EZHF

by ThunderClouds7

Elite Zombie Hunting Force. My friends and I form a zombie hunting force as the world basically goes poof over night and is overrun by the undead. We have a whole lot of fun during our many insane adventures and get into a ton of stupid situations as we try to take back what was lost. And what's more fun than kicking zombie ass with magic? Elves, shapeshifters, werewolves, and fun.

16. A Very Daring Rescue

REWRITTEN 1/13/16

Enia: I should be studying for finals.

A Very Daring Rescue

"Man, I'm tired," I said, sighing slightly as I swiftly sliced the head off the muncher Riskapoop had left in farewell. "It's been like, what? A fajillion hours since we slept?"

"A fajillion?" Samik smirked, raising an eyebrow. "That's a lot of hours."

I flapped my hand at him as I yawned. "You know what I mean."

"What do you plan do do?" William groused. He folded his arms across his chest and glared at all of us in turn. "It's not like we can sleep. We have to save David, and you've already wasted enough time with this little adventure."

"I know. I'm not stupid," I replied, drawing the word out. I rubbed at my face, trying to stimulate brain activity. Everything inside me felt sluggish and made of molasses. "I've got a plan. We'll go to HyVee, stock up on pop and candy and shit and go," I stabbed my finger dramatically into the sky, "to the Library!"

"Great, now she's quoting Avatar," Onyx muttered.

"Hey, it's a good show," Minka pointed out, and Onyx shrugged in reluctant agreement.

"Yahoo!" Teemo yelled, making everyone around him wince. "Sounds like fun. If only we had some Duice…"

He was referring to an elven drink that was similar to juice that someone had shoved full of a shit-ton of sugar. It had some other strange properties that honestly made it similar to pot. Then add more caffeine and sugar to the mix. Okay, maybe it wasn't similar to juice at all, but it was freaking amazing.

"Because that's such a good plan," Onyx said to me, ignoring Teemo.

"Sure it is!" I replied, grinning. I sauntered over and slung my arm around her shoulders. "I mean, come on. A bunch of crazy, sugar-jacked teens on a rescue mission during a zombie apocalypse? What could be better?"

"I think it sounds like fun," Zeus interjected. Teemo grinned and held his hand up for a high five.

Onyx thought about the plan for a moment before finally shrugging and giving in. "Okay. Why the hell not? But if this goes horribly wrong, I'm blaming you."

"And I'm blaming Teemo," I finished.

Teemo blinked, hearing his name. "Wait. What?"

Onyx nodded sagely. "Sounds like a good plan."

We set off, hurrying across the slushy, mucky field. The mixture of snow and mud sucked at our shoes, slowing our progress. Luckily, the school wasn't far from the grocery store. We just had to cross the street, walk a few blocks past a church and some homes, and then cross over the creek.

We left the school grounds, hopping over the fences and darting through the playground of the nearby elementary school. Just before crossing the first street, we hunkered down behind a set of bushes to soak in the scene. People ran screaming through the streets, munchers shambling after them from every direction.

"Ready to make a break for it?" I asked, excitement bubbling in my veins.

"Just a second," William interrupted. A man on a bike shot past us, wobbling as he screamed his head off. A muncher in a bloody housecoat staggered after him. "Isn't going into a large grocery store the last thing you want to do at the start of a zombie apocalypse?"

"Yeah," I said and paused for a moment before breaking into a smile. "But that's what makes it fun."

That earned me eye rolls from several of my friends. "I'm up for it," Teemo said, cracking his knuckles. There was a manic light in his eyes. "Danger is the spice of life."

William stared at us like we had both turned neon pink. "You're both insane, you know that?"

I snapped my fingers and pointed little guns at him with both hands. "You know it."

At my nod, we darted out of the bushes and ran across the street, dodging around a stalled car and a shredded body. I led the way as we sprinted down the hill, watching my footing on the ice and blood slick road. Munchers changed course and struggled towards us, but we easily blew past them. A young, dead woman staggered out from between the houses, nearly bowling straight through the center of our group, but Teemo lashed out with his broadsword and took her head off.

We careened into HyVee's parking lot and skidded to a halt, our feet kicking up sprays of snow. The store was filled with the sound of gunshots, accompanied by warbling screams. Shadows flickered across the smeared windows, moving in time with the dreadful music.

"What's our plan of attack?" I asked, turning to face the others.

"Sneak in?" Arin suggested.

"Boring," Teemo joked, rolling his eyes at his wife. He gave me a pleading look, eyes innocent. "I make it go boom, Enia?"

"Tempting," I answered, stroking my chin as I thought about it.

"Why don't we just walk in?" Onyx wondered. "Everyone inside will be too distracted by not dying to notice us."

The group exchanged glances, everyone shrugging slightly. "I like this plan," Zeus said. "It's simple and almost ironic."

"Sounds like it could work," Minka agreed.

Teemo huffed and folded his arms across his chest. "I still don't think it's exciting enough."

Onyx grinned triumphantly and pointed heroically at towards the door. "To the front entrance!" she yelled and took off.

"I want cheese!" Zeus shouted as she ran after Onyx, the rest of us following along behind her. "I'll get the string cheese, and Samik can get the block cheese, and Onyx will get the cottage cheese!"

"I don't want no cottage cheese," Onyx contradicted, a look of pure disgust crossing her features. "I want the Mountain Dew."

Zeus narrowed her eyes. "Then Teemo will get the cottage cheese."

"I don't like cottage cheese," Teemo replied.

"Well, someone has to get the cottage cheese!" Zeus pouted, looking slightly murderous.

"I'll get it for you," Arin promised, and Zeus beamed, turning from a serial killer to a cute child in less than a second.

The large, sliding glass doors were shattered, the offending bricks scattered across the floor inside, lying inside the field of glittering glass. We darted into the entrance, the shopping carts to our left. There were only three left. A wall sat in front of us, blocking our view of the store's interior, but the sounds that smacked our ears painted a gruesome picture.

"Damn," Teemo grumbled, looking at the final sliding door that led into the store. "There aren't any more doors for me to kick down." Suddenly, he twitched and shot away, yelling "I call the jelly beans!"

We watched curiously as he leapt dramatically through the empty doorframe. "Hello world!"

Instantly, the store fell silent. Everyone inside would be staring at him, and soon we would be swamped by munchers. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Sometimes – no, all the time – he was such an idiot. "Teemo," I hissed, glaring at him. "Distraction."

He looked back at me and grinned evilly. "Kitchen go boom?"

I nodded once. "Kitchen go boom."

He pumped his fist in the air. "Yes!"

"I want to go too!" Zeus yelled and scampered after him. They disappeared from view, but I could hear them yelling and drawing the undead away from us.

"What now?" Samik asked.

"Now we make our own dramatic entrance," I answered. I led the charge into the store, my feet crunching on the fallen glass. "Never fear!" I yelled, doing the exact same thing that I had been annoyed at Teemo for doing. "The Elite Zombie Hunting Force is here to save the – WAK!"

Suddenly, my feet disappeared from under me, and I thudded to the ground, bruising my hip. "OW! What the hell?"

"Save the wak?" Samik smirked. He reached down and pulled me to my feet.

"Shut up," I huffed.

I brushed the glass from my hands, lucky that nothing had broken the skin. I was coated with fresh blood. My knees and ass were soaked through and cold, and the red liquid dripped down my sleeves and onto my wrists. "That's so fucking gross," I groaned, trying hard not to gag. I was covered with a lot of gore already, but this final fall had pushed me over the edge. I felt caked with grime. "I'm going to run to the restroom."

I took a left towards the Hawkeye apparel corner, jumping over discarded shopping carts, their contents spilled across the ground like human guts, the bodies of their previous owners never far. I passed a group of men and women fighting over the few remaining cases of booze – it wasn't even the good, expensive stuff – and two crying couples trying to wrestle a package of diapers away from the other.

Most of the shelves I ran by had been stripped bare, but I did catch a glimpse of a fully stocked jelly bean dispenser. I skirted around a broken DVD display and snatched up a fresh, black Hawkeye t-shirt to wear and a horribly yellow shirt to use as a towel.

I ran through the dairy and frozen aisle, smirking when I saw the spring cheese, and hurtled a fallen body to enter the meat department. The bakery did not smell as good as it usually did as I headed towards the bathroom.

I slammed into the door to the women's restroom, smacking my nose against the unyielding, plastic covered wood. I shoved at the it, rattling the handle, prepared to cuss the door out until I noticed the black, block letters that spelled out 'PULL'. I glanced around quickly to make sure that no one had seen me embarrass myself.

I yanked the door open and darted inside, glancing briefly under each of the stalls to check for any nasty surprises. I shed the leather jacket and pulled the long sleeve shirt over my head, shuddering as the blood caked front dragged across my face. I threw the shirt to the side and turned on the sink, scrubbing at my hands and face until the water ran a murky red-brown. I put the new shirt on, then started trying to wash some of the muck out of my jacket.

And then I remembered that Teemo and Zeus had gone on a mission to blow up the kitchen. The kitchen was right next to the restrooms.

I cursed violently and threw myself towards the door, jacket still clutched in my hands. I wasn't quick enough.

Suddenly, the entire building began to tremble, and the ground disappeared from under me. I flew forward and slammed against the wall, cracking the off-white tiles. The room shook beneath me as I lay, dazed, on the ground, water spraying from all the sinks. Smoke filled the air and clawed painfully at my lungs, making me hack and cough. Low to the ground, I crawled towards the door, shoving it open and rolling out into hazy bakery.

"Teemo!" I yelled as I regained my feet, leaning heavily against a hot wall. "You're a goddamn idiot!"

"That was awesome!" I heard Zeus cry happily.

"Go!" Samik yelled from somewhere to my right, signaling to the others that it was time to go steal everything they could. Teemo and Zeus appeared out of the smoke, black and covered with soot, and hurried to my side when they saw me. Teemo stuffed his arm around my shoulders and helped me stand upright.

"You're a goddamn idiot," I repeated, coughing.

He laughed, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. "I know. It's why the ladies love me."

I rolled my eyes towards the ceiling.

We began to stagger away from the wall. "What were you doing in the bathroom?" he wondered.

"I needed to wash off some of the blood," I explained, voice rough.

"I see. Now, take me to the jelly beans!"

I pulled away from him, stumbling for a few steps before remembering how to control my legs. They followed me past the panicking humans and the muncher hordes that were stalking them, turning down a thankfully empty aisle. Teemo shrieked happily when he saw the large, undisturbed jelly bean section. Wordlessly, he pointed at the clear plastic bags hanging nearby, and we got to work filling the bags as quickly as we could. Somehow, we managed to empty all the containers. I righted a cart, and we dumped the goodies into the bottom.

"What next?" Teemo asked, buzzing with pre-sugar rush excitement.

"Cheese!" Zeus yelled in my ear. I cringed away from her.

We scurried around the store, grabbing any kind of cheese that we could get our hands on, from string cheese to spreadable cheese to fancy cheese and to, yes, cottage cheese. Along the way, we passed Onyx struggling to hold four six-packs of Mountain Dew at once. "Coke!" I shouted, inspired by her and quickly changing direction.

"And root beer!" Zeus added.

"Yes! Root beer!" We added the pop to the cart, smashing the jelly beans, and took off again, racing down the candy aisle and scooping things into the cart without looking at them. Teemo drunkenly steered the cart around Samik. He had two baskets on both arms, overflowing with chocolate. "Hey!" I shouted as we blew by.

"Hey," he responded without looking at us.

I saw William walk past the end of the aisle, arms loaded down with dried meat.

"What else?" Teemo asked.

Before Zeus or I could answer, though, the sound of sirens blasted through the broken windows, quickly growing louder. It was our cue to leave. "EZHF!" I yelled, my voice easily cutting over the din of the store. "Let's get out of here!"

As if drawn by magnets, my other friends quickly converged around me. "How?" Minka asked. "We can't go out the front because of the police, and I don't know of any other doors."

"Our explosion blasted a hole in the wall. We could go out that way," Teemo suggested, and Arin gave him a surprised but proud look. His wanton explosions didn't usually result in something helpful.

"Sounds like a plan," I said. "Let's blow this popsicle stand." I caught sight of the excited gleam in Teemo's eyes and quickly revised my statement. "Not literally."

His face fell.

We disappeared into the shelves just as the police stormed into the store, screaming for everyone to remain calm. Minka checked that the coast was clear once we reached the bakery and then motioned for everyone to cross the open space into the kitchen. Two people to a cart, we man-handled them over the debris strewn across floor and shoved them gracelessly through the still-smoking hole in the wall. As soon as the wheels were on smooth ground, we began to run around the building towards the parking lot.

"Let's go steal a cop car!" Zeus cried excitedly. Gods, we were corrupting her more and more with every moment.

Was it bad that none of us objected?

Zeus led the way around the corner and into the main parking lot. The small, three car fleet sat in an open space near the shattered doors, sirens wailing, lights flashing. They would never learn. "Shotgun!" Onyx called as soon as the cars came into view.

"Who's going to drive?" I asked as we hurried across the cement.

"Not Enia," Samik said, giving me a grin. "She drives like an old lady.

I reached over and punched him in the shoulder. "Shut up."

"I will!" Teemo yelled as he leapt into the air.

"Teemo, you don't know how to drive," Arin reminded him.

His feet touched back down, and he gave her a pouty look. "Bubble-buster."

"I'll drive," Onyx announced with a hair flip that closed the discussion.

"Just don't kill us," I replied.

We piled into the car. As driver, Onyx was lucky enough to get her own seat. Minka and Zeus squeezed into the shotgun seat together, and the rest of us piled into the back. I sat on Samik's lap, and Arin perched on Teemo's, leaving William to be smashed into the middle, all the goodies piled on the floor around our feet.

After pressing most of the buttons on the dash, Onyx managed to turn the sirens off, but the sudden silence alerted the police inside the store. The uniformed men and women, some of them bloody, poured out of the building, yelling abuse and orders in our direction. Those of us with windows rolled them down and leaned out to wave, laughing, as we pulled away.

"Where to?" Onyx asked, turning onto the main road.

"Somewhere quiet where we can go over our loot," I answered.

"How about Creekside Park?" Minka suggested.

"Sounds good," Onyx suggested and hit the gas.

I'd never been in a car with Onyx driving before. I assumed that it would be a harrowing experience under normal circumstances, but after adding snow-slicked, rubble strewn streets filled with stalled cars, it became an experience worthy of the world's scariest movie. I was pretty sure my hair turned more and more white every time she hauled on the wheel, tires screeching. Anyone with an 'oh shit' door handle clutched at it with white knuckles. Every turn Onyx took sent us flying into each other, heads banging into the ceiling and walls.

Luckily, it wasn't a long drive, and soon Onyx was parking haphazardly on the sidewalk next to the park. I tumbled gratefully out of the car as soon as my door was open, pressing my warm face into the snow. "Ugh," I groaned, voice slightly muffled. "Why did I ever think that would be a good idea?"

The rest of the crew ignored me, too busy hauling the goods out of the car and dumping them on the ground in haphazard piles. "Me, Zeus, 'n Enia got the jelly beans," Teemo began happily, digging through one of the multi-colored bag and popping a handful of beans in his mouth. "And the Coke and root beer and candy and cheese!" Already, his words were beginning to blur together.

"Yum!" Zeus agreed. She cracked open a bottle of root beer and took a long drink.

I rolled over and sat up, splaying my legs out in front of me as I brushed the snow from my face. "You do know that cheese goes bad really fast, right?"

She shrugged, uncaring.

"Do a little clothes shopping, Enia?" Samik asked, grinning as he nodded at my new shirt.

"Yeah. Bloodstains just aren't in this season, you know? Although, it already smells funny thanks to someone?" I replied, staring pointedly at Teemo.

He laughed through a mouthful of jelly beans.

I leaned forward and snagged a can of Coke. "Usually, I prefer Diet Coke, but I guess I'll make an exception tonight."

"I got the Mountain Dew," Onyx announced proudly, plunking the six-pack of radioactive green bottles down in the middle of our circle. Immediately, William, Minka, and Zeus leapt forward, each snatching a bottle away.

"I have lots of chocolate and Snickers and stuff," Minka added, pulling a shower of goodies from her pockets

I stole the bag of jelly beans away from Teemo, and, shrieking indignantly, he lunged after me. Laughing, I somersaulted away and poured some of the candy into my mouth, nearly upending my can of Coke with my elbow. Teemo scowled at me angrily and huffily opened a second bag on jelly bean.

"I. Have. MEAT!" William yelled at the top of his lungs, brandishing a bag of beef jerky.

We all stared at him blankly. I blinked a couple of times, scratching at the back of my head.

"What?" he demanded, seeing us all staring. "I like meat."

"We can see that," I said. "But it's not really going to hype you up."

"You would be surprised what meat can do to me" he replied, tearing the package in half. The dried meat spilled out across the snow.

"It would also work well for supplies," Samik added.

I stared at him in shock, mouth dropping open, one hand leaping to my heart. "Who are you and what have you done with Samik?" I cried, shaking the elf back and forth by his shoulders, unable to believe that he would agree with William without insulting the wolf.

Samik pulled himself away, gently disentangling himself from my grasp. "It'll be okay, Enia."

"No, it won't!" I wailing, flinging myself away and to the ground. I slung one hand across my forehead in absolute horror.

"I got some toothbrushes and toothpaste!" Arin interrupted brightly, holding a lumpy plastic bag aloft. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't want my teeth ruined in one night."

I lifted my head to stare at her with a raised eyebrow. "Sensible, as always," Teemo sighed, shaking his head in her direction.

"I also got Zeus some real clothes," she continued, ignoring Teemo completely. "It's hard to kickass in reindeer pajamas. As cool as they are."

Zeus caught the sweatshirt and pants that Arin tossed through the air.

We gobbled up the candy and chugged down all the pop. It was gone within minutes. Instantly, my blood sugar began to rise, and my legs started to jiggle erratically. Teemo opened his mouth to sing and dragged Arin to her feet to spin her in wide circles. Onyx couldn't stop giggling, wheezing at the same time, and bashing her head on other people's shoulders. William's eyes grew more and more blank as he devoured the dried meat.

"Enia!" he yelled suddenly and threw his arms around me. "I loooooooooooooove you!"

"Ack!" I yelped, smashing him over the head with a hammer. "Creeper!"

"OW!" He let go of me to clutch his bruised skull. "How did you do that?"

"Because I'm magical!" I joked, dragging out the last word.

"It was a Rite, yeah?" Samik asked, eating an entire king-sized Hershey bar in one bite. Somehow he was still sober. He was the only one among us. All the colors were beginning to blur before my eyes.

"Yup!"

A Rite was a type of spell, specific to the Elf Realm. There were two kinds, Majort and Minut, but I was far too sugar high to remember the difference. The Rite I had used, 'Barron Mead' could create any kind of weapon, limited only by the caster's imagination. So I could create a sword, or flamethrower, or swordfish, or some Belgian waffles, or even a giant, axe-wielding gummy bear squid! Wahahaha! I would rule the world with it!

"Wait!" I yelled suddenly, holding up an arm for silence. "Does anyone have any gummy bears?"

"I do!" Arin flung a package at my head. I tore it open midair and began to barbarically shove them into my mouth, head first.

"I want some!" Zeus said. She rolled over to me, and we gnawed through the package in record time.

When all the wrappers had been reduced to sticky shreds, I leapt to my feet, almost stepping on William when I lost my balance. "Okay! Let's go save Davir – David – kick some ass, and eat pie!"

The others shouted their agreement, and a moment later, we were loaded back into the car. Onyx slammed on the gas before the doors were fully shut, and we tore away, tires squealing, shooting down the road at breakneck speed. The middle of our car sat on the painted yellow lines, and I couldn't make my eyes focus on anything outside the window.

Suddenly, Onyx shifted in her seat to turn and look at me, one finger on the stealing wheel. "Enia! Did I ever tell you that Riskapoop has a puppy?"

"What?" I yelped in shock, hand flying to my mouth.

"Yeah! You know how the Universe is always expanding and stuff? Well, Riskapoop went beyond that into a world of alien German Shepherds and brought one back. His puppy's an illegal alien! His name is Godfre,y, and he's 110 years old, but he's still a puppy! He can turn invisible and green…at the same time!"

"Woah!" I shrieked, slumping over across Samik's lap. The whole world was awash in sparkling rainbows, bright and happy enough to blind.

"Watch the road!" Arin shrieked suddenly, and Onyx spun in her seat just in time to jerk on the wheel, spinning us around a stalled car. Zeus whooped as if she were on a roller coaster. A muncher staggered into the street, one foot twisted all the way around. Onyx swerved towards it, opening her door at the last second so it smacked into the corpse. Everyone in the car began to cackle in amusement. I couldn't remember how to breathe.

The next thing I knew, we were screeching to a halt, skidding drunkenly into one of the parking spots beside the library. I couldn't remember how we got there. It was literally all blank. Everything was buzzing, and there seemed to be glitter on Samik's face. It was amazing that we were all still alive.

The doors popped open before the engine turned off, and we tumbled out of the car, giggling.

"That was awesome!" Zeus exclaimed, stumbling and catching herself on the roof of the vehicle. "Best roller coaster ever!"

"We need a plan of attack," I said, trying to focus and form my words into something solid. The muscles in my legs wouldn't stop twitching, and I was having trouble standing still. All I wanted to do was burst into laughter. I felt like part of me was floating, but another part of me was still on the ground. A lone leaf skittered by, carried on the wind, and my eyes tracked it across the street. I really wanted to try and catch the light reflecting off the windows.

"I shall do recon!" Zeus announced, and suddenly, she transformed into a massive silver hawk. She was probably about three feet tall, her beak long and sharp enough to slice steel. Grey markings streaked down her shining wings that shimmered entrancingly as she shook them out. We all stared at her. Minka's mouth fell open.

"That was epic!" Onyx shouted, drawling her words slightly. "You've been holding out on us!"

Zeus the hawk squawked at her and launched herself drunkenly into the air, narrowly avoiding cracking her skull on a light pole. I stared after her until she disappeared from sight, then forced my gaze away from the drifting clouds. "Okay," I said, mumbling slightly. Samik's hand on my elbow kept me from tumbling over. "What's our plan?"

"I will go in and kill all the zombies in an awesome display of badassery that will make you love me forever," William announced bluntly, using only one breath and grinning roguishly at me. I pushed down the urge to summon another hammer. In my state I would probably end up exploding or conjuring an inflatable clown hammer with stars on it. "And then the rest of you will come over, and we'll break in and go see if David's still alive."

"Actually, that's not bad," I told him, rubbing my chin. "Except for the whole me loving you forever part. Let's just wait for Zeus to come back."

It took about five minutes for Zeus to return. At one point, Arin disappeared after a plastic bag drifting on the wind, and we had to chase after her. Teemo caught her around the waist, draped her over his shoulder, and carried her back to the police car.

Zeus dropped out of the sky, transforming back to human an instant before her feet touched the ground, her heels skidding slightly on the ice. "The place is swamped," she panted. "Some of them are dead-dead – they look like they've been shot in the head – but there are still a ton surrounded the building. The doors don't look like they've been broken, but there's a lot of glass on the ground."

"Good. Good to know," I said, nodding to her. "Then our plan is a go." I turned to William and pointed a finger at him. "Go ahead, Puppy-Boy."

"I am not a puppy!" he yelled as he changed into a wolf.

"Do you prefer cheerleader?"

He growled at me, every tooth showing, but bounded away. We followed at a safe distance. I had a satisfied smirk on my face, and I wasn't sure if I could focus enough to make it go away again.

With a roar, William leapt at the nearest muncher, tearing its head off in a shower of blood that washed a whole window red. He jumped on top of the next corpse and then the next and the next, never spending longer than a second on any of them. The blood looked like whirling streamers in the air, and the snow turned dark, stained like a rotten strawberry. I cocked an eyebrow as we watched him work. It actually was pretty impressive.

He shredded some of the bodies to ribbons, literally ripping them into five separate pieces, and bit whole heads off, shaking them before tossing them disdainfully away. Somehow, he even managed to trample a couple, slamming his paws deep into their skulls.

Smelling us, the munchers turned slowly and shambled in our direction, but none of them got within twenty feet. William pounced on their backs and tore their heads from their bodies. The bloody droplets came within three inches of my feet.

The hairs on the back of my neck tingled, sending a shiver all the way down my spine, and I looked in every direction, searching for the person watching us. I spotted a pale face peeking out of one of the library's second story windows. I nudged Samik in the ribs and pointed the person out as William finished off the last zombie. Samik nodded in acknowledgement.

William transformed back to human and swaggered up to me, hand on his hips as he smirked. "And that's how its done."

"Do you wanted another hammer in the face?" I threatened as he tried to sling his arm around my shoulders. He quickly and wisely backed off, shoving his hands in his pockets. I stepped forward and turned around so I could address the entire group. "How are we going to get up there?" I asked, pointing towards the window where I'd seen the face. It was gone now. "I don't want to break the doors."

"Smash a window and fly through dramatically," Teemo suggested, running a hand through his shaggy hair.

"I like it," I agreed. "Teemo, would you do the honors?"

He grinned and bowed, sweeping both hands out behind him. He stamped his foot against the ground, and a rock shot towards one of the second story windows. The glass shattered loudly, glinting briefly as it fell. I bent my knees and launched myself into the air, flying easily through the open window. "Never fear!" I yelled as I rolled once and came to my feet, still moving forward. "EZHF is here to – WAK!" I slammed into a bookshelf and tumbled to the floor, dazed.

"Here to save the day!" Teemo finished as he landed easily beside a table. He stuck out a hand and helped me to me feet as the rest of the Elite Zombie Hunting Force flew through the window one by one. Well, everyone but Onyx and William. They couldn't fly. Minka must have used her telekinesis to lift her entire body.

"Hey!" William yelled, sounding annoyed. "A little help here?"

I poked my head out the window and sighed. "How I would love to leave him there," I muttered. But then I would also have to leave Onyx. "Anyone got me a rope?" Someone pressed a piece of rough rope into my hand, and I lowered it down the window. I had no idea why there was rope in the library, but I didn't really care. It was probably David's.

Teemo and I held the rope steady as William clambered up and climbed through the window. I suppressed the need to shove him back out again. Instead, I stuck my head outside once more and beckoned to Onyx.

She glared up at me, planting her hands on her hips. "You know I suck at climbing rope, Enia."

"Do it anyways," I answered. "Brace your feet on the wall."

She tried. She really did. But she still couldn't get more than five feet off the ground. Finally, she flung the rope away. "I hate you right now," she huffed.

"What happened to your super duper Onyx strength?" I asked, earning myself a scowl. "Just hold on, I'll pull you up."

Actually, it wasn't me. I was too lazy. I made William do it. Either way, Onyx made it into the library, and the eight glanced around the empty floor. A young man stood behind the resource desk, pointing a rifle and squinting at us suspiciously from behind his glasses. He was blonde-haired, blue-eyed like William, but he was thinner and looked less like a body-builder and more like a normal person. "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"You don't recognize your co-author?" I huffed, spreading out my arms. "It's me, Enia Silverson!"

He lowered the gun slowly. "Really?"

"Yup. And you already know William." I pointed at the werewolf, and then everyone else as I named them. "And these are Samik, Teemo, Arin, Onyx, Minka, and Zeus. We're here to rescue you!"

He set the rifle down fully and dropped into a swivel chair. "Thanks for that."

"Yeah, well, sooo…" I yawned suddenly. Everything in front of me was starting to turn fuzzy, and I couldn't feel my nose. Sugar levels…were…depleting. I swayed on my feet, and my other friends were starting to crumple to the floor as well. "We'll talk in the morning, David."

And then my face hit the floor, and everything went dark.

Enia: Yeah! That was awesome! One of the longest chapter in any of my fanfictions. Me likey. Anyways, i…! WAAAGH! LOOK OUT, ZEUS! THERE'S A GIANT ABOMIDABLE GUMMY BEAR SQUID COMING RIGHT AT YOU! IT WANTS TO STEEL YOUR COOKIES!

Zeus: PROTECT ME, ENIA! DON'T LET IT STEAL MY COOKIES! AHHHHHHH!

Enia: (pulls out badass flamethrower) CHARBROIL!

Zeus: DIE YOU GELATIN MONSTER OF EVILNESS! DIE! DIE! (chucks sporks)

Enia: SPOOOOOOORK! REAR THE POWER OF MY…BELGIAN WAFFLES! (starts throwing waffles)

Waffle: Wait…what?

Zeus: BRING OUT THE POKEMON AND PUT AWAY THE WAFFLES, ENIA! I WAS GONNA HAVE THOSE FOR BREAKFAST! EAT MY BULLETS, GUMMY!

Enia: GOOOOOOOOOO HO-OH! SACRED FIRE! LET'S MELT THIS BAD BOY DOWN! AND GIRATINA! USE SHADOW FORCE!

Zeus: IT'S MELTING! IT'S MELTING!"

Enia: WAAAAHOOOOOOOOO!

Zeus: KEEP IT UP, HO-OH! MAKE ENIA PROUD!

Ho-oh: Squawk!

Gummy Bear Squid: I'M MELTING! I'M MELTI…

Zeus: MWJAJAJAJAJAJA! (I'm Spanish!) WE HAVE SUCCEEDED! YOU WILL NEVER GET MY COOKIES, YOU VILE BEAST!

Enia: FOOOOOOOR THE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!

Zeus: (battle cry/shriek) FOOOOOOOOOOOOO' DAAAAAAAAAAAA KOOOOOOOOOOOKIES!

(gummy bear dies of terror)

Enia: Phew, now that that's done with…um…I really have nothing else to say. Just, you know, be careful, watch out for Lawn Gnomes (they eat feet) and continue killing zombies in a totally badass way. I'll see you next time on E.Z.H.F.

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