I am so fucking pissed right now. Half this chapter got deleted. qgh:bfEHKLM/LkkkkkkKKKKKKKKKK aaguuuuughghhhhh, THIS IS THE WORST FEELING! Fuckfuckfuck. Forgive me if it sucks but I'm not going to be able to go over it without getting mad for a while.
You guys wanted more Yullen, so I decided to give you Laven instead, because I am a huge bitch. ;P This chapter is really just for showing off some of the cultural differences between Merfolk and humans. Vystali Aestyrol translates into 'romance emotions', btw. It's interesting to conceptualize a society that doesn't even have the concepts of monogamy or homosexuality. I'm sorry that this one is a little on the short side, but I really need the next part to be from Lavi's POV for the non-existent plot to work right. I'm planning on getting into Kanda and Lavi's pasts a bit more soon.
ALSO HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS, I HATE YOU. *sniff* Some of your reviews made me cry...in a good way. I don't think I've ever gotten such high praise for anything in my life. It may not seem like it, but I have a serious inferiority complex. I try really hard, but I feel like no one ever notices what I do, be it academics or art or writing, but you guys have been really receptive to me with this project. *bows* I can't fully express my gratitude. Seriously, this was just some weird little plot bunny side thing that was only gonna be 10 chapters at best. Just something to distract me from my problems writing my main story, but now this is my main story. It's been such an amazing ride, and I hope you'll stick with me to the end. *hugs all of you* Seriously, though, thanks. I'd love to get to know you more! Come chat with me on my tumblr sometime! Or you can leave me a PM with your Skype, if you have one. I'll add all of you darlings.
Allen was quiet for the rest of the day. He'd certainly succeeded in giving Link something else to think about, judging by the worried looks the man kept giving him.
'I almost told Kanda my real name. What is wrong with me?'
He was jolted from his thoughts when someone tapped on his shoulder. It was Link, of course.
"Are you quite alright?"
Allen wearily retreated and let Neah take over for a while, just wanting to curl up in a ball and sleep.
"Yes, I'm fine. Just a bit tired, that's all." Neah said with a smile.
The blonde man just looked at him suspiciously and motioned for Neah to follow.
"You have another session with Bookman Jr. today."
"Oh," was all the white haired boy replied.
"Are you enjoying your time here?"
That sort of woke Allen up a bit. Such a strange question.
"I suppose I am. Why do you ask?"
"Just curious."
After that, the Inspector wouldn't look at his charge. There was definitely something wrong with him. Neither Allen nor Neah commented on it though, and the blonde left him in Lavi's care yet again.
"Alright, Allen. Shall we get to work?"
Allen nodded mutely. He wasn't really in the mood for this. He wasn't really in the mood for anything.
He let Lavi start talking, not really paying attention to anything he was saying. Of course, allowing himself to think made his mind turn toward the earlier episode with a certain swordsman.
Kanda had kissed him. But why?
It had made Allen feel things he hadn't known existed. It was hot and powerful. Sort of similar to his magic's reaction to Lavi's touch, except rather than being refreshing and soft, it had left him short of breath and oddly excited. It had burned in a way that made him actually enjoy fire for once. It wasn't quite magic, but it was close. Why hadn't the kiss with Lenalee or the one he'd given Lavi been the same?
When the dark haired man had called him 'Neah', it had felt like Allen had been punched rather than complimented. He didn't like that the one Kanda was looking at had been Neah, rather than himself. Why? Why was this happening?
Allen had too many questions going through his mind and no answers. But he had someone here who could fix that.
"Lavi."
"-and the ocean is about-What?" The redhead looked a little surprised, though whether it was at being interrupted or Allen's tone, the merman didn't know.
Allen walked a bit closer to the other man, not really knowing why he was doing this.
"Can you just...stand still for a second? I need to check something."
Lavi just nodded slowly, looking very confused.
Without knowing exactly what he was doing, Allen brought a hand to each side of Lavi's face, distantly noting that the man's cheeks got really warm as he did.
"Wha..." The redhead trailed off, apparently not knowing what to say. Allen leaned in, making his intentions clear, and while Lavi did reel back a little, he didn't pull away.
His lips were warm. Allen could feel little puffs of breath roll across his face as Lavi breathed through his nose. Shakily, Lavi put his hands on the merman's shoulders and for a horrible moment, Allen thought the redhead would push him away. But all he felt was a slight squeeze and trembling fingers resting near his neck. So, Allen just closed his eyes and enjoyed it.
This was nothing like the kiss he'd shared with Kanda. It wasn't like when Lenalee had kissed him either, though. It was in a category all by itself. It was warm and tremulous, accompanied by a light, fluttery sensation bubbling up in Allen's chest. It felt safe and sort of made Allen want to curl up in a patch of sunlight with this man and just be.
Slowly, the two parted and just stared into each other's eyes for a long while.
"What...What was that all about?" Lavi whispered, as if raising his voice would break the delicate warmth that had washed over them.
Allen shrugged, secretly pleased to still feel the weight of Lavi's hands on his shoulders. He hadn't moved his own palms from that beautiful flushed face either.
"I don't know, I just...I wanted to know what it would feel like."
"What it would feel like?" The redhead got that confused look on his face again, which sort of clashed with the blush, but Allen didn't care.
"Yes," the merman murmured, moving his arms to twine around the taller man's neck and leaning his head into a strong shoulder, bringing their bodies even closer together. It felt nice. "I've been so confused today. I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
Allen sighed and closed his eyes. "Kisses remind me of magic..." Allen whispered dreamily, feeling tired in a pleasant way.
Lavi wrapped his arms around Allen's waist, which felt fantastic, and just remained quiet for a bit.
"Allen?" Lavi continued to speak softly without waiting for a response. "What do you mean when you say you don't know what you're doing? What has you so confused?"
'Yes, what is making me feel this way? In reality, it isn't Kanda, it's...'
"I don't feel connected to the ocean anymore. Like...when I was on the ship, I ached for the water again, but now...I'm just sort of numb to it. This isn't right, Lavi. I don't know what's happening to me."
"Hey, don't fret over it so much. It's probably just one of the spell's side effects."
"I don't know. There's just been so much to take in and so much has changed...I don't know what's real and what's fake anymore."
'That's it,' Allen realized. 'That's what Kanda was doing. Trying to figure out what was real. He only really reacted to me once I'd let my mask down...That must be why he kissed me! He was trying to figure out who I really am. Could it all have been some lie by the Order to try and get me to reveal my true self? Why didn't I see it before?
Allen's heart stopped. If all that was true...
'He knows. He knows I'm not as I appear to be.'
"Lavi," Allen leaned back a bit and looked the other man in the face. "I think Kanda is onto me. I think he knows that I'm hiding something."
"What makes you say that?"
"It's just this feeling I have...Earlier, he kissed me. It was actually really enjoyable, but I think he must've done it to try and get a reaction from me, trying to see through the façade."
Allen didn't miss the darkness that flooded the human's face.
"He...he kissed you." Slowly, something like horror spread throughout his expression. "Is that why you said you wanted to know what kissing me would be like?"
Allen nodded, wondering why the redhead seemed so upset.
Lavi released Allen from his hold and backed up a step.
"Do you know what the significance of a kiss is?"
"Of course. It's a display of affection."
Lavi shook his head and closed his visible eye tightly. "No. Well, yes, but that's not all. A kiss is meant to be shared between lovers."
"Uh, alright. So?"
"So, why would you accept a kiss from Kanda and then give one to me?"
"I don't understand the question."
Lavi just looked at the merman like he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.
"Do you even know what monogamy is?"
"Do I know what what is?"
"Oh my god. This can't be happening. Not with Kanda. No way." The redhead started muttering to himself distractedly, and Allen began to get really worried. He wondered what he'd done wrong.
"I don't get why you are so upset. Please, explain it to me so I can understand."
"Just-How many lovers are you limited to? What does that word even mean to you?"
"Limited to? Why would there be a limit on something like that? And a lover is someone you care very deeply for. Vystali Aestyrol. Obviously."
"Vis-what?" Poor Lavi looked just as confused as Allen felt.
"Vystali Aestyrol. It's the emotion you feel for your lovers."
"Lovers. Plural. That's the problem here. Humans don't have more than one partner. It's considered a grave sin to be with more than one person."
'Oh.'
"Who came up with that rule?"
"I-I don't know, that's just how it is. And while we're on the subject, it isn't exactly the social norm for two males to be together either."
"What in the world does gender have to do with anything? And it's not like I was trying to get you to be my partner. If I was, I would have said as much."
Hurt flashed through an emerald eye but Lavi spoke before Allen could think about it too hard. "So that kiss didn't mean anything to you?"
"What? Of course it meant something!"
The human's brow furrowed. "And what meaning did it have, exactly?"
"That I trust you! You're my friend."
Lavi sucked in a breath. "Your friend."
Allen nodded his head eagerly, hoping his sincerity would reach the human and snap him out of whatever weirdness had come over him.
It appeared to have the opposite effect though. Lavi's expression went flat and his eyes dulled into that grey-green that they had been before he'd revealed who he was. Allen hated that color.
"Well," the redhead continued in a carefully constructed monotone, "Glad we have that cleared up. I'm sure Kanda interpreted what happened between the two of you differently, though. I'll try to figure out what he is thinking later. Now, onto more important things."
Allen tried to pay attention as Lavi told him about the quickest ways to the nearest ocean, but he really couldn't. He knew his friend wasn't happy. And he was hesitant to try to figure out why. Conjecture would get him nowhere of course...
He just hoped that his suspicions were wrong.
To My Reviewers:
RelaspeWarrior- R-Really? Wow, I'm honored. asdkgj, ITS NOT THAT GREAT. Thank you thankyouthankyou. I, uh, I honestly don't know what to say. That's like, the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me...
Taiji92- Oh, gosh, a two part review! Thank you so much for your praise! I'm glad you like the slow approach. I've always appreciated a well developed relationship more than sex. (Though the sex is fun too!) Yeah, I get that a lot, about the mermaid thing not being very convincing. For some reason, most mermaid fics aren't very legit, so I wanted to try my hardest to make a really good one! AND YES, 400 REVIEWS, YOU FUCKING MADE MY YEAR. Let me love you forever.
wierdsquirrelgirl- Ah, your icon, I love it. And yeah, the whole reason this story started is because I like both Laven and Yullen and couldn't pick between the two, so I just decided to have both. :)
xenawp532- Yay, no more chainsaw...for now. XD I hope you aren't thinking about taking it out because of all the trouble in paradise.
scrletfyre- Kanda is just a pretty bold guy. It's part of his charm. It's surprisingly hard to write for such a straightforward character, though.
Kurazilssia- . You guys are the CUTEST. I, like, always look forward to your reviews because they are just so adorable. Glad you liked the kiss, Razil-chan. Kuu-tan and Kussia-san too!
NitshadeTwiningTheRosary- Asjfk, welcome back! *hugs* Why would you not review? Critique is always accepted and appreciated even though I rarely correct things, I do listen and take it into consideration. I'm willing to admit when I've done something wrong and I can always do better! I'm gonna number off the points/complaints you made so we can better keep track of my answers. 1.) Well, now I know. (Honestly, even after having it explained to me, I feel like they are sort of the same. I don't understand mental/spiritual things.) If you want to be super helpful, suggest some synonyms! The only reason I used both those words rather than just one was because it was mentioned so many freaking times! And using the same word ten times in a row makes for some boring, awkward reading. Synonyms for both would help. I uh, looked that up, but all I got was medical stuff and ghosts and people with the same misconceptions that I have. Now you have homework too. 2.) Probably won't write in Romanji, although that is a cute idea. (Because I can't read it. I get confused enough with basic monosyllable proper English. That's why these short chapters take so long.) Of course I know about Kanda's name! But...when did he think his full name to himself? I don't remember...if you can point me to the place you are talking about, I'd be happy to fix it. 3.) I'm not trying to angst with cussing? So, when the characters in the manga (i.e., this is completely cannon, according to the translation I read, which admittedly isn't the official one) come under duress, they cuss a little bit. Not a lot, just a swear or two at the rough parts. When Kanda comes under duress, he cusses up a storm. Which is why I write him that way. Constantly pissed off, and constantly swearing in his head, because that's how I interpreted him. There's a reason I don't do that much with Lavi or Allen, you know? And I honestly couldn't care less if it offends people. That may seem callous, but oh-fucking-well because that's how that character (and me, for that matter) thinks. I won't censor myself just because someone doesn't like swearing. I get that it's not the best display of talent, but it is the best display of my version of Kanda, y'know? 4.) HAHAHA, NO. I've said this a ton, but. Kanda. Is. Dumb. He doesn't know why it happens, so neither do you! You just gotta wait til he puzzles it out for himself. ;p 5.) ...Okay. Let's switch fandoms for a second. You and I are both Dragon Ball Z fans now. They have power levels. It shows how much energy they have and how strong they are and if they can do certain things. It's their energy signature. For a second, Allen went Super Seiyan, and his power level was over 9000. Then, he got shocked out of it and his power level went way down and was fluctuating throughout several low numbers. Okay, now for the rest of your review. Of course I don't hate you for it, I just don't listen to most of the things like this, because I'm a terrible person that writes for my own enjoyment, rather than the enjoyment of others like I really should. But I'm willing to work with you. It's not like you were mean. You were just bringing up way you thought I could improve, and I even agree with some of it. Why hate because of that? Everybody's opinion is valid. Lol, this reply is like 500 words long.
P. junchi- Hehe, glad you liked it!
Kuroki Katsumi- Yeah, for some reason nobody seems to take mermaids seriously. Maybe because they've been bastardized by the media so much. Oh well, I'm glad you gave it a chance!
AzureKurashin- Yeah, most of my updates are short. Sorry about that. Yeah, Allen was pretty upset about it.
Oaken Wren- Yeah, I wanted to make sure my readers had a good idea of where each of the main characters is coming from. It takes longer, but I think it really adds depth to the story. Lol, don't be afraid to leave long, analytical reviews, if you want. I certainly don't mind hearing your views about it.
Tintaglia In Flight- I-It's not a masterpiece, baka! *gets all tsundere when flustered* I thought it was important for Kanda to at least be able to sense the difference between the two, since that will come into play in later events WHICH I TOTALLY AM NOT HINTING AT HERE, , *cough*. Kanda is very dense. It's not that I think he doesn't have the ability to be smart, but he's so unused to thinking beyond the next action that he just doesn't know how. It makes for a very interesting character. And hellz yeah, I jumped right into those angsty makeouts, didn't I?
wolf- Yeah, myu chapters are always short. It's because I have a horrible attention span. ^_^;
Moonpuzzle- AHAHAHHA, I did a dramatic reading of your review to one of my friends and when I got to the 'DAMN SON!' I said it in a hick accent and she spit her drink out. So thanks for that. Chaos is my middle name.
Kinkylittlewolf- I feel a bit bad for him to. TBH, I'm not really sure how I'm going to break that one to Kanda yet. Oh well. THat's how I usually write-with absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
silverskies87- Allen is the luckiest of all bitches. Yeah, I always have to curb my instinct to write flowery descriptions when in Kanda's POV, cause he doesn't give a shit about that stuff. Lawl.
blackirishawk- Kanda has pretty much no control over his hormones. ^_^
Hanashi o suru- I'm glad you feel it's worth waiting for! Hopefully I didn't make you wait too long this time!
Shizaki Kuro- Kanda's curiosity did get him a hot kiss with Allen though, so I don't think it turned out too bad. XD
lil' fayri grrl- Lawl, moo-stash. Yeah, Kanda is huge dork-face.
Krystal Nite- Yeah, the sexy definitely makes up for it. Yeah, I think the Wiki is good reference for people who don't know what it is.
sammi117- Kanda is super hawt, isn't he?