLAY IT OR I'LL SQUISH YOU INTO JUICE!" the old woman screamed, firing ice through her hands.
"Oh dear!" the Prince mumbled, finally playing along.

"Yeah, keep playing it. Now everyone pick up an instrument and play it," she forced them, throwing what she could find to make them play before going for her drums, "0h, this is going to be so much fun!"
Not hearing Fionna's growls, the Ice Queen began going into a drum solo out of key with the music the princes were playing.
"What are you thinking, Fionna?" Cake asked her, seeing her looking around.
"I've almost devised a plan. I'm gonna let her drum till' I've finalized the details in my mind," she explained, massaging her temples.

The Ice Queen was panting after a moment as madness took her, she started to hit penguins with the drumsticks and finally pushed the drums apart, laughing a villain laughter.
"Oh, that was fun!" she proclaimed.
"Ah! It was fun!" Fionna admitted, lying, "hey, you should get some more fun stuff."
"You're right! Good idea, Fionna," she got along, leaving the room.
"Good idea, indeed," she repeated, smiling.
"I hope they think I'm fun," they all hear her wish.

"Alright," Fionna whispered as the Queen was nowhere to be seen, "I've got a plan on how to get out of here. First everyone needs to be dancing and laughing and saying fun stuff like "Whoopee"! Okay, when the Ice Queen comes back, everyone play it up, like we want her to come inside the jail and party with us and when she steps inside, I'm gonna beat the tar out of her with these… ...while you all take care of Cake. Everyone on board with this?"
"Sweet plan, honey!" Cake agreed as the princes nodded.
"I think by everyone saying "whoopee" the plan will not work, in fact she shall acknowledge 'tis a trick," the handsome Lumpy Space Prince thought to himself.
"Good point, Lumpy Space Prince," Fionna reassured him.
"I shall verbalize my entertainment as "indeed, 'tis so delightful! Oh my glob, I am exhilarated as I never was in my whole existence!"

"Make way for the fun tray!" the Ice Queen shouted bringing weird objects on a wooden platter before seeing the fun the princes were having, "whoa, what's happening? What is this?"
"We're having fun! Whoopee!" Fionna explained, dancing.
"Because I left the room?" she wondered, mad.
"Because they like it here. Because they like you," Cake confessed, "because you're a really fun girl!"
"I don't get this," the Queen admitted.

"She's not buying it," Fionna whispered to the rest, "dance harder."
"Step here and entertain yourself," LSP invited her with a wink.
"Wanna dance with us, Ice Queen? Come on!" Fionna urged her.
"Me?" she asked, finally realizing, "you want to dance with me?"
All the princes nodded.
"Wow!" she screamed, dropping the board game and opening the cell door, "I'm coming then"

And so the trick had worked, Fionna jumped to kick her and the princes ran out of the room carrying Cake.
"Wait, no!" she screamed, shooting ice at Emerald Prince, who avoided it, "don't leave! I'll kill you all!"
Fionna, still on top of her, punched her once more as the Ice Queen tried to push her away.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked, "everyone was finally warming up to me."
"No! That is not the case!" Fionna confessed her, "you're nuts, lady! And I don't know how to help you! Probably because I'm just a simple girl. So maybe you should talk to someone with more life experience, like Cake!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Fionna, what are you doing?" Cake wondered as Hot Dog Prince and Wildberry Prince were picking the ice to free the cat, "Don't dump the Ice Queen on me!"

"But you gotta get it in you're head, lady!" the blond girl explained the old woman, "putting princes in jail is wrong!"
"Bah!" she screamed as she jumped, freeing herself from the younger one, "you just ruined my chances with 5 or 6 potential husbands, tomboy! For that you will…"
Fionna did not let her finish as she pulled her hair.
"Ohh! Oh, my hair," she complained before being roundhouse kicked into a wall where her crown fell off and she lost consciousness.
Why do people not like me? The Ice Queen was wondering, wandering through her dream, through space, entirely naked, her long hair covering her body. Is it because I'm a magic user or is my hair too shaggy? I try so hard to be a good wife for gentlemen. What's wrong with me?
"Hoo," the cosmic owl appeared in front of her "You're a sociopath."
"Who are you?" she wondered before laughing, "I know. You're probably a-a big nerd! Why don't you try being cool like me?"
And then she flew away only to feel a ticklish sensation.
"Star dust is so ticklish!" she laughed before opening her eyes, back to her castle, penguins all around her tickling her, "What happened? Princes? Ohhh…"

The princes, taken by Fionna and Cake, were now outside the Ice Kingdom, cheering happily for their savior.
"Thank you, Fionna," the little royal slime said.
"You're welcome, Slime Prince!" she said, picking him up.
"And remember when you vowed to marry us to the thing of our choosing?" he asked.
"Yeah…" she hesitated.
"Well, I'd like to marry you," he confessed as everyone was now listening.
"Oh, heh heh, well how 'bout that…" she said awkwardly before whispering, "Cake, help me!"
"Oh, eh…" she hesitated "Slime Prince, you shouldn't marry Fionna. She pees her pants constantly. All the time."
"Oh, gross!" Slime Prince complained, the same disgusted look the other princes had on his face, "Put me down! Put me down!"
"Heh heh, I'm sorry" she laughed awkwardly before doing as she was told and turning angrily to her friend, "Cake!"

The cat simply laughed, knowing Fionna the human would not be mad at her long and the princes would forget about the lie once they were all back to their kingdom… probably.
THE END