A/N: Crowley visits Lisa on his birthday again. Surprisingly he made it there sober this time.
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Crowley hesitated. Damn he really wanted a drink. For a moment he almost turned and left to go find a bar. No, he ordered himself. For once he wasn't going to give into self pity and get sloshed on this date. He promised every year he wouldn't show up here drunk on this date and this year he intended to keep that promise. Afterwards, he mollified himself. There would be time to drink himself into oblivion after the visit. He sat down and placed the flowers on the bench next to him.
"Um, hey."
Crowley paused.
"I'm not drunk this year. I won't lie, I wish I wasn't sober. I don't know. It's my fault he's gone, it's my fault you're gone. Hell, it's probably my fault Dean's gone."
Crowley scrubbed his face with his hands.
"I actually kept my promise this year," he whispered. "See, it took a few years but I managed to keep my word to you. Hopefully Sam will be happy I didn't show up here drunk today."
Crowley was silent for a few moments.
"I still miss him, you know?" He shook his head. "Of course you'd know. It's just that no one ever did something like that for me. He gave his life so that I could have a second chance. I can't help but think he should be the one still alive, not me. I wish he hadn't had to die. The world needed him, still needs him. Dean needed him," Crowley finished quietly.
God, he couldn't do this.
"Look, I made it here sober. I have to leave now. My first sober birthday so far. I'm not sure if I can handle the rest of today without a drink. I'll try, though. For you, I'll try."
Standing, Crowley placed the flowers on the grave.
"As always, you've been lovely company. Until next time."