It might not seem like it yet, because I still haven't even published half the chapters I've already written, but I was starting to feel like I had an inordinate amount of chapters where Rin has a problem or gets moody and Ryuuji fixes things, and I didn't really like that, 'cuz Rin is a grown ass man who can solve his own problems. Of course Ryuuji's going to want to help anyways, but not every problem has a solution and Ryuuji needs to not take it personally.
Also I didn't realize it until after the fact, but upping the rating on this story for the last chapter makes it so it doesn't show up under the basic category view unless you change the filters. Remember, I update every Friday (...And I try to do it before midnight, lol) and you can Follow to be notified of updates.
Thanks as always for reading and reviewing. :3
Pick Your Battles
They stood together in their tiny kitchen, Ryuuji's knuckles turning white as he clutched at the piece of paper in his hands, creasing it even as he stopped himself from crumpling it in to a ball and hurling it across the room.
"That's mine," Rin said, softly reminding Ryuuji as he eased his hands open, taking the document from him and laying it down on the kitchen table, smoothing it out.
"Rin…" Ryuuji's voice was hoarse, a barely restrained growl.
"Good as new," Rin said, ignoring Ryuuji's tone and holding the document up proudly.
"This is bullshit and you know it."
Rin finally frowned, lowering the document as he turned to look at Ryuuji. The document itself was the source of his happiness—misplaced happiness if Ryuuji had any say—and the source of Ryuuji's anger. It was official certification from the Order that he'd been awarded a meister in Tamer and the rank of Middle Second Class Exorcist.
"Don't pretend like you're happy," Ryuuji said, clenching his fists at his side.
Rin took a deep breath and forced a tired smile. "Aren't you proud of me?"
"What? O-of course I am," Ryuuji said, his anger wavering, "We both know you aced the exam, and the amount of hours you've put in over the years, your mission profile—You should have gotten Middle First Class!"
"Maybe," Rin said, smiling weakly, "But I think this is good enough for now."
"Like hell it is," Ryuuji said, turning on his heel, "I'm going right now to file a formal complaint about thi-!" Ryuuji choked on the last word as Rin grabbed the collar of his shirt, stopping him short and pulling him back. He turned, rubbing his throat and ready to get in to a shouting match, but a sharp glare from Rin cut him off.
"The absolute last thing you're going to do is damage your own career on my behalf."
"I don't care if it damages my career! I'm not going to let them treat you like this, it isn't fair-"
"My life isn't fair," Rin cut in, throwing his hands up, "I didn't ask to be born. I didn't ask to be a half demon, or to have people hate me for who my father is, but I am and they do, and I've been dealing with it my whole life and I don't need you fighting my battles for me. I will take the victories where I can get them, and this-" he said, holding up the certificate, his own tight grip creasing the edges this time, "-is a victory."
Ryuuji stood silently, floundering, caught between the overwhelming desire to do something, anything, and the frustrating inability to help his husband, and feeling almost ashamed he'd even thought he could help in the first place, as if Rin was a child who couldn't deal with his own issues. He bowed his head.
"I'm sorry," Ryuuji said softly, "But…You're still aiming for Paladin, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I still wanna' be Paladin," Rin said, "But… Maybe I can get Dragoon, if I try hard enough. Hey, maybe you could help me practice… But Aria? Doctor? You and me both know I'd be a hopeless case for either meister." Rin sighed, his body sagging as the fight left him only to be replaced by the constant melancholy he fought off on a day to day basis.
"I didn't tell you," Rin continued, "But… My exam results came back two weeks ago."
"What?" Ryuuji asked looking up at him, "Why didn't you-"
"They failed me."
Ryuuji gaped at him. "That's-"
"Bullshit, I know. You said it—we both know I aced the exam, but I had to get Mephisto to pull strings just to get this, so…" he trailed off.
"So this is a victory," Ryuuji said, finally acquiescing. He knew Rin had it rough—he'd been there for most of the worst of it—but he had no idea how much the problem still persisted. Had Rin's hesitation to even take the tamer exam stemmed from the fear that something like this would inevitably happen? And here Ryuuji had chalked it up to laziness. He grimaced down at the floor, feeling like a helpless ass.
Rin nodded solemnly. "So Paladin? I dunno'," he shrugged, "But I'm not gonna' stop trying, and you can bet your ass I'm still gonna' be there when we finally fight Satan—I wouldn't give that up for nothing—but I'm also gonna' quietly toe the line while I get this certificate framed and hang it by my desk and let it serve as a constant spiteful reminder that they haven't gotten rid of me yet."
Ryuuji snorted, but even under Rin's forcefully determined veneer he could see the cracks forming, the slight tremble beneath his skin. Maybe he couldn't fix the problems Rin had been dealing with his entire life, maybe it wasn't even his place to try, but… He sure as hell wasn't going to sit by and do nothing while Rin tried to carry the weight of the unfairness of his own life on his shoulders.
"So, if this is a victory," Ryuuji said, "that means we celebrate."
Rin looked up at him, the crease in his brow easing slightly, and Ryuuji took the certificate from him, slapping it down on the table and forcing a grin for Rin's sake as he threw his arm around his shoulder.
"My husband just got a job advancement so I'm taking him out to dinner, anywhere he likes!"
Rin's mouth popped open in a silent gasp, his eyes dancing, and Ryuuji could almost see the gears in Rin's mind shift as drool began to form.
"Sukiyaki!" Rin shouted, throwing his arms in to the air as he ran to put on his coat and shoes.
Ryuuji just quietly shook his head, smiling softly to himself as he followed.
Not being able to solve Rin's problems felt almost like a failure on his part. Simply being by his side to support him didn't feel like enough—not when he wanted to march in to the Vatican and strangle the Grigori members themselves for hurting his husband—but it would have to be. Being there for Rin, simply to support him was the absolute least he could do, and if it made Rin happy, then maybe that could be enough.
