A/N Okay... so people liked this I guess, therefore it shall be a four part story. I'd just like to say sorry and thank you to the people who stick with me and my ongoing of never complete stories. I probably annoy some of you but it means a lot when people will put up with me, if not tolerate me. I appreciate you all, and your reviews. :)
Moving on... here's the small track list. Everything is all figured out, just needs to be written.
1. 4 am - Melanie Fiona
2. It Kills Me - Melanie Fiona
3. Torn - LeToya Luckett
4. Heart Attack - Trey Songz
So yeah, these four songs all wrapped in one is how my life relationships are. Blah. That's how this story formed I guess. And do I really need to do a disclaimer? Obviously I don't own the music or artists or big time rush.
It Kills Me
I'm sleeping in my room for the first time ever really since James and I got together. Obviously I'm not sleeping because I'm too busy crying into my pillow but still. It's weird because James and I slept together for a year and a half so I'm not used to the other side of the bed absent. Or being cold.
At least it was until at seven in the morning when my bedroom door opened quietly and a body, one oh so familiar slipped in beside me. With my back facing him, I held my breath waiting to see what James would. I could hear his breathing right up against my ear as he pressed his chest against me.
"Kendall." he spoke, his voice low. The heart breaker stabbing in the back scumbag's voice still manages to rise goosebumps out of me. "You're no stranger to me, I know you're awake."
Well, damn.
I turned around after a few minutes of contemplating and stared up at James. In the dark his hazel eyes glow like cat-like eyes and I can barely see his dark, thick lashes brushing against his high cheek bones. My eyes travel downwards and I see he's wearing no shirt.
That's fine, I mean I'll just be distracted by his sculpted eight pack in its tan beautiful glory. I clear my throat and feel my face heat up slightly as I look back up and stare at James. His eyes are pleading so desperately that I'm taken aback.
"Kendall, I'm an idiot. I hurt you even though I knew what I was doing and didn't quit. I know I don't deserve you and I'm a selfish prick for saying this but I still love you...and if we're broken up, please give me another chance."
My eyes closed when a finger gently stroked my cheek. Okay so maybe he doesn't just rise goosebumps out of me. He's a sweet, smooth talker the ass hole. And I found myself believing, succumbing to his pleas.
"Please baby," he whispers, his hot breath against my face. He cups my cheek with one hand and grasps my chin with the other. I find myself being pushed down to the mattress and my head tilted back. My eyes are still closed as a body covers mine from head to and I feel James' lips tenderly brushing against mine. "I love you." he whispers.
And that's when I let him back in.
I grasp his face and find his lips with mine and we stay in bed together till the afternoon.
Line Break
It's been two months since James and I got back together and our progress as being a happy couple was still on the go and rocky as ever. We've had several little fallouts and spats yet we work over them only to start back up on square one.
Which is where he disappears on me and comes back late in the night. He doesn't smell like girly perfume anymore but occasionally my mind thinks if he covers it up with his own. I always shake that thought away because he promised never to hurt me like that again. But when I confront him on where he's been and what the hell he was doing, he picks a fight with me. So he's got me thinking...
I'm on the couch and Carlos is leaning against the wall, has been ever since I began waiting- probably for the third night in a row now- for James to come home at an ungodly hour. This time it was leaning on three in the morning.
"Kendall, why do you keep letting him do this to you? You've got to do something about this." Carlos sighs as he ruffles up his spiky hair.
My eyes prickle and I curl my hands into fists. "Don't you think I am? I have? I'm trying." I don't mean to snap but I'm upset and pissed because I've been trying to keep our relationship working but James is too damn sneaky, he doesn't really tell me anything even though I've given him multiple chances. He says things that are hateful to the point where I want to break up with him but I don't have the heart. I can't stand it.
I drive Carlos and Logan and the rest of my friends crazy because they know I'm played- still- and yet I'm still with James, the player. I love him so much though he hurts me all the time. I can't leave him, he's my first everything. I want him to be my last, I don't want anyone else to have him. But we're crumbling, I can see it clear in the day. I can feel it and it hurts so I cling.
Cling to our breaking relationship even though another side of me is demanding What's the point? James and I still have our moments, maybe that's what I know if we break up, I'll miss desperately the most. That's what I'll know if someone else takes my place will get and I can't have that. It hurts to think that.
Fingers stroking my cheek startle me and I look up into warm caramel eyes. "I'm torn, Kendall. I can't keep watching him hurt you like this but you won't let anyone do a damn thing." Carlos sighs again and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry." he says before making his way to his and Logan's bedroom.
I think of their happy relationship like the idiot I am and begin to break down. The tears are silent as they trickle down my cheeks and travel all the way down to the curve of my mouth. There they continue downwards, running under the dip of my chin and tickling their way down my neck. I groan and heave myself off the couch.
"Why can't you just be here for once?" I grumble to myself about James, my voice thick and throaty. "Why can't you just be happy with me?" I'm in the kitchen filling a cup of ice water for myself. I take a big drink, wincing because it hurts to swallow before setting the cup down on the counter.
My eyes are locked on the stereo a few feet away. Music is my savior, always has been and always will be. I pad my way over to it and turn it on softly. I settle on a station, it sounds like a new song was going to start. I lean into the counter and wrap my arms around my middle. I'm in a shirt and shorts and Logan gets the hottest easily so the air is on its highest.
Goosebumps rise all over my body but I don't know whether it's from the cold or the sound of the front door opening with a loud bang. James enters the kitchen seconds later looking startled when his eyes land on me.
I don't need to smell the perfume to know he's been with someone when I can see the faint marks of glossy lip stick on his neck.
I stare at him feeling numb all over.
"Kendall-"
"Why? I don't understand." my voice I'm surprised is even, leveled at a calmness. Complete opposite from how I feel on the inside.
"I-"
"Who is she?"
Do you really want to know? You honestly want to know who it is your boyfriend has been seeing behind your back for God knows how long?
That other side of me demands brokenly and I find myself smartly agreeing. I just shake my head and walk out.
I leave James with "Sleep in your own room tonight."
And so that we don't a repeat of what happened the last time when I meant to sleep by myself, I lock my door with a heavy heart.
Line Break
James stood in the kitchen where Kendall left him staring at the floor. He knew he fucked up this time, he knew he was fucking up while he was with that girl yet he didn't stop himself.
Someone singing made him look up and look around the room. His eyes stopped and wavered over the stereo that was left on. He made his way over to turn it off while thinking about how he could make it up to Kendall.
The woman singing on the radio made him stop his movement of switching the power button off.
Oh yeah, I've got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don't come home at night
But when you do, you always start a fight
But I can't be alone
I need you to come on home
I know you're messing around
But who the hell else is, is gonna hold me down?
James frowned and slowly removed his hand off the music player, his hazel eyes staring down at it dazily.
I gotta be out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other side still believes
And it kills me to know
How much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh
To you, ooh, ooh
The woman's voice was powerful though you could tell by the pain in her lyrics, the hurtness of her voice that she was in pain. That someone was doing her wrong. James swallowed.
Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shh, then hang up?
Or I should I be a lady?
Ooh, maybe 'cause I wanna have his babies?
Oh yeah, yeah
'Cause I don't wanna be alone
I don't need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things I just can't stand
I gotta be out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other half still believes
James wondered if this was how Kendall felt. He truly was an idiot and was sorry but James, he couldn't help himself. He rubbed his face and groaned softly, letting the rest of the lyrics surround him and his guilty heart.
And it kills me to know
How much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh
To you, ooh, ooh
Should I pay you back
To see how you react?
To see if you react to my love, my love
I gotta be out my mind
To think it's gonna work this time
A part of me wants to leave
But the other side still believes
And it kills me to know
How much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh
To you, ooh, ooh
And it kills me to know
How much I really love you
So much I wanna ooh, ooh, ooh
To you, ooh, ooh
James stood there for several minutes after the song ended. He'd turned off the stereo and stood in silence, taking everything in. When he finally did decide to move, it was way past three, closing in on four.
He groaned and began to tiredly think of an apology to say to Kendall in the morning while walking to his room.