Chapter 8

"Hel-lo," Lorelai said, prolonging the word tiredly and morbidly to Luke, closing the diner's door behind her.

"What's wrong with you?" Luke began pouring her coffee.

Lorelai grunted dramatically, falling into the chair of the table closest to her. "Gilbert Gottfried visited me last night, " she groaned, not taking offence like she normally would.

Luke nodded, not understanding and knowing better then to ask. "Coffee?"

"With a side of pancake flavoured coffee and fries dipped in coffee beans, please."

Luke grimaced at the thought and brought her a mug. "Thank you!" She exclaimed gratefully and brought it to her lips. She inhaled a massive gulp of it and gagged. "Eah-uh!" A look of grossed out disgust on her face. Luke raised a brow, looking back at her.

"Luke!" She gasped. "What is this stuff?"

He frowned. "What's wrong with it?" Luke sniffed it, of course not even considering drinking from the cup of what he considered death, and shrugged. "Smells the same."

She scoffed, mouth open. "Well, I can assure you: it's not!" A beat. "Is this what decaf tastes like?" She whispered, mortified.

"It's not decaf. Jess must've made a bad batch."

Lorelai stiffened. "Jess. Made. My. Coffee."

"Yep," he said shortly and calmly before going back behind the counter, leaving her to stir in her disapproving thoughts.

Kirk turned his body around, facing her. "It tastes fine to me."

Lorelai stared at him.

He continued. "I believe you dislike it because Jess made it."

"Fine, Kirk," she said, raising a hand to stop him. He didn't.

"Perhaps it's because you hate him."

"I got it, Kirk."

"After all, he is dating your daughter."

"Kirk—"

"But I guess you'll get used to it... Although the town won't... Taylor will have a fit," Kirk said in his usually unusual way.

"Kirk." She snapped. "I get the picture," she said with a forced smile. He shrugged and turned back around. Lorelai glared down at her coffee, poking the cup with her finger, like it were an alien—which it was to her. Only five minutes later, Jess brought over a serving of pancakes. "Here," he muttered, sliding the food over to the glaring Lorelai. He looked at her with a false and sarcastic smile. "Can I get you anything else?" He pressed his hands against the chair opposite her.

She pointed at the pancakes. "Did you make these?"

"Nope." He paused. "Anything else?"

She remained silent, staring at him fiercely. He bobbed his head and turned to walk away, thankful. Lorelai refrained for a second, but chose otherwise. "Jess," she said somewhat calmly, nodding towards the chair. "Take a seat."

He twisted his neck staring curiously at her, then, cautiously sat down. He began to do that clenching and unclenching thing with his hands underneath the table nervously. "Yes?"

Lorelai leaned forward, her intensely blue eyes narrowing. "There are going to be some ground rules if you are to date my daughter."

Accepting the statement immediately, he nodded, not expecting more than a 'leave before I kill you'.

"Ok," he said.

The words Danger, Will Robinson, danger! Were ringing in his ears along with Get out while you still can!

"Rule number one," Lorelai began, her voice sharper than normal. "You will be allowed to enter my house when Rory says it's ok and you will only be allowed to enter her room and the kitchen. You will not be allowed in my house after 9:30. Is that clear?"

"Yes," he said blankly, thankful for her allowance to let him within a five mile radius of Rory. She continued. "Rule two: If you are to spend time with Rory, it cannot be when I am; you are not allowed to persuade her to alter her plans with me for you under any circumstances short of coffee."

"Meaning?"

"Luke's diner is the only exception seeing you work here and his coffee is what keeps me alive," she said with full seriousness.

"Ok."

"Don't speak when I'm speaking," she said. "Rule three: You will need to get your act together."

He waited a beat before speaking. "In which way?"

Lorelai glared at him. "You need to get your own apartment, get a better job and you can't break any rules, unless given by Taylor."

"Ok."

"You cannot be at the wheel when driving together. Rory will be driving at all times, preferably with her car; it's more safe."

"Ok."

"And," she said, her tone scarier than before. "If you hurt my Rory I will hurt you severely and I will not stop until you are gone with the promise of never coming back."

"I'm not going to hurt her again."

Lorelai raised a brow. "I find that hard to believe."

Jess leaned forward, mimicking Lorelai's intense pose with folded arms. "I will never hurt Rory again." She scoffed, but he wasn't phased. "I have changed, Lorelai, and you don't have to believe it for it to be true." He nodded solemnly, and said "You've made it clear that you hate me and I know there's nothing I can do to change that."

She nodded. "This is true."

"But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try," he said with a smirk. Lorelai raised a brow, surprised and not necessarily in a bad way.

She leaned closer, narrowing her eyes more, an effective shadow being cast upon her face in a tim Burton kind of way. "I have one more rule."

"Yes?" He asked. Geez, she's gonna request an impalement or a ridiculous oath or something...

"You can never make coffee ever again."

Resisting a smile, he nodded. Things were coming so easy for him...