"Who's a clever bird?" Lily cooed at the tawney owl that dropped the post onto her toast. "You! You're a clever bird! Oh, have some of my toast..."

Lily began to pick at the bread with nimble fingers, ripping bits of the crust and avoiding the blobs of jam.

"Don't be too generous, Lils," warned James from behind his newspaper. "You're eating for two now."

"I'm sure the crusts of my toast won't go amiss."

"So that's your secret to gloriously straight hair."

"Shut up and drink your tea."

"As you wish."

Lily sprinkled the crusts around the happy bird's feet. He pecked at them hungrily and swallowed them whole.

"Isn't Harry feeding your properly?" she asked soothingly, running the back of her finger along his soft feathers.

"He's a busy bird!" explained James. "That bloody raven doesn't do post."

Lily sighed. "Well we can't get rid of it. Alice would be devastated."

"Never said we should!"

"No? You're perfectly happy to tolerate the bird that practically snapped one of your fingers off?"

"A flesh wound, nothing more."

"You sod."

"Shut up and open your post."

"As you wish."

Lily recognised Molly's handwriting on the address of a large parcel. Harry, Alice and Hermione had all written letters to her, as had her publisher, Constance Grubb. Constance's envelope was ominously small and turquoise.

"Oh dear," James grinned. "Looks like you're in trouble."

"So it would seem," she sighed. She'd wanted to read the letters from her children first, knowing that their reactions to her pregnancy would be encased within them. However, she did not fancy leaving the howler any longer. She was already feeling rough after a long morning of vomitting. She did not fancy a burst eardrum and migraine.

"You read Harry's first. You can tell me if it's bad or not."

"I told you, he..."

"Alright, Alice's then. I'll deal with this monstrosity..."

Lily took a deep breath before ripping the flap of the envelope. Within seconds, the howler leapt out of her hands and floated in front of her, mangling itself into the shape of a mouth.

"LILY!" roared Constance Grubb's shrill voice. She was rarely angry, and so shouting had a grave effect on her voice. She often sounded as though she was crying.

"I MIGHT'VE GUESSED YOU'D BE SO CARELESS! WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Lily and James exchanged bewildered looks.

"I WARNED YOU, LILY! I TOLD YOU THAT THIS BOOK WOULD MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY! NOW WHAT DO I HAVE ON MY DESK?! A LETTER FROM THE BLOODY MINISTRY, TELLING ME THAT BLOODY LILY POTTER IS A BLOODY ANARCHIST AND A BLOODY MINISTRY OPPOSER AND A BLOODY MADWOMAN!"

James still looked confused. Lily's face went red.

"IF I LOSE MY BLOODY JOB BECAUSE YOU INSISTED ON PUBLISHING A BLOODY MUGGLE-SYMPATHISING BOOK IN THIS SOCIAL CLIMATE, I WILL KILL YOU!"

"Bit dramatic..." muttered James. Lily shushed him.

"THE MINISTRY ARE PUTTING MORE PRO-PUREBLOOD LEGISLATION TOGETHER, AND YOU CHOOSE TO WRITE THIS?!

Lily and James' eyes widened. Lily felt a jolt of lava shoot through her veins.

"SORT IT OUT! YOU WRITE TO THE MINISTRY, TELLING THEM THAT IT WAS NOTHING BUT A CHILDREN'S STORY! NOTHING MORE!"

With that, the howler viciously shredded itself and curled into strips in the middle of the kitchen table.

"What a lunatic!" James chuckled, taking another sip of his tea.

Lily bit her lip. "What did she mean by 'more pro-pureblood legislation'?"

James shrugged. "Search me. It's probably a useless clause that nobody cares about. We'd have heard about it by now if it was serious."

"James, this is serious... why on earth are they so inclined towards purebloods all of a sudden?"

James looked her straight in the eye. "Don't worry about it. Your book ruffled some feathers at the Ministry, so what? They still don't like us, remember? The Order of the Phoenix showed them up. They're just making you look bad. There will probably be a short article in the Prophet panning your book, and then they'll get over it!"

Lily smiled half-heartedly. "I hope you're right."

"I'm always right."

Lily shot him a look. "What did Harry's letter say?"

"Dunno, haven't checked."

"Well check, then!"

James huffed and tore open Harry's letter. Lily watched with baited breath.

James scanned the letter calmly, looking as though it regaled him of the weather at Hogwarts. Then, he turned from nonchalant to suddenly furious.

"That bastard!" he exclaimed, swooping down to inspect the writing. "That bloody madman!"

"Oh Merlin, is it that bad?!

"What is wrong with him?!" James roared. "That lying, two-faced bastard!"

"...James, he's your son!"

"No he bloody isn't!"

"What?!"

James looked up at her. He looked baffled. "What's wrong?"

"You just said... you just... Harry's your effing son!"

"I know he is, you lunatic! What are you talking about?"

"What are you talking about!"

"Moony!" James exclaimed. "He's teaching at Hogwarts!"

oOo

It had been a relief for Harry and his friends to finally hear that a teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts had been employed and would start immediately. However, that surge of excitement to learn of new creatures and new spells quickly dissolved when Harry's Uncle Remus swaggered in to the classroom on his first day.

"Good morning, class!" he'd said when he was at the front. He'd seemed acutely aware that Harry, Ron and Hermione were gawping at him from the front row. "My name is Professor Lupin and I'll be your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. I trust we're all eager to start the course?"

"Certainly, professor," Harry had responded loudly.

To Harry's relief, Remus had proved himself to be a brilliant teacher. He was clear and patient and often funny, without straying from the topic. However, he was very busy. By the end of the week, the class knew everything there was to know about boggarts, but Harry had not been able to get a word in edgeways about Remus' abrupt employment.

On the Friday, Remus gave his class a test. Even Neville, who'd struggled through Defence Against the Dark Arts since first year was getting respectable grades in his homework and was even answering questions willingly in class. Remus was a miracle worker, but it wasn't long before Harry had had enough of the silent treatment.

"Go on, you lot!" Remus announced to the class on Friday afternoon. "Off to lunch!"

Students began shoving their things into their bags and sprinting for the door, waving a half-conscious thanks to their professor before disappearing.

"Professor," began Harry, still unable to say the word without it dripping with sarcasm. "May we have a word?"

Remus ceased stacking the text books and blinked several times at the trio. Ron and Hermione, who flanked Harry, looking doubtful.

"Certainly, Harry."

Three pairs of eyes widened.

"What, really?" asked Harry.

"Of course. It's about time, isn't it?

Harry gawped at Remus for a few seconds before shaking himself out of a stupor. "Yes. Yes, definitely about time some questions were answered!"

Remus smiled amusedly. He pulled a stool out from under the nearest desk and sat down, leaning on his knees, ready for Harry's onslaught.

"First of all, why the hell are you teaching at Hogwarts all of a sudden?"

"My honeymoon was splendid, Harry, thank you for asking."

"Is everything alright with Tonks?" interjected Hermione, looking concerned.

"Oh, I'm sure she's fine."

"Uncle Remus, I-" Harry began to argue.

"So where is she?" asked Hermione.

"No idea!" replied Remus, shrugging. Seeing the expressions of alarm on the three faces, he smiled. "She's an auror. I never know where she is."

"Uncle R-"

"So... are you two still married?" asked Ron.

Remus laughed. "Blissfully so! You must have a rather cynical view of marriage to even contemplate the idea that mine lasted a mere two months, Mr Weasley!"

"Will you just answer my question?!" Harry blurted.

"And what question is that, Harry?"

Harry sighed in exasperation. "Why are you here?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm teaching."

"Oh wow. That clears things up. Let's go, guys."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Harry, what do you want me to say?"

"I dunno, I just... you didn't say anything about teaching before you went away, now you're here. What happened between now and then?"

Remus looked solemn all of a sudden. "Nothing. That's my point."

The three stood with vague expressions.

"My wife's an auror. She's always busy. She's always doing something. I was a miserable unemployable layabout whose wife hardly ever came home. Then it hit me: why not become a teacher at Hogwarts? I'd be busy, Dumbledore wouldn't cast be aside just because of who I am, and I wouldn't be lonely."

Harry swallowed, feeling guilty for having asked in the first place.

"Won't you ever get to see Tonks?" asked Hermione sadly.

"Of course! That's the beauty of it. She comes home, here, whenever she's not on a mission. That way, I'm overjoyed to see her without being miserable every second that she's away."

"I still don't get why you didn't tell any of us before you started."

Remus shrugged again. "I'm a new man, Harry. I'm impulsive. Instinctual. I live in the present."

Harry wrinkled his nose. "Excuse me while I go and throw up."

Remus chuckled. "How are your parents, Harry? Are they well?"

Harry shrugged. "Yeah, they're good. Mum's pregnant!"

Remus nodded awkwardly. "Yes, I... heard."

The air was thick with tension.

"Alice is doing well!" said Remus suddenly, distracting them. "Top of the class!"

Harry smiled half-heartedly. "Yeah. She's the brainy one."

Remus rolled his eyes again. "Come on, Harry, lighten up. I haven't seen any of you three put a foot wrong in this past week!"

"That's because you're an amazing teacher!" piped Hermione. Ron gagged.

"Well..." Remus blushed. "That's very kind of you."

"Seriously, though..." Harry began again. "this isn't like you. You've never been..."

"Happy?" guessed Remus with a chuckle.

"I was going to say 'spontaneous'" Harry deadpanned.

Remus smiled fondly, looking around the room as though he'd been raised there.

"I suppose you could say that I've contracted an inflated sense of self-worth. I have my health, I have friends, I have a wife and a job, I have responsibilities and a home to return to in the holidays." He shrugged. maintaining that warm smile that was always, always genuine. "I'm happy, Harry. Tonks makes me happy."

Harry suppressed a garish grin. "Cool."

oOo

"If my mum had another baby, I think I'd cry," said Elsie casually, in response to Alice Potter's unveiling of a secret. "I'd hate it."

Alice nodded slowly, not fully paying attention to her best friend. Their first practical task in potions class had been a complicated one earlier in the day: a forgetfulness potion. It took hours to make, and so the first years had begrudgingly returned to the classroom at lunch time to finish their potion. Professor Slughorn did not look in the least bit pertubed by the low turnout. Several Slytherin boys and a handful of Gryffindors had not returned.

"Are you not worried at all?" probed Elsie. "You seem very calm about all this..."

"Worried about what?"

"The baby, of course."

"They don't bite."

"Yes they do! Dad had to be taken to St Mungo's when Henry bit into his finger!"

Alice continued grinding the mixture in the mortar. "What's the Slytherin common room like?"

Elsie looked at her friend curiously. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Change the subject all the time. You're not very subtle."

Alice sprinkled a clump of the mixture into the cauldron and smiled satisfactorially as the liquid fizzed. "I've no reason to be scared of a baby and you haven't told me about your common room yet. What's it like?"

Elsie frowned. "It's big and stone. It's a dungeon."

Alice chuckled.

"No, really, it's a dungeon. That's where it was built."

"... oh."

Alice gave the liquid a stir. It was still bubbling, which was a little unnerving, but she had no desire to ask Professor Slughorn for help. He had a knack for striking up long, tedious conversations over absolutely nothing. That was something she recognised about him within ten minutes of their first lesson.

"How do we know if we've done it properly?" asked Elsie as she began ripping mistletoe berries from their stalks. "Surely we can't test it on students..."

"TIME'S UP!" exclaimed Slughorn suddenly, startling the students around him. He clapped his hands together merrily. "Let's check them, shall we? Miss Peck, would you be so kind as to fetch the glass tank at the back of my office, please?"

Ophelia Peck, the girl with shiny blonde locks and a sickeningly pretty face, seemed to glide across the class room. She disappeared behind a curtain of green velvet and re-appeared seconds later, holding a container of dozens of brown rats. She carried them at arm's length.

"Excellent! Who'd like to go first?"

The room stayed silent. Pupils looked around at each other uncomfortably.

"Miss Black? How about you?"

Elsie gulped. "I haven't finished it yet, Sir."

"Oh, that is a shame. Miss Potter?"

There were not nearly as many students in the class as Alice had imagined. She carefully lifted a rat out of the tank and pooled a spoonful of the potion before allowing the rat to drink it. She heard someone in the audience tut.

"Now, place little ratty over here, at the entrace to the maze..." Slughorn wheezes a laugh at his vaguely-accurate impression of a theatrical ghost. Alice put the rat down and scooted it in to the entrance of the maze by a few inches. She wasn't sure why. The aim of the experiment was to not have the rat find its way to the exit.

The rat looked around at the narrow wooden corridors and scurried forwards and left, into a dead end.

"FANTASTIC!" cried Slughorn, clapping enthusiastically. A few students joined in. "Very well done! Ten points to Ravenclaw!"

Alice must've looked very strange, grinning from ear to ear at nobody in particular. Truth be told, she was ill-acquainted with anyone else in Ravenclaw. There was no point sharing the small victory with Elsie. Skippy Rudge, whom she'd comforted on the first day, smiled widely, as did the Bogtrot twins and the boy who looked like an owl. In the corner, Miles Malfoy also smiled. He looked rather uncomfortable. It was quite sad, really. His inability to escape from the grip of his family's reputation left him at a loss. He was unable to speak to anybody without scaring them, or being turned away. Even if he was successful, his cousin soon scared them off.

Professor Slughorn tested the potions of other students. Alice became wary of Druella Lestrange lingering by Miles Malfoy while his potion was tested. She was like a lion protecting a cub. She was ready to pounce and clamp her jaws around the neck of anyone who laughed if Miles' potion was a failure.

"Oh, how marvellous!" cheered Slughorn when Miles' rat made a wrong turning. "Another ten points to Ravenclaw!"

Miles looked up and immediately grinned at Alice. She was startled by his reaction. She smiled politely back, but feared the scowling Druella behind him.

"Miss Lestrange? Would you like to go next?"

"Certainly, Sir," her voice was lower than the average first year. She seemed incapable of laughing warmly. While Druella fed her rat some potion, Alice tried to picture how Druella might look if she smiled. She'd look very odd. Her face seemed sculpted: it suited a scowl or a poker face. It did not suit a smile. Neither did her name.

"I say, what on earth is it doing?" asked Slughorn, straining to watch it through his poor eyesight.

The room went silent as everybody leaned closer to Druella's desk. The rat was not moving. It hadn't gone anywhere near the entrance of the maze. Instead, it was making a disgusting noise. It sounded like staccato coughs or grunts. It's whiskers were no longer twitching. It just sat there lamely.

"Merlin's beard..." gasped Slughorn. Everybody watched him anxiously as he comprehended what had been done. Alice peered at Druella. She had an eyebrow raised and very subtly, the corners of her mouth were turned upwards. These slight movements alone made her look very, very smug.

"I say! The poor beast has forgotten he's a rat!"

The room gasped.

"Ten points to Slytherin! Oh, how splendid! Gather round everyone! I daresay Miss Lestrange has created the strongest forgetfulness potion I've ever come across!"

Students bustled and battled for a glimpse of the rat and the offending potion. Druella stood there and watched the admirers with satisfaction. Suddenly, she looked up and her eyes fell on Alice. Alice had made no move to see the rat. She was the only student who had not shown interest in Druella's work. Daringly, Alice pretended to stifle a yawn. Druella's eyes widened into a glare.

"Let me see!" cried Skippy Rudge from the back of the gathered crowd. "I can't see!"

"Oh, just push in!" whispered Alice to him. He showed no acknowledgement of what she'd said, but did as he was told. He elbowed his way through disgruntled students until he was almost at the front. A couple of Gryffindor boys were not moving.

"Please can I see?" asked Rudge. "I haven't had a look!"

Alice watched as frustration grew in his expression. Finally, he gave one of the boys a small shove, and he stumbled towards the desk. As he grappled for a grip on the desk, his hand knocked the cauldron and the thick, green liquid splattered all over Druella Lestrange's robes.

Nobody laughed.

"It was an accident!" Rudge whimpered. "I'm sorry, it was an accident!"

"YOU COMLETE OAF!" she shrieked, making mouths drop. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"There there, Miss Lestrange!" soothed Slughorn. "Mister Rudge here is simply having a clumsy day! Isn't that right, Rudge?"

"Yes, Sir! I'm really sorry, Druella!"

"Don't you dare talk to me..." Druella's voice suddenly dropped to a whisper. She sauntered up to Rudge with a deadly glower on her face. "You're nothing but a fat, blubbering simpleton."

"Druella-" warned Miles.

Druella spun round. "Are you going to defend him, cousin? You saw what he did."

"It wasn't his fault," Miles muttered, bowing his head.

Druella narrowed her eyes. "You're right. It wasn't his fault."

Rudge looked as though he was in love with her. Druella glared at Alice. "It was yours."

"Now, there's no need to point fingers!" tutted Slughorn, seeing this entire scenario as a bit of competitive first-year banter.

Suddenly, the classroom doors burst open.

"Sorry we're late!" exclaimed a voice cheerily. Raymond Fogget, the irritating Gryffindor boy with a lion's mane, came stumbling in to the room accompanied by two other Gryffindors. "We got lost!"

"Now, look here, boys!" said Slughorn rather seriously. "I want to have a chat with you about punctuality and manners!"

"Hang on a minute!" cried Elsie, stepping forward in front of Alice. "Alice was all the way over here! She can't have pushed anyone! Are you deluded?"

Bizarrely, and to everyone's astonishment, Druella hissed like a cat in Elsie's face. She was mad. Alice might've convinced herself that she'd imagined it, had the rest of her class not been exchanging confused or frightened looks.

"You're barking..." whispered Elsie.

"No, Elsie, that's what dogs do. Not cats. Cats hiss, just as Druella demonstrated." said Alice loudly.

Raymond Fogget, his friends, some Slytherins and Miles all chuckled quietly. Druella's fury began to boil. She was physically shaking and turning red.

"Erm, class dismissed, everybody! Off to lunch! Mr Fogget, Mr Wheely and Mr Lark, do stay behind. I'm sorry but lateness does receive a detention!"

The Gryffindors groaned as people hurriedly filed out into the corridor. Alice went as quickly as she could, tugging Elsie along with her.

"Fly, Raven, fly!" Druella Lestrange shrieked down the corridor. "Fly far away or you'll be a snake's supper!"

"She's mad. She's positively hysterical..." Elsie hissed as Alice and Elsie escaped into another crowded corridor.

"I know. She's very strange."

oOo

A/N: Oi oi Saveloy! Review etc

It's been a while. How are we all?

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Nelly Bean x