XI.
Sometimes, she hears them.
The Voices.
Sitting there on the old wooden stool, a clear crisp of paper pinned to the flat board in front of her, quietly dabbing on pastel colors with the thin paintbrush loosely held between her fingers –and then she hears the voices.
They don't talk to her, not exactly.
It's more like they're… talking to each other, and she only happens to overhear their conversation about something. She isn't quite sure what it is, since it's filled with all sorts of strange terms and technical jargons that she doesn't really understand.
Sometimes, it's only a soft whisper in the back of her head, a quiet buzz that's easily ignored.
Sometimes, it's a cacophony of voices screaming at the forefront of her mind, and she'll drop her paintbrush, wincing.
It's not normal.
… Is it?
Because. Well.
It's strange, but Setsu can't recall a time when there aren't voices projecting themselves into her mind.
XII.
"Yumei Private Middle School?"
Sousei inwardly winces at the surprise and tiny flash of incredulity in his parents' tones. He glances down at the ground, swallowing hard.
"I… I have the scores for it, and… and their engineering and science courses are really good. Much better than any of the ones at Namimori Middle, so… I was wondering if…"
"Sousei," his father sighed, kneeling down to his son's height and hugging the boy. Sousei stiffly returned the hug. "I'm proud of you. I really am; your grades have always been top-notch, and in retrospect… it's not that unbelievable that you'd want to apply to Yumei Middle. I know you'd certainly thrive there. But you're aware of our family's financial position, Sousei, we can't afford to send you to a private–"
"I can work!" The boy instantly seizes the opportunity he sees in his father's words, grasping at the chance. "I –I'll find a job to help pay for tuition fees! I don't mind!"
"You're too young to be working, Sousei."
The young boy bites his lip in frustration.
He… he'd never asked for much from his parents before, because he was the oldest of his siblings and he had to be responsible and set himself up as a good role model. Their parents were always out working, and it was often left to him to take care of Yuuto and Setsu. He knew he was smart and mature for his age; it set him apart from his classmates. He didn't want to go to Namimori Middle –he didn't want to be surrounded by the same kids who teased him for always burying his head in books and running home the moment school was out.
He wasn't foolish enough to think that he wouldn't be heckled anymore in Yumei Middle, but at least most of the people in Yumei schools were serious about their education, which would be one less source of grief for him.
… Sometimes, Sousei was almost envious of how Yuuto seemed to fold so easily into the mold. Yuuto wasn't at the top of his class in terms of academics, but he was brilliant at baseball, and his friendly, outgoing demeanor–
No.
Jealousy was unbecoming of him.
He was better than this.
"Papa, Mama, Onii-chan… is there something wrong?"
Setsu. Standing in the doorway, clutching that tattered teddy bear in her arms, blearily rubbing her eyes. When had she gotten here?
… There were faint bags under her eyes.
He abruptly stood up from the table, letting out a soft, irritated sigh as he glanced back over his shoulder at his parents –this conversation wasn't over, not if he still had any say about things– and turned on his heel, striding over to his little sister. Easily slipping her tiny hand into his own, he began herding her back towards the stairs.
"… Onii-chan?"
"How long haven't you slept?"
The girl let out a tiny squeak at the sudden reprimand, and he mentally shook his head at that guilty reaction.
"Why didn't you come find me, then?"
His sister mumbled something under her breath.
"Speak properly, Setsu."
"… Didn't wanna distract you, onii-chan." She ducked her head when he suddenly stopped walking and turned to fix his gaze on her in surprise. "You're studying for Yumei's entrance exams, right?"
A moment of silence.
He sighed again, reaching out a hand and ruffling her hair, ignoring the indignant squawk that followed.
"Don't worry about me. I can handle it."
There was a flicker of something warm in his chest from her sentiment, though. After all, Yuuto was always more than happy to knock down the door to his room when he was in the middle of doing revisions just to try out a new video game or something…
"… It's okay not to be strong all the time, onii-chan. I can take care of myself. So take care of yourself too, ne?"
Startled, he glanced down at his little sister again, who blinked back up at him innocently through hazel eyes.
Knowing hazel eyes.
XIII.
"Nice one, Yuuto!"
"Good job!"
"Thank goodness we have you on our team, haha! Hey, think we can take on Yamamoto's team next time?"
She follows the rowdy voices as she makes her way towards the baseball field. Some of the other kids give her strange looks as she advances –she isn't one of the kids who come to play here every afternoon; she's one of the young kids who're obviously dumb and have no idea what they're doing all the time, who shouldn't be walking towards the 'cool kids'– and it doesn't take long before she's standing there and they're looking.
… It didn't bother her as much as she thought it would. Huh. Imagine that.
"Onii-chan!" She cups her hands and shouts, because her voice has always been small. "Mama sent me out to find you! You're going to be late for dinner!"
Ebon hair, gray eyes. Setsu spots her brother standing in the middle of the group of boys like he belongs there –and he does. Belong there, that is. At comfort and at ease in the midst of his friends.
"That's your sister, Yuuto?"
"Kinda small, isn't she?"
"Looks frail, too. Ha, I pity whichever team she's on in games –a little weak, right? Build up some muscle, kid!"
Teasing and laughter. There's no real ill intent behind those barbed words. She knows that.
So…
…
What's this heavy sensation weighing down on her chest? Why are her hands clenched into fists? Why is she suddenly feeling so clear and detached from everything –why is Yuuto staring at her like that, why is he–
"Oi, oi, cut it out, guys!" Why? Why does his laughter sound so forced? "Sorry, but I'll have to skip on the last game. Gotta get home for dinner, y'know?"
… Why does he all but drag her away from his friends?
Why does he sit on the seat farthest from her when they're eating dinner at the table?
Why does he look at her like that?
Why?
…
… I'm not a monster, onii-chan!
XIV.
She closes her eyes, and there it is again.
A room. Heavy draperies are tightly drawn across the tall French windows, and not a single sliver of sunlight slips into the room. She can barely make out the outlines of a desk in the corner –and was that a bookshelf over there? Well, she wouldn't know. Her eyesight was blurry and it was hard to make sense of things. To make sense of anything, really.
Then.
Then she hears it: a nasty, rasping cough resounding deep in the lungs.
Her lungs.
…
It should be cause for alarm and it is, Setsu is alarmed by it, but… somehow, she isn't panicking, and that feeling… was it… resignation?
Bone-thin fingers slowly pry away the blankets covering her body, and she sits up slowly, stiffly, like a puppet on strings. The movements are not made of her own will; Setsu isn't a masochist and moving hurts. Head dizzy, limbs burning, something hot scalding the back of her throat–
She blinks, a sudden swirl of indigo lights obscuring her vision.
…
… Miraculously, the pain disappears. As if it never even existed in the first place.
(Which comes as both a surprise and a welcome reprieve to her.)
She proceeds to stand up from the bed she was lying in –what a novel experience; standing– and slowly steps over to the tall, curtain-drawn windows of the room.
Pale hand lifting in front of her.
Wiry fingers resting on the edge of the heavy fabric.
Small hesitation.
Then.
She draws open the draperies and is greeted by the world outside. In the reflection of the glass, she can make out the outline of a girl's face; soft hazel eyes and long silver hair –but somehow, that isn't what her attention is focused on at the moment.
The sunlight is blinding.
…
…
…
"… Little miss?"
XV.
What's love?
Setsu knows.
It's what she feels for her family, isn't it? That warmth in her chest when her Mama smiles at her and when Papa hugs her, and when she curls up to sleep next to Sousei after another nightmare, and… and when Yuuto doesn't mind her doing her homework next to him, and they sit together in companionable silence with the leftovers from Mama's bakery on the table between them. It's what the other girls giggle over when they pass around "secret" photos of the cute up-and-coming baseball star at school who is their popular upperclassman.
But, sometimes… even though it makes her feel guilty for even letting the thought cross her mind… she can't help but wonder.
Because.
Because she remembers.
She remembers feeling a fierce, searing warmth that's nothing like the soft affection she knows nowadays. She remembers that feeling when looking at a silver-haired boy with golden eyes. Gentle hugs and genuine smiles. Those come few and far between in her life now –even with Sousei around, because she doesn't want to trouble Sousei anymore now that he has to work hard in Yumei Middle to stay at the top of his class. She remembers kissing that silver-haired boy she's never met on the forehead with a feather-light kiss before telling him, "I love you." And meaning those words.
She also remembers a similar sensation when that kindly old butler passes her a cup of tea or pushes her around on a wheelchair. Bright laughter –and is that sound really coming from her own throat?– when they visit the gardens. She carries a parasol on her shoulder, but even so she can feel the warmth of sunlight on her skin, and something tells her that the warmth she feels isn't all completely from the sunlight.
She remembers sitting next to a man with charcoal hair and eyes the color of night. At least, that's how he appears to the public world: she remembers watching the glamour melt away like watercolor, the illusion falling away to reveal blue-green hair and teal eyes and a small smile curled at the lips. She remembers him always being by her side, always helping her. Even when she felt like didn't deserve it, he was always there.
… Is this love? Watching out for someone and never wanting them to come to harm? Being there for them when they needed you?
She doesn't know if she needed that raven-haired boy with the beautiful flames, but… there's something tangible-intangible there. A thread of wistfulness, a fragment of hope, a whisper of what might've-been. Something like that, maybe?
…
… Okay, so in hindsight, maybe Setsu… doesn't know what love is. Which, well, should be perfectly understandable, right? She's still young. She has a lifetime to find the answer now, not like…
… like what?
She's not exactly sure what she's referring to anymore. Only that she knew the answer, except it was now… somehow, it wasn't…
…?
…
… What is love, really?
XVI.
"'Write an essay about something you love.'" Yuuto leaned back in his seat as he quoted his teacher, mentally running through a small list, before a bright grin split his lips. "Hah, I already know what my topic is!"
"Baseball, right?" His friend sitting next to him laughed, before jerking a thumb backwards. "Just like Yamamoto over there."
Yuuto gave a sheepish laugh before his gaze slipped towards the direction his friend had pointed in to land on another cheer-faced boy.
Yamamoto Takeshi.
… Who wouldn't know him, really?
Charismatic, athletic, pretty. Yes, pretty. Yuuto wouldn't deny the pretty-boy his looks, not when the girls in class 'secretly' squealed over him every morning.
Yamamoto was one of the most popular kids in their grade level –people were always flocking to him, clamoring for his attention. And truth be told, Yuuto wanted to get to know him, too. Yamamoto could certainly throw a mean pitch on the field, and his team could always count on him to hit a home run when game got tough. He was always friendly and smiling and never turned away anyone who came up to him, and got along easily with everyone no matter who they were.
Honestly.
Who wouldn't want Yamamoto for a friend?
And certainly, Yamamoto did have a lot of friends. He was always surrounded by a flock of classmates chattering away in his ear about one topic or another in the hallways at school.
But.
…
There was a reason why Yuuto didn't go out of his way to befriend his fellow baseball nut.
Because… it was hard to say, and sometimes Yuuto wasn't even quite sure about it himself, but… Something about those cheerful smiles always ran a bit false. Maybe it was just unwarranted paranoia, maybe it was his own imagination…
Yuuto didn't like liars.
Not even if they were friendly and popular and excellent at baseball.
"Say, we're all graduating next year." A voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts, "Are you going to that fancy private school your brother is going to?"
"Nah," Yuuto easily turned his attention back to his friend, an automatic smile stretching his lips. "Unlike me, he's actually good at studying. And he knows what he wants, so Yumei Middle is good for him. I'll probably be going to Namimori Middle like the rest of you… unless I fail my exams and get held back for a year, though!"
It's nice, laughing together with friends. Yuuto can't imagine his life without his friends distracting him –he can't imagine living like, say, Dame-Tsuna in the class down the hall. He pities the scrawny boy, who's a bit of a pushover and is always bullied by others and never laughs with anyone in school.
For Yuuto, laughter is important, because laughter always helps him forget about the fear.
(Just like how baseball leaves behind nothing but adrenalin and excitement pounding through his veins when it clears his mind of everything else.)
XVII.
… dispatch 032 and 033 to ***** at 1700…
… are done. Reports have been sent to 080…
… price? No, not unless they are code *****…
…
.
…
"…-mura? Nakamura! Nakamura, pay attention in class!"
Setsu jolts up in her seat like a startled rabbit, while her classmates titter around her, mocking and judging her for it. It doesn't bother her as much as it did in the beginning, but sometimes…
"Nakamura, please kindly solve the problem for us since you're apparently advanced enough to begin sleeping in the middle of class."
Ick.
… Math is her worst subject.
Setsu squints a little at the problem written on the board, still groggy and half-asleep and mind not entirely registering everything yet.
"Well, Nakamura?"
She suppresses a yawn, knowing her teacher wouldn't appreciate it.
"Th-thirty."
"I expected better of you, Nakamura. When I'm talking in class, students should always be paying attention when I explain how to… wait. What did you say, Nakamura?"
Her tone changed. Her teacher's tone had changed.
Setsu blinked.
"Um, thirty."
Why thirty? Setsu doesn't know. She hadn't really even processed the problem at all, only staring at it with drooping eyes, and somehow the number had automatically been pushed to the forefront of her mind, so she'd said it without thinking.
But by that look on her teacher's face, as if she'd swallowed a lemon or something equally sour…
…
…
…
"That… that's correct, Nakamura."
Huh.
Imagine that.
XVIII.
Sousei falls out of his bed in the middle of the night when he hears a scream.
Shrill.
Loud.
Piercing.
It's the nightmares again.
(It… hasn't sounded this bad for a long, long time. Had it been too much for him to hope that this luck would hold?)
He isn't quite sure how he stumbled up the stairs to the attic, to his little sister's room, but suddenly he's there and he's holding the young child in his arms and she's crying again –just like how it was when they were little, during his earliest memories of adjusting to a new stepmother and two new stepsiblings, one more troublesome than the other–
His parents are here almost immediately after him, running into the room with heavy feet, and even Yuuto is behind them, pale-faced and bleary-eyed. And if that's not a sign of things gone south, Sousei would eat his electronics textbook. If even Yuuto is here, then that's an immediate sign that something is seriously wrong, because Sousei knows that Yuuto is scared of Setsu's fits from the nightmares that plagued her and is always reluctant to try and comfort her.
He still hasn't touched another horror movie in all this time. Neither of them have.
"Please," Setsu's voice is as soft as ever, choked by hiccups and strangled by sobs as warm tears roll down her cheeks. Their parents gently pry her from Sousei's arms and into their own. "D-Don't… so many monsters, so much blood… I'm not… I won't… please be safe…!"
As always, her ramblings make no sense, and Sousei isn't all too keen on forcing her to relive her nightmare by recounting it to curious ears.
But.
… Would it help?
XIX.
"That's a very pretty lake, Nakamura. Don't you think you should use brighter colors, though? That way it'll look more cheerful."
The raven-haired girl shakes her head at her art teacher.
"No, sensei. This is how it looks, so… I don't think I should try to change it."
"Well, if that's how you want it, then." The woman gives the little girl an encouraging smile instead. "Now, what's with all this gray stuff on the surface?"
"It's fog."
"Fog? Ohhh, I see. Very creative of you to use the brush strokes like that… hmm… oh! Is that someone standing there in the middle? That dark splotch over there?"
"Yes, sensei."
"How clever! May I ask who it is?"
The young child pauses a moment to think over the question.
"… I don't know."
XX.
Sousei moves on to his final year at Yumei Middle when Yuuto enters his first year at Namimori Middle, and so Setsu finally begins the task of walking to Namimori Elementary on her own every morning to go to school. It's a bit lonely now that Yuuto is gone as well, but when she thinks about it –hasn't there always been something that rang a little hollow in her chest? Something… empty, that was once full?
(Or maybe that's just her imagination, too. Who knows?)
Papa recently received a raise in his salary and Mama was finally able to borrow enough money to open her own pastry shop. Both of them are busier than ever now, but they still do their best to make time for their children. Sometimes, Setsu cuts her afterschool painting sessions short to head over to her Mama's shop and help out any way she can –usually it's just washing the dishes (she's not allowed to touch the knives) and such; menial labor that's easily done even by a girl as small and as young as she is.
Mama always tells her to hang out with her friends more. Setsu never gives a concrete response. She doesn't have friends like Yuuto does, so she has no one to 'hang out' with even if she wanted to. Sousei is always getting dragged off into study sessions by his fellow classmates, an occurrence that was becoming extremely common in the household.
So gradually, her days whittle down to a mixture of school and painting and helping out in the pastry shop. Sometimes Yuuto drops by for a bite with his friends, sometimes Sousei comes to check up on them with a classmate or two. Dinnertime is always a family affair when everyone is together, though, even if Papa sometimes comes home late and her brothers lose track of time and stumble in after him. There is an odd contentment to this life that Setsu is quickly becoming accustomed to: plain and simple and mind-numbingly normal.
And then the fedora-wearing baby comes.
.
…
.
Author's Notes:
Hi all. :3
… Didn't expect people to actually be all that interested in Canopus. I guess Stella kind of left an impact in Polaris? xD
So, I received a few questions about what time period the story is in right now in regards to the KHR timeline. If you've read this chapter, it's probably pretty obvious by now, but I'll say it again here just in case to clear things up: Stella was born prior to KHR canon. Setsu is born after Stella dies. Yes, Setsu is younger than Tsuna&co. She's around the same age as Fuuta.
The chapter is a little more Setsu-centric this time. And yes, we're headed into KHR canon now –main timeline-wise, that is. There'll still be some flashbacks and memories and things that won't make sense until later, though. ;)
As always, please remember to point out any mistakes you see in the text. Don't hesitate to ask questions if you have something you're wondering about! (I'll always try to answer to the best of my ability. :D)
QUESTION: … Out of curiosity, is anyone interested in a particular pairing for Stella/Setsu in this fic since she's not scripted to die this time around like she was in Polaris? ;3
Till next time
-XxZuiliu