I passed off my last paper and hurried back to the Lodging House, eager to escape from my hot flannel and long pants. As I walked through the front door I noticed the unusual spectacle of only a couple boys sitting calmly in the main room. They seemed anxious but strangely quiet. I tried not to worry too much and began upstairs to change out of my disguise. I entered the room quickly and noticed Crutchie sitting on his bunk. I smiled at first but, it faded as I slowed my pace and noticed his state. His head hung down, almost touching his lap. His hands covered his face and his crutch lay on the floor. As he sat there hunched over, it almost appeared that he was loosing color; everything around him lost some sort of spirit it once possessed.
Cautiously, I walked over and sat down next to him. I feared that if I placed my hand on his back that he would shatter into a million glassy pieces, so I kept my hands in my lap. I wasn't sure if I should speak or not. It felt like the air was becoming thinner with each second and I had no idea what was happening.
I decided to speak, "Crutchie," I said almost a whisper. There was no reaction. I spoke again, "Crutchie? What happened?" I could see the anger in a cloud surrounding him and I felt my heart race in fear. Is he okay? Did I do something? His hands left his face and he slowly turned up to face me and I gasped. The was a small gash sitting deep in his forehead. I searched his expression with worry, noticing the soft, tear-stained cheeks. I fell speechless. Helpless.
"What happened?" I said, his stare cold. The forest in his eyes seemed to shed its leaves leaving it chilly as well. "Oh, I just tripped over an untied shoelace." He said with evil sarcasm, mocking my comment the other day. My eyes widened with fear, guilt, and some kind of anger. What was he trying to say? Did he...did he know I was lying? I felt the guilt strike me again but this time it pierced right through me. I saw the glossy rim in his eyes. Somehow the tears weren't as fragile as before though.
I hesitantly reached out toward his arm, "Crutchie, I-"
"You lied. That's what you did," he said defiantly, reaching down to grab his crutch and stand up. His eyes were still frozen with betrayal as he turned back to see me sitting on his bed.
"Yeah, I know what happened!"
I felt the tears of shame well up behind my eyes. and I scooted closer to him trying to defend my reasoning. "Crutchie, I just didn't want you to worry," I said trying to calm him down. He reached up to his hat and grabbed it in frustration. I could see him tense up and his aggravation built up until he could no longer keep it in.
"STOP LYING TO ME! I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!" His voice seemed to boom through my head pounded at my brain. Striking that sensitive spot saved only for the worst kind of remorse. I felt the tears try to pool over, blurring my vision. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I knew I couldn't make him any better but I didn't want to make him feel worse.
"Crutchie, I'm sorry! I-I I didn't know what to do! I was too scared to do anything! I couldn't fight back! I didn't mean to lie to you, really!" I fought the tears, hoping they wouldn't fall.
His face contorted in more frustration and anger and I feared the worst. What if he knew about Morris? He knows. What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? My heart raced faster and faster again and I could feel the tears slip down my face.
"Penny. I said. I know. Stop making up so many excuses!" He turned away from me and sat down on Button's bunk on the other side of the room. His hands reached for his face again and literally heard my heart crack, and break to pieces. His sobs were quiet but not to me. They shook me like the deep chimes of a grandfather clock. I reached up to my face and tried to calm done. If we don't settle this now, we'll never have the courage to face it again.
"Crutchie," I said quietly and hesitantly. "We need to talk about this. About us." He sat there motionless without a reaction. I decided to make my way over to him and sit down. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat his head in his hands. I put my hand on his knee hoping he wasn't very mad at me.
But... When he said he knew, did he mean he knew everything? Did he know about Morris? I hoped he didn't but, even if he did, this was the wake up call that I needed. I don't love Morris. I love this sweet sensitive boy next to me. The one who made me feel beautiful, loved. Loved back. I needed him. And I knew he needed me.
"I just... I, " he started shakily. " I just feel like I can't give you what..what you want. And-and I know other people can so, I just.. I.. It's just so easy to loose you. " I saw the tears pool over his eyes and he took in another shaky breath. I put my hand on his back and hoped none of this was my fault. I never meant to hurt him. I would never hurt him.
He clenched his fists and I saw his jaw tense up with anger. I looked at him innocently. "But the worst part, the reason I can't handle any of this anymore, is because it was Morris." I cringed at his name but it wasn't hate. It was guilt. I couldn't say I hated him but, I hated myself for that. I took my hand off his back as if I wasn't worthy enough for that privilege, not anymore.
"Why would it be him. Of all people! Have you seen what he does to people?" He sad eyes turned up to my tear stained face. I didn't know what to do. I knew I shouldn't have felt that way about Morris. He was a real asshole. I kept telling myself that I loved Crutchie and not Morris. Crutchie not Morris. Crutchie not Morris. I needed to say it out loud. To him. To myself.
"Crutchie I-"
"Hold on Penny, you need to know that... that you actually are doing this for yourself. Not for me. Make sure this isn't some sort of charity. Do you really... do you really love me?"
I waited for a minute. Charity? I wasn't... I didn't... I really did love him. I did.
"Crutchie," I set my hand back on his knee and squeezed it gently. "I do love you. I really do love you. Do you remember when I first showed you my baby blue dress?" He smiled and nodded ever so slightly. "I still feel that way. I always have." I wasn't sure if this was true. It had to be though. I wouldn't lie to him again. I couldn't. I looked up into his calm and now friendly eyes. He believed me. I could tell. He still trusted me. I have to keep his trust though.
"I still love you too. I still feel that way," he put him hand on mine and his hazel forest brightened again. "No more lies okay?" I nodded and looked down still feeling the wounds from the guilt but, I knew they were healing.
"I trust you Penny. I love you." I looked back up into his eyes and they seemed so warm and welcoming. I couldn't mess this up. I really do love him.
We both leaned in simultaneously and I closed my eyes. Our lips met and I was definitely positive this time. I loved him. I loved him so much. My hand reached back to the nape of his neck and his mouth worked against mine. I could feel my greed taking over my guilt and I completely forgot everything else. I felt him smile into the kiss and I did the same.
"I love you Crutchie," I whispered to him quietly.
"I love you too."
I smiled again and he leaned back towards me and kissed me repeatedly. Suddenly there was a familiar voice coming from the doorway at the front of the room. We both jumped and looked back to see Buttons in the doorway with his arms crossed.
"Geez guys. If you're gonna do it, at least get outta my bed!" He winked and turned to walk back down the stairs. I bit my lip and brought my hand up to my face. I peeked over at Crutchie and saw his bright red face with a shy smirk. I guess you could say this day ended well.

A/N Hey guys! Sorry this is really late I know I know... I hope you are all happy with this but don't get too comfortable! The strike is haut around the corner! Soon enough the chapters will come flying in I promise! That's all for now lovelies! READ AND REVIEW!

~GTHN