What's this? Another chapter! And more than that - Alatar has another song for you guys. :)
Hel's song is Danse Macabre (in G minor) by Camille Saint-Saëns! Dramatic and perfectly suitable for a queen. You could look up the original if you want (it's on YouTube), but The Oh Hellos have a pretty good cover of it, if you'd like a more modern version.
(I really feel like I should give the rest of the kids songs, but I haven't come across anything that fits...yet)
(Though I did make a Loki playlist once if any of you are interested and have Spotify...)
The Spotify is Alatar's; you can message her on tumblr for more info about it!
Also, as a general warning, this chapter involves Gabriel/Tony's PTSD coming into play. Some brief flashbacks, and I'm not sure what to describe the rest...
Chapter 6
Gabriel had rarely traveled down Yggdrasil before, not really wanting to talk with the Norns or have anything to do with Nidhogg either. The realms in the roots of the tree weren't exactly places that gods wanted to visit. There was a reason that the realm for the dead was in the roots.
And though Gabriel knew how to get to Helheim, he really didn't want to do it. Not with what he knew of Niflheim.
"We just going to stand here or are we going in?" Coyote asked impatiently several minutes later, shuffling behind Gabriel.
Pulling in a shaky breath, Gabriel turned his back to the icy gateway that would let them into the cold darkness of Niflheim. "Several things before we do. If something goes wrong, don't touch me. It might be better if we have some distance between us as well."
"You do know that you're my guide, right? How much distance are we talking here?"
Gabriel closed his eyes, turning away. "I…don't know. At your own discretion."
Coyote laughed nervously. "You're worrying me here, Loki."
"It might be nothing. Just…a precaution." Gabriel managed a weak smile. "Come on."
There was no other realm that was as cold or dark as Niflheim, and the ever-present fog in that realm surrounded them immediately after they stepped through the gate.
Gabriel's first thought was that it wasn't that bad. He could totally manage it if he just kept himself warm.
His second – which came a minute later – was that he was wrong. It was exactly that bad.
Keeping himself warm wasn't the issue, since cold didn't really have an effect on his body. But that was regular cold. The cold of Niflheim, that unnatural cold from the beginnings of the universe, didn't care about his paltry tricks. It sank straight into his Grace, sapping the heat as fast as he could make it.
Perhaps the only saving grace was that it was dark.
The Cage hadn't been dark, not with the lights of their true forms.
"Fuck, it's cold," Coyote hissed another minute later, wrapping his arms around himself. "You should've said. I could've packed something else."
Gabriel should have said something, but all he could really manage was a strained smile that was probably more of a grimace. He focused on putting one foot in front of the other, shoulders drawing down in an effort to make himself smaller.
If he made himself smaller, maybe Lucifer couldn't reach him.
"Loki?" Coyote asked warily.
He should say something now – tell Coyote it was all right – but all he managed after opening his mouth was a strangled gasp. Snapping his teeth together, Gabriel shook his head, walking faster.
They had to get to the river and that bridge. It was possible that Helheim wasn't as cold, though he doubted it, since all that separated it from the rest of Niflheim was a paltry wall.
This had been such a bad idea.
"If I had a fire," Coyote muttered, breathing onto his hands. "Or gloves. Let's go with gloves."
Even Michael was cold.
Gabriel shook his head again, focusing on the feel of the ground beneath his feet. There hadn't been a ground in the Cage. He hadn't had a physical body in the Cage.
It was different.
"Is the glowing thing normal?" Coyote asked a minute later.
Glowing?
Gabriel looked, but there wasn't anything glowing around them in the dark fog. Then he realized that there was a light, but it was coming from him.
He still wasn't warm.
"Forget the fire," Coyote said. "You're giving off enough heat for five bonfires." He abruptly stepped closer to Gabriel, almost touching—
Gabriel had him on his back faster than he could blink, his hand fisted in Coyote's shirt and his sword in the other.
"Dude!" Coyote sounded scandalized, and a little afraid. "It's just me!"
When Gabriel didn't immediately react, Coyote drew in a pained breath. "You're kind of burning me there."
Blinking, Gabriel realized who he had under him, jerking back a second later. His legs betrayed him, collapsing underneath him as he struggled to stand. "S-sorry," he managed, voice a rasp. He tried again, but his voice failed entirely.
Propping himself up on his elbows, Coyote stared at Gabriel warily, his shirt smoking slightly where Gabriel had touched it. "Is this what you meant by not touching you?"
He realized he still had his sword out , and he managed to tuck it away without dropping it.
"You could've said you'd go nonverbal," Coyote grumbled, getting to his feet with an ease Gabriel envied. He seemed to contemplate giving Gabriel a hand, wisely reconsidering it a moment later.
Closing his eyes, Gabriel focused on his breathing and the sensation of his clothes on his skin. His heart was loud in his ears, but it was there.
There was nothing but the light and the cold, so devastating that it burned, the only sound that of his voice.
Coyote was there, and he felt different from what Gabriel remembered in the Cage. He wasn't in the Cage.
With a few more breaths, Gabriel managed to get his legs working again, and he stood as well. He wobbled slightly before steadying, not meeting Coyote's eyes.
There was no judgment in Coyote's tone when he spoke. "We good to go?"
Pressing his hand to his stomach in an effort to block the phantom pain of the old wound, Gabriel nodded once, pulling in a pained breath. He forced himself to let his hand drop, not needing Coyote to look at him even more strangely than he already was.
Gabriel started walking again, keeping careful count of his breaths in an effort to keep himself present and aware. He couldn't afford another mishap like that, since next time he might actually kill Coyote.
But it was so cold, and he wasn't entirely sure how much longer it would be until they reached the gates. He didn't know how much longer he could stand it like this.
A while later, Coyote said quietly, "This is where the dead go, right? Would those creepy guys be residents?"
Forcing himself to focus, Gabriel saw what Coyote had – dozens of the dead watching them from the sidelines, weapons at their side. Hel had noticed them, then.
For better or for worse, Gabriel was definitely not turning back now.
"This is her welcoming committee, huh?" Coyote side-eyed a man who only stared back blankly. "Could do with some cheering up."
The dead didn't seem to appreciate the insinuation. A few scowled at Coyote, but none spoke to them.
Gabriel wondered if this was Hel's way of trying to give him the silent treatment. If she thought that it might end in a conversation at the end of this, she'd be rather disappointed. He didn't think he could manage anything comprehensible right now.
"You are so gloomy when you're quiet," Coyote informed him sourly.
Gabriel briefly considered shooting him a glare, but that would take his focus off his feet, and he wasn't entirely sure that he could keep his balance if he lost it. In any case, he could see the bridge now, and the sounds of the frothing river it traversed were a blessed distraction.
"Ooh." Coyote noticeably brightened. "Is that the end? Are we almost there? Is it going to be warm?"
That was doubtful, but Gabriel didn't voice his misgivings.
The dead weren't lined across the bridge, but there were far more of them on the other side. They looked as though they'd been interrupted in the middle of something; he couldn't guess what, given the motley collection of spirits and the fact that they were all standing perfectly still. At least they were more likely to be calm than the various (warrior) inhabitants of Valhalla. The looks he and Coyote were getting weren't necessarily unfriendly, but that was probably because they could tell he and Coyote were Hel's visitors.
He wasn't sure if the dead of Helheim liked his daughter, but they sure as, well, hell respected her.
The bridge thankfully didn't sway under them as they crossed it, though Gabriel couldn't repress the reflexive flinch as the river sprayed him with water. The dead did nothing but watch as they stepped onto solid ground again, but there was a clear path through the crowd to the gate.
Most travelers to Helheim tended to skip the gate entirely for some reason, but that wouldn't be necessary here.
The gate was closed when they reached it, though the being guarding it didn't give off any malevolent intentions. Gabriel stopped in front of them, restraining the instinctive urge to wrap his arms around himself; he wasn't able to hide the shivers.
The being inclined their head. "You may pass, Loki, and your companion as well."
Gabriel didn't answer beyond inclining his head, though he heard Coyote manage a rather high-pitched "Thanks."
Then they were inside Helheim. There was literally no change in their surroundings except that now they had the wall behind them.
"I don't suppose your kid has a fire?" Coyote asked hopefully. "Or warm drinks?" He stayed a careful distance away from Gabriel.
It was…possible. Though Gabriel wasn't willing to bet on it. It mostly depended on Hel's mood, and considering the chances of her being happy to see him…
Yeah, he wouldn't put any money on that.
"The places I let you drag me," Coyote muttered, evidently reading Gabriel's thoughts on his face. "This is worse than the ocean."
The ocean was so much warmer than this place.
"How much further do you think it is?" Coyote asked after a moment, rubbing his arms.
Stopping, Gabriel looked through the fog, ignoring the shades and wisps of the dead that clung to the misty tendrils. He couldn't see the palace, but it was there on the edge of his senses. If he was just able to focus…
He wished he could withdraw into himself, blot out some of the pain, but Lucifer kept pulling him back—
The jolt of pain through his knees jerked Gabriel back to himself with a gasp. He'd lost control of himself and awareness of his self, his Grace leaking through his control.
"Glowing again," Coyote said several dozen feet away. "But less brightly now."
Curling into a ball, Gabriel pressed his face to the ground, focusing on breathing.
He couldn't stay here. The faster he made it to Hel, the faster he could get out of here.
It was a minute before he managed to get to his feet, and by then Gabriel really didn't care about how the dead saw him. He wrapped his arms around himself and hunched his shoulders down before starting to walk.
After several minutes of shivering, Coyote said quietly, "Is this cold thing an angel thing or a you thing?"
Angels weren't without their weaknesses, but this – this wasn't one of them. Not usually.
He wondered if Samael would have this problem, then hoped ne wouldn't.
"Oh, right," Coyote continued. "Nonverbal."
Gabriel tucked his chin down, briefly clenching his eyes shut. It wasn't like he couldn't speak, but he'd rather not hear the results.
Coyote fell silent again, keeping pace with Gabriel several feet behind him. Occasionally he'd mutter a curse or blow on his hands, but otherwise he kept to himself.
They should have made it to the palace now given how long they had been walking. That they hadn't…Hel must be upset.
And Gabriel would literally be unable to speak.
"What's a Messenger without a voice?"
There was a low whine in the vicinity, and he wondered what it was before suddenly realizing it was him and cutting it off with a ragged inhale.
"Come on, Loki," Coyote said in a low, reassuring tone. "Not that much further."
He wondered if Coyote possibly realized what it was that was happening, but it was more likely that he was just trying to comfort a friend.
The worst part was that while Coyote was trying to comfort him, he couldn't actually accept it since he knew it was just…a lie…
…The palace was right in front of them.
Gabriel resisted the urge to fall to his knees in relief, locking them so that wouldn't happen.
"Well," Coyote said after a pause. "Speak of the devil."
That kind of comment would have earned him a laugh any other day, but all Gabriel could manage was a weak snort.
Coyote stepped in front of Gabriel, indicating the palace with a jerk of his head. "Come on. It's right there."
Staring at the palace for a long moment, Gabriel took a slow breath, then squared his shoulders as best as he could given his arms were still wrapped around himself. He moved forwards, inhaling through his teeth as he entered the building.
It was, to his relief, a little warmer inside. Only a little, but enough to be obvious as soon as they stepped through the doors.
"Oh my stars, I think I can feel my fingers." Coyote looked down at his feet. "And my toes."
The door behind them swung shut with a final blast of utter cold.
Sometimes he thought he could feel warmth – something like Michael's fire – but it vanished so quickly it might only have been a dream.
Coyote's energy brushed against his, snapping him back to reality. Gabriel blinked, taking into account the walls and visible ground, the lack of fog, and the absence of the whispers of the dead that he hadn't even noticed.
"Where to?" Coyote glanced at him questioningly.
In lieu of an answer, Gabriel continued walking, moving through the halls and to the center of the palace.
He was so close, but he still wasn't prepared to stumble across the throne room almost immediately. Even after all this, part of him hadn't imagined that he could actually see Hel again – for the first time in centuries. She was older than her siblings, with a grace to her bearing that hadn't been there last time. Of course, the throne-like chair she was sitting in helped that impression along.
"You're late," was the first thing she said.
Gabriel wanted to laugh, but his voice wouldn't cooperate. He staggered forward, his legs finally giving out on him as he hit the ground on his knees.
There were a lot of things he'd wanted to say to Hel, but none of them involved him too shaky to stand and unable to speak, staring silently at Hel and cataloguing all the changes to her.
Coyote hissed, exhaling sharply. "Loki."
"Considering the uproar Asgard is in, I thought you'd be here earlier," Hel continued. She wasn't looking at him, her head still turned so that her left side was facing him. Her dead side. Gabriel was fairly sure she couldn't see out of that eye. When Gabriel still didn't respond, she frowned, concern flickering across her face as she turned to face him fully. "Father?"
"Our Parent isn't listening—"
Flinching minutely, Gabriel closed his eyes, hands fisting in his jacket.
"What happened to him?" Hel demanded.
"You think I know? He's been like this since we got here!"
Light footsteps approached Gabriel, Hel drawing closer. "Are you hurt—"
"I wouldn't touch him," Coyote warned. "He almost killed me."
"Don't presume—" Hel spoke over him, but paused when Coyote finished. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet. "Father?"
All Gabriel managed was to shake his head, pulling away from where Hel was standing too close. Hurting her was not something he could deal with.
"How was he before you came?" Hel said finally, thankfully taking a step back.
"Fine? He seemed a little on the fidgety side when we got to the gate, but he brushed it off."
Gabriel shuddered once as his Grace pulsed painfully, flinching away from the cold. He curled in on himself more tightly, breaths coming in tight, panicky bursts.
"What did he say?"
"Nothing! He just warned me off touching him and said we shouldn't be too close. He didn't exactly explain."
Coyote didn't know, and Hel wasn't going to figure it out unless someone told her.
Swallowing, Gabriel tried, but his throat just locked up. After a deep breath, he tried again, this time managing a small sound that went unheard. The third time was nothing more than a hoarse whine, and this time Hel heard him.
She stopped arguing with Coyote, crouching down. "What, Father?"
He grappled with himself, reaching for something, and then remembered the warmth that had rescued him. This time he managed it, forcing out a raspy "C-cold." That was all he was able to get out, his voice dying out instantly afterward with a painful muscle spasm.
Neither of the others reacted immediately, waves of shock radiating from them.
"That's it?" Coyote said finally. "He's cold?"
Gabriel would have kicked him, but he was too busy trying to consolidate all remaining body heat.
"I can make it warmer," Hel said, ignoring Coyote. "I haven't much practice, so this will take a moment."
It took what seemed like an age, but gradually the temperature raised, pushing back the unnatural cold until it was as cold as it usually was on Jotunheim. Whatever chill remained was no longer able to sink into his Grace, enabling him to try and warm up with what energy he had left.
"That's as much as I can manage," Hel said. She offered him her hand – the right one. The living one. "You're not the kind who should be on his knees."
Gabriel slowly uncurled, muscles aching briefly before the pain vanished. He didn't quite trust himself yet, shivers still wracking his frame, so he ignored Hel's hand to stand shakily. He managed a wan smile, trying to tell her that it wasn't because of her that he didn't want to touch hands.
Hel clearly didn't understand, her face shutting down at the perceived rejection.
Gabriel shook his head, unconsciously reaching out to touch her face but stopping himself at the last second, fingers inches from her skin. He pulled away before she could stop him, stumbling slightly before catching his balance.
It was still far too cold.
But he thought he could… "I…" He inhaled in frustration when his voice didn't quite cooperate. Trying again, he forced out, "Not here."
Hel's disappointment didn't quite disappear, but she did ask, "What do you mean?"
Gabriel could have cried at the thought that he had to try and explain. He rubbed his face with both hands, fisting them briefly in his hair, trying to breathe. The movement exposed his torso more than he was comfortable with, the cold leeching through his shirt, and he shivered again, a whine escaping him before he could stop it.
But that – thankfully – was all Hel needed. "Is it still too cold?"
Drawing his jacket closer to himself, Gabriel nodded, managing an apologetic smile that he hoped didn't look as painful as it felt. Judging from Hel's face, he didn't quite succeed.
Hel turned aside, thoughtful. Eventually, she said, "There isn't any place here that is warm, but I can take us to Midgard."
Although Gabriel didn't answer, Coyote did. "Yes, please."
With a nod, Hel closed her eyes.
The sudden shift in their surroundings combined with the unfamiliar method of transportation and Gabriel's still shaky limbs had him on the ground a few seconds after landing, groaning faintly and only vaguely aware that it was suddenly unseasonably hot and absolutely perfect.
"Oh man, I can feel my feet now," Coyote said gleefully, stomping said feet on the grass.
Spitting some grass out, Gabriel picked his head up to see Hel watching him worriedly. This time his smile came more easily, though it still made Hel's forehead crinkle in concern.
"Are we heading to the bunker?" Coyote asked before Hel could say anything. "Let's bring back the good news."
"Bunker?" Hel turned to him curiously.
Gabriel briefly considered the state of his Grace, then reconsidered flying anyone other than himself. That would very likely not turn out well.
Instead, he turned his attention to the Host, asking privately for Castiel.
It took only a minute before Castiel landed a foot from Gabriel's head, startling both Hel and Coyote with his sudden arrival.
"What are you doing here?" Hel demanded, bristling defensively.
Castiel gave her only a mildly curious look before returning his eyes to Gabriel. "He called me." His face turned disapproving. "What did you do?"
"He didn't do anything," Coyote protested.
Castiel looked at him incredulously. "I doubt that. Gabriel is usually responsible for something."
As this was absolutely true, Gabriel didn't even feel insulted. He did let Castiel take his hand and pull him to his feet, leaning on him heavily once he was upright.
"Who are you?" Hel asked.
Castiel turned to look at her, one hand curled around Gabriel's torso, his own Grace buffering the volatile heat from Gabriel's. Gabriel could practically see him cataloguing all the little bits of Hel, but Castiel didn't stiffen or obviously react in any way to her strange appearance.
"My name is Castiel," he said, after a pause that was just a moment too long to be comfortable. "You're his…daughter?"
Hel straightened slightly. "I am. You may call me Hel."
Castiel inclined his head, eyes flickering to Coyote before returning to Gabriel. "I assume you would like to return to the others?"
Gabriel barely had time to nod before Castiel whisked all of them back to the bunker and straight into the library. Also, perhaps not entirely coincidentally judging from Castiel's palpable concern, right next to a heater that was suddenly blasting full strength right at Gabriel.
Then there was a chair, and Castiel made sure he was sitting before withdrawing his support. "I can get you a blanket," he said quietly, his hands drawing back to his sides, though not quickly enough to hide the blistered skin that was just healing. He didn't wait for an answer, procuring a blanket from elsewhere in the bunker and settling it over Gabriel's shoulders, careful to avoid touching him again.
Gabriel was aware that both Coyote and Hel were giving him looks edged with concern, but he didn't meet either of their eyes. The warmth of the bunker was helping, and it was embarrassing afterwards, when he thought of how easily it had gotten to him.
"Oh, Cas, I thought you weren't going to be back until tomorrow…" Dean drifted off, evidently catching sight of Gabriel. "You don't look too good there, buddy."
For lack of being able to say anything, Gabriel simply settled for a sour look that told Dean everything he needed to know about what Gabriel wanted to say.
Giving Gabriel one last concerned look, Dean turned to Hel, opening his mouth to say something, only to shut it when he actually took in her appearance. He blinked, jolting backwards in shock. Then, seeming to bolster himself, he said, "I take it you're Hel?"
Hel raised one eyebrow. "Who else would I be?"
"Some other random god that decided to drop by? I don't know - we're swimming in them now." Dean made a face, looking behind him. "I have to go get groceries."
"I can get some," Castiel offered.
"Dude, no. Last time you freaked out the poor guy behind the register because they were out of pie."
Castiel looked decidedly disgruntled. "How could they run out of pie?" He sounded like Dean, which was nightmarish on more than one level.
"Because it's pie?" Dean spread his hands. "Just, no. But if you want to give me a ride, that's cool."
Hel tilted her head curiously, radiating confusion at the banal conversation. "You would go shopping and leave us here?" she asked.
Dean looked at her wryly. "Why not? It's not like you're going to go and eat someone in here, and I know for a fact that there are at least three people present who could give you a run for your money. I'm pretty sure James has got a bunch of guns stashed on his person somewhere."
"Guns wouldn't be very effective," Castiel noted.
Gabriel snorted, remembering how that conversation had gone before they'd come to this universe. "I…couldn't take them," he said slowly, voice soft.
"You couldn't just snap them off his person?" Dean raised a disbelieving eyebrow. Coyote, though, looked immensely relieved to hear Gabriel say something.
With a slow, even breath, Gabriel continued slowly. "Have you…even seen his pockets? I'm not…entirely sure…how many he's got." He cleared his throat, wincing slightly.
James sauntered in, hands in two of his most visible pockets. "You have pockets that don't even exist," he pointed out. "You have zero room to talk. You fished an ax out of one."
Gabriel spread his hands, leaning back in his chair, affecting an injured look. "I have…fond memories of that one. Thought I might…need it."
Hel's good eye narrowed. "Is that the same one you had before? I thought you'd broken it."
With a shrug, Gabriel pulled the ax out, letting it thud to the floor head first, the blade sinking into the wood. Dean winced dramatically at the sight.
"At least I have an excuse." Much to his relief, the words came easier now. "A gun's no use to these guys."
"What about electricity?" Natasha asked, coming into stand by James. She turned her wrist speculatively, her Widow's Bite gleaming in the light.
"There," Dean said, waving at them. "My point stands. And there's another one around here who kicks ass with his eyes closed, even if he does need a haircut."
"I don't see why you hold such animosity towards Sam's hair," Castiel said, squinting at Dean as if in an attempt to make his thoughts clearer.
"It's just…" Dean waved his hand again, this time at the direction of his own head. "How does he even see?"
"Hey," said James in a halfhearted imitation of offense.
"You have yours tied back."
Natasha was looking at Gabriel, visibly concerned. "Are you all right? I don't think I've seen you so pale before."
"I'm all right," Gabriel said, and Coyote scoffed. Hel looked distinctly unimpressed. She probably thought he should have made a better attempt at lying. "Now," he amended.
There was an unimpressed noise that sounded distinctly like Rhodey, and then he stepped into view from behind Gabriel, bending over to give him a closer look. "Explain why it looks like you got dragged through the Arctic."
"Well," Coyote said, "we sort of did." He side-eyed Hel.
"I can hardly help what temperature Niflheim is," she said, turning to give him a venomous look. James and Natasha, who up to that point had probably only been able to see her right side, didn't react visibly to seeing the other side of her face. For once their spy training actually came in handy.
"You don't look half frozen to death," Rhodey said to Coyote. "Where's your blanket?"
"It's not like he was exactly freezing! He was giving off enough heat for a skyscraper!"
Gabriel deliberately didn't meet Rhodey's eyes when the other looked back at him.
Finally pulling away, Rhodey folded his arms across his chest, studying Gabriel closely. "Are you fine now?" he asked, his tone indicating that Gabriel better be fine but that he could admit it if he wasn't.
Gabriel had literally never seen Castiel look so concerned before, his hands twitching at his sides as if he wanted to do something. Dean was also inspecting him carefully, his brow furrowed.
"Better now," he answered finally, giving Rhodey a small smile.
Rhodey didn't relax. "Then you're not going to freak out when your kids get here in five seconds?"
Stiffening despite himself, it was only Rhodey's warning that stopped Gabriel from overreacting when Sleipnir and Fenris barreled in, Jormungandr on their heels and a frazzled Sam right behind them.
The moment they saw Hel, though, they instantly shifted back, and it was in a scramble of arms and legs that they jumped to hug her. "Hel!"
Sleipnir hung back hesitantly, close enough to touch as he watched Fenris and Jormungandr hug her tightly.
Gabriel leaned towards him slightly. "They're your half-siblings," he said, "not strangers. Go ahead."
When Sleipnir continued to waffle, it was Jormungandr who yanked him in with a hand on his shirt.
Catching his breath, Sam ran a hand through his hair, straightening it and ignoring Dean miming a pair of scissors with his hand. He gave the group hug a brief look, nodded to Hel, and then stopped upon seeing Gabriel. "I'm pretty sure it's not that cold out there…"
"Niflheim," Gabriel said. Sam had probably run across the name before.
Sam's eyes widened. "Niflheim, as in the entire realm of nothing but cold?"
"He was looking for me," Hel said, wriggling her way out of the group hug. "I do not choose where my realm lies, Sam Winchester."
Sam frowned. "How do you know—?"
"Who doesn't?" Coyote asked rhetorically.
Choosing the wise option of ignoring Coyote, Sam turned to Gabriel. "You went there? Are you completely nuts? You didn't even tell us!"
"I had no idea you were my parent, Sam. I didn't even sign any papers."
"No, don't—" Sam made a frustrated noise, frowning. "You forget I was in there, too! I don't even like going up north anymore, and you deliberately stuck yourself somewhere where you can't even light a fire!"
"Hold up," Rhodey interrupted. "What are you talking about? What's wrong with Tony going someplace cold?"
Gabriel lowered his head, bringing his hands up to his face. "Sam…"
"You didn't tell them?" Sam sounded resigned. "Of course you didn't."
"He told us a lot," Rhodey said. "Granted, it wasn't under the best circumstance, but he did."
"It wasn't exactly specific," James pointed out. "Not that I wanted to ask…"
Sam shifted, clothes rustling. "You know that saying 'when Hell freezes over'? People tend to think of Hell as hot, and I guess most of it is, but not…"
"Not where Lucifer was caged," Castiel continued quietly. "I never felt it outside of that Cage but for very briefly…I felt its cold."
The eyes of all three of his boys and Hel were on him – Gabriel could tell that without looking up.
"Is that why you didn't come to me?" Hel asked, voice tight.
"No, that…" Gabriel sighed, sitting back upright. "This is…new. I didn't come before because I couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk Heaven seeing me."
"That," Hel said, "is not what I meant."
It took Gabriel a moment to realize what she did mean. "I…well…Dad took some offense to that. Ended up in a different universe." He nodded to Rhodey. "And then…it didn't happen because I wasn't dead. I…fell."
"Your father doesn't have that power."
"My name is Gabriel," he said. "Resurrecting people is kind of old hat to Dad, even if He doesn't do it often."
"He's still Dad," Fenris assured Hel, tugging at her clothes. "We talked about it already."
Hel gave him an incredulous look. "Did you?"
"I'm sorry," Gabriel said, getting her attention again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but there was no lie. I was Loki then, and I still carry that name. I never expected any of this to happen."
"No shit," Dean muttered, then grunted a second later when Sam kicked him in the ankle.
"They call you Gabriel," Hel said, "not Loki." She had crossed her arms over her chest.
Gabriel shrugged. "It's just as true a name as Loki is. And their universe already had a Loki."
Hel didn't seem sure what to think of that; behind her, Sleipnir pulled a face like it was the most bizarre thing he'd ever heard of.
"They have a Hel, too," Gabriel continued, "but I haven't met her." And he was pretty sure she wasn't exactly a nice goddess, since the brief glimpse he'd had into her realm several years ago had been off-putting in more than one way.
Then again, Hel wasn't that nice either.
"So your…true father beat me to it and transported you to another universe," Hel said flatly, "where you have been this whole time as Gabriel."
"Basically," Gabriel agreed.
"Why come back?" Hel demanded.
He looked at her siblings for a long moment. Then, looking back at Hel, he said simply, "Because of you. I didn't have to hide anymore."
"Why would you even pretend? What good did it do you to be less than you were?" The words were strained.
"I never pretended." It was a bit tiring repeating this point. "I am Loki. And you're my daughter. You're all my kids. As for why…I couldn't take it in Heaven anymore."
"Your family Upstairs consists of a bunch of dicks, yeah," Coyote said, a bit impatiently, "but what's that about Lucifer's cage? That cold thing isn't an angel weakness, then? Were you…in the cage?"
He couldn't stop the reflexive shiver at the reminder, his eyes closing. Drawing his shoulders down, Gabriel buried his face in his hands, reminding himself to breathe.
"I'm sure you remember the events last year shortly before our presence was revealed to the humans," Castiel told Coyote quietly. "Lucifer broke out again, but Gabriel was able to subdue him."
"That doesn't answer my question."
Castiel didn't respond immediately. When he did, his tone was subdued. "You recall when the angels fell from Heaven…Gabriel undid what happened, but he…fell."
"Dad?" Fenris was there, his hand tentatively coming to rest on Gabriel's shoulder.
Gabriel went utterly still, even his breath freezing in his lungs. It took a second to register the touch, and then another second too long for him to register that it was painless. Breathing was the next step, and after that he was able to move and touch Fenris's hand reassuringly.
"What, like Lucifer did?" Coyote asked.
"Not so much, no. But the end result was the same."
"Do you have to do this here?" Rhodey snapped after Gabriel shivered again. "Or do it at all? This doesn't have to be brought up."
"We deserve to know as much as you," Hel snapped.
"He's our dad," Jormungandr added stubbornly, nearly hissing the words.
"That doesn't mean we have to dredge up old history." Rhodey's mouth was a set line.
There were too many people leaning over him to yell at each other – too many people there period, too many for him to keep an eye on all of them easily, so Gabriel took himself somewhere else in an instant.
In his haste, he'd left the blanket behind. Gabriel closed the door with a thought and then dragged the blanket off the bed, wrapping it around himself.
He didn't want to sit on the bed. It would him remind him too much of what had happened after…
It would just remind him too much of that, and that was the last thing he needed.
For a brief moment, he wished Gadreel was here, but then he felt ridiculous for even thinking that. He didn't need Gadreel.
It was just...Gadreel made things a lot easier when this happened.
Pressing his back against the wall opposite the door, he pulled his legs close to his chest, wrapping the blanket fully around himself. Then he ducked his head into his arms, letting the darkness cover him.
He'd go out later…when he wasn't so volatile.
The knock on the door jolted Gabriel out of his trance. It was accompanied by Rhodey's soft voice asking if he could come in.
Giving a long sigh, Gabriel uncurled slightly, knocking his head lightly against the wall. "Yeah."
There was a soft click as the knob turned, though the hinges were silent as Rhodey slowly opened it, peeking in first as if to make sure everything was decent. Once he was sure it was, he opened it wider, stepping over the threshold. Hel was right behind him.
"Thought I'd check up on you," Rhodey said quietly, steps silent as he approached him. He sat down in front of Gabriel, mimicking Gabriel's position. "The others wanted to as well, but…I talked them out of it."
"I didn't listen," Hel said, closing the door. She looked like she wanted to sit next to Gabriel but didn't seem certain of her reception.
"She didn't listen," Rhodey agreed, lips twitching.
Fingers flexing in the blanket, Gabriel nodded to the spot beside him, not shifting when Hel sat down. "Are the others all right?"
"Worried." Hel glanced at the door. "And impatient to see you. What they learned didn't help." A flash of guilt crossed her face. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have dragged it out."
"You didn't, and I wasn't expecting anything different. It's not your fault."
"It's not yours either," Rhodey said bluntly. "I mean, it's your fault that you didn't tell us where you were going and what that meant, but what actually happened isn't yours. I hope you know that."
Gabriel barely kept the frustration out of his voice. "Then whose is it?"
"At a guess, the dick that made you do it in the first place?" Rhodey shrugged. "But I'm personally fine with blaming your Dad. He came up with the whole thing, anyway."
"He doesn't make us do anything," Gabriel said quietly. "Whatever I did, it was my decision."
"Look, if it were any other situation, I would definitely agree with you, but you didn't know the consequences. I'm still not sure what exactly happened since Castiel isn't really the best at explaining, but I know enough that you didn't mean for any of that to happen." Rhodey hesitated only briefly before touching Gabriel's leg under the blanket, squeezing it comfortingly. "But since it did, we'll deal. And you're not going to be alone."
Gabriel held his gaze for a long moment, the silence settling naturally around them. Eventually he nodded, a small smile appearing as quickly as it disappeared.
"The others have told me what you told them," Hel said after a pause, not looking at him. "Sleipnir gave me more details about what you said about your...death. I can't say it's entirely understandable."
"Which part?" Gabriel asked dryly. "Since there are a few things I'm not going to get an answer on either. The one being who can isn't exactly taking messages."
"You're usually taking messages from Him, aren't you?" Rhodey's amused tone made it clear it was a rhetorical question.
"It could go both ways." Though it hadn't in a long time.
"I still don't understand why you decided to become Loki," Hel said. "Why did you take us in? Everything I've experienced with others of your kind is…"
"Unpleasant?" Gabriel suggested, grinning darkly. "That was the point. They wouldn't suspect me as Loki, making it the best place to hide. But for you guys…there wasn't an ulterior motive, Hel. I just wanted to help."
"And then you left."
Gabriel couldn't help but wince at that. "Yes," he agreed, more quietly. "I did. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."
"But you came back," Hel whispered, turning fully to look at Gabriel.
"I was reminded of the mistake I'd made a long time ago," Gabriel said. "I hardly have anything left to hide, now. There was no better time to fix things."
"He's leaving out the part where I helped kick his ass into gear," Rhodey added. "But he was already on the way."
"Rhodey—"
"He was just too nervous about your reactions," Rhodey continued, ignoring Gabriel's protest. "But family's family, and things tend to work out usually."
Even if it took an age.
"You weren't afraid of what Asgard might do?" Hel looked almost amused.
"Asgard can kiss my ass," Gabriel said without thinking, but Rhodey snorted and Hel rolled her eye, so he hardly regretted saying it. "I'm serious. I don't care what they try. They're not touching any of you."
"You can promise that?"
"I've faced worse things than Asgard." Gabriel reached out from under the blanket to touch Hel's warmer hand, wrapping his own around it. "I can promise that I'll protect all of you."
"Even if…" Hel glanced at a suspiciously blank-faced Rhodey. "Even when you return to where you were staying?"
The reminder hit Gabriel like a punch to the stomach. "I…" He briefly looked down, gathering his thoughts. "I don't know what you want to do. That decision – what all of you want…I was going to leave that to you."
"Whether we might stay or go with you?" Even with only one living eye, Hel was good at giving people sharp looks. "Don't you think if there was only one of those three who wanted to come, the others wouldn't say they did, too? They've been separated for too long to willingly remain that way."
"What about you?" Gabriel asked softly.
Hel blinked, evidently not having expected that. "What about me?"
Gabriel squeezed her hand briefly. "What do you want? You're queen of an entire realm here, Hel. There's a Niflheim in my universe, but there's a Hel there, too. I can't say much about her, but she's there."
Hel turned away, not meeting either of their eyes. Her dead hand flexed where she had it resting on her leg. "I am feared," she said finally in a soft tone, "but not loved. I am respected, but it is only because of what I am – what I do. When I felt your passing, I had hoped that I would see you again. I waited for you…but you never showed. Then you did, and now…you're here again. And your friends…they don't fear me."
"There isn't much that scares them," Gabriel said quietly, throat thick.
A small smile flickered across Hel's face. "I suppose what I am trying to say is…there isn't much for me. My job is a lonely one, and I didn't take it by choice."
"You could—"
"What, leave? Leave a realm queenless and uncontrolled?" Hel shook her head. "Souls require someone to keep them in line as well as guard them. You and I know that."
Gabriel did know that. It was one of the few natural laws he didn't have the power to change. "I'm sorry," he said finally.
"Don't be." Hel pulled her hand away from his, only to reach up to touch his face. "It was good to see you again. Let the boys make their decision." Her smile was sad.
Uncertain of what to say, Gabriel kept silent as Hel smoothly stood up. She nodded to Rhodey, then went to the door and opened it. She gave Gabriel one last look before leaving the room entirely.
No sooner had she stepped out of sight did Fenris scramble in on all fours. Jormungandr followed right after him, and only Sleipnir had the decency to look slightly ashamed at having been so blatantly eavesdropping.
James and Natasha both poked their heads into view, gave Gabriel two innocent faces, and then shut the door.
"Did they just lock it?" Rhodey asked after a moment, staring at the door incredulously. "I'm still in here!"
"None of us are going to bite you," Gabriel said in the Allspeak, though Fenris bared his teeth playfully at Rhodey the moment he said that.
"Says the guy with two fanged kids."
"They're soft on the inside," Gabriel informed Rhodey, as Fenris did his best to wriggle under the blanket with him.
"And bloody," Jormungandr said. "Possibly also squishy?"
"It's a figure of speech," Gabriel said, smiling fondly. "It means you're not as tough as you might look."
Jormungandr made a face. "Why not just say that, then?"
"Because humans have weird idioms?"
"That's actually completely true," Rhodey said, pulling a thoughtful face.
"Even humans who speak English from birth get tripped up by English," Gabriel informed Jormungandr. "It's a complicated language."
Fenris made a disgusted face. "And you want us to learn that?"
"You're bright kids; it shouldn't take too long." Gabriel rubbed Fenris's head, stroking at the base of his neck, Fenris pushing his head back into the touch.
Rhodey looked rather like he was desperately suppressing the urge to coo, only to wipe it off his face when he saw Gabriel giving him an amused look.
"So," Gabriel said, turning his attention to all three of them, "how much did you hear?"
"I translated," Sleipnir admitted when his brothers glanced at him. "Just…about everything?" He grinned sheepishly.
"Of course you did," Gabriel said dryly. When had his kids spying on him become so commonplace? "At least this means I don't have to explain again. Did you have any questions?"
"Where do you live?" Fenris demanded immediately. "Is it like here?"
"I live on an Earth, but it's different. There aren't any other gods around, though you might see the other Loki sometimes. And Thor, but he's nice." Gabriel wound his arm around Fenris's back. "You'll like my friends."
"I thought you said friends were for people who didn't like themselves," Jormungandr said, raising his eyebrows.
Had he said that? It was certainly possible… It was likely he'd said that to try and distract them from how hostile and unfriendly Asgard had been. "I changed my mind," he said eventually. "You've already met James and Natasha, right?" He inclined his head towards the door.
"I like them," Fenris announced. "They're nice and teach us things, and they also like knives." He gave Gabriel a toothy grin. "They're fun to play with."
"You'll definitely like the others," Gabriel said, matching his grin. "I think Clint's right up your alley."
"If we were to come with you, what would that mean?" Sleipnir asked. "Is there an Asgard there?"
"You wouldn't be staying there," Gabriel said. "They wouldn't mind, but I'm not there that often. So you'd be staying with me and…" He paused, unsure of how to word this. "Well, this is probably the part where I tell you about your other siblings."
"Other siblings?" all three of them demanded in sync.
"When did you adopt other kids?" Fenris wanted to know.
"Not so much adoption as…accidental creation?" Gabriel shrugged. "I was as surprised as you, I just sort of went with it."
Sleipnir looked scandalized. "You got someone pregnant?"
Gabriel snorted, and then tried to pretend he hadn't. "No. I meant Creation. I was human for a while, and I made these – they're called artificial intelligences. I suppose you could think of them like golems"—Rhodey made a weird noise at that—"but they're not the same thing," he said hurriedly, seeing Jormungandr open his mouth to talk. "And then when I recovered my angelic power and everything else, I realized they had souls, and it sort of…went from there."
"You're telling us we have more siblings? And that you made them?" Jormungandr looked a bit like he was struggling to understand.
"That's…pretty much exactly what happened."
"It's weird from my end of things, too," Rhodey said. "Mostly because every time I turn my head your dad's family seems to grow by at least one or two people."
"Gadreel makes just one when I got back last time," Gabriel said.
"Yeah, but I met Castiel before that. That's two. Plus Raphael." Rhodey paused a moment. "You brought Sam back, too, when you introduced Gadreel. That makes two more."
"If it's any consolation, you're kind of related to every person on Earth in some really distant way."
Rhodey stared at him. "That – that's really not, no. I don't actually know them."
Gabriel shrugged. "I don't exactly know all of my siblings either. I could name them if you put one in front of me, but that doesn't mean I know them."
"Yeah, see, I wouldn't even be able to name all my so-called 'relatives' on Earth."
Fenris tugged on Gabriel's jacket. "Would we get to know them?" he asked. "Would they like us?"
Gabriel smiled, remembering what Butterfingers had demanded of him. "I know for a fact that they're looking forward to meeting you if they can. They love meeting new people and making friends." He leaned in close. "Three of them are younger than you guys."
"How many do you have?" Fenris looked at him incredulously.
"Five. Jarvis is technically the second youngest, but his coding was older than the others…" Gabriel realized they didn't understand what that meant. "He's the oldest," he clarified. "I wasn't too good at making them when I started, so he's really just the most mature out of all of them."
"I'm still confused," Jormungandr said after a moment.
"You're not explaining this very well," Rhodey informed Gabriel.
"Robots are complicated," Gabriel retorted. "AIs even more so. Especially for people still getting used to the twenty-first century."
"What's an AI?" Fenris asked.
"Complicated."
Fenris made a face, lips pursing in a pout. "You're not even trying to explain it."
"I've tried explaining to my friends, but they don't seem to entirely understand yet either." When that answer didn't seem to satisfy Fenris, Gabriel sought for a simplified explanation. "It is complicated, and it's something that people wouldn't have thought of before. Picture…a golem"—since that was really the only thing remotely similar to an AI for his kids' comprehension—"but one who can think, feel, and talk for itself. And learn quickly, picking up new concepts that humans and gods can't."
"So they're alive," Sleipnir said, looking like he was somewhere between fascinated and completely bewildered. "But also not really real?"
"That's where the 'artificial' part comes in," Gabriel said. "I essentially 'wrote' them into being, a lot like a book."
"Wrote them on what?" Jormungandr sounded skeptical, but then again the whole thing did seem a bit dubious when approaching it for the first time.
"You'll learn about computers," Gabriel said, shifting so he could pull his phone out of his pants. "But here." He showed them the nearly transparent device, thumbing it on. "This is what we call a phone. You can talk to people on it who are in a different country. Computers are larger and let you do more things."
"They're not that large if they're yours," Rhodey pointed out, grinning.
"Why does the size matter?" Sleipnir reached out for the phone. Gabriel let him take it, and Fenris slipped out from under the blanket to lean over his brother's shoulder.
"The earliest computers were really large and would probably barely fit inside this room. This bunker's got a good example of one, actually. They've gotten smaller since, and one could fit on your lap."
"Size is really just a matter of convenience," Rhodey said. "People use 'em so often, they like having something that handy be easily portable."
"So…you wrote your AIs on this?" Sleipnir eyed the phone skeptically.
"Something similar to it." Technology back in the 80s hadn't been anything special compared to what they had now. It had taken Tony a while to be able to code Dummy. In comparison, JARVIS had been a breeze.
"What kind of other things can you do on these?" Jormungandr had gotten his hands on the phone, and was poking at the screen.
"Depends on the phone. That's one-of-a-kind - there isn't much you can't do." Gabriel's lips twitched as Jormungandr accessed the photos. "You can take pictures; those are like paintings, and it's a lot quicker than doing it by hand. You can access something like a library. And then there are all kinds of games you can play."
"All people have these now?" Fenris looked up at him curiously.
"Not everyone, but a lot do."
"And you'd…teach us about these things?" Fenris's eyes were wide.
Gabriel took a moment to respond, heart thumping painfully. "If you come back with me. Otherwise…Dean and Sam would do it."
Rhodey made a noise but didn't say anything beyond raising his eyebrows meaningfully.
Well, okay, Gabriel hadn't talked about it with the brothers, but he was relatively sure that they'd be all for it after putting up some lackluster arguments.
Fenris scrambled back over to Gabriel's side, pressing his face briefly into his shoulder. "We wouldn't see you again," he said eventually, voice muffled.
"No, you would," Gabriel protested. "Just…not that often."
"What about Asgard?" Sleipnir demanded. "Two people aren't enough to keep them away."
"I'm not letting anything happen to you," Gabriel said immediately. "Especially not at their hands."
"But you'll be gone!" Jormungandr protested. "We just got back together now, and you're leaving again?"
There was little Gabriel could say in response to that. So he nodded, managing an apologetic smile that disappeared as quickly as he'd been able to muster it.
"We can come with you, right?" Fenris asked after a moment, lifting his head to look at Gabriel. "That's what you said, isn't it?"
Nodding again, Gabriel brought a hand up to run it through Fenris's hair, ruffling it. "That's your decision."
"I…" Fenris glanced at his brothers, mouth twisting briefly. Something unspoken passed between the three of them before he nodded, determination settling into him. "I want to go."
Gabriel didn't allow himself to react beyond a small twitch of his fingers. He did look at the others. "And you?"
Sleipnir gave a small smile, inclining his head. "Where one goes, we all go," he murmured, one hand coming to rest on Jormungandr's shoulder.
Rhodey glanced between all of them before turning to Gabriel, visibly confused. "You look a little like you want to cry, Tones. What's going on?"
He was not going to cry. Though his eyes were stinging a little. "They…they're going to come back with us." Unfortunately, there was no hiding the thickness of his voice.
"Oh." Rhodey looks over at the three boys. "Well, hey, you're definitely welcome. Things are already so crazy back home I doubt you three can make it any crazier."
"I have no idea what you're saying," Fenris told him. Gabriel snorted, unable to stop himself from grinning.
"He essentially bid us welcome," Sleipnir said. "Although said apparently we would make things more insane?" He seemed a little confused at the unfamiliar vernacular. "We are perfectly sane," he informed Rhodey.
"Sane?" Rhodey squinted for all of a second before realizing what Sleipnir was getting at. "Oh no, it's a figure of speech. I just meant that things are weird, and you guys aren't going to make it worse."
"But Hel can't come with us," Jormungandr said, eyes flickering to the door and back to Gabriel.
"I'll…figure something out," Gabriel said, senses turning to her presence in the bunker.
They accepted the answer, as tentative as it was.
"How much longer are we going to stay here, then?" Fenris asked.
Gabriel considered the question. "Until I've got everything sorted out," he said eventually. "Shouldn't be much longer." He'd rather not risk Asgard's wrath any more than he had to.
Fenris nodded. "So we can tell everyone goodbye." He frowned slightly, tilting his head. "How do you say goodbye now?"
"Bye," Gabriel told him in English. "Or 'goodbye.'"
Fenris repeated the word, surprisingly not mangling it. "That's short."
"There are other ways to say it, but that's the simplest."
"Teach us the others," Fenris demanded. After a moment, he added, "Are there any funny ways to say it?"
Jormungandr leaned in now, obviously curious about the answer. Even Sleipnir couldn't hide his curiosity.
"I think it would depend on the situation," Gabriel said after a moment, unable to think of anything off the top of his head.
"What situation?" Rhodey asked. "I'm starting to feel a little left out of this conversation, you know."
"Contribute, then. Know any funny ways to say goodbye?"
Rhodey tilted his head thoughtfully. "That does depend… I mean, if you're kicking someone's ass, you might go for 'au revoir.'"
"Who goes for 'au revoir?'" Gabriel asked incredulously.
"Some people." Rhodey ignored his skeptical look. "Uh…bye-bye, butterfly," he offered a moment later. "See ya later, alligator. Smell ya later. Keep it real. Keep it frosty. Er…no, that's stay frosty. Ooh, I like this one…" He grinned broadly. "Hasta la vista, baby."
Now that Rhodey had started, Gabriel could think of some other phrases as well, though most were useless without a base knowledge of modern slang. "Stay classy," he said eventually, nodding. "So long, and thanks for all the fish."
"Fish?" Sleipnir frowned. "Would you use that if you obtained fish?"
"No, just if you wanted to be funny." Gabriel mentally searched for a few more. "Later, haters. And…it's been real." He switched back to the Allspeak. "There are more, but it depends on the situation. You wouldn't want to say any of those to someone you don't know."
"What did he say?" Fenris asked, glancing back at Rhodey.
Gabriel repeated each of Rhodey's phrases more slowly in English, waiting until Fenris repeated it back to him before moving on. "And for greeting someone, just stick with hello."
"That sounds boring," Fenris said.
"And short," Sleipnir adds.
"Stick with it for now. There're a lot of different ways you can say hello to someone, but the basic greeting covers everything."
"Hello," Jormungandr said a moment later, making a face. "Boring," he agreed with Fenris. "Is there something that suggests we can do cool stuff?"
Gabriel barely had to think before saying, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
Rhodey stifled a snicker, covering his mouth with a hand. "That's one way to say hello."
Sleipnir looked like he wasn't entirely sure if Gabriel was being serious. "Who's Inigo?"
Gabriel grinned, sharing a look with Rhodey. "He's a character from a movie, which is something like a play. But it's a play with only one set of actors, and you can watch it again and again. We'll watch it sometime."
Fenris was looking into the distance like he could see something that held the secrets of the universe (or at least modern English) and was refusing to divulge them. "I don't get it," he said decisively after a moment.
"Only one way to solve that, then," Gabriel said. "How many movies do you think Sam and Dean own?"
"At least a few, probably," Rhodey said. "What, you want to show them something?"
"Are we stealing things?" Jormungandr had perked up.
"Yeah, why not. Let's go steal things." Gabriel grinned.
In all honesty, there was no way having these guys around wouldn't have resulted in this exact situation.
Alatar has a pic for Hel! You can find it on my blog thelastarchangelaskblog. :D It's under the tag "unspoken regrets" so you're not parsing through several pages worth of material.
Sometimes friends can't be as sensitive as they should, although Rhodey definitely tried. Trauma and its aftereffects aren't well handled by everyone (even angels), but Gabriel/Tony has some idea of how to take care of it by removing himself from the room. In any case, you guys have met Hel now! :D
3 more chapters to go!