I opened the Lodging House door and Crutchie and I were met with a gentle gust of warm air. Most of the boys were already upstairs and Mr. Kloppman was sitting quietly behind his desk reading a book. I saw Specs sitting patiently on the torn couch with a curious but innocent look on his face. I gave him a small nod indicating that I would talk to him later. I turned back to Crutchie. His friendly expression put a timid smile on my face and I adjusted my hat to keep my hands busy.
"Um, I'm gonna talk to Specs for a little," I said with a small smile. "I'll meet you upstairs, kay?"
"Sure thing," he answered with a smile. We both hesitated in moving away from each other but, I made my way over to the couch as Crutchie slowly started upstairs. I sat down next to Specs comfortably and he gave me a knowing smile.
"So?" He asked with his smile growing.
"What?" I said trying to keep my smile from becoming any goofier. I couldn't keep Crutchie off my mind but, I had to tell someone, definitely Specs.
He raised his eyebrows and shook his head. I knew he knew I would tell him.
I sighed, "Ugh fine! Okay okay I will tell you." He scooted closer, put his elbows on his legs and placed his head in his hands. I laughed and lowered my head a little.
I've told Specs a little bit about the budding romance Crutchie and I have been noticing before but, this is the first time Crutchie and I really confronted it and Specs was dying to know what had happened so, I knew I had to tell him.
"So," I started, smiling. "This afternoon, after we finished selling, Crutchie took me down to Jacobi's and ordered 'The Usual' for both of us." Specs' smile grew and I could see the hope and want in his eyes. I wonder if he has ever been with anyone. He is so sweet and kind, I would be surprised if he hasn't.
"What else?" He asked with his head still sitting in his hands.
"Well, when Mr. Jacobi went back to the kitchen-"
"Wait! You were still wearing your hat right?" Specs interjected.
"Ya, ya I wouldn't want to risk anything," I said logically.
"Okay, okay. I was just trying to paint a picture. Go on." I laughed and continued telling my friend the rest of the events that happened that evening. How Crutchie asked about my bows, and how I knew he wanted to see how I looked wearing them. How he generously payed for both of us and when we were walking back. As I came to the incident on the ice I found that I was more retelling the story to myself rather than telling it to Specs. I guess I just wanted to remember that moment. Remember the love in his eyes and his beautiful face, glowing in the pale night.
I wrapped up the end and I could see Specs imagining what I was experiencing.
"Wait so.. He didn't kiss you?" I half smiled and half sighed and shook my head, realizing that I was disappointed.
"Nope," I said emphasizing the "p." Specs sat up and stretched out his shoulders.
"Well, we better be goin' upstairs. And tell me if something esle happens!" I nodded and picked through my disappointment. We had a great time, why did I feel this chagrin? Did I really want more? More what? Intimacy? My mind was busy as I trudged upstairs and to the right bathroom. I opened my bag and looked through it to find the bows. I gingerly grabbed the baby pink bow, the first one I remembered receiving. I reached up to my hat and pulled it off revealing my silky hair. Slowly, I took the accessory and clipped a section of my hair up higher onto my head with the bow. I could see the happier child in me through my reflection. Laughing and playing with her family. She played in the streets with them. Her parents. Her father. The child grew scared and heartbroken. She was crying. Her mother was crying. There was no more excitement in her eyes. No light.
I tried to see those blue sparks that set my eyes ablaze as they had in my juvenescence. My past had put the fire out, but, Crutchie, he brought the flames back. I felt his passion, his warmth. It welcomed the sparks back.
I took the small bow out of my hair and placed it back in the bag before getting ready for bed. I combed out my hair and walked quietly back to the bunk room. There was a very calm and tired vibe today at the Lodging House. No one was running around and most of the boys were just waiting to be called in for their rounds to get ready to go to bed. Everybody seemed a little worn out.
I climbed up into my bed and snuggled down into the covers and looked out across the dimly lit room. I spotted Crutchie sitting up right in his bunk holding his hat in his hands. He expression was vaguely sympathetic as he twiddled with the hat. I decided not to worry much about it and closed my eyes before slowly drifting off to sleep.
Crutchie's POV
I held my brown hat in my hands. I thought of the battles she had to face everyday, hiding herself from the world. It reminded me of my crutch. Facing a similar battle everyday seemed to bring us closer. She seemed to understand me and I felt as though I understood her. I tired to think of what it would be like, hiding myself from the world. I pressed the limp hat to my chest and closed my eyes. I wanted to be the one in her life. The one who she was comfortable being herself around. The one who could keep her safe and hopeful because she did that for me. When I was with her, I didn't even realize I had to use my crutch. I felt just as confident and proud as the rest of the boys. I glanced up towards her bunk and smiled. She looked so peaceful.
I set my hat down next to my crutch and sunk down into the covers. I pulled them up to my chin and exhaled heavily. I glanced up one more time to the only girl in the bunk room and felt my heart flutter. She is such a uplift for the whole group of boys. Even though she's only been here for a couple of months, I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without her. She seemed to complete me.
I finally closed my eyes and fell asleep with a smile on my face. For once, I was excited for selling tomorrow. I had the best selling partner and I knew neither of us would notice the cold. When we were with each other, nothing else mattered.
A/N Hey guys sorry this chapter is late :( I hope you like it though! I had fun writing it and I hope you catch the connections Crutchie and Penny are making 3
That's about all I have to say for now so AGAIN PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! THANKS IF YOU DO!
~GTHN