CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TOBIAS POV
The dining hall is packed with people dressed in their Dauntless best—all piercings exaggerated by flashier rings, all tattoos on display, even if it means going without clothing. I try to keep my eyes on people's faces as I navigate through the crush of bodies. The scents of cake and cooked meat and bread and spices are on the air, making my mouth water—I forgot to eat lunch.
We have all just finished our final examination. While my fears are still four, they are in a different order to what they were when I first got here. I think finding out that Marcus is in a holding cell in Candor has had something to do with it. My fears are now: heights, followed by losing the Priors, now Marcus is my third fear and my fourth and worst fear is now having to shoot Tris. At least I know I won't have to go back through my fear landscape again and I'm glad for it. I don't want to have to relive any of it ever again.
I reach my usual table, I steal a roll from Zeke's plate when he's not looking and stand with the others awaiting our results. I hope they won't make us wait too long. I feel like I'm holding a live wire, my hands twitching and my thoughts frantic, scattered. Zeke and Shauna try to talk to me, but none of us can shout loud enough over the noise for them to hear me, so we resign ourselves to waiting without speaking.
Max gets on one of the tables and holds up his hands for quiet. He mostly gets it, though even he can't completely silence the Dauntless, some of whom go on talking and joking like nothing ever happened. Still, I can hear him as he gives his speech.
"A few weeks ago, a group of scrawny, scared initiates gave their blood to the coals and made the big jump into Dauntless," Max says. "To be honest, I didn't think any of them would make it through the first day"—he pauses to allow for laughter, and it comes, even though it wasn't a very good joke—"but I'm pleased to announce that this year, all of our initiates attained the required scores necessary to become Dauntless!"
"Everyone cheers. Despite the assurance that they won't be cut, Zeke and Shauna exchange nervous looks—the order in which we are ranked still determines what kind of job we can choose in Dauntless. Zeke puts his arm across Shauna's shoulders and squeezes.
"No more delays," Max says. "I know our initiates are jumping out of their skin. So, here are our twelve new Dauntless members!"
the initiates' names appear on a large screen behind him, large enough even for people at the back of the room to see. I search the list automatically for their names:
6. Zeke
7. Ash
8. Shauna
Instantly, some of my tension disappears. I follow the list up, and panic stabs me for just a second when I can't find my own name. But then, there it is, right at the top.
1. Four
2. Eric
Seeing Eric's name below mine brings a smile to my face and I think of Amar. I may not have been able to do anything to save him but at least I was able to beat the person who alerted Jeanine to him being Divergent. It is only a small victory but it still a victory.
I am taken from my thoughts when Shauna lets out a yell, and she and Zeke crush me into a sloppy hug, their weight almost knocking me to the ground. I laugh and bring my arms up to return the gesture.
I stand in the middle of my new apartment. It is small compared to the house I had live in, in Abnegation. But it is all mine. Being the first ranked initiate has its benefits and this is one of them. I get to live alone. While I miss having Tris and Caleb around, here I am happy to not have to share. In Abnegation they knew my secrets but here I want the fresh start and now I have it. I can disclose the information or I can keep it to myself. I don't feel the need to share and I would rather people not know what I have been through. Living by myself will allow me to not have to worry that someone will hear my nightmares.
I hear a knock on my door and while I am sure it will be Zeke or Shauna, I have this strange feeling that if it had been Zeke he would have just barged in. I look up to see Max standing in my doorway. Why is a faction leader standing in my doorway?
"Hello," I say.
"Sorry to interrupt," he says. "I'm surprised you didn't choose to room with your fellow former initiates. You did make friends, didn't you?"
"Yeah," I say. "I lived with the Prior's for the past five years. It felt nice to think that I could have something that was just mine. A bit of quiet, when the rest of Dauntless is so full of life."
"Natalie did mention that. I suppose I can see the appeal. Your first step away from the selflessness you would have had in your old faction. It is good to see that you are letting go of your old faction's ways," he says. Why does it feel more than that? I don't know how not sharing an apartment is letting go.
"This afternoon you'll pick your job," Max says. "Did you have anything in mind?"
"I guess it depends on what's available," I say. "I'd like to do something with teaching. Like Amar did, maybe."
"I think the first-ranked initiate can do a little better than 'initiation instructor,' don't you?" Max's eyebrows lift. "I came because an opportunity has opened up."
He pulls a chair out from under the small table near the kitchen counter, turns it, and sits on it backward. He seems to be making himself at home. It starts to unnerve me.
"To be honest, one of my fellow leaders of Dauntless is getting a little old for the job," Max says. I sit on the edge of the bed. I really should look at getting a couch. "The remaining four of us think it would be a good idea to get some new blood in leadership. New ideas for new Dauntless members and initiation, specifically. That task is usually given to the youngest leader anyway, so it's a good fit. We were thinking of drawing from the more recent initiate classes for a training program to see if anyone is a good candidate. You're a natural choice."
This is what mum and dad had been talking about. I don't know that I would make a great leader. But I shouldn't dismiss the idea either.
"The training program will last at least a year," Max says. "It will be rigorous and it will test your skills in a lot of areas. We both know you'll do just fine in the fear landscape portion."
I nod without thinking. He must not mind my self-assuredness, because he smiles a little.
"You won't need to go to the job selection meeting later today," Max says. "Training will start very soon—tomorrow morning, in fact. I am sure Natalie gave you some indication as to why this is an important opportunity for you."
No she didn't. Not really. She just told me if I get the opportunity to take it. I'm sure I'm not going to find out what is happening straight away. I know that I need to trust in the people who have always helped me.
"This sounds like an exciting opportunity for me," I say. "Thank you."
"Excellent," Max gets up and cracks on of his knuckles idly, like it's an old habit. He holds out his hand for me to shake, and I take it. I wonder if I will ever get used to this form of greeting? "Come to the conference room near my office tomorrow morning at eight. It's in the Pire. Tenth floor."
He leaves my apartment and I think where the hell is his office? He made it sound like I should just know where it is. I suppose I will find out tomorrow.
I really need to speak to mum and dad. I have no idea what I am getting myself into and Max doesn't seem to be the type to give much away. I'm a member now and can leave the compound whenever I like. I will just need to wait until it is dark, I don't think running back to my old faction on my first night as a member will be looked upon with enthusiasm from Max or the other leaders.
"Dude, you missed it!" Zeke is wide-eyed, concerned. "The only jobs left by the end were the gross jobs, like scrubbing toilets! Where were you?"
"It's fine," I say as I carry my tray back to our table near the doors. Shauna is there with her little sister, Lynn and Lynn's friend Marlene. I wished I had turned around and left but Zeke had already seen me, Marlene is too cheerful for me even on a good day. Uriah jogs to catch up, I can't believe the amount of food that is on his plate. Where does he fit it? He wouldn't survive half a day in Abnegation. "I didn't miss anything; Max came to see me earlier. Made me an offer for some leadership training program."
"I guess we should have tried harder during initiation, huh?" says Shauna.
"Or killed him before he could take his final test."
"Or both." Shauna grins at me. "Congrats, Four. You deserve it."
"That must have been why Eric wasn't there either. He was prancing around here like he was number one a few minutes ago," Zeke says. "I mean you kicked his ass in initiation I don't know why he thinks he is all that."
I don't feel like thinking about Eric at the moment. So I quickly change the subject. "so what did you guys pick?"
"Control room," Zeke says. "My mom used to work there, and she taught me most of what I'll need to know already."
"I'm in the patrol leadership track . . . thing," Shauna says. "Not the most exciting job ever, but at least I'll get to be outside."
"Yeah, let's hear you say that in the dead of winter when you're trudging through a foot of snow and ice," Lynn says sourly. "I better do well in initiation. I don't want to get stuck at the fence."
"Didn't we talk about this?" Uriah says. "Don't say the 'I' word until at most two weeks before it happens. It makes me want to throw up."
I look at the pile of food on his tray. "Stuffing yourself up to your eyeballs with food, though, that's fine?"
He rolls his eyes at me and bends over his tray to keep on eating.
Zeke spots someone across the cafeteria, "I'll be right back."
Shauna watches him cross the room to greet a group of girls. I don't know why she won't just tell him she likes him. She is happy to be beaten up by guys during initiation but just sits back and watches as Zeke flirts with other girls.
When Zeke gets back to the table he slides into the seat next to me and says, "Four. What are you doing tomorrow night?"
"I don't know," I say. "Nothing?"
"Not anymore," he says. "You're coming with me on a date."
I choke on my next bite of potatoes. "What?"
"Um, hate to tell you this, big brother," Uriah says, "but you're supposed to go on dates alone, not bring a friend."
"It's a double date, obviously," Zeke says. "I asked Maria out, and she said something about finding a date for her friend Nicole, and I indicated that you would be interested."
"NO!" I almost yell. "there is no way I am going on a date with you Zeke."
"Come on Four," Zeke whines. "You need to live a little. You may even enjoy it."
"No."
"What got someone waiting for you all dressed in grey?" Uriah says. I didn't realise Uriah knew which faction I had come from.
I just glare at him and he laughs.
"Seriously?" Zeke says. "There is someone you're waiting for?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you," I say. I push my plate away from me, I wasn't really hungry anyway. "Take Uriah with you." And with that I walk away.
My dramatic exit from the dining hall is a good excuse to go and hop on a train. Hopefully people will just think I've gone to let off steam. I don't want to date a Dauntless girl, even if it is just so Zeke can find his latest conquest. My heart belongs to one person and one person only.
I am on my second circle of the city when I think it is late enough to jump off and go to the Abnegation sector. Lucky for me that I can enter from the meadow and no one should see me. I knock on the back door of my former home, I don't think it would be right to just walk in now that I am no longer in Abnegation.
"Tobias," mum says as she opens the door, "What are you doing here? This could be dangerous for you."
"I know but I needed to talk to you and dad," I say.
"Well come in," she says. Once she has shut the door she engulfs me into a hug. "It is so good to see you."
"It's good to see you too," I say.
"Let me put the kettle on. Tris is in her room, why don't you go and say hello."
I don't have to be told twice. I bound up the stairs and I don't even knock I just barge straight into her room. She is sound asleep on her bed and I hate the thought of waking her. But after my argument with Zeke I really feel I need to be close to her.
I sit down on the floor next to her bed and I brush a piece of her hair of her face. "Tris," I whisper.
She mumbles something in her sleep and I see a smile forming.
"Tris," I say a little louder. "Tris wake up."
"Tobias?" she says.
"Yeah it's me," I say.
"What are you doing here?" she asks as she rubs sleep out of her eyes.
"I needed to talk to mum and dad about something," I say.
All of a sudden she jumps up and she hugs me really tight. "I can't believe you are here," she says.
"I know. But I can't stay long. I wasn't going to wake you but I really need this," I say. I don't want to let her go but I know I need to be here for as short a time as possible.
"Tris, I need to talk to mum and dad but I promise I will come and say goodbye before I leave," I say as I let go of her.
"No, please stay," she says.
"I wish I could. But it is dangerous that I even came here," I say. "I need to go downstairs."
Tris nods and I know she understands why I shouldn't be here. The whole Faction before blood motto runs deep in Dauntless.
I walk back downstairs and sit at the kitchen table with mum.
"What is the problem Tobias?" mum asks.
"Where's dad?"
"Still at work. With all that has happened he has had to put a lot more hours in," she says. I nod. I don't need an explanation, Caleb told me enough.
"Why is it so important for me to go into leadership?" I ask.
"Max didn't say much to us. It was all very cryptic. He is worried that Erudite are trying to take over Dauntless leadership. He thinks Jeanine has been planting spies within Dauntless but he can't prove it. He needs the new leader to not have an affiliation with Erudite," mum says.
"Well I start leadership training tomorrow but there are quite a few candidates so I'm not guaranteed the position," I say.
"Just do your best and once you get further into training maybe Max will open up. Max has always been a man of few words, so just keep your head down and work hard," mum says. "I am sure Erudite are up to something but I'm not sure what. Andrew has become interim leader of Abnegation and we are hoping because he was from Erudite that maybe the relationship between our two factions can become a little less hostile."
"You better get going," Mum says. "I would hate for you to get in any trouble for coming here."
"I promised Tris I would say goodbye," I say. "I'll just do that and then I will go."
I walk back upstairs and walk back into Tris's room. She has fallen back asleep. I don't want to wake her back up. So I walk over and I lightly brush my lips on her forehead and I leave as quickly as I can. I am so glad I got to see her.
I walk down the stairs and meet mum at the backdoor. "I didn't think you would get away that quickly," she says with a warm smile on her face.
"She had fallen back asleep; I didn't want to wake her back up. It is probably the easiest option to leave this way," I say. "Can you tell her goodbye for me?"
"I will," she says. "Although she probably won't be happy with you for not waking her."
"I know but . . ." I say.
"I understand," she says. "Remember we love you." She hugs me quickly and I walk out the back door and into the night.