This story is totally a soap opera. We have love triangles, multiple personalities, forbidden love, bad pasts, and secret identities. And that's not even including all the drama with the merfolk and the Order. And every time I try to address something important, the boys get sidetracked. Ugh, how I am I ever gonna get this thing done?
Getting into the past a bit, and into the feelings. I figure Lavi will be the first to face these demons, since he's got something to lose if he doesn't. Also, I wasn't planning on writing any smut, but then I looked up and it was there. XD So, uh, explicit porn warning for the middle of the chapter, I guess. I think I might start saying which pairing the steamy scenes center around in the ANs from now on, so you can skip it if you really don't like that pairing. This particular one happens to be KandaxLavi.
Developing a distinct writing style of each character is certainly an interesting venture, especially when you start getting into sex. I think Lavi is a lot like me (which is probably why I find him the most fun to write) and I feel like he would never be able to totally turn his brain off during intimacy. Like, he's totally there for it, but he can't stop thinking about stuff during it. Also, I make an effort for sex to not be perfect. I don't know how many people on this site have actually had sex, but in case you haven't let me enlighten you. It's messy and sweaty and embarrassing and people almost never cum at the same time. Seriously, that never happens outside of bad pornos. And most people don't magically get off from the sound of their lover's orgasm; it usually takes more stimulation than that. And the noises you make are not heavenly; they make you either sound like a mouse or a monkey. And there is always at least one body part that is at the very least uncomfortable and at worst painful. So, yeah, don't expect the perfect deflowering scene full of beauty and rainbows and 'Oh, it's my first time, but it feels so good, because our love for each other is marvelous,' blah blah blah. There should be an emotional connection present, but it's not going to be like that.
'I am a hypocritical asshole.'
That phrase just kept circling round and round the edges of Lavi's consciousness, reminding him of how messed up he really was.
He sat alone in his rather small room, head in his hands, wondering how the hell this had happened. Lavi took several deep breaths to calm himself and tried to think things through. He systematically went through all the revelations he'd come to today.
There was no way Kanda would kiss anybody he didn't want to, even on orders. Lavi seriously doubted that the Order would come up with something like that anyway. Meaning the Japanese man had taken an interest in Allen. It certainly was possible that he could tell there was something off about the boy though. He'd always had a sense for things like that.
Allen's society was vastly different from the ones on land, even more so than Lavi had first thought. It was a miracle that he hadn't been found out yet. That could probably be accredited to the completely baffling acting skills he seemed to have acquired recently. He seemed to be able to bullshit his way around anything.
Finally, there was the worst fact of all: Lavi had officially broken one of the unspoken laws of the Bookman legacy. He'd become emotionally compromised. He had surprisingly little problem swallowing this fact.
The redhead heaved a sigh and tried to figure this out.
That kiss that he and Allen had shared had been...wow. Not exactly the mind-blowing fervor that he and Kanda had, but still. Lavi had been intensely jealous when he'd found out that Allen had not only shared a kiss with the dark haired man, but enjoyed it as well. Who he was jealous of, he couldn't quite decide. Hearing that Allen's people didn't really believe in homosexuality or monogamy had been a shock and had brought with it a sinking feeling. Their moral standards were so different, but at the same time...his words had brought a sick, secret relief that Bookman Jr. immediately felt guilty for. Allen wouldn't get upset if he ever found out that Lavi was sleeping with Kanda. And he wouldn't find it strange that the redhead was apparently attracted to two people. However, the merman had made it pretty clear that he didn't return the sentiment. And it wasn't like he and Kanda were a couple or anything-more like friends with benefits.
Lavi knew he couldn't turn a blind eye to this anymore. He had to face his feelings if he was going to be able to get Allen out of this alive. He didn't need this extra confusion.
'How do I feel about this? About them?'
Lavi was definitely friends with Kanda, but he cautiously harbored a secret attraction to the man. Not just his body, but his unwavering determination as well. He was pretty fond of the grumpy swordsman. He felt like the battles that they'd been through together gave them a certain understanding of each other that was fairly rare-and dangerous, considering Lavi's line of work.
Allen...If the redhead was honest, he'd felt something ever since he'd started talking to the merman. Sort of an instant affinity that had only grown stronger with time. Lavi cared deeply for the boy. It was more than just lust, at this point. Allen seemed to have a mer-word for everything, so he'd probably be able to decipher the redhead's emotions better than Lavi himself could. How ironic.
He didn't want Allen to die. He couldn't let Allen die. He had to figure out a way to get the boy safely out of the Order's clutches and back into the ocean, no matter what. He couldn't jeopardize that by acting irrationally.
He'd shut down earlier when Allen had said that they were just friends, but that wasn't fair. They had to stay that way. He couldn't act on these feelings, or else...
Lavi shuddered. That wouldn't be pretty.
So, he stomped on his feelings, locked them up tight and sealed them away where they would never see the light of day. He tried to ignore the fact that it hurt much more than it should have.
'First thing's first,' Lavi decided. 'I gotta figure out what Kanda's up to with all of this. If he's got his sights set on Allen, I won't be able to sneak him out of here as easily.'
The redhead nodded, feeling a grim determination swell up within his chest. He'd do everything in his power to get Allen out of here safely. He could only hope that he wouldn't destroy himself in the process.
As Lavi went out into the nearby forest, where he was sure he'd find the dark haired man, he realized just how familiar being around Kanda felt. He must've walked this path a thousand times in the couple of years since they'd become friends.
The redhead thought it was pretty strange that Kanda was coming onto other guys on his own now. He remembered the first time the two of them had kissed, the violent denial that the then 17 year old swordsman had gone into, which had left Lavi spending the night in the hospital ward. Lavi had been raised by Bookman and had been taught to be impartial to most things. He hadn't really cared that Kanda was a boy, only that the other man had seemed as sexually frustrated as Lavi himself was and that he could possibly be a good outlet for that tension. Kanda had cared though. He'd gone on and on about how he 'wasn't a fag' and 'didn't have those kinds of thoughts.' He'd even tried to convince Lavi of that very same thing during their first time having sex! Eventually, the Japanese man had become more honest with himself though, and now their nighttime activities didn't interfere with their friendship too much. In fact, Lavi would dare to venture that it had strengthen their bond.
Looking back on it from the point of the heir to the Bookman legacy, it had been a lapse in judgment. They knew each other far too well for it to be okay. However, Lavi knew rationally that he couldn't avoid all human contact, and he enjoyed the other man's company. Bookman had eventually approved of their relationship, if only because Kanda genuinely couldn't care less about any information the redhead might have access to.
He really didn't want to ruin this...whatever it was that they had over Allen. Lavi hoped this went well.
As expected, Kanda was out in the clearing practicing with his sword again. Lavi took a moment to just observe, noting the subtle changes that were screaming that the man's mind was on something else. His moves were slower, more controlled than normal. Clearly, he had to concentrate pretty hard to get himself through his routine today. The redhead waited until a good time to interrupt before calling out to the other man, as he had so many times before.
Slowly, Kanda turned toward him, panting heavily.
"Hey." Lavi walked over to a nearby tree and leaned against it, motioning for Kanda to join him. The Japanese man looked immediately suspicious and didn't move.
"Come on, I'm not going to eat you. I just want to talk."
"About what?"
"About Al-Neah." The redhead cursed himself for the slip and hoped his friend hadn't noticed.
"What about Beansprout?"
'Beansprout?'
"Interesting nickname. Anyway. What's up with him? First you are trying to kill him, now you're trying to bed him?"
Kanda glared. "This better not be some jealous rant, Lavi."
Lavi shook his head and snorted. He knew he'd have to play it cool if he was going to get the other man to talk. "Hardly. I'm just curious. Why the sudden change?"
"Why do you know about it?" The swordsman countered.
"Neah is having lessons with me now. He told me about it. I don't think he fully understood the implications."
"Che." Kanda gave up and deflated a bit, moving to stand closer to the redhead. He didn't speak for a long moment, but Lavi knew that he was just gathering his thoughts.
"It's almost like he's two people. I hate the one he normally is, but sometimes he shows another face that I like."
Lavi's blood ran cold. Allen had been right; Kanda was picking up on things he shouldn't have been. Fortunately, he knew how to keep the emotions out of his voice.
"So, you beat up one side of him and kissed the other?"
"No, moron. That was all for the same part."
"You have a seriously messed up way of showing attraction, you know that?"
Kanda just shrugged. Lavi carefully calculated his next phrase, eventually just deciding that the direct approach would be best.
"What makes you think he has multiple personalities?"
"His aura shifts. I've never seen anything like it before."
Lavi just made an assenting noise, secretly hoping that Bookman wouldn't catch on too. He knew that the old man could sense strange things just like Kanda could.
"Are you serious about him?"
Kanda snorted and waved that thought off noncommittally, but his body language seemed to indicate that he was uncomfortable. Lavi wondered why exactly. He let it go for now though, knowing that Kanda would clam up if he pushed any further on that subject.
"So, you are trying to get him into bed with you, then?" Lavi asked mischievously, pushing aside the sick jealousy twisting in his gut.
"Not at this moment, no."
While Lavi tried to puzzle out that enigmatic response, he failed to notice the swordsman moving closer. When Kanda pounced, he tried to react and step away, but it was too little too late. All of a sudden, he had himself an armful of passionate warrior. Lips smashed against the redhead's own and a sweat drenched, rock hard body pressed up against him.
'He gets horny at the drop of a hat,' Lavi thought exasperatedly.
As always, he felt his body grow warm without his mind's consent. Kanda was very hard to resist when he was like this. But Lavi made a valiant effort anyway.
He jerked his head back, breaking the kiss (and smacking his cranium against the tree in the process) and panting like a dog.
"W-Wait. This is outside aaaaannnd," Lavi sort of hissed his way through that word as Kanda started tonguing his ear, which the bastard knew was one of his sensitive spots. "And you h-haven't showered from your workout yet," the redhead finished lamely.
The Japanese man growled and shoved away, giving Lavi a couple seconds to calm down, but all too quickly he felt his wrist being grabbed and was tugged back down the well worn forest path.
"W-Where are we going?" Lavi questioned, a little panicked.
"To grab a shower," the dark haired man replied simply. By his tone, Lavi was positive that neither one of them would be focusing on bathing.
'Note to self: Shampoo is not a good substitute for lube.'
The stretching process usually didn't burn this much. But Lavi didn't complain. He just grit his teeth and tried not to concentrate on the fact that Kanda was so familiar with his body that he knew how Lavi was feeling without the redhead having to say anything. The swordsman just rubbed the small of Lavi's back in the way that always calmed him down and bent him over a bit more to get a better angle.
The pounding of water droplets against the floor made for interesting background noise, and Lavi was so sensitive that every single drop that hit his flushed skin left a tingling sensation in its wake. It was unfamiliar territory, as they'd never done their coupling in the showers before. Lavi kept feeling like he was going to fall. Having sex while standing was one thing, but having sex while standing on slippery tile and bathroom fixtures jutting out everywhere was an entirely different story.
Finally, Kanda got a little frisky and started hitting the right spot with increasing frequency, which had Lavi gasping and whimpering. The embarrassing noises echoed around the shower room, the sound bouncing of the tile and reverberating in the air, which really freaked Lavi out. That had been way too loud. The bathroom door was locked and it was unlikely that anyone had been in the hall at this time, but still. They were still in the middle of a building run by the Vatican. If either of them were found like this, it was likely they would be executed or 'rehabilitated' for their 'sinful ways'. Of course, Kanda either didn't think about those sorts of things, or he didn't care. The noises only seemed to spur him on even more and the redhead just bit his lip to muffle the sounds.
"Just-Just get to it already. My skin is already starting to prune." Lavi panted.
Kanda growled and thrust his fingers in particularly hard as punishment for daring to try and command him. But, after that he complied and removed the offending digits, only to place something larger that definitely wasn't a hand up against the redhead's entrance.
Lavi couldn't really see what the other man was doing from this angle anyway, so he just closed his eyes and braced himself.
'Here we go,' he thought, before all coherency was ripped away.
As always, the initial breaking of his physical barriers stung a little, and the pressure that built throughout the slow thrust was a tad uncomfortable. But Kanda had learned to control himself a bit over the last year or so and at least held still long enough for Lavi to adjust before reaming his rear end to the point of internal bleeding.
Kanda withdrew until just the head of his dick remained inside. Then he slammed back in so hard that Lavi imagined he could feel it in his throat. The Japanese man reached around and roughly palmed Lavi's manhood while thrusting his own in and out of the redhead until he was seeing stars.
It didn't take long.
Lavi could tell that this wasn't going to be one of their long 'rough housing' sessions from the get-go. It was just getting off. He normally didn't like it like this, and he was uncomfortable here, so he just sort of wanted to be done with it. The normal lack of oxygen combined with the steam from the shower was starting to make him dizzy.
Kanda stroked the redhead to his peak and let him topple over the precipice, continuing to grind into his over-sensitized partner for a full thirty seconds before following suit.
Lavi gasped and shivered, secretly despising that nasty feeling of having something slimy where it really shouldn't be. Slowly, he lowered himself to the floor, giving his trembling legs a rest. Easing his legs open to wash away the evidence, he hissed as the water hit his heated body.
The swordsman collapsed in a huff beside him and Lavi took the opportunity to watch him while his defenses were down. Not many got to see the warrior like this, all tired and cute. Lavi put up with the rough treatment because he adored Kanda's afterglow. It only lasted for about a minute, but the man sort of splayed out like his limbs had been turned to jelly, leaned against Lavi, tucked his head into the crook of the other's neck and actually cuddled. Lavi couldn't see his face, but he knew from experience that Kanda's eyes would be closed, his cheeks flushed, and his expression somewhere between bliss and exhaustion.
As soon as those dark eyes opened though, it was back to business.
Kanda stood without a word and began to actually wash himself. The redhead gave himself another moment or two to recover, then did the same, though he made sure to be very vocal about how much his back hurt.
"Stop complaining," snorted the dark haired man.
Lavi squashed the urge to run his fingers through Kanda's now sud-soaked hair and pasted on a grin.
"Whatever. Seriously though, let's not do it here again. This tile is a bitch to balance on during acrobatic activities."
Kanda just rolled his eyes and muttered something in Japanese. Lavi wasn't quite sure, but thought he picked up something about stupid rabbits.
To My Reviewers:
RhiannaonWolf- Allen is such a cutie pie, isn't he?
Tintaglia In Flight- Both is good! I'm glad you liked that chapter. I tried really hard to have their conversation flow in a way that wasn't completely spastic. And yeah, Link. We shall see about him soon. :)
lazycookies- I'm happy that you were excited! You yelled at the computer, huh? And he not oblivious, just...culturally ignorant.
Vermouth- Thanks!
Conrii- The hospital? Oh, honey, are you okay? *hugs* I'm happy you liked them!
Oaken Wren- I'm actually kind bad with angst, so I hope this goes well. *crosses fingers*
Kinkylittlewolf- Not knowing what I'm doing seems to be a way of life for me. ^_^; I feel a bit bad for Lavi too.
Five Seconds- He kind of did get friendzoned...poor baby. XD
scrletfyre- Allen does. Lenalee and Allen are just friends at this point, and they kissed. That's part of his society. Like how Europeans do that strange quick kiss on the cheek thing. Being an American, that would freak me out, but it par for the course for them. Granted, Allen's actions aren't exactly normal, but he didn't see anything wrong with it. XD
blackirishawk- Yeah, poor Lavi. I really did feel bad for him.
silverskies87- Feeling that way sucks, doesn't it? Thank you for the review-hug! Allen is totally adorable at times.
AzureKurashin- Did you tell them that you were grinning because the merman just kissed his potential boyfriend? XD
Kurazilssia- Sugar! Sugar! Yummy! And I'm glad you liked the chapter! What about this one? Have fun with the steamy scene? *waggles eyebrows*
moonlitlotus3546- I'm happy you enjoy my writing!
Hinata's Shadow1- Aww, I hope your characters make up. XD
Shizaki Kuro- I know, I wanted them to be confused. I felt that it would serve as a good catalyst for Lavi to really start examining his feelings.
Hanashi o suru- I love the drama too! I had to break it up with some sexy time though. ;)
Kuroki Katsumi- Yeah, even though he's a good actor, Allen really doesn't know much about humanity. XD
lil' fayri grrl- MWAHAHAHA. I wonder what's up with Link, hmmm? We shall see!
sammi117- I hate that I had to hurt his feelings, but he never even would've acknowledged that he had feelings if I didn't hurt them.
RelapseWarrior- Of course I responded! I respond to every single on I get, because they are all precious to me! Poor Allen just doesn't seem to understand, does he? ;P