5. "I'm Sorry." "Too Bad."

I was back on my bed, my head in my pillow. Guilt wracked my body. How could I DO that?

After I'd kissed Alex, I'd made him leave; telling him it had been a mistake. He asked me why I'd kissed him back if it was a mistake. I didn't answer.

The door slammed, and Hanna walked in. "Okay, you officially need help. You have done nothing but lay around the whole weekend. You haven't even showered! And do NOT think that I am just going to let you eat gallons of ice cream while watching Titanic over and over. I, as your friend can't-"

"Shhh!" I managed.

I felt the bed dip as Hanna sat down. "Spencer, sweetie, is everything okay?" I groaned into my pillow. "No."

She was silent for a moment. "Did something happen between you and Toby?"

I groaned again. "No. Yes. I don't know!"

She paused again. "Spill."

I turned around in bed and sat up.

"I was here alone Friday night, and I was kind of lonely, cause you were with Caleb, and Toby was at a class, and Alex came by, and said that he wanted to get back together and gave me flowers, and I explained about Toby and said I didn't want to get back together with him, but when he was about to leave, he kissed me, and then we were making out, and the worst part is, when I pulled his face off mine, I didn't tell him to go away, I kissed him back, and I don't know what to do, and I don't know if I should tell Toby, and I'm afraid he KNOWS, because he hasn't called, and-"

Whoa, whoa, Spencer," Hanna said, holding out her hands. "You KISSED Alex?"

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees!" I wailed.

She sat there shocked. I'd never cheated a day in my life.

"Well," she said finally. "You have to tell him."

I looked at her, shocked. "What? Are you insane?"

She sighed. "Spence, relationships are nothing without honesty. You can't keep it from him and have him find out later and know you lied."

I hesitated. "You think? Won't he break up with me?"

"Maybe. But you can't be sure, and I can guarantee you that he will break up with you if you let him find out for himself."

I sighed. "Okay. I'll tell him.

The next day…

"Soooo…" I said sitting on the bench in Founder's Park.

"So." Said Toby stiffly.

"Are you going to tell me what you wanted to talk about?" I said softly.

"Why did you cheat on me?" He asked bluntly.

I gasped. "Oh my God Toby, I swear I was going to tell you!"

"That's not the point," he snapped. "The point is you cheated. You kissed someone else when we were in a relationship. THAT is the point."

I felt a tear fall down my face. "Toby, it was a mistake. I know I screwed up. I can't believe I did that."

"I can't believe you did either."

"Toby," I said. "I swear, I made him leave. I don't ever want to see him again. I am ashamed of what I did, but I don't want to get together with him. I want us."

He snorted. "As far as I am concerned, there was never an us. You were sucking face with your ex-boyfriend behind my back. I think that breaks the grounds for a relationship, don't you?"

"Toby-" I started, but he stormed off.

I sobbed, and put my face into my hands.

Hanna found me there, hours later, and took me home and forced me to drink hot cocoa. Then she told me to go to bed, and cry as much as I wanted.

I did.

Hours later, I woke up to a soft knock at the door. I sat up sleepily, and heard Hanna whispering.

"I can't….Spencer's upset…breakup."

Then I heard Caleb say something, and the door shut again.

I choked back a sob, and buried my head in my pillow.

I had made such a mistake. I knew I loved Toby. I'd loved him, and lost him.

I don't really like this chapter. But Toby had to break up with her. They will get back together. But keep in mind that I did say in the Prologue that they fight a lot. There will be at least two more breakups. But they will stay together despite it all.