Chapter 18
A/N: I think I got everyone thanked this time! I hope so! Reviews mean a lot to me, and I cherish each one!
I only fit in half of what I wanted to in this chapter, and it still has the longest word count of any chapter so far. That is why I broke it into two. Besides, you guys had waited long enough for this chapter! It took so long because the 4th of July weekend came along, and there were a lot of activities which prevented me from writing for a few days.
If you have any constructive critique, feel free to let me know. It's helpful!
CBS owns Hawaii Five-0, and now that Season 7 is filming, I'm hoping it is good!
Chapter 18
Danny ate the hospital food without any enthusiasm whatsoever, except when they were allowed to have a cookie, or a brownie, or Lord-above-thank-you a doughnut. Tonight, dessert was for the first time a baked glazed doughnut, on the small side. It wasn't up to par with malasadas or any of the amazing types of doughnuts he could name. But it was a doughnut, and it was glazed, and as soon as he saw it, he imagined eating a baker's dozen of them.
Therefore, when he dutifully worked his way through the little fish patty (baked, not fried), the string beans (no butter or margarine), the half cup of sliced, ripe strawberries, the hard roll that well-earned its name (again no butter), he looked upon his doughnut as if it had personally been delivered from Heaven, and closed his eye as he took that first bite.
After that, he wished he had left the strawberries for last, because this doughnut was one tough specimen. He remembered the joke about fruit cake: a man died of mysterious causes, and during the medical examiner's autopsy, it was discover that, at some point in the man's life, he had eaten fruitcake. Danny imagined that the chewy rock he had just barely managed to swallow would sit unhappily in his stomach for the next twenty-five years of his life. Maybe longer.
"Wow, Danny, that is the best doughnut I've ever had," glowed Steve, spewing crumbs because that's how Danny's partner was during periods of eating: apparently no one in his life had ever told him not to talk with his mouth full. Danny promptly offered him the one-bite-shy-of-whole doughnut and Steve accepted it with incredulity. "Thank you! You sure? You love these!"
"Yeah, Steve, uh, you need more food than I do, and I'm too full." He watched Steve down it in two messy bites, followed by a smile of sincere appreciation. Danny swore he could hear the bites 'sploosh' when they hit his stomach.
Trays were collected soon, saline eye drops were put in his black eye, to keep it moist and give the cornea a good environment in which to heal, and a companionable silence fell. Danny rested, and thought again about what a wild day it had been. His ribs were content enough if he did not breathe deeply quickly. He had learned to pull in a deep breathe slowly and hold it, then let it out. He was healing, even if there was a dull ache in his arm, and his black eye did not feel happy. It was also difficult to see with just one eye, because his depth perception was off and everything looked flat. He had already learned during dinner that he had to use eating implements carefully, because when he thought he was aiming for his mouth, he might hit the side of his face just to one side or other.
"Danny, you sleeping?" whispered Steve.
Danny opened his available eye and turned his head toward his partner. "Nah. Just mulling over the day."
"Me, too." Steve was studying him, and therefore Danny waited for Steve to say what was on his mind. "How's the eye feel? I gotta tell ya, buddy, you look like you lost that fight."
Danny grimaced. "I did lose that fight."
"So ... you sure you want the charges to be dropped?"
It was one of those questions where what Danny wanted to do and what he would do were very different. He wanted Lou to get what was coming to him. But to do that, it would expose to the world that there was trouble between members of the Five-0 Task Force, and for them he was willing to let Lou off the hook, even though Lou was no longer part of the task force. The public did not yet know that. That is what he told Steve. He also reiterated that he did not yet want to see Lou. "It might take awhile for me to feel up to that. Maybe let my eye get to the point where it opens and isn't proof of just what a number he did on it. I mean, what would you do?"
Steve shook his head. "I dunno, Danno." He furrowed his dark brows. "What you're doing, probably, and for the same reasons. But, I keep hearing what he said, and seeing what he did, and feeling like I suddenly don't even know the guy. Lou said stuff, and did stuff I genuinely can't believe. I know the whole thing with the energy drinks and Sudafed, but that doesn't excuse it. In a way, it makes it worse."
"He's your friend, though, Steve. He made a mistake. He's sorry." Danny didn't for a moment believe it would be easy for Steve, any more than it would be easy for him. Obviously, Lou and Danny were people who had worked together, but any illusion of friendship had ended with the things Lou had said and done that afternoon.
"Is he?" asked Steve. "If he can attack you like that, and do that to your arm and your eye, and grab you by the neck, is he my friend? He attacked you, and you're my partner."
"He wouldn't have done it without the drinks and pills." Danny didn't want to make it harder on Steve. The truth was that he had found what Lou did to be nearly unforgivable. It was definitely not going to be easy to really forgive the man, no matter what had loosened his inhibitions enough to let him actually do things he never would have without the excuse of an adrenaline overdose.
Steve was furrowing his brows as if he were knitting a sweater, or another afghan for his couch. "HE wanted to be my partner. How much of his 'friendship' for me was genuine? How much of it just wanting me to can you and make him my partner? I dunno, Danny. I think I'm fairly forgiving, but ... this is hard."
Danny very carefully took a drink from his flat blue tumbler, and didn't dribble any water down his chin. "I know. It is for me, too. I can forgive a lot, but I'm going to try, even though this feels like it is right at the edge of what I can do. Still, maybe this sounds corny, but I have to set a good example for my kids, even when they don't know that is what I'm trying to do. It did hurt, what he said. It hurt, a lot. I think that is why I have to try harder to get past it, and that means forgiving him. But I think his friendship with you is genuine. I saw how worried he was at the plane crash site."
"But when he disrespected you, and then attacked you, he damaged my trust, my friendship. If he hadn't already turned in his badge, I'd be asking for it now."
Danny focused his one open eye on Steve. "And it would be fair for you to do that. But don't throw away a friendship until you are sure it was not real." He could not believe he was in some small way sticking up for Lou, but it was what he believed. "Give yourself time to think about it. And ... I have your back, whatever you decide."
"Thanks, Danny. A lot. Speaking of which," continued Steve, and his voice had changed from 'talking about Lou' to 'something else'. Danny wondered what Steve had on his mind.
"So, do you still want to quit?"
The question startled Danny. Of all the thinking he had done that afternoon, none of it had been about quitting. He realized that he had tossed that idea out the window when Lou attacked him, and he had known deep down that Lou was never going to be part of the Task Force again. Plus, he was committed to giving Kono another chance. "Um, no. You said you would not let me quit, so I changed my mind and do not want to quit."
Steve kept his face expressionless. "So, you want to be my partner?"
Danny suddenly felt like he was on shifting sands, and something was going on that he wasn't sure about. Slowly, he said, "Yesss. Is that a problem?"
Steve was giving him a Very Serious Look. Danny finally asked, "What's with the Stone Face?" Suddenly, he felt very tense, and that bite of doughnut in his stomach was doing weird things. "Are you trying to ask me to turn in my badge?"
A flicker of a grin flitted across Steve's face before it was again eclipsed entirely by Stone Face. "It's just, you see, I never actually asked you if you wanted to be my partner. I hijacked you." Stone Face went away as if it never existed, to be replaced by Unsure Face. "So, I thought, you know, that I should ask you. Formally. Danny Williams, would you like to be my partner on the Five-0 Task Force?"
Danny caught on. He put on his own Stone Face. "So I have a choice, now?"
"Yes, you have a choice now. But I hope you will say yes, because I want you as my partner."
Danny nodded, seriously. "I would like that very much, Steve. But I have a couple of conditions before I can totally commit."
Steve looked startled. "You do?"
"I do."
"Uh. Okay. So, what are they?"
Danny held up two fingers, and counted each point off in turn. "Twice a week, all day long, I get to drive my own car on cases, I don't care what happens! When we can drive again, that is. And you stop forgetting your wallet, and you keep money in it."
"Technically, that's three conditions."
Danny added a third finger, and ticked it off. "Then I have three conditions. Take it or leave it." He put his hands back down on the blanket.
Steve nodded very soberly. "Okay. I think we can work with that, tho I may forget about them."
"Then I want them in writing."
"Danny! Are you serious?"
"Of course I'm serious! I can NOT afford to pay for everything you forget your wallet for, when I have child support payments, a mortgage -neither of which you have- and my car insurance is through the roof because you keep driving my car into things and getting bullet holes in it!" Danny was pursing his lips to keep from smiling.
"Oh. I, uh, never thought about it like that. So, um, maybe one day a week you could drive?"
"Nope, two. Let's say Tuesdays and Thursdays. That still gives you the potential of five days out of the week to abuse my car, since we frequently work weekends. I think only asking for two days a week is very reasonable."
Steve cleared his throat. "Okay, uh, deal. You drive a hard bargain, Danny."
"Yes. Yes I do."
"You could have just asked for a raise."
"This was more fun. For a second there you almost did Aneurysm Face. Seriously, if you want to give me one, I will not complain! But if you start paying for stuff you usually palm off onto me, it will be like getting a raise." He grinned then, and laughed. "Partner."
Steve grinned back. "Partner." His grin stiffened just a little when Danny looked even more pleased and said, "I really do want that stuff in writing."
H50 H50 H50 H50
It wasn't long after that that they both were bathed, and then it was time for night meds. Danny got his antibiotic eye drops, and the last thing he did before falling asleep was to say good night to Steve. "Sweet dreams, babe."
"You too, Partner." Steve had a contented smile on his face.
All too soon, or at least it felt too soon, it was morning, and another round of hospital schedule began. Steve got first shot at the little boy's room, because he was up to it, while Danny was helped to the bathroom, where he got a good look at his shiner and bruises, which had darkened overnight. When he was settled in his bad again, he asked Steve how they were going to explain it to Grace, who was coming for a visit that night. "It might scare her," worried Danny.
"Hmmm." Steve wasn't sure. "You could ask the doc to give you an eye patch or something, so it won't look quite so ... elaborately colorful?"
"Yeah, maybe that would work."
Breakfast came and went, and it was all cardboard, but at least it wasn't fish oatmeal. It looked like Cheerios in milk, but Danny and Steve both commented that it wasn't, because Cheerios had flavor, and this didn't. Even the milk tasted diluted. The half a hard-boiled egg was over-boiled by about an hour, having the consistency of a super-ball. Even Steve had trouble getting that down.
Luckily, they were saved from a sever case of Needing Real Food when Chin stopped by, smuggling in fast food he had gotten on the way to Tripler. He handed Danny a bag with two real, glorious, heavenly glazed cake doughnuts, apologizing that the malasadas were not allowed in his diet yet, because they were fried, but the cake doughnuts were not. For Steve, he brought a half a hamburger with all Steve's favorite toppings. Danny and Steve thanked Chin in unison. "I could kiss you!"
Chin smiled. "Please don't. But I won't turn down a hug. Enjoy!"
He got hugs from both his ohana and watched them transported into bliss as they ate what he had brought them.
Steve finished his burger before Danny was done with the very last crumb of his doughnuts, so he listened as Chin answered the question about how the dinner had gone last night. Chin was happy to tell them that the dinner had been spicy and delicious, and they had doggie bags in their respective refrigerators. "Then we went to a late movie, 'The Force Awakens', and Kono has fallen again for BB8."
Danny, finally finished and feeling like he could take on the world, asked, "Do you think Kono will ever want to start a family with Adam?"
The three friends were still talking about that when Drs. Cornett and Simmons both came by to check over their patients. Chin stepped out of the room, re-entering when the doctors left and continued their morning rounds.
"How did it go?" he asked, taking a seat between Danny and Steve.
Danny was quiet, but only because he was waiting for his assorted poked and prodded bruises to stop yelling at him that they had liked it better before the poking and prodding. He listened to Steve explain that he was doing better than expected, was scheduled for two PTs that day. One was going to be in the pool, and he was looking forward to it. The doc thought Danny could start PT in a few more days, after he was done with his antibiotics for the pneumonia, which was for all intents and purposes conquered.
"Yeah, but I do not get an eye patch, because there is too much swelling and my cornea needs air, which in my opinion it is not getting as it is covered by all that purple puffiness, so Gracie still has to look at my shiner when she comes to visit. I will get a bandage patch over my arm thingie, though."
Chin asked Steve when his physical therapy was.
"In two hours! I'm supposed to rest before, though."
"Then rest," said Danny and Chin simultaneously, and shared a grin.
"Danny?" asked Chin. "Would that be a good time for Kono to stop by? She asked me to ask you, and said it was entirely your call."
Danny leaned back against his pillows, and nodded his head. He felt ready. "It would be a great time for her to come by."
Chin smiled and said he would duck out into the hall and give her a call.
H50 H50 H50 H50
Chin went with Steve to his PT appointment, so Danny could have the time alone to talk with Kono. She had shown up ten minutes or so before Steve was due to leave, and the two visited. "Oh, hey," said Steve, before Chin wheeled him out, "maybe you both can stay afterwards, if you want. There was some stuff I had wanted to show you and Lou at the meeting we never really quite had."
Danny gave Steve one of those "huh?" looks and then settled down. Steve would not pull a fast one on him now of all times. Things were finally starting to heal in the ohana. Steve added, "Chin, can you stick that box on my night table, so I don't have to lift it?"
"Sure, Boss. I forgot about it!"
Danny and Kono exchanged glances. "Chin knew about it?" Neither said it out loud, but they both knew the other was thinking it. In unison they looked at the box Chin put on Steve's bedside table. They both stared at it, while Chin pushed Steve, in a wheelchair, out of the room.
Kono sat down in the seat nearest Danny's bed.
"Dang," said Danny. "This is one of those times I wish I had rubber arms that could reach that box, and no doc's orders to not lift anything that heavy, and was not as honest as I am."
"He probably has it booby trapped anyway," sighed Kono. "How about I pull the curtain so we can't see it?"
"Good idea."
The curtain made a little bulge of a detour around Kono's chair, and the two were silent for a moment. Danny broke it. "I don't know if this will, uh, change anything, but Steve officially asked me to be his partner, and I accepted. I hope that does not upset you, er, since this is very awkward."
"Well, I'm glad he asked this time. I didn't want you to quit. It is awkward, but, well, I just wanted to say, for the record, that I hope we can still be friends, Danny. I apologize, and ask your forgiveness for all the wrongs I have done you."
So there it was.
Danny's voice was calm, but inwardly he was steeling himself for the hurt that would come out of this conversation. "I forgive you, Kono," he said, then pulled in a slow breath. "I just wish I knew what happened. I guess I have to apologize too, for not noticing that things had. I ... after Steve was shot, the whole liver thing, I was looking forward to spending some time visiting with everyone, and you know how that went ..." His voice trailed off.
"I haven't figured it all out yet, but Lou was upset because you didn't shoot that guy who shot Steve, and he kept saying you weren't ... he said a lot of things. I won't repeat them, because of yesterday. I listened to him before, and when Steve told us to think while he considered if he would ask for our badges, I took the time to figure some things out for myself." Kono paused, and her eyes were sad. "I know some distance built up when I was keeping Adam a secret, and I know everyone had doubts about him."
"But we trusted you. We trusted your judgment."
Kono nodded. "I was very grateful for that, but the distance still happened. I was busy with Adam, and I stopped paying as much attention to you especially. I worked a lot with Lou, and he was not your biggest fan. It was mostly between the lines at first, but somewhere in there it became more clear. It isn't even that I agreed with what he said, it was that I was overwhelmed, so I took the easiest way to deal with tensions, and unfortunately that meant I lost track of our friendship, and I have only myself to blame. When I really thought about it, I knew I hadn't stood up for you when I should, allowed myself to believe you would not take jokes and jibes personally, and generally blew it. Bottom line, I blew it, and I don't want to lose your friendship. I said things I didn't even mean! I did want you to kill the guy who tried to kill Steve, but that was wrong of me to think that. We're cops. We don't do that."
Danny thought again about his brother Matty, and Marco Reyes. In a dead voice, he said, "I did that once. I could not do it again. I wanted to. But I could not pull the trigger. I would not pull the trigger."
Kono looked closely at Danny, clearly startled by what he had said. "When? Who?"
"Marco Reyes."
"That was self defense."
Danny shook his head. "No. I murdered him. In cold blood. Because he killed Matty. I had to live with that, every waking and sleeping moment since. The lives I've taken in the course of the job, the perps who had it coming because they were going to shoot someone, I remember them all. I can live with them haunting me. But I have nightmares about Marco Reyes, because I murdered him. That's why I didn't kill that guy who shot Steve. I wanted to. I could have. But one murder is enough. I have to look my kids in the eyes. It can be hard, sometimes."
Kono's eyes reflected her deep understanding. "Chin doesn't know, does he? But Steve does."
Danny nodded. "Steve saw me do it. His eyes afterwards ... He understood and he never blamed me, never held it against me. He has protected me. It is not something we talk about. I think Chin suspects, but we have never told him."
"I wish I had paid more attention. I might have guessed too, and then all three of us would have been there for you. No one should go through that alone."
Danny shook his head. "I told you because I wanted to explain why I pushed everyone away for awhile after Matty's death, and to explain why I was unable to kill that guy who almost killed Steve. Finally, I put the ghost of Marco Reyes behind me, and then, I was able to save Steve, so the two things I carried around with me as my biggest failures, I had made right. I hadn't been able to save the life of my partner in New Jersey, Grace. She was murdered before my eyes. The last word she said was my name. I named my daughter after her. The guilt was crushing. But then I was able to save Steve. I felt so released from years of guilt, and just then, when I could finally open up and let go of my failures, I discovered you and Lou and Chin were avoiding me. And when Steve told me why..."
"Danny," said Kono, and the genuine sorrow in her voice was unmistakable. "How deeply I failed you. I am so deeply sorry."
He reached out and put his hand over hers, and squeezed gently. "You know I forgive you."
Kono touched her forehead to his hand, and a tear fell on it. She smiled gratefully at him when she looked at him again, eyes glistening. "Thank you, my brother."
It was easier than Danny had thought it would be to move past the wrongs. Kono knew what she had done wrong, when she had begun to be corrupted, that she had taken the easy way rather than pay attention. She was sorry, and wanted to move past it and do better. And she understood where Danny had gone wrong, and why the betrayal had affected him so deeply. Danny had thought it would take a long time to trust Kono again, but he realized that he already did. He knew there would be rough patches ahead, but he also knew those would have been there anyway. They were part of life, part of every friendship. It was time to let go and accept healing. For the sake of his children, and his friends, he would let go the mistakes, and move forward.
"So, Chin told us you went to see the Star Wars movie, and went crazy about BB8. I was thinking of getting Grace a BB8 for Christmas this year. Do you think she'd like that?"
"Are you kidding me? She'd love it! She told me she wants to be Rey for Halloween!"
"Yeah, she told me that too, so I gotta figure out how to get her a lightsaber and a long stick pole thingie."
They talked like the old friends they were until Steve and Chin returned to the room, hearing instead of serious talk, a good-natured argument about which was the coolest lightsaber in all the Star Wars movies.
"No, Danny, it's gotta be Kylo's red lightsaber, there's just no arguing that!" said Kono, laughing, while Danny countered with, "Nope, no way, nyet! Seriously, think about the first lightsaber anyone ever saw. It has to be that one, so the coolest one was Obi-wan the senior's lightsaber!"
"Nuh uh, it's Kylo's with the red thingies at the top."
"But that one only exists because of Obi-wan's, ergo his is the coolest."
"'Ergo'?"
"It is a perfectly good word! You sound like Steve!"
"What does Steve have to do with 'ergo'?"
Steve and Chin were grinning widely as they pushed into the room, even though Chin didn't understand what Steve had to do with ergo either.