A.N: The episode that created my obsession with all things Blair and Chuck wore.
I have a new Chair type fic out called Pictures of Blair if you haven't read yet try it.
Also reviewer, skaggirl, (thank you) mentioned that they are sixteen and not fifteen in the first season. It was a mistake on my part. I totally intended for them to be sixteen and juniors in high school. So I went back and edited out those references. But in case anyone was wondering they are actually 16. Quote this week is not from the usual but I was like this is so young foolish Chuck.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or any characters from any of the series mentioned. Nor do I own any of the real places, or persons mentioned.
"If love were a color, it would be green. At least for me. But her love is blue, and she's too cool to see that my envy is just amped up jealousness, and a display of how much I care about her and want to see her happy, alone, and imprisoned in the castle of my heart."
― Jarod Kintz
Is there really anything better than a lazy Sunday? Reading the paper in bed, sipping coffee, scrambling an egg or two. Yeah right, we Upper East Siders don't do lazy. Breakfast is brunch, and it comes with champagne, a dress code, and 100 of our closest friends and enemies. After last night's clusterfuck you better believe I am sipping on this Bellini eager with anticipation to what today will bring–xoxo Gossip Girl
Once Serena left I texted Jenny to inquire about what happened with Chuck last queen, I needed to ensure my subjects were acting in their proper roles.
B: I did not invite u to my party to cause a scene
J: OMG! So sorry && Chuck is a total creep but I handled it
I felt satisfied that she would not be a lost puppy dog following Chuck around. It would be a blow if my seduction of Bass ended with him bedding one of my minions. I tossed my phone and seconds later it beeped.
J: r ppl talking bout it?
B: No ppl have more relevant gossip to discuss
J: o okay
I rolled my eyes as if anyone is talking about Brooklyn with everything else that is going on Gossip Girl. I knew from Serena that Jenny was hoping that her encounter with Bass was going to push her into the relevant topics on Gossip Girl. But it was less important than she thought. The women Chuck slept with were never important. Hell, it was assumed that more than half of Constance hooked up with Chuck in some way or another. Jenny needed to know her place. She was not to be seen rather she needed to serve me.
The ride over the Palace was silent and my mother looked to be in one of her moods. I was only grateful that she did not comment on my outfit. At least the silence allowed me to go over the small seduction tips that I picked up from the internet in a quick search. Eye contact, light touching, and touching my lips or collarbone. It seemed simple enough. In addition, Bass was usually eager to jump into bed with someone so it should not seem that hard. Then again he has probably been with a hundred women how could I tempt him? Ugh. Stupid whore he was. I felt a bit of jealously stir up that I needed to squash. This was about sexual gratification Blair. Nothing else nothing more I told myself.
"Mother, excited for the brunch?" I asked trying to make conversation in the silent town car.
She rolled her eyes "Not really, Blair. I only go because the Basses are so rich. They are not a good bunch. Seriously, they those two men have no morals at all even still I must admit Bart does have a mind for business. Regardless, remember what I told you about them. Stay away."
"Of course mother," I lied and turned to look out the window. I felt her glare at the back of my head in the way that mothers could only do. I crossed my legs tightly willing my mind to stop thinking thoughts of Chuck out of fear that she was reading my mind. I nearly threw myself out of the car since I was too impatient to wait for the driver to open the door.
We arrived at the Place Hotel promptly at one thirty for mingling before the brunch. The Basses were greeting their guest at the door. The slight bruising that was forming on Chuck's lip and eye were in direct contrast to his all white suit. We both obviously wore the last of our summer whites, as the season would soon be ending. I was sure fall and my coming seventeen birthday were a new beginning. We were on the eve of it now. As I made sure to smile at Chuck to let him know, I did not regret spending time with him last night even as the gossip about him and I were reaching epic portions on the internet.
"Mrs. Waldorf, Blair it is so lovely to see you," Chuck laid on the charm. Bart extended a similar greeting and put of his hand for me to shake. The weight of Bass's powerful handshake and glaze felt stronger than ever. I held my ground never blinking away from his intense gaze until a small smile on his face came about.
"Very happy you both could make it," the elder Bass said.
"Chuck knows all about my fondest for brunch," I teased Chuck back to the conversation from last night.
"Yes, I reserved eclairs just for you," he winked at me knowing we both loved the pastry and often fought over them. I felt the eyes of Bart and Eleanor on us. I could feel my mother's warning about Chuck ringing in my eyes.
"That is very kind of you Chuck, but Blair should stay away from those. Nate is more than aware that Blair enjoys cucumber sandwiches" her voice making it clears that I should stay away from the calories and from him. I winced and hoped it was invisible.
"Nonsense. Blair has a much sophisticated palate than that," Chuck said while staring my mother down and with nowhere to look, I made the mistake of glancing at Bart. He was looking at his son with something akin to pride. He turned to look at me and raised his eyebrow with a grin as if we were sharing a secret. The moment was no joke for me rather it was filled with tension. I knew that we should be moving in as other guests were standing behind us hoping that would be the out. Finally, Chuck looked at me "They are divine. You really must try one," he said his gaze still fierce.
"Maybe two," I joked hoping to receive a smile.
While one did not grace his face his eyes did light up and wink at me. I walked away with my mother to a group of her friends. I grabbed a Belleni from a staff member and politely sipped on it as I engaged them in conversation about upcoming college plans. After enough time I excused myself to find the younger crowd in these events when I made my way to Serena who was there with Lily. I watched Chuck from behind as he stood by his father looking more mature than I have ever seen him before. Chuck who stood up to my mother in front of me and his own father in a way Nate would have ever done. Chuck who seemed genuinely happy to just see me. My heart being beating in a way that I refused to believe as real but the smile that came to my face could not be suppressed.
"Why the smile, B?" Serena teased as soon as she saw. I rolled my eyes at her and greeted Lily with a kiss on the cheek who then left us to chat.
"Oh nothing, I just can't wait to try an eclair," the smile never leaving my face.
"One would think it would have to do with – Chuck," Serena with a quick head nod to let me know he was approaching. As I turned I found him closer than I expected almost bumping into him.
"Bass," I said sipping on the cocktail hopping he would not notice my stupid grin. I reached out to brush imaginary dirt from his suit and let my hand linger. His eyes followed my hand and looked at me with a dirty smirk. I pulled my hand away feeling silly. Ugh bastard.
"Waldorf, is the badge of white to show the world that I have not actually taken your sweet innocence?" I could tell his was teasing but the truth of the matter was if he wanted, he could have. My smiled faltered by my reply was quick.
"Why are you wearing white? A symbol of truce in your war with Nate?" I asked wanting to know if he spoke to Nate yet. Since he is not here, I am figuring that they were currently not speaking due to Gossip Girl.
"Fear not. I spoke to Nathaniel. He actually would like to request your presence in my room," he said his Bass smirk still strong.
"Oh really," I said at a lost for words.
"I believe he is going to be grovel at your feet. He is truly sorry about everything. Hear him out, he is going through a lot," Chuck face displaying deep honesty.
Truly not expecting Chuck to be the one to set up a meeting between Nate and me I felt like I misread all his feelings. My happiness was plummeting to the ground. All my thoughts of Chuck wanting me for himself soon left my mind. Had I truly made a fool of myself yesterday? Why would he send me to my ex-boyfriend to mend things if he wanted to sleep with me? He did not want me and my only consolation was that I did not actually jump him yesterday. In the midst of this rejection all, I felt wat the lack of control I had of the situation and the need to fix myself. To perfect myself.
"Blair, go up. We been friends forever and it would be nice if everything was back to normal," Serena encourage stepping into our conversation. I looked at the girl who slept with Nate. I felt like a fool as I stood in between them. Chuck seemed to be surprised that I was talking to Serena once more but I did not have the time to explain to him the complication of female friendships.
"Things are never going to be back to normal. I am not sure-"
"Give him a shot. Come on it would better if there were no more Archibald and Waldorf showdowns," Chuck awkwardly placed his hand in his pockets and shifted his feet looking uncomfortable for a moment. Maybe Archibald and Waldorf occupancy the same affection in his heart? Maybe he only saw me as a friend and only a friend equal to Nate.
"I'll give him five minutes," I said as I handed Chuck my drink and walked away from him without a glance back. Truth was I wanted out of that conversation and that room.
Inside I felt a wave of confusion continue to ride as I made my way to Chuck's suite this time to seek out a boy. With the same hesitation that I displayed on Wednesday, I stepped off the elevator feeling a sense of deja vu. Unsure what to say to him or how his mood would be I stood staring at the door to 1812. I felt as if I was standing in a crossroad, never more confused to what I wanted. This morning I was sure I was over him but now feeling rejected and silly the notion of comfortable and predictable Nate was appealing. Then again how predictable is a man who cheated on me with my best friend actually be?
I told myself that this was the right thing to do for Nate. It was not as if anything was going to happen other than a conversation. I figured Blair would still be livid at Serena and Nate but then when I realized that she and Serena were talking again I began to fear that I miscalculated the scenario. I knew Nate said that he was not going to propose but there was a prick in my stomach as I thought about it. My eyes followed her out of the ballroom room, my eyes focus on those gorgeous black patterned tights that made me want to grab her and run my hands over them. I wanted her here by my side but I all the while pushed her into his hands. I dropped off the glass with a nearby waiter.
"Chuck, wait up," Serena said following me.
"Yes?" I ask the blonde who looked ridiculous in a dress that was far too causal for this event.
"Blair and I are good again. She doesn't know about-" she looked around to see if anyone was listening and I could not help but roll my eyes at her obvious actions. "Wednesday," she whispered.
"Serena, do you think Nate is going to bottle that secret in as Blair is no doubt putting the fear of god in him by now?" I asked trying to worry her. Honestly, I was annoyed at her lack of faith in my discretion. Then again, no one is sneakier than Chuck Bass, I thought of the photo that was burning in my pocket in my cellphone.
"I am serious Chuck. She would be furious with me if she knew the moment we bumped into each other since we almost…" Her face looked as if pain and confusion were consuming her. Did blondie here like the other one as much as he liked her?
"Yes, it would look bad if she knew you were lying about feeling sorry and it being a one-time drunken mistake," I said using the word's that Gossip Girl blasted to hurt her.
"Chuck, watch it. How about I tell Nate about you and Blair on Thursday," she threated showing off why she was the first freshman queen of Constance. In a way, a mean girl only could to insure that her destruction meant mine. I glared at her for a moment until I realized that Blair was the one who told her. When girls share information like that it is because she was obviously on her mind. A smile brace my face.
"Oh my god, why are you smiling. Did you guys actually go all the way… wait… do you have feelings for…" Serena stopped mid-sentence but we both knew she did not need to finish her sentence. My jaw dropped for a second before I composed myself. The blonde that I always call dumb or dim was very much not I realized. Well at least when it came to Blair and me apparently.
"I admit there is a certain appeal that she has but I do not have any feelings for her that differ for any beautiful women that walks by me," I said falling back to my careful indifference determined not to mess up again. She looked at me as if to judge what I was saying.
"Chuck, at the end of the day whatever this is happening between you to is only temporary fun. Nate and Blair they are meant to be. That is her fairytale-,"
"What is he doing here?" I interrupted her as I looked at the boy that caused the growing black eye I was currently sporting. He was standing by the door trying to get pass security.
"I invited him. I did not realize this event was going to be so… black-tie," she said.
"Obviously, by your summer dress," I scoffed under my breath as I walked towards the Brooklyn boy with Serena close on my heels. "I am gonna kill him."
"With what your scarf?" Serena asked as we neared him. I ignored her; of course, Serena would fail to understand a signature fashion statement.
I approached security who was informing him that this was formal event. "What are you doing here?" I asked the underdressed man-child with Nehru collar jacket over a t-shirt and jeans. We were by the door but still in ear-shot of some of the guest.
"I am looking for Serena. What are you looking for another black eye?" he asked trying to be gruff but we were on my turf here. Literally in my home.
"Oh are you a fan boy or something. Let me inform you on the life that is Serena van der Woodsen - she sleeps around with her best friend's boyfriend and pretty much any guy so I am sure you are going to get yours soon if you last say a week," I told him angrily. I was trying to throw the only thing I knew about him, his crush on Serena in his face while taking out the anger I had for Serena at the same time.
"Chuck stop. Dan don't listen to him. He is Chuck Bass," she explained. Dan looked confused for a moment.
"That thing with Nate was a year ago-" he started with his attitude increasing.
"Try this past Wednesday. Sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend? That's kinda her thing. Honestly, I kinda admire you for it, S" I add. I may have embellish a little but the look of Disgust on Dan's face was clear.
"Chuck, stop. It just happened," she said doing nothing to help her story.
"Wait is that why Nate was waiting for you this morning?" Dan asked.
Waiting for Serena? I thought he was here for me. The sneaky bastard and I looked at Serena waiting for her response. She at least blushed at the fact that she was with Nate this morning.
"I am leaving. I obviously don't belong here. This is not for me," he said as he turned away from us and walked away.
"I can't believe you Chuck" were her last words as she fled. My thoughts were instead wrapped up with what Nathaniel was still up to. I realize that we caught the attention of a few of my father's guest. But it seemed like none of the Constance students overheard the argument so I was hopeful that it would stay off gossip girl. If this got out Blair was going to have a very hard time holding down her throne. I felt my father glaring at me only a few feet away. His disappointment once again clear but my mind was on other things. Why if Nathaniel planned to apologize to Blair today did he seek out Serena this morning? His disregard for Blair's feelings and his desire for Serena were apparent. Nonetheless, Blair and he have been upstairs going on ten minutes. I made my way to the bar to grab a scotch to quell my thoughts. Serena came back only moments after me.
"Are you happy Chuck? How would you like if I told Nate about you and Blair?" she hissed at me. Realizing we were in the middle of the party I told her to follow me back out to the hallway feeling Bart's staring me down.
"You aren't. I won't tell Blair and I don't think anyone heard," I told her trying to stop her revenge. Her defensive stance changed and I realized that I was on the receiving glares of a very haughty Serena van der Woodsen.
"Blair and Nate have been gone for a while," she crossing her arms over chest looking at me as she knew something which she did not.
"I don't care about what you are insinuating," I told her walking away from her.
"I don't know. It would not be the first time that Nate brought a girl up to your room to use your bed. Very romantic if you ask me," she said stopping me in my tracks. I turned and looked at her to find her smiling. I should have turned and walked right into the ballroom. Instead, I walked towards the elevators. I could hear her footsteps trailing behind me. She entered the elevator with me.
"I bet when you thought about Blair in your bed you did not think she would be in it without you?" she asked continued her line of questioning.
I ignored her rather my mind was playing on replay Nate and Blair in my room clawing at each other. The anger was controlling me now. Jealously was blinding me to how obvious I was being to Serena in that moment. I knew had no right to be jealous. Blair was not mine and would never belong to me. She was meant for the Nate's of this world. I was the darkness in her world that should remain in the shadows; the man that protect her when the world was crashing in around her if only to receive those special smiles. Those smiles that made me feel real. Those smiles that I been receiving for years that I only realize in this moment sustained me in a way that this scotch glass that always seems to be in my hand never could. I drink to help me forget the pain but I remember everything. I remember this disappointment on my father's face repeatedly. I remember Nate having to ask me if I sleep with his high school sweetheart. My only friend and I was willing to betray him. I was not worthy of anyone. I was not worthy of love. I would only hurt her. I would only let her down. My jealously subsided as a wave of melancholy came about that I washed down with the last of my drink. I looked at Serena to find her looking worried.
"I am not going to tell her anything. I promise," I told her. I could not hurt Blair at this moment knowing she may not be able to sustain yet another scandal in less than a week.
"Thanks," she said softly. "Do you think they are actually…" she began to ask as the doors opened. I realized she was fearful because she shared feelings for Nate, feelings that were stronger than she let on before.
"I don't know," I honestly answered.
We were at the door to my suite and I reached for the door I realize that I knew I would not be able to see Nate and Blair together without it hurting. As I opened the door, I found the scene in front of me ripped my heart out. The dangers of affection amassed to create a broken heart. My heart.
"Fuck," I grasped out at the scene and at the realization that I may be in love with Blair Waldorf. Fearing the worse, Serena pushed pass me to see what I was looking at.
"Oh my god," she with her hand covering her mouth trying to comprehend what was happening.
I picked at my dress as I waited in the elevator wondering if this outfit was not appealing enough. Shaking off the thoughts about my looks, I knew I needed to get into Queen Mode. Nate needed to pay for all the damage he has done to my reputation. If he thinks a half-heartened apology is going to make me forgive him, he is surely wrong. Opening the door, I tried to will the anger I felt for him this weekend to return. I entered the room to find him seated on the coach sipping a scotch in way that he must have learned from Bass himself.
"You summoned me," I said sarcastically when I closed the door. My hands are crossed over my chest as I stand never attempting to sit down.
"Blair… look last night was chaos. I never meant to do that to you. I just got so drunk and those pictures Blair. Fuck. Blair, my mother was in a heaping mess and I did not know what to do. She thought they were from her father but I knew it was a Waldorf move if I saw it," he told me. I could see Anne crying as she saw the photos in my mind and the guilt was biting at me as I connected it to my own melt down. I walked over to the bar to see what the Basses had stocked.
"Nate, your parents will get over this. Affairs are a common hurdle to jump through for married people," I scoffed trying to pass the blame off me. Never looking at him fearing my guilt would be visible.
"Blair it is more than that," he said, then remained silent. I busied myself making a screwdriver over my usually martini. I was trying to keep the brunch theme going.
"What is more than that?" I asked my back still turned to him.
"Blair," he voice was pleading and sad. I turned to look at him. My first love, saint Nate who was perfect in my eyes for six years but that was all ruined in days. "My dad also has a coke problem which those pictures also exposed…. When my mom received the photos, she yelled at my father about him sneaking around and doing coke. He admitted thinking she knew that he was in and out of outpatient rehab and thought himself a sex addict. She broke down." I sat down across from him as he continued his story looking down at his shoes. "She told me that the feds are investigating him. Apparently, the recession is hitting him hard and he doesn't have the money that my mother's family does. He cut some corners and the feds are looking to investigate him…. And I don't know what to do," when his voice cracked I placed my hand on his knee to comfort him. All the anger I felt at him disappeared. The need I felt to protect those around me.
Nate was there for me in his own way when my father left my mother. He was there once after an episode and tried to take care of me. He seemed more scared about it and always shied away from conversations afterword but he tried whenever I told him about seeing my therapist. He was there the first time a bully pushed me in the park at five. All the trips to the Vanderbilt family home, dinners, parties, sneaking around with Serena and Nate in the Hamptons were only the tips of the memories we shared. I could see he was hurting in a way that he never before had.
"Nate, I am so sorry. I never meant for those photos to have this effect on you," I admitted. I never wanted Nate's image of his family to explode. I knew that his father's actions were his own but Nate would have never discovered this without Anne's meltdown. Most importantly, he would not have had to deal with discovering this all on the same day. I thought back to the way I felt after my father left my mother. I would never wish that on anyone.
"It was an Anne meltdown like you have never seen," he said.
"Oh Anne," I sad with a sad smile just thinking of it.
"She was yelling at my dad and threatening to change back to her maiden name. And then yelling at me to denounced the Archibald bloodline," he sadly sad.
Grabbing his hand, I said, "Nate, I totally understand why you got drunk last night and the anger you directed at me. I only wish you could have told me all of this sooner."
"I know. I am sorry about everything too Blair. You really are one of my closest friends. I so sorry for calling you a bitch and anything else I called you last night. Most of all I am sorry for Serena. I was drunk and a stupid boy,"
"You wanted her over me…" I told him.
He grabbed my hand in his. His hand was interlaced with my hand comfortably as it always had and I watched his eye begin to gloss. "Blair. I am so sorry. It was a onetime mistake. I was interested in the idea of something new and different. I wanted to rebel against my family. But I was wrong. So wrong, Blair. You have been for me in every way. There is no one on earth that I can speak to more easily than you. Blair, you are my rock. The only person I have ever loved," he told me. Our eye contact was intense and I when I thought he was going to kiss me I finally turned away and took a large sip of my drink.
"Nate… you… you broke my heart," I finally confessed.
"Oh, Blair," he said as he kissed my hand and held it to his face. "I know you may never forgive me but I promise to never hurt you like that again," he said. Internally, I thought I would have to let you in that close for you to hurt me again. My silence showed my lack of belief in.
"We could be friends Blair. If that is all you are willing to be right now, I will take it. But I want you to know that I would fight for you," he confessed. His words thrilled me. The idea that Nate Archibald would want me so badly to fight for me was incredibly wonderful. I looked away still holding his hand. His thumb rubbing circles in mine.
"I told my mother we were having problems and she gave me this," I turned to look at him. There in his hands was a ring box. My eyes widen. There set the Cornelius Vanderbilt engagement ring that belonged to Anne's great-grandfather.
"Nate," I began to say.
"Go try it on," he encouraged me. I placed the drink on the table as I wringed my hands together feeling a bit nervous about the situation. But I was dying to see the ring.
"Nate. I shouldn't," I said.
"Come on you have been dying to try this on for years. Come on, see how it looks on your finger," I must admit I was interested in seeing the ring I dreamed about for so long on my finger. It might be my only chance. I held out my hand for him to place the ring on smiling as he slipped. It seemed so surreal like everything I ever wanted was coming into place. I began to move my hand about to examine the ring. It truly was beautiful, a representation of the Vanderbilt family that reigned for so long in New York. Their oil money is almost all gone but their name important and cemented in this city in locations as if the Whitney and Grand Central station that come to mind. Like my own last name Waldorf, that still bares it name on one of the most iconic hotels in the city. The tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized how close I was to my fairytale. As Nate worked his way to the ground to stand one knee his hand still holding mine looking up at me. I grasped when I realized the clarity of the situation.
"Blair, I know this probably seems crazy. I know we aren't even dating. But looking at you right now with this ring on your finger the way it was supposed to always be I realized that this is what I want. Blair you never have to take this ring off again and we could be the perfect couple that I know we are meant to be. I am not asking you to marry me just yet but a promise. I won't stray anymore or be so distant. I will work to deserve you again. I know we are perfect together" With tears now falling from my eyes and my heart thumping I tried to find the words to say what I needed to say but all that I could think of was perfection.
A.N: About this chapter, please review and let me know what you think. There is a lot in this chapter. I really would like to know how people felt about S knowing of C's feelings, N's proposal, C's realization of his love for B and B's belief that C rejected her. But seriously tell me what you think about anything.
I know people might be upset with the way it was left and the proposal coming out of left field. However, I assure you I think the proposal suits Nate's mindset now. Ahhhh sometimes I really want to write in his POV. Blair is his only girlfriend at this point and I do think he loves her however; he is also a self-centered teenager that is trying to protect his family. She is a part of his world when he thought his life was perfect before his father's problems surfaced and like Blair, he is trying to grasp on to that like a lifeboat in a sinking ship. On top on that, he believes that this engagement would save his family. The Archibald pressure on Nate to marry Blair is on the top shittiest things the UES parents have done on this show to me. (Besides Lily having a teacher arrested but hey, she did do that to protect her child and Bart trying to kill Chuck, which in my mind was not actually real because coming back from the dead in a haunted mansion brothel orgy was such a shitty storyline while Anne and the Captain only had their own interest at heart).
In addition, I needed something that would push Chuck into realizing the scope of his affections for Blair. In the show, it takes months before he say the three words and eight letters. He also really acts when he sees Blair with someone else so to fit his character I needed the fear of Blair being engage to make him actually realize this.