REWRITTEN 6/23/16

Enia: Ever wonder how the hell we managed to break out of that government facility way back in the beginning of the fic? Well, wonder no more!

Screw You Government

An EZHF Short

"Onyx, look what I can do!" I yelled excitedly. We had just found each other wandering around the sterile, maze-like hallways of the government facility. I'd nearly smacked straight into her as I barreled around a corner. She stood in the middle of the corridor, orange hair flaming against the white tiles, looking around her with indecision.

I stretched out my hand to her and wiggled my fingers, urging her to take them, but she rolled her eyes mockingly at me. We were about to set off to locate Minka, but I had something I wanted to show her first. I was going to blow her socks the fuck off.

Spinning around, I punched my fist towards a wall. The cement and ceramic tiles exploded violently, spewing fire and blackened rubble in every direction. The walls around the gaping hole were covered with soot, and through the new window, a pair of startled scientists stared at us, wide-eyed. I grinned and waved hello cheekily.

"Dude!" Onyx shouted, jumping up and down once. "Fucking awesome!"

"Try shifting into your horse form," I ordered excitedly, completely ignoring the humans in the next room.

Onyx grinned, scrunching up her brow in concentration, eyes closed. But before she could even try to shift, the munchers came shambling around the faraway corner, moaning and grumbling. The instant they catch sight of us, their arms lift like those of a marionette. I looked down at them with my lips first. Huh, I'd forgotten that they were there. I made a note to work on my attention span.

"Maybe later," Onyx said, eyeing the munchers a little nervously. "Let's get out of here."

We spun on our heels and skedaddled down the hall in the opposite direction as the munchers. I hoped briefly that the scientists would be able to get out of their room in time, but I honestly didn't really care. I chucked fireballs over my shoulder, setting at least half the munchers ablaze all at once. I cackled evilly. I couldn't believe we had been captured by the government, and now we were fleeing through their secret facility while being chased by a rabid horde of undead monsters.

This was fucking cool!

"Right!" Onyx yelled, grabbing my arm and yanking me with her as she turned a corner abruptly. It was good she had pulled me along, because if she'd left me on my own, my directionally challenged brain would have taken me in the other direction. I yelped in surprise as my feet skidded across the floor. When I looked up, I gasped squeakily as we nearly crashed right into an armed patrol. Three guards in heavy, black helmets and Kevlar chest guards were strolling right towards us.

"Just passing through!" I shouted. The soldiers stared at us as we raced past, weapons useless in limp fingers. The next instant, the munchers appeared, their stench preceding them, and the guards joined us in our flight, cursing. I smirked and nodded towards the man I thought was the leader, and he stared at me, trying to figure out who the hell I was.

We didn't give them the chance to finish putting the puzzle together. Onyx and I turned the next corner we came to, and the guards kept running forward, unable to change direction as quickly, laden down by their gear like they were. "Minka!" I yelled, my voice echoing off the walls. "Get your ass out here, or we're leaving it behind!"

Onyx snorted. "Like she's actually going to hear you."

Fifteen feet away from us, a metal door banged open, and a peeved-off, dark-haired stalked out of the room, practically smoking. Onyx blinked and nodded slowly. "I stand corrected."

"What the hell is going on?" Minka demanded, hands on her hips.

Onyx snagged her hand as we ran by, and she let herself be pulled along. "Oh, not much. Just being chased by some zombies."

"Enia's fault?" she asked.

My other friend nodded in agreement. "Enia's fault."

"hey!" I yelped indignantly, pulling my hand away from Onyx's burning palm. "It's not all my fault!"

"Hey," Onyx said, "I was just minding my own business and trying to find a way out."

"And I was stuck in my room," Minka added.

I spluttered. What horrible friends they were. Ganging up on me like that. "Well, the government people were the ones who locked me in the room with the munchers! Therefore, it's their fault!"

I thought my logic was quite sound, but Onyx didn't seem to agree. She shook her head and sighed, sharing a knowing look with Minka. "Always blaming your mistakes on other people."

I smacked her upside the head.

We zigzagged through the hallways until the moans of the undead faded to nothing. Only then did we slow down, sinking into a walk step by step and clustering around a nice-smelling potted plant to talk and plan our next move. "How are we going to get out of here?" Minka wondered, straight to the point.

I raised my hand eagerly, bouncing up and down on my toes. "Oh, oh, pick me!"

She cocked her eyebrow at me.

"I go blow stuff up until we find the outer wall."

"We really need to work on your pyromaniac tendencies," Onyx observed. I stuck my tongue out at her from between my wildly grinning lips.

"It would work," Minka said. "But we'd risk releasing all the zombies they have in here."

I folded my arms and pouted like a five-year-old. "They're called munchers."

"What if we go through the air-ducts like they always do in the movies?" Onyx suggested. "That usually works."

We looked up at the ceiling simultaneously. The white ceiling was smooth and unbroken.

"Okay, never mind," Onyx mumbled, sounding disappointed.

"We should ask them nicely to let us out," I said. "Or else we'll release all the munchers."

"What if they call our bluff?" Minka pointed out. "It's not like we're actually going to release the…munchers if they refuse."

Suddenly, Onyx slapped her forehead, laughing and shaking her head. "I've got it! Goddamn, we're stupid! It's staring us right in the face." She stopped talking, laughing too hard to continue.

I squinted at her. "Well, don't keep us in suspense."

"All the guards and people are probably concentrating on containing the zombies, right?" Minka and I nodded. I still wasn't quite following her. "So, there's probably minimum security on all the exits. What if we just walked out the front door?"

Minka and I exchanged looks, and I shrugged; it could work. And it was simple and slightly ironic, which meant that I liked it. I gestured grandly down the hall. "Lead the way."

We jogged lightly through the building, eyes peeled for any sign of movement. A couple of times, we had to dart under cover as soldiers ran past, shouting at each other, but the men and women never noticed us, too concerned with the undead threat. I could hear the rumblings of a far-off battle, and I thought I could detect the stench of decaying flesh, but we never encountered any real trouble.

We really had no idea where we were going, but I figured if we just kept moving, we'd eventually find an exit. And it worked too, thankfully. After about a half hour of searching, we finally stumbled across a set of lightly guarded doors, the sunlight streaming through the round windows. There were only two soldiers there, clutching guns and looking nervous.

The three of us sauntered out into the light. I raised a hand in greeting when the soldiers stiffened and raised their guns as they spotted us. "Howdy there," I called. "Nice weather we're having, isn't it?"

Beside me, Onyx groaned, thinking we were dead.

"Halt," one of the guards ordered, leveling his rifle at my head. Minka, Onyx, and I stopped and held our hands up in surrender. "Who are you?" he demanded. "Where did you come from?"

"I'm Enia, that's Minka, and that's Onyx," I answered brightly as if we were exchanging pleasantries on the street, indicating each of my friends in turn. "We're prisoners here. Great job containing us."

The guards paled with shock, and I saw their fingers tighten on the triggers of their guns."

"Mind letting us go?" I finished as bullets began to spray.

I flung my arms into the air, and the concrete floor jumped up to intercept the bullets. Dust exploded around us, filling the air. I couldn't see a thing, but more importantly, neither could the guards. We darted out from behind the makeshift wall, staying low. The bullets stopped, replaced by low, worried murmurs.

A dark shape appeared in the dust before me. I leapt forward and wrapped my arms around the guard's neck, chocking off his startled cry. He stumbled backwards under my weight, running into his partner. Onyx brought a brick down on his head, and he crumpled. I released my prisoner and kicked him in the stomach. He lurched away, swearing. His pin-wheeling legs met Minka's outstretched limb, and he crashed to the ground. His head smacked the concrete with a thud that knocked him out cold.

I grinned and held out my hands for high-fives. "Staples, that was easy."

Onyx grinned. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

In a line, we walked casually out the door, letting them close on the chaos inside.