The next couple days were very similar. I would make sure my mom took her medicine in the morning, and then go to work. By now I'm up to about 45 papers a day. I've made close friends with Davey, Jo Jo, and Les. I've always wanted a little sibling and Les has kind of become one to me. Even though I am making more friends I'm still more comfortable around Crutchie and Specs. Ever since Crutchie gave me that nickname and I really looked into his eyes, I smile even bigger when we are together. It's been really hard to keep up my act though. I can tell I'm letting more of my real self into my "newsboy life" but so far, no one had suspected anything from me.
This morning, I sold papers with Specs and he asked me how my mom was doing.
"I wish I could say she was getting better, but right now there doesn't seem to be much of a difference in her condition," I answered after shouting out more headlines to passing people.
"Oh, that's to bad," Specs said. He was always so considerate. "Well, tell her all the Newsies hope she gets better."
"I will," I answered with a pang of guilt. I need to tell someone. Again that voice came into my head. Tell Specs! He'll understand. I couldn't tell him now though. We're in the middle of selling. Plus, if someone hears, I'll be thrown into the Refuge before the news can even be processed. Girls are supposed to stay home and help their family there. Not in the streets. Ever heard of a "Newsgirl?" Ya, me either.
I continued to bicker in my head with myself as we just chatted and sold our papers. I hated keeping things from people, especially friends and family. After a while I decided that if-no when-I tell someone, I will tell Specs first. I'll tell him today. After we are done selling. I will.
My heart beats faster as I hand off my last paper and just a few moments later, Specs does the same.
"So uhh, Specs?" I asked trying to hide the anxiety in my voice.
"Ya, B," he said casually.
"Um I have something to show you." I said not meeting his eyes. "It's down near my apartment, if you don't mind umm walking that far," I could feel myself rambling and I could see Specs' smirk from the corner of my eye.
"It's fine kiddo. I don't mind." We continued walking in an awkward silence when I realized how much I didn't hide myself from the newsboys, how much I was already being myself around them. Maybe it won't make that much of a difference if I tell them. I was glad I was telling Specs first, before everyone else. I trust him the most. Well, him and Crutchie.
The buildings around "the alley" came into view and I could feel my stomach in knots. I slowed my walking and turned to face Specs. He eyes were warm and encouraging which made me feel slightly better. "Umm it's just over here." I said gesturing to the ally. "But, um, just stay here for a sec," He nodded, but he looked concerned. I tried not to show my uneasiness, but I guess I wasn't doing too well. I took a deep breath and walked over to the alley, already taking off my news bag from my shoulders. My stomach kept jumping and twirling as I quickly switched out my clothes.
Specs stood patiently, wondering what on earth could give his friend so much worry. "Maybe it's his mom?" he thought. Still curious, Specs listened to whatever he could hear coming from the dark alley.
I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. I flattened my dress in the front to smooth the wrinkles and nodded to myself one more time. Slowly, I sauntered out of the alley, still wearing my newsboy hat. My steps were quiet and hesitant, but I stopped in front of my friend. I looked up and removed my grey hat. My thick blonde hair escaped from the cage it's been in and fell down my back. I met Specs' eyes and bit my lip. He looked at me, surprised and confused and almost sad. Maybe it was sympathy. I drew in a shaky breath and looked down. "Umm, my name isn't actually Ryan." I looked back up to him and his face was pale in the moonlight, but a smile flashed on his face. "I guess I should tell you, umm. My real name is Penny." My vision was beginning to blur and I brought my hands to my face, but quickly threw them down again. "Specs, I-"
"It's okay. I understand why you did it."
I began wiping tears from my cheeks, "Please, don't tell anybody. I-I promise I will. I will."
"Don't worry, umm, Penny. I know you will." I tried to stop my pathetic tears, and smiled at Specs. He opened his toned arms, and said "C'mere," and without hesitation I ran to his embraced and hugged him close. I felt as if a small weight was lifted from my shoulders.
"I'm still calling you Liitle B" he said, and I could feel his smile.
"You better." I said teasing him. We laughed lightly and pulled out of the hug and I looked into his comforting eyes, and for that moment I was sure everything was going to be okay. Everything will work out.