Author's Note:
Why must my life be so bland? It was bland, just before it became a living hell .
This is the only hope of not making me bored to death.
This is how my life is:
Mom: We want you to eat more.
Ok. *eats more but grows only an inch taller*
WTF? SERIOUSLY!?
Dad: Start playing Guitar Hero again.
Ok. *starts playing Guitar hero again for 2-10 hours straight without sitting down; only having 2-5 breaks*
Mom: We want you to get away from the electronics and spend time with us.
O-0 Fine. *Only spends a quarter of a day with them, and realizes that they're all on electronics while I just watch tv; Mom on phone; Dad on laptop; Brother on dsi XL*
REALLY?! After you complained to me about me not spending time with my family, this is what I get?!
Dad: You need to work out; you're skinny as a damn lamppost. You need to start eating and working out more.
*Sighs* OK. *eats more; doesn't work out *
Mom: Start reading again.
=-='' Really? I'm always reading every other day. What more do you want me to do?
Dad: Get off the computer. You've been on it all weekend.
*facepalms* Jeez. OK! Man! *gets off computer and plays with iPad*
Dad: Clean up your room. It looks like a pigsty in there.
Wow, really? I like it that way. It makes Mom stay away from there for a short while. *sighs and cleans up room and gets on computer again and starts typing on fanfiction*
Mom: We're about to put you on a curfew. You sleep until 1 or 2 in the afternoon , and you go to bed at 10:30 or so at night and stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning. You need to start going to bed early.
...wow. *sarcastic voice* That's awesome to hear, Mom. Like, seriously. Now I can actually go to bed at 9:30 and can't finish the rest of my homework and every teacher fusses at me for the reasons of why I couldn't finish it. I'll explain it like this: "Well, Mom and Dad won't let me stay up and finish it. They complain about me going to bed so late, so they put me to bed early. So blame them, not me."
REALLY mathmatical.
Dad: *sighs* Get. Off. The. Damn. Computer.
O-0 Jeez. What's your problem? *scrambles off computer*
Mom: Amber!
*walks in with a pissed off expression* Yes?
Mom: Can you do our cafes for us?
...*eye slowly twitches* I think that's what Dad's for.
He's on the laptop looking up the walkthrough. Can you do it? Thanks!
*facepalms about five times and walks away to do their shitty tagged cafes*
Seriously! That cafe is now pissing me off! It's so slow!
Dad: Start drawing again.
*groans* Dad, I do that every other day.
Dad: Well, what do you want me to do?
'Give me lots of strawberry ice cream. I'll be happy.'
*sighs and walks away to go draw chibis*
...hmm. Ok, I'm done.
*Shows Mom and Dad*
Mom: Awesome! That's great honey!
Dad: Not bad!
Mom: If you can only do so with your $200 dollar drawing tablet we bought for you on Christmas and letting it catch dust. So, if you can do it on paper, then do it on your drawing tablet.
...*facepalm* Not what I wanted to hear ...
Mom: You spend all day on that computer. Get off of there. And stop typing in th e dark! *turns on lamp*
Me: *Hisses and covers eyes*
Mom: Puh-lease! You need to stop. You already need new glasses as it is! If you get blind, don't tell me that I should have warned you. *walks away*
...*Muttering under breath and continues to type with a sour mood*
Mom: *walks in and stares at me*
*slowly looks up at her* ...what? I didn't do it. It was Thomas.
Thomas (my brother): WHAT?!
Mom: Get off the computer. I need to check my messages.
NUUUUUUU! I MUST KEEP TYPING!
Mom: Then save it!
I CAN'T! THE AUDIENCE IS TOO DESPERATE FOR ME!
Mom: And Josh is suppose to be desperate for you. Get off. Now.
0-o Ouch...
Mom: GET YOUR ASS OF THE FUCKING COMPUTER!
*squeaks and quickly saves it to only jump off the chair and go in my room and start typing on laptop* Sheesh...didn't have to be so rude.
Dad: Oh. Amber, by the way, it's that time of month again for your mother. I would do as she tells you.
*facepalm* '...wow. Thanks, Dad, for telling me that a few hours ago.'
Mom: Well, the laptop doesn't work anymore. The only hope is the computer. You'll have to wait until we get a new one.
'...sure. The only hope is the computer. Yeah, it is when Thomas isn't on YouTube and playing with his wittle Legos, Mom typing like crazy, Dad doing tagged and whatever you guys do. It's the only hope when it doesn't crash when I get on it .' -_-''
Ok. Enough of my fucked-up life with electronics. This is 800-1000 words right here. So, sorry folks! It shouldn't happen again. I thought I would share a part of my life before everyone ended it when I was little. *sighs* I guess I grew fond of myself and not everyone else.
P.S. Darkstar's name is now John.
John Barrett, the Gentleman Vampire.
*evil chuckle, then evil laughter but starts coughing*
Damn it! ...must practice on my evil laughter.
...hmm...Ah!
Drake's P.O.V.
As Marshall came back with a large lump between his pants, all of us shivered, except for White and Marceline, who were cackling their asses off.
Wow. Never heard them laugh like witches before.
...unless...?
(dramatic gasp inserted in mind)
They are witches.
Well, White would, but I don't imagine Marceline...wait...oooooooooohhh.
Never mind, then. She's wicked, evil and pretty cool enough to be one.
I was about to smile, until Fionna walked in the shop, making Marshall squeak and close his legs with a light blush.
Only for him to scream and grab his pickle.
I only shivered and covered my balls, while the other men did the same.
Fionna's eyes looked at Marshall and beamed into happiness, making Marshall bite his lower lip.
Wow. I can tell this is tough for him. :D
"Hi, Marshall." Fionna said in a happy tone while waving at him.
"H-h-h-hi Fion-n-na." Marshall stuttered, soon wincing afterwards.
Fionna raised an eyebrow and chuckled.
"Alright, Marshall, stop the stuttering. Talk, bro." she said, and looked down to the large lump in his pants, and blushed a dark red and turned away.
"I...I got a tattoo."
Fionna turned to him with wide eyes. "What? Dude, that's mathmatical! What's it like?" she asked with a smile.
Marshall smirked and slowly undid his pants, only for us to scream and Fionna to blush harder and then scream.
"NO! I don't want to be flashed by another man's penis, dick or pickle! I'm not doing Tier 15 in front of all these people, no matter how much you plead or force me to!" she screamed, and lifted a foot to kick Marshall right where the sun doesn't shine at all.
And boy, did she know how to kick. That thud was loud enough to be mistaken for a grunt.
Marshall squeaked and doubled over, while Marceline and White held their laughter by their hands to their mouths, their cheeks red.
They were ready to laugh, I can say.
I shivered and pushed my knees together, only for Jake to shriek and cover his balls.
John shivered. "I gotta go do something. BRB!" he shrieked, and ran out the store.
Rex turned pale and looked at White, only to slowly cover his, while Finn shrieked and ran to the farthest corner, his sword held out, ready for any attack.
Well, isn't that medieval. All he needs is a freaking shield to cover his balls.
Marshall then began to cry, tears streaming down his cheeks, and fell to the floor, screaming in pain while Fionna covered her mouth and White and Marceline exploding in laughter.
Jake suddenly hid behind Rex, while Tom only stood there, staring at Fionna in awe. I only shook my head and hid behind Rex, using both of them as my shield.
"Wha? Why am I the shield!?" Rex screamed.
"Because! You're the tallest and bulkiest one out of all of us!" I screamed at him.
Rex only squeaked and took out a similar sword to Finn's, but looked a lot more bloodier and scarier.
White only laughed even harder, while Marceline fell to the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Well. I guess due to Marshall's reaction, it is very painful." Tom said, his voice robotic.
We all nodded while the punk like girl smiled at us. (Marianne, aka fioleefan1000; it's not her real name, though. ;) Protecting her identity.)
We just stared at her before shivering with fear.
"OMG! Marshall, I'm so sorry! I thought you was going to flash me!" Fionna screamed, kneeling down beside him.
Marshall shook his head, held his balls, and kept on crying. "No...I w-w-was...*gulp and sniffle* sh-sh-sh-showing you my tat-t-t-too."
"...uh...you got it there?!" she asked with a red face, pretty embarrassed by this.
He slowly nodded and cried even more, because of the sky-high pain he's in.
...well. Isn't this a lesson to us all.
"Marshall, you may want to go to the hospital. You may be drone to bleeding, which ends up to a blood clot and you may have to have your pickle cut off." Tom said, making all of us shriek and definitely covered our balls.
Finn was hyperventilating before thudding to the ground, his sword clanking to the floor.
That's one.
Jake screamed and jumped on Rex's head like a monkey, who screamed and ran, until he flipped over a chair and fell face first on the floor, soon groaning afterwards.
...two.
Jake flew headfirst into a wall, now unconscious.
Now, three.
That left me in my own defense.
I only squeaked and fainted, my eyes now closing me into a world of blackness.
"Four," I muttered before I saw blackness.
Tom's P.O.V.
...Since all the strange humans passed out, I only shrugged and turned to White and Marceline.
"Marceline, truth or dare?" I asked.
"...*gasp and laughs* D-d-d-dare me, bro!"
"...I..." I tilted my head to the side, and turned to the door.
Princess Bubblegum ran into the shop, with only a bra on, no panties.
D: Oh, glob.
*robotic blush*
My brain just now malfunctioned.
White looked up and suddenly stopped laughing, and gasped to only let out a shriek and cover her eyes.
"GLOB! PB, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"
PB gave an embarrassed smile and grabbed a poster to wrap around herself as a towel.
"S-sorry," she mumbled.
White sighed and shook her head and turned to PB. "Any reason as of why you ran through my kingdom naked?"
"Correction, mostly naked." I stated.
White stared at me, rolled her eyes and went back to PB.
"Well, that's not what I'm here for." PB stated.
"...why are you here naked?"
"BECAUSE SOME RANDOM DUDE TRIED TO RAPE ME!" she screamed with a red face.
Everyone suddenly became quiet, until Marceline broke it first.
With a bomb of laughter.
White only stared at her before blinking twice.
Marianne only stared at her and shivered.
"...um..." White awkwardly coughed. "...I...can't really do...anything about that."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN-"
"WELL, IF YOU STOP SHOUTING, YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND!"
"...fine." PB grunted.
"...uh...stranger running at 11." White stated with a blank look.
"...what?"
"Never mind."
PB was then tackled by John, who was completely naked.
She screamed and tried to claw through the floor to get away, but John had a good grip on her.
(Darkstar, I'm sorry bro, but evil dudes can be horny dudes at certain times. *shrugs* It just popped up in my head.)
0_0
Fionna picked up Marshall bridal style and walked away.
White just backed away a step and just stared at the two.
Marceline floated in the air and even laughed more.
"AH! Help!" PB screamed.
"...can't. I don't control the rule. Mom and dad does. You'll have to confront to them, not me. And besides. You're no fun sometimes."
"WHAT!? Help meeeeeeee!" she screeched.
"...as a robot, I would love to help, but I will commit murder." I stated blankly.
John then picked her up and kissed her roughly, and ripped the poster away.
*CENSORED SCENES*
(peeps, I think you know what happens next...*shivers*)
John was covered by a poster, sleeping his sweat off, while PB hid behind the counter, mumbling strange words to herself and rocking back and forth, while Marianne sat in the chair that Rex fell into.
White's eyes were wide as dinner plates, while Marceline stared at the large wet spot on the red carpet.
"...that was the first time I actually saw someone get raped." White whispered.
"...you're not the only one." Marianne whispered.
"...Um...Marcy, weren't you-" White started, before she was cut off.
"Afslkdnffsdjknfgdsalckas!" Marceline screamed.
"...what?"
"...typing error!" she screamed.
"...o...k?"
...
"What should we do with them?" I asked.
"...nothing. PB got raped by John." Marianne stated. "The other dudes are knocked out cold." she shrugged.
John then groaned and sat up, grabbing his head and looked around until his eyes landed on Marceline.
"Uh, no way bub. I'm reserved for a special someone in the future." she gave a grunt and crossed her arms together.
"...I didn't know you got together with Ash." I stated with raised eyebrows.
"...no. Ugh. I gave up on that bastard years ago." she shivered. "Besides. Finn is my boyfriend now."
John then turned to White, and gave a huge grin.
White gasped and floated off the ground.
"Hell no, man. That's what the bars are for." she said.
Marceline then gagged while Marianne coughed.
Until someone ran up and punched John in the face, soon knocking him into unconsciousness.
There was Rex, breathing heavily and turning to White.
"I told you...that nobody will look at you...in a way...I find unnecessary." He stated, and walked up to her to only make out on the wall.
...huh.
"Well. The sucker took a punch." Marceline stated.
"...are you talking about the movie Suckerpunch?" Marianne questioned.
Marceline shook her head. "...no."
"...oh." Marianne nodded.
Moment of silence with lips smacking against one another and Drakim continuing their random moments.
"...but It had good scenes." Marceline stated.
"...yeah. It did." Marianne nodded.
Marceline smiled.