(A/N I have chosen to carry over select elements of our world into FMA, such as religions, certain psychological theories and maybe more. I feel the FMA universe is close enough to our own.)

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He was not like his 'children'.

The sins Kimblee had met thus far were youthful, pale of skin and dark of hair - with the exception of Gluttony, who was as bald as the potato he resembled. This man…creature…was blond like an Amestrian. And he was aged, appearing to be in his fifties or thereabouts. With his long hair and beard and flowing robe, he was reminiscent of Moses or Methuselah, some biblical patriarch.

And God only knew what kind of abomination he really was, this Father of monsters.

He was seated on a throne of sorts, with all manner of strange tubes and pipes running away from it in all directions, into the darkness that yawned on all sides. Before him was a wide table, spread with maps and figurines. A king upon his throne, musing upon his kingdom. All light in the vast, shadowy room seemed to emanate from him.

When he spoke, his voice was incongruously casual, almost board. He did not bother looking up from his maps.

"Zolf J. Kimblee, if Envy got your name right?"

"Yes."

"You may address me as 'Sir', as you would a superior officer. Pardon my children's uncouth behavior. It is, you might say, their nature to be troublesome."

"Not at all. A bit of excitement on what might otherwise have been a dull weekend."

"I see Envy wasn't exaggerating."

Kimblee wondered what about, but wasn't feeling quite bold enough to ask. The respect that creatures such as Greed and Envy showed for this man was enough to make him mind his manners.

"You weren't the guest I was expecting" Father continued, "but you're not unknown to me." Turning at last from his spread of maps and figures, from some niche in his kingly seat he drew a folder. Kimblee recognized the insignia it bore as military, and classified. "Your case report indicates that you're a promising young alchemist with 'impeccable character'."

"Proof they don't know me very well." Kimblee said, a bit surprised that monsters paid attention to paperwork.

"So it isn't accurate." Father looked at him for the first time. His eyes were golden, and Kimblee felt suddenly pinned to the spot beneath the weight of their regard.

"…May I be frank, sir?"

"Now, if ever, yes."

"I am a half-breed bastard born in a dirty slum. My grandparents came to this country with nothing but the clothes on their backs; my mother scrubbed floors and didn't speak the language. If my character were not 'flawless', I would never be promoted beyond first-rank."

"You must resent the country of Amestris for its treatment of you and your family."

"…I don't thank them for it, but there's no point railing against human nature. Speaking of, may I ask what you are?"

"I could not define myself to you, as there is no other creature like me in this world. I came from beyond the Gate of creation, centuries ago. Humans called me 'homunculus', and that is what I call myself still as far as humans are concerned."

"'Homunculus'? 'Little human'?"

Father made a small sound of approval, the first sign of emotion or inflection he had yet shown. "You have an extensive vocabulary."

"I made it a point to know this language better than those born to it."

"You aren't the type to allow yourself to be looked down upon. I see." He brought up a hand, absent-mindedly stroking his beard. It was a surprisingly normal gesture. The original homunculus was somewhat out of practice at dealing amicably with humans. The ones he did encounter nowadays were typically in varying states of terror and/or injury. To have this one standing here, so seemingly unafraid...it recalled to his mind another time, another human...

Folly.

"Down to business." Father said. "To be frank, as you put it, I'm lacking talented alchemists in my service, and you seem suited to the work at hand. As for that work, it will coincide with your military duties. Your being in the military is almost as advantageous to me as your skill with alchemy."

"Am I to be your spy?"

"Not merely. I will use my influence to place you in a position of high authority, and, in exchange, you will use that authority as I instruct. There will be lives you are commanded to take, no way to tell whose or how many. All of this will depend on your demonstrated skill and dependability."

Kimblee nodded to show his understanding.

"You will be rewarded according to how well you serve. Do so loyally and with skill, and very little will be beyond your reach."

The Father of monsters fell silent. Kimblee assumed it was his turn to speak.

"Growing up in ghettos as I did, I'm predisposed to be suspicious. I've never had someone try and sell me something that didn't have its cost. The better it sounded, the greater the price. What's the catch?"

"You will be a human, working for me, killing my human enemies. Some amongst your kind would regard that as…traitorous."

"If I was not prepared to kill other humans, I would not have become a dog of the military."

"You wouldn't find it…troubling, aligning yourself with monsters?"

"Let me put it this way: give me power, and I will gladly use it. Give me freedom to kill and otherwise live the hedonistic life I please, and I will be in no position to judge you."

"Excellent. Of course, you should know I've recorded all that you just said."

"Really?" He was taken aback, more that 'Father' was tech-savvy than at the trick itself. "So you can reveal me as the loathsome villain I am if I betray you?"

"Precisely. For now, you will return to life as you knew it. Envy or Lust will be the ones who communicate my orders to you, being well-suited to passing within the human world. Any questions?"

"Many…the most pressing being the incident with Cramer. What am I to tell people?"

"Nothing. You will not be asked."

"How can – that is, are you quite sure?"

"It is Envy's failing, and I will take responsibly of containing the damage. If there is nothing else, Greed is waiting for you outside; he will see you back to the surface."

Kimblee could not honestly say that there was 'nothing else', but neither did he have any questions. He could have the facts of the situation explained to him from now until this time tomorrow morning, and his mind would still be reeling.

When all else fails, focus on the practical: "May I not be knocked out this time?"

Father waived a dismissive hand. "You're one of my own now. There is no need for that." There was a small surge of red alchemic aura about Father's fingertips, and in the next moment he was holding a small, blood-colored lotus figurine between his thumb and forefinger. He placed it upon the map of Central, as Kimblee took his leave.

Outside, Greed was indeed waiting for him. Envy stood at his side, but it did not acknowledge either of them with as much as a glance, merely walking resolutely past Kimblee and through the door he had just come out of.

"Right." Greed said. "Follow me."

They had not been walking long when the sound of an earsplitting shriek was heard behind them, magnified by echoes as though the underground labyrinth itself was screaming.

Kimblee froze in his tracks. "Was that –?"

"What Envy gets for not killing or recruiting Cramer." Greed said, not checking his pace. "Not to mention the mess it made with its transformation."

"I fixed most of that mess." Kimblee said, following Greed once more. "And as for Cramer, I can do more for you in a day than he could in ten years."

Greed shrugged. "The old man is a hard-ass, no question there."

"Is that what I have to look forward to, when I don't carry out orders?"

"Doubt it. We're more important than you are. The stakes are higher, so the punishment is harsher. You should worry more about Envy than Father. You'll be dealing with it on a regular basis, and it'll be in a foul mood after this, believe you me."

"I handled Envy well enough earlier."

Greed sighed. "Yeah, see…for all that Envy was trying to kill you, it also wasn't especially mad at you. There's a difference."

"I presume you're well acquainted with said difference?"

Greed smiled ruefully. "What gave you that idea?"

They passed the rest of the journey up in silence. Kimblee tried, at first, to keep track of the winding, labyrinthine system of tunnels and corridors through which they passed. It proved futile, however, and he suspected Greed was taking a roundabout way, just as a precaution. Not that he could be blamed for it, Kimblee supposed. He was new on the team, and his one credential as such was that he was an unabashed traitor. It would be foolish for anyone to trust him all that much.

The Eastern sky was tinged coldly blue when they finally emerged, onto a street with which he was passingly familiar. On the horizon, shreds of clouds caught the sun's first rays. It was going to be a red sunrise on this long, dark night. This night that left him feeling as though he had aged a hundred years. How strange, that the sun still rose in the same place, at the same time, as it had every day before. That the rabbit hole to hell led back up into the same old world.

Something about the sight, the convergence of the strange with the normal, brought home to him the facts of his situation. His life was, basically, forfeit to monsters. Nothing new in that, now that he thought about it. Being in the army, he was used to having his leash held by hands he did not like or trust. Helping humans kill humans…helping homunculi kill humans…it wasn't any different, for all that other soldiers liked to pretend there was higher meaning or morality in what they did.

The difference now was that there was no going back. In the military, there was always the option to resign. He would lose everything; his uniform had been his way out of the slum of his birth, and to give it up would be his ticket back. It was a horrible option, but it had been an option. No longer. For all that he had been 'invited' to join them – a promotion, of sorts – he did not delude himself in thinking they wouldn't kill him on the spot if he didn't do what they wanted.

He had passed the point of no return. He wasn't above feeling the finality of that, the weight of it.

"Oh lotus flower~"

Kimblee frowned as Greed broke into his thoughts.

"Yes?" He asked, still facing away from the predatory homunculus.

"You're just so quiet. Something on your mind?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath of the chill morning air.

There are plenty of ways to die, he reminded himself of what he had so assuredly said to Envy, what seemed like years ago. One is never safe from death, although most people try to forget that.

"I make it a point to always have something on my mind." He turned to Greed once again, an easy smile on his face once more. If he was going to choose a way to go, what more riveting death could he hope for, neck-deep in monsters and mystery? His course from here was into darkness, true, but he would not go into that dark uncertainty like a timid sheep being led. No, he would run into it, blindly if need be.

What less could he do, and still call himself an alchemist?

"So you're the philosophical type?"

"I'm my own type. None other." He turned, striking as straight a course as he could in the direction of his apartment. He briefly considered calling a cab, but deciding a walk would do better to clear his head.

"Hm. Coming from you, I actually believe it." Greed said, falling into step beside Kimblee, seemingly in no hurry to go back underground.

"What type are you, then?"

"The greedy one."

"Yes. About that…"

Greed smirked in anticipation.

"Your sibling said you desire everything, meaning, incidentally, everyone. But there must be some people you don't desire. Some people aren't desirable."

It wasn't quite the direction that Greed had been expecting. Contrary to what one might expect, he could appreciate a good conversation as much as a good lay, but it was uncommon for people to choose the former.

"Looking through human eyes, maybe." He responded. "But your kind has a way of judging everyone on their potential to bare healthy offspring – because that's what it is; your instincts telling you: hey, this person will pop out some fine babies."

Kimblee snorted, and Greed continued,

"You might think its big boobs, toned legs, and a nice ass, but at the root of it it's just biology: the best way to propagate the species. However, homunculi don't breed. We're sterile. I'm not going to tell you how our Father made us, but sure as hell wasn't in the usual way. So why would we evaluate people based on their potential to create healthy babies? Why would we care?"

"Fascinating. But here's a question: I couldn't reproduce with you – it would be impossible, even if you were human. So why should my biology tell me you're desirable, when obviously that has nothing to do with propagation?"

"Obviously I'm so insanely desirable I make humans forget their biology."

"I'm sure."

"I'm perfectly sincere. I've had guys - some girls too for that matter - never so much as looked twice at man before? Still fall like dominoes for me. Even I don't quite understand it."

"Not to doubt your considerable charm," Kimblee said, "but most men aren't as straight as they claim."

"I'm assuming that's not an issue with you."

"Why sir, I am as straight as an arrow."

"Oh yeah, and a pacifist too, right?"

"What can I say?" He placed one hand on his chest. "My heart is as pure as driven snow."

Greed laughed. Damn, but this human was fun. He glanced sidelong at Kimblee over the top of his sunglasses. "What d'you say we give Envy something to envy?"

"I'm game. I'd prefer to clear it with Envy first, though."

Greed looked at Kimblee as though he actually had declared himself a pacifist. "…Why?"

"It's clear you two have a history. It would be rude of me to step on his toes."

Greed chuckled. "You've got it all wrong. Envy isn't a 'he', it's an 'it'."

"I didn't say you had an amorous history. Still…"

Greed tilted his head to one side. "You're not, by any chance, holding out for my jealous little sibling, are you?"

"...If I am?" He hadn't articulated it that way to himself, but now that Greed mentioned it, there was something about Envy that he found appealing. Something which made Envy linger on the edge of his thoughts. Their combat, the violent clash of Envy's will against his…it gave him a thrill, a pleasant shiver inside, just remembering. And, if nothing else, he had always been fascinated by androgyny. Greed was a perfect specimen of masculinity, Lust of femininity. Both things were appealing to him, but neither more so that the perfect balance in between, in part because it was so rare.

Greed gave him a pitying, if still amused look. "Like I said, it's an it. And you're a human. It would be a cold day in hell."

"Are those chances you'd like to wager on?"

For the first time, Greed looked genuinely surprised. Then he laughed harder than ever. "You're just crazy enough to be my type. Alright, we'll bet. If you loose, I get you."

"And if I win?"

"Well," Greed smirked, something raw and aggressive gleaming in his eyes, "I can't speak for the monstrosity, but if you win, you just might get both of us."

"Exciting. No sabotage now." Kimblee warned. "I'm trusting you to be a homunculus of your word."

"Hey, more in it for me if you win. However, if you happen to be overwhelmed and fall into my arms on your own in the meantime, that means I've already won."

It would have been ridiculous coming from anyone else. But it was obvious that Greed meant every word he said.

"You're pretty confident."

"You should see the tallies on my headboard. Seriously, you should come see them right now."

Kimblee smiled indulgently. "You'll have to try a bit harder than that."

As far as running blindly into darkness, he remarked to himself wryly, betting on a ménage-a-trois with monsters was certainly a bold first step.

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Envy was lost in the void. The void that Greed would call boredom, that Lust would call loneliness, Wrath, anger, Sloth, fatigue and Gluttony, of course, hunger. The void lived in all of them, if not in their stomachs per se. And now, it had risen up to consume Envy.

How long had it been like this? There was no time, in this condition. It could have been an hour or a year.

Envy wanted to scream, but it had no voice. It couldn't breathe, it had no lungs. It would have cried, but it had no eyes. Father had taken its body away from it.

Envy didn't know how Pride would refer to the vacancy in himself. It made it a point not to talk to Pride about that sort of thing. About anything, if Envy could help it. It suspected that Pride was too wrapped up in his own superiority to acknowledge the emptiness at his core. Because, of course, Pride thought he was better than everyone, even his own siblings.

I wonder if Pride thinks he's superior to Father? Or does he merely believe that he is closest to Father, as humans often use their closeness to God as an excuse to look down on other humans?

There came the childish, resentful feeling that Pride was closest to Father. Certainly he was closer than Envy. Father hated Envy right now. That was why he had cast Envy out, broke it down to this shivering spark of consciousness and left it alone in the dark. Agony upon agony. Father hated it. It could not cry.

Then there was the adolescent thought, the hot resentment: Pride could be close to Father all he wanted. Envy was beyond the point of agonizing over the 'love' of its parent, had been for well over a century.

Finally, there was the adult thought: that it didn't matter who was closer or why, and it was even more useless to speculate. The only thing that mattered was the way things stood. Father was angry and, loved or not, (Envy's was leaning towards 'not') this was its punishment. Getting thrown down into the emptiness at its own core. That was the curse of being what Envy was, each of them carried their own Hell inside of them.

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(A/N: Seriously though, since when would Greed limit himself to only half the playing field? And if there's any FMA character who would be up for some bizarre experimentation, it'd be Kimblee; the more hedonistic, the better he'd like it. Also, a word on Father/Hoenheim: I doubt there is a simple word for the nature their relationship, certainly not romantic/sexual. However, I think there is some sort of strong attachment there, at least on Father's part, bordering on love in intensity if not in nature. Just as you tend to see your loved one's characteristics in anyone who even vaguely resembles them, so Father might unconsciously seek out things that remind him of Hoenheim in all humans.)