CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
TRIS POV
I wake feeling warm arms enveloping my body. I can't help but to smile. I turn to see Tobias sleeping peacefully next to me. If only all his nights could be as peaceful as he is right now. I lay there just soaking him in. Wishing we could stay cocooned in this room forever. I watch as his eyes flutter open and he stares back at me.
"Hi," he says in his raspy morning voice.
"Morning," I say as I lean in and give him a quick kiss on the lips.
"Did you sleep?" he asks.
I nod. "A lot better than you did," I say.
"Did I wake you?"
"Yeah," I say. I don't want him to feel bad for waking me. But we need to talk about what is happening with his nightmares.
"I'm sorry," he says. He pulls me closer.
"Tobias you don't have anything to apologize for. It's not like you meant to wake me up," I say. Trying to sound gentle.
"I know but it isn't fair on you," he says.
"Tobias," I say.
"No Tris. I need to apologize, I don't know what else I can do," he says.
"We need to talk about this. No apologize, no it'll get better. We need to sit down and talk about what is happening and why," I say.
"Tris it isn't a big deal. I'll get over it," he says. I can tell he is trying to brush me off.
"Tobias tell me one thing," I say. "How many nights have you had to wake up alone screaming in the last two years?"
"I don't know," he says. "I didn't exactly count them."
"So it's more than you can remember?" I ask.
"I guess, I don't know. Why do you want to do this now Tris?"
"Because I'm worried. I hate to have to see you like this. Because I love you," I say.
Tobias groans as he rolls onto his back and it feels like he is trying to push me away.
"Please," I say. "You know I care, I want to try and help you," I say.
"What if I can't be helped? What if this is it for me? What if this is how it is always going to be?" he asks. Then he whispers, "What if this is what I deserve?"
I can feel the tears start to fall. I wish he didn't have to see this but I hate that he thinks this way about himself.
"You know you didn't deserve what he did to you," I say. "You were just a little boy. He is the one at fault, not you."
"See the things is, is that I know that. But there is this part of me that keeps telling me that if I had done things differently he wouldn't have done it."
"What do you think you could have done differently?"
"I don't know," he says. "Tris why do we have to talk about this?"
"Because I'm worried about you," I say.
"I can take care of myself you know," he says.
"I know that. But this is bigger than you or me. You need help. You need to talk to someone about this. You can't tell me that you want to spend the rest of your life waking in terror every other night," I say. "What if we want kids one day? Do you want them to be woken by your screams? In turn probably scaring them half to death."
"That's not fair Tris. You know I would never want to do something like that," he says. "But maybe by the time we want kids it will be better."
"Tobias, you know that isn't what is going to happen," I say.
"What do you want me to do then?" he asks sounding defeated.
"Talk to a professional about it. They tell me there are some great councillors here in Dauntless. Just give it a try, if you don't feel like it is helping than I won't mention this again. But please just try," I say. Begging he will give this a go. I know he is going to hate this but I need to know we have tried all we can to make this better.
We both get up and get dressed for the day. I can feel there is some tension between us since we talked. I think I just need to leave him to process it. I can't make him get help, he needs to do that for himself. But I won't abandon him either.
I walk into the lounge room to see Caleb is up and ready for the day. Not that he can do much or go anywhere. Tobias walks out of the kitchen but he doesn't look at me.
"I've made my decision," Caleb says.
"So?" Tobias asks.
"I want to stay in Dauntless," he says.
"Oh my god Caleb that is excellent," I scream, running and giving him a hug.
"This is great news," Tobias says also hugging Caleb. "I will let Max know."
"Does that mean he can leave the apartment now?" I ask. "We don't have to hide him anymore?"
"It should," Tobias says. "Let me talk to Max first. We are going to have to talk to the other factions. Hopefully we can talk to them today, get this matter worked out quickly. Get your face off those 'missing posters' they have hung all over town."
When Caleb first went missing Erudite put up missing posters with Caleb's face on them. They are all over the city, Tobias and I thought it was funny to begin with. But I had people coming up to me, asking if I was alright, did I need anything, telling me it must be such a worry. Now every time I see a poster I feel guilty for letting people believe he was missing.
Caleb laughs at Tobias's comment. "Yeah not exactly the way I wanted people to know who I am," he says.
p/b
"Are you going to hang out with your friends today?" Tobias asks as we are leaving the apartment.
"Yeah, I hope so. After me yelling yesterday I don't know how happy they will feel seeing me," I say.
I finally got to tell Tobias what happened with Christina and Lynn yesterday afternoon. He told me about what had happened with Christina in her fear simulation. I am hoping we can be friends again. I think Tobias is right, she does need friends at the moment. She probably did all along.
"It will all work out. You had all been friends for a while before coming here," he says.
"We will see," I say.
We have reached the leader offices and I don't really know whether I should kiss him good bye or not. I can still fell there is strain between us. Before I can think any more about it he pulls me towards me and hugs me.
"I heard what you said this morning," he says. "I just need some time."
"I know," I say. I stand on my toes and reach up and give him a quick kiss.
"I'll come find you when I know more about Caleb," he says.
p/b
I walk into the Dauntless borns dormitory and I see Uriah, Marlene, Lynn and Rita all sitting on Lynn's bed.
"Tris!" Uriah shouts.
"Could you yell any louder Uriah?" I ask.
"Sorry," Uriah says. "I'm just really glad to see you. Are you okay? We tried to look for you but we couldn't find you."
"I was with Four," I say.
"I told you that is where she would be," Lynn says.
"Yeah, yeah I know," Uriah says.
"So we made up with Christina and Will when you left," Marlene says.
"That's good," I say.
"I don't think her and Will are doing to good," Marlene says.
"Why? How do you know?" I ask.
"There just seemed to be a lot of tension between them yesterday. They didn't seem to be happy around each other," Lynn says.
"So what are we going to do today?" I ask. "We should do something that we can invite Christina and Will too. So they know we want them around. We can also see if Edward and Myra want to join us."
"That's a great idea," Uriah says. "We could hang out in the training room or we could just go up on the roof and hang."
"Let's go up to the roof," Lynn says. "It would be nice to see the sunshine for a while."
"We could take turns jumping into the net," Uriah says.
"I like that idea," I say. "Rita are you okay going up there?"
"Oh god, I forgot. I'm sorry Rita," Uriah says.
"It's okay Uriah," Rita says. "I think it is a good idea. Give me a chance to make happy memories up there. I really would like to jump on the net again, last time, I don't really remember even doing it."
"Let's go then," I say.
We start walking towards the transfer dorms when Rita pulls on my arm. "Thank you Tris. I really appreciate you thinking of me."
"Your welcome. Just remember if it gets too much we can leave," I say linking her arm in mine as we continue to walk.
"Tris," Christina calls out, nearly as loudly as Uriah did earlier. "How are you? I was really worried when you didn't sleep here last night."
"You didn't sleep in the dorms?" Lynn asks.
"Max told me to stay at Four's until initiation is over. They don't want me in the same room as Peter and Drew," I say.
"Aren't they going to do anything about it?" Christina asks.
"I don't know," I say.
"You would think Four would do something," Christina says.
"Christina," I say. I don't want to get all defensive with her, we are only just back to being friends. "I don't know what will happen, let's just leave it at that."
"Yeah sure Tris. You're just happy to be staying with Four," Uriah says.
Everyone just laughs and then we tell them our plan to go and jump off the roof.
TOBIAS POV
"Have you asked Josh if he wants the position yet?" I ask Max.
"No I thought you could do that. Then if he says yes you can talk to Shauna," Max says.
"Great, I will get onto that straight away. Caleb wants to stay in Dauntless," I say.
"I think that is good news. I will try to organise a video link for this afternoon with the other factions. I have just been told that Erudite have set up a panel of three as their interim leaders. They haven't decided what they ae going to do about a leader so they want to see if having more than one can stop what happened last time. They are thinking it may be in their best interests not to give one person so much power and control," Max says.
"Finally they are using their brains," I say.
Max laughs. "I will let you know when the meeting is. How is Tris this morning?"
"She seemed good," I say. I didn't even ask her how she was feeling this morning. She was the one attacked yesterday and all she was worried about was me. I am such a fucking idiot.
"What's going on Four?" Max asks. "Does this have something to do with Caleb knocking on my door the other night?"
"Yeah, but I don't really want to talk about it," I say.
"Well just know I'm here if you need me," Max says.
"Thanks," I say. "I better go and sort these job vacancies out."
I walk out of Max's office and see Josh sitting at his desk. "Josh can I have a word with you in my office," I say.
Josh gets up from his chair and follows me into my office.
"What can I do for you Four?" he asks.
"Sit," I say and motion to the seat in front of my desk. Josh sits and he looks worried.
"You look worried Josh. Is there something wrong?" I ask.
"I'm thinking you are going to fire me. With only three leaders you won't need my help anymore," He says.
"No Josh. We wouldn't want to do that," I say. "But we do have another job in mind for you."
"You do?" He asks.
"Yes. Max, Scott and I would like to know if you would like to become a leader?"
"Are you serious?" Josh asks.
"Yes. You would have to go through a training program just like we have all had to do."
"YES! Yes, yes," Josh exclaims. "I can't believe this. I mean I love my job but to be a leader. This is amazing."
"So once initiation is finished we will start your training program. There will be another joining you but you will both have the position. We are not going to be going through a selection process like last time," I say.
"Thank goodness. I was a part of that program, when you got the position. It was brutal and Eric was tormenting everyone, trying to get them to drop out," Josh says. "Thankfully Max didn't let him get the position of leader or who knows what our faction would be like now."
Yeah, I think to myself, I wonder what our faction would have been like if Eric was a leader. I shake this thought from my head. The thought actually scares me.
"Josh can you do me a favour and find one of the initiates for me? I need to speak to Lynn," I say.
"No problem, is there anything else you need?" he asks.
"No thanks. I need to speak to Shauna about taking over your position and then I would like to see Lynn," I say.
"Do you want me to find Shauna for you?" he asks.
"No it's okay I will find them myself. If I have any trouble, I'll call you. Also Josh you have the opportunity to move up onto our floor once your training begins," I say.
"I think I'd like to wait a bit Four. I'm going to be asking Courtney to marry me, so it would be nice if we moved in together after the wedding," he says. "As long as she says yes I mean."
"She will say yes. I've seen the two of you. Congratulations Josh," I say.
"Thanks Four."
"Hey Gus, it's Four," I say into the phone.
"Yeah thanks. I need to speak to Zeke can you put him on the phone?" I wait as Gus goes to get Zeke.
"Zeke hey, do you know where Shauna is today?" I ask. I know she has the day off and I am betting Zeke will know where she is.
"Okay can you go get her and I need both of you to come to my office," I say.
"Yeah okay. See you soon," I say and hang up.
While I am waiting for Shauna and Zeke to arrive I decide to make one more call.
"Dauntless counselling service Cameron speaking," The voice says. Obviously his name is Cameron.
"Cameron, it's Four here," I say.
"As in our leader Four?" he asks.
"How many people do you know go by the name Four?" I ask.
"Sorry sir. How can I help you today Four?"
"I need to talk to one of our counsellors," I say.
"May I ask what it is regarding?" he asks. Nosy little shit.
"I have an initiate who needs some help," I say. Complete bullshit but he is not going to know my business.
"Would they rather a male or a female?"
"What's the difference?" I ask.
"I just need to talk to them. I'm not having a session with them," I say.
"Well some people would rather a certain gender," he says.
"Just let me talk to whoever is available and we can work it out from there."
"Fine, I'll put you through to Celine," he says.
"Thank you Cameron. You can get off the phone now," I hear Celine says. Fuck, this is going to be harder than I thought. What if this Cameron guy tries to get into my business? I hear a click sound, which I assume is Cameron hanging up.
"Hello Four. You're talking with Celine," she says. "Sorry about that, Cameron likes to . . . help."
"I can have him moved to the fence if you like?"
She laughs a little and then says, "How can I help you today?"
"Well, umm, I have a delicate matter that I need help with," I say.
"So you don't have an initiate who has a problem?" she asks.
"I'm sure most of them have problems Celine. But no that's not why I called," I say.
"I see. Well I think the best way to approach this is if I meet you in your office," she says. "I can come by after my next appointment. In about an hour," she says.
"I would appreciate that. Thank you," I say.
"Look we try to be discreet down here. So anything said is confidential. It may be that you would be better suited to one of my colleagues but let's have a quick chat and we can see what we need to do for you," she says.
"Thanks. I'll see you in an hour," I say.
I hang up the phone and hear a knock on my door. "Come in," I say.
Zeke and Shauna walk in and I get out of my chair and tell them to sit.
"What's going on?" Shauna asks.
"Well I have a job opportunity for you," I say to Shauna.
"For me? So why is Zeke here?"
"Well I thought it would be easier to tell you both because part of the package involves him," I say.
"Okay," Shauna says.
"I want to know if you would like Josh's position. As coordinator to the leaders," I say.
"How does that include me?" Zeke asks.
"Well if Shauna agrees, she gets an apartment in the leaders wing. With you two living together it would mean you would both be moving in," I say.
"How would I not want that?" Zeke asks.
"Well Mr Party, there are certain expectations involved in living in this area of the compound," I say.
"What do you mean?" Shauna asks.
"Well the weekly parties that Zeke is used to holding would not be appreciated by everyone. The occasional party would be fine but we can't have just anyone in this area of the compound. Also if you do have a party Max requests that all leaders are invited," I say.
"I'll take the job," says Shauna rather quickly. "What?"
"It just seems you are taking this job offer rather quickly after my explanation of the living arrangements," I say.
"I'm sick of all the parties. Our home is trashed every weekend. I could do with a break from all of that. I think Zeke could too," Shauna says.
"Zeke?" I ask.
"She's right. I mean, I hate the clean-up and the fights we have over the clean-up. Plus, it is a great job opportunity and a lot less dangerous than what she has at the moment," Zeke says.
"We can always go and trash some other person's party," Shauna says.
"That sounds like a great idea," Zeke says. "What is happening to Josh?"
"He has agreed to be a leader in training. So he will be close by if you have any questions Shauna. I would also ask that as part of your job that you work closely with Max. He knows this faction inside and out but his desk looks like a bomb hit it. Plus, he sucks at filing. He can never remember where he put anything. He knows the names of every faction member but he can't tell you where he filed last month's budget," I say. "I just don't want him to know you are helping him."
"I can do that," Shauna says.
"Okay well the position is going to start as soon as initiation is over. So basically next week. I'll let Alice know in housing so she can organise which apartment you will be getting. I will have her contact you when everything is ready. I will also talk to Frank and tell him that we have transferred you out of patrol," I say. "Which means you can have the next few days off and you will be here to see the rankings when they come out."
"Thank you Four. I think the best part is knowing I will be here for the rankings. Frank wouldn't give me the day off, bastard. It's not like anyone else had a family member going through initiation this year. He was just being a dick because he and his friends wanted to party," Shauna says.
"I think we need to make it mandatory for Dauntless born initiates to be able to have their families at the final rankings," I say.
"That would be nice," Zeke says. "So we get to live near you and Tris."
"Tris is moving in?" Shauna asks.
"Yeah, well she already has," I say.
"But initiation isn't over yet?" Zeke says.
"She was attacked by two initiates for ranking first at the end of stage two. So Max told her to stay with me," I say.
"Cool," Zeke says. Shauna hits him on the back of the head. "Not cool she was attacked. Cool she has already moved in."
"That's why I thought you called us both down here," Shauna says.
"What?" I say.
"Well I thought you might have been going to tell us you were going to ask her to marry you," Shauna says.
"What?" Zeke says.
"Don't you think we are a bit young?" I ask. "Plus we have only really just gotten together as a couple. We are going to be living together, isn't that enough for now?"
"Come on Four. You know where you are both from. I thought you would be jumping to marry her," Shauna says.
"I will be one day. But she needs the chance to settle in here. We need time to sort some stuff out," I say. Really I mean I need time to sort my shit out. But they don't need to know that.
We all turn towards the door as we hear a knock.
"Come in," I call out. Pretty sure it is Lynn.
"Wow, I should have brought Uriah and Tris with me and we could have had a family reunion," Lynn says.
"I think she is having too much fun to want to be here," Zeke says.
"How do you know what they were doing?" I ask.
"I'm in the control room Four," Zeke says.
"Stalker much," says Lynn.
"What? No. They looked like they were having a blast," Zeke says.
"What were they doing?" Shauna asks before I get the chance.
"They have been jumping off the roof onto the net," Zeke says.
"Are you insane?" I screech out at Lynn.
"Geez Four, chill. You would think you were scared of heights or something," says Lynn.
I give her a death glare.
"You have to be fucking kidding me. You only have four fears and one of them is heights. You cannot be serious right now," Zeke says laughing so much he falls of his chair and onto the floor.
"Thank you very much Zeke. Do tell us, how many fears do you have?" I say. "This does not leave this room or I will hunt each and every one of you down."
"No one would believe us Four," Lynn says.
"She's right," Shauna says. "They really wouldn't."
"So why am I here?" Lynn asks.
"I need to talk to you about job choosing," I say.
"Why are you guys here?" Lynn points to Zeke and Shauna.
"Four just offered me a new job," Shauna says. "I'm going to be coordinator to the leaders."
"That's great sis. Congratulations," Lynn says.
"So you want them to stay? Or would you rather they hear about the job offer with everyone else?"
"They can stay. If it's a bad job offer maybe they can convince you to give me a better one," Lynn says with a hint of a smile on her face.
"We actually have two positions that we would like to offer you. One is only part time and the second is full time but you will get time off if you need it for the first one," I say.
"Okay well spill already," Lynn says.
"First we want to give you the opportunity to become a sniper," I say.
"No way," Zeke says in awe. "That is like the most awesome job."
"Yeah blowing people's heads off from a long distance is really awesome Zeke," says Shauna.
"I didn't mean it like that. There aren't many people who get the opportunity to be a sniper. It is like really prestigious," Zeke says. "And we have never had to use them anyway."
"And the second?" Lynn asks.
"Personal trainer. But you won't be working with our normal members, you will be working with leadership and anyone who resides in the leadership wing. Plus a few other select Dauntless members. You will have to help out with initiate training though," I say.
"Does that mean I get housing in the leadership wing?"
"Yes it does," I say.
"I'll take it," Lynn says.
"You'll be living near me," Shauna says.
"And me," says Zeke.
Lynn fakes groans at Zeke and we all laugh. "So how did I get offered this position?" Lynn asks. "I thought that only a select few get to do this job. Usually they come from other training positions."
"Max was impressed with what you did for Tris. Then when he found out about how good you were on the sniper range he thought that combining the two jobs would suit you best," I say.
"Uriah is going to be so jealous when he finds out we are all living in the leaders wing," Zeke says. "I can't wait to rub it in."
"I wouldn't say anything yet Zeke," I say. "He still has job choosing and you don't know where he might end up. You might end up with him as a neighbour."
"That would be nice," Zeke says.
We all look at him strangely. "What? I might tease him but that's because he is my younger brother. But it will be good if he is close by."
"Has anyone else been given a job early?" Shauna asks.
"Lynn is the only one to have been offered a position. Tris has been given options because we need her decision before job choosing. Everything will be revealed at job choosing. But we have to see where people are ranked first," I say. "We are having interviews with other people tomorrow. Get an idea of what would suit them. Although only the top five get to pick any job, we still have to look at giving the next group some options."