A.N. Finally I am updating. But there are very few chapters left in this story as it is. Thank you to all those who are still reading.
Brief Summary to refresh memories: Chuck and Blair finally had sex after the photoshoot and after he took her to his Victrola to gain her opinion. After an amazing day together and night in the early hours of the morning our two lovers became distant again. Both thinking each other only wanted one day and not a relationship things sour after Blair asked about Chuck's mother.
Then the Lost Weekend happened Recap: In which we learned that Serena and Nate did have sex before the Bass brunch. Which is why in Chapters 8 and 9 Serena looks sick to her stomach that Nate is kinda proposing to Blair. As I mentioned before Chuck and Blair are not all knowing so they are still unaware this plot. Thus, after the Lost Weekend we are left with a maybe pregnant Serena, a more introspective Nate, a feuding Chuck and Bart, and Blair who is determine to make Chuck love her after she discovered her feelings for him. There was also an irate Eleanor over the photoshoot, Bart sitting in a limo drench in scotch, Carter who may or may not be returning to New York for Serena, Nate and Chuck fought twice in the Lost Weekend, and a Gossip Girl Blast of Carter kissing Blair that went out. I think I covered it all but really you should read the Lost Weekend chapters if you haven't cause I doubt the ending is going to make a lot of sense if you fail to.
Warning: There is a sex scene that has been italicized. It is not too graphic however I know some people may not want to read it so skip over it if you wish.
On n'est heureux que par l'amour. / Only love can make one happy.
- Les liaisons dangereuses
I could not help the yawn at the tiredness I felt when I touched down with Serena. The last time I was in the city was the day that I realized I was in love with Chuck Bass. But now with that no found information I was going to try to convince to love me back and hopefully become my boyfriend. It seemed an impossible feat honestly but Serena was urging me that Blair Waldorf never backs down. I was dropped off at my home and I was not eager to enter. I knew Eleanor's wrath was going to be immense and yet I did not regret the photoshoot. It was amazing. I never felt more beautiful or alive then I did that day. I knew my mom was going to be mad but I cannot say I regretted it.
I stepped off the elevator moving to the side to allow for the doorman to drop off my bags in the foyer. The noise probably alerted my mother. I heard her front steps as she walked from her office. I stood my ground.
With the doorman still unloading my mother was all smiles. "Dear I called you so many times," my mother said.
"I wet my phone at the beach," I lied smoothly still smiling as the elevator brought the man down to the ground level.
My mother's bitch came out as soon as we were alone.
"How dare you do a photoshoot with a rival designer," she sneered.
"It I not like I was going to be used for Waldorf designs." I shrugged pretending to pick lint from my skirt.
"Oh so you were jealous," she said haughtily her hand on her hip.
"No! I was hurt. You think Serena is so much more beautiful than me. You say I never look good in your clothes and you pick on my appearance all the time. So I am sorry if I ran off to do a photoshoot which made me feel good mom," I confessed yelling at her some of my deepest ugliest feeling.
"Stop being so melodramatic and don't blame your illness on me. It is all in your head. By the way I know you did the photoshoot with that Bass boy. You been running around with him. I wouldn't be surprise if he went on your little trip with Serena," she retorted. Her words cutting into me. All in my head? How kind mother.
"His name is Chuck and yes he was in the photoshoot with me," I said rolling my eyes as I tried to side step her but she blocked me.
"Do you have any idea what this is going to do to my brand to have my daughter modeling on another line. You give him the right to your name in the photos. Do you know what he could do with that? Jacobs was just using you the same way Chuck is," she said saying Chuck's name with disgust. "I would not be surprised if you already opened your legs to him. But silly girl, he is only using you and he will throw you out like trash after he gets what he wants. The most you get is probably a night with him Blair and you are risking your whole future. You were just on the local news standing behind the Archibald family in a show of support. Do you know what all the matrons are going to say about you? Running around with both boys" she said digging in. Her words rung true. If we were in school this would have been an amazing takedown but instead it was my mother saying these horrible things. But she was right so far all I got with Chuck was one night and a promise of no more.
"You are just bitter and alone," I sneered out incapable of a lengthy response but wanting to use her fears against her. Then she slapped me hard. Turning quickly, I angrily pressed the button on the elevator wanting to escape.
"Blair oh my. I am sorry," I heard her call to me as the door was closing I did not see her as my head was down bent in shame as I willed my tears not to come. It would have hurt less if her words were not so close to the close.
The knocking on the door pulled me out of my deep thought. I was going over the fuckery that was these past days trying to figure out where I stood with my father, Nate, and Blair. I crashed at Nate's last night but awoke with a full mind only 6 hours later the sleeping pill was the only thing that allowed me to sleep. So I stole's Anne bottle figuring she had plenty more. For women on the UES their doctors were also their drug dealers. After showering upon returning home I took two more which allowed me to sleep until four. Rising only an hour ago I was groggily. Even though I was hunger I was more than preoccupied with my thoughts.
Opening the door thinking maybe it was Nate to talk things other further I was quite surprise to find Blair there holding back tears.
"Blair?" I asked confused.
She looked at me in shock as she took in my bruises and spilt lip.
"Gossip Girl was not lying about Nate and you," she mumbled.
"Or you fleeing to Greece to meet up with Carter," my green jealousy showing as I arched eyebrow at her.
Rolling her eyes with mirth she said "That would be Serena." The tears seemed for forgotten but of course I was still concern. Stepping aside I let her in. Instantly she looked uncomfortable as if she regretting coming. The same way she regretted having sex with me only hours after it happened.
"Was something wrong?" I asked again.
Hugging herself she looked up at me with her large doe eyes. "My mother and the photoshoot. She said some …" she looked to the ground ashamed. I knew Eleanor enough to know how mean and vile he could be.
"Don't listen to whatever that witch has to say. You are beautiful and I sure the shoot came out amazing," I told her not wanting anyone to take anyway that day from Blair.
"It is not that. She said… she said that you…" she twisted and wrung her hand until she away from me and walked into the kitchen area of the room.
"What did say?" I asked hesitantly following her. I wanting to reach out and hug her but I was unsure my presence would mean anything to her.
Face to face again she bit her lip and shook her head. She was not going to tell me whatever her mother said about me. I could only imagine the cruel things she would have said.
"She was upset but Jacobs is a rival and she is worried about her sales," she said. It was lame reason since we had already discussed that possibility. Half the reason why I did it was in a way to say FU to Mrs. Waldorf. But Blair was unlike me. I proposedly angered my father while Blair tried to appease her mother.
Finally, having tested my resistant I put my arms on Blair's shoulder touching her again for the first time since she slipped out on me. Since that night I haven't been able to sleep. I think I was angry at myself for not awaking when she left that day. But sleeping in the same bed with her that day even with the anger that I felt that night put me in my deepest sleep in years. She looked at me with a question burning in her. Studying her closely I realized one cheek was stained red. Sunburn maybe. Using one finger I lighting traced the redness.
"Did she hit you I asked?" I asked unsure. Even my father in all his anger never struck me. Suddenly I realize I should not be playing with Blair's home life as I welled up with a need to protect. I was even angrier at Eleanor for even touching Blair's beautiful porcelain skin.
"Yes," she mumbled.
"Let me get you some ice," I offered.
"I hardly need it," she protested. "But it looks like you did. You would have been better of locking yourself in a freezer," she joked about my bruises.
"Well no one was here to care for me," I teased as a placed a rag with ice to her cheek. She smiled.
"Should I have been here to nurse you better," she flirted. Instantly I smiled, hopeful in her affections for me.
"I would have loved for you to play nurse. Should I get hurt again," I offered with a chuckle. Suddenly she smiled brightly.
"You must. Surely there is a bus you can jump in front of," she joked. Out rightly laughing my face felt pain again my bruises but I ignore them. Laughing was so rare for me but laughing with her came so easily.
Suddenly I heard the door open and I knew it was my father. Cursing to myself angry that he ruined my moment.
"If he asks we are going to dinner in an hour," I quickly whispered to her so my father would not hear. She nodded in quick understanding my need to escape him as she had her mother.
"Chuck!" he called out and I stepped back from Blair handing her the ice that was wrapped up. Seeing Blair and I in the kitchen I could tell my father paused himself in whatever he was planning to say.
"Charles, Miss Waldorf," he greeted.
"Hello Mr. Bass it has been a while. How have you been?" Blair, always sweet with elders, greeted my father.
"I have been well," he replied tersely before adding "and yourself?" My father hated small talk more than anyone I have ever met. I smirked at his discomfort.
"Good. Just went on a small holiday with Serena and I returned today," she offered and he nodded.
"I hope you enjoyed yourself. Chuck I really must speak with you," he said.
"We have dinner reservations in an hour," I said as an excuse.
The nerve ticked and I knew he was mad but he only nodded.
"I need to freshen up. Wait 15 minutes?" I asked Blair and she nodded. I was sure Bart would remove himself from the small talk and go to his room after Blair finished with her pleasantries. Plus I did not want Bart to somehow trick me into cancelling dinner with Blair.
I took a seat the bar top stool prepared to impress Bart Bass with my knowledge of his recent business dealings in China. Parents love me and I was an amazing charmer.
"it seems like your business dealings in China are improving. I read that you are opening talks with them again." I said wit an encouraging smile. It was important for Bart to like me especially I was hoping to date his son.
He raised an eyebrow and I took he was just going to walk away without a word instead he surprised me. "My son is not a rebound," he said harshly. I was taken aback.
"What?" I blurted out before I could think of a response.
"My son is not a rebound for Nate," he clarified. My mouth went dry. Bart apparently knew much more about the going ons in Chuck's life then even my own parents.
I began to blush as he continued to glare. "Of course not," I stumbled over my words. "Chuck is… important to me," I said lamely.
Bart huffed out air in a sign that he had no belief in my words. "All I know is my son has not shown attention to any female to the degree that he has with you. I know all about your photoshoot, the hotel room he booked for two, his coming and goings from your home," he said his eyes testing me to deny it. I was only grateful that there was no judgment in his words about out actions.
"Chuck has always been a very dear and close friend. I know I dated Nate for years but Chuck is not my second choice. He is brilliant, attentive, funny, caring, even in his own way loyal, and surprisingly selfless," I said with a bit of anger. Chuck was not a rebound. He was too special for that.
Bart arched an eyebrow. "Very well, enjoy your dinner," he said as he turned to leave to go to his room.
My courage boiled over and I slipped off the stool as I said "You should know; I don't think he is aware you even care this much." Freezing in his spot only seeing the back of his head I was unsure if I said too much. God, where is Chuck?
"No I suppose he doesn't care to know," turning around he turned to you at me and I could only read surprise in his face. "I don't scare you?" he questioned in disbelief. I knew thousands of men and women who quaked in the shadow that was Bart Bass but I was surely one of them. My palms were soaked but I still found it in me to fight for Chuck. The lonely boy who carried around his mother's cigarette case close to his heart, who still called his dad whenever he was in trouble, who wanted nothing more than his father's respect.
"Chuck thinking he is alone in the world scares me more," I said. The words came out instantly and I wasn't entirely sure what they meant but I knew that it was the truth.
Eyes widening at my statement. "It's not my company he wishes for Miss Waldorf," he said knowingly. Before I had time to release what he meant he had left the room. I know Bart was insinuating it was my company Chuck wished for but I knew that Bart was wrong. Chuck desperately wished for his father's attention.
We went to dinner in a small restaurant in midtown I never heard of. The oysters were amazing and I recognized no one and I knew we were going to be off of Gossip Girl's radar. It was a quiet night and only when we were making our orders did I realize that this felt like a date. Butterflies swam in my stomach and I wondered if tonight would end in sex before I remembered that he needed to talk to Bart today.
I wanted to tell him that he should be more open to having a relationship with his father but I was afraid another argument would begin. After my comments about his mother I was too sensitive to bring up his father now. But he gave me an opening when he mentioned my mother. We continued to talk about my problems but I was too shy to mention that it was her words about him that hurt the most. Finally, I asked about Bart.
"Chuck you and you father, is everything okay?" I asked thinking he was going to brush me off quickly. Yet, he surprised when he took a moment to think about it.
"No not at all," he said as he took a drink from his glass.
"I am here for you if you want to talk."
"You don't owe me anything," he said roughly. He was so hot and cold at times I could barely keep up. I shifted in my seat uncomfortable before reaching out across the table and grabbing his hand after pulling his fingers off the glass.
"You told me twice these past weeks that I was one of the important people in my life. And the same goes for me. Chuck you are one of my best friends," I told him hoping the honesty would show through and maybe he could see that I did not take him for granted.
Pulling his hand away I heard him mumbled. "Friends, ayy," before angrily ripping in a bread roll. Fearing I said something wrong I tried again.
"Chuck I… are you angry with me?...About my questions about your mother," I asked confused.
"No. Ugh," he said running his hands through his hair. "Blair, I am sorry I was yelling and stuff. I really wanted you to have a special… umm night. Without any regrets," he said his eyes boring into mine questioning me to answer the question now.
Suddenly I remembered his last question of that night. "I don't regret what we did. I enjoyed it. Really I…" suddenly I felt hot and I was blushing. Chuck winked at me in and a full smile came to his face. I felt like a silly virgin all over again.
"So how was your lost weekend? Have any new venereal diseases," I asked half in humor and anger.
"No, no new ones," he teased.
"So just broken bones?" I asked.
"You wound me. Don't give Nate too much credit," he joked.
"How did Nate find out? Was it Jenny?"
"Your brilliance is unmatched babe," Chuck teasing me while confirming my thoughts. But his eyes were judging me as if he was looking for some sort of answer. And he raised his hand for the check surprising me.
"Let's go somewhere," he said a smirk on his face.
"Shouldn't you be talking to your father?" I asked.
"Fine then I'll give you a ride home in the limo, again" the darkness in his eyes told me he was offering me more than a ride. It was the way that he looked at me that filled me with confidence in my sex appeal. It seemed I had his undivided attention.
Smiling I stood up and lead the way. I slide into the seat with Chuck following. He opened the partition for a moment to alert Arthur that we were to drive around and to my apartment. Ad soon as it was closed Chuck grabbed my hand gently pulling me towards him.
"Are you sure?" he asked. And I nodded. I wanted to say more. I wanted to tell him that I would always want more but I instead kissed him.
I was more than happy to be on top this time with Chuck guiding me. I was surprised with how crude he was as he pulled me on top of him. Kissing me roughly I was surprised by the depth of his need and want. Our tongues clashed, our teeth banged into each other as we breathed in short burst of air. He hissed as I must have grabbed onto a bruise and I kissed it to make it better. Underneath me I could feel how hard he was as I grinded into him. My hands in his hair and his found his way under my skirt while his teeth tugged on my nipples through the thin cloth of my dress. It had to be no more than two minutes later that he entered me as I called out his name.
"Fuck Blair. So prefect," he mumbled as he kissed and bit my jaw. Rolling my hips over him he growled. Instantly moments of our first time in this limo came rushing back to as I came close to my edge pushed by Chuck's fingers I had to bite on my tongue fearing a sex love confession as I came. Shortly after Chuck had his release.
Then suddenly it was over and not a minute later I was dropped off at my house. It seemed Arthur had this thing down to a science. Suddenly that promise of one night quickly became two.
I could not help but remember my mother's words and I felt use standing there as the limo pulled away. Chuck said nothing to me after we had sex. I did not know what I meant to him. I know Chuck claimed to never have sex with the same women twice but that could be a false statement used to booster his ego. Mortified I quickly rushed into the building wanting to shower.
Chuck asked if I regretted that night we had together I did not answer but now I that we did have more than one night I wondered if I should have just stopped at that one night. To use by someone that you love was painful. So I went home feeling worse than I had when I left. That motherchucker.
It was hours after tossing and turning for hours I turned to self-pleasure in the hopes of falling asleep faster. Closing my eyes, I could not help but think of Chuck. I thought back to Thursday night. As moved my hands in the way that Chuck once had I recalled his tenderness that night. The way he cared for me throughout the day at the photoshoot and after, the way his eyes sought me out at every moment. I must have spent the whole day under his gaze. He never once looked at a woman that day the way he looked at me. Then after at dinner his looks became possessive. Finally, at Victrola his touch became greedy as well as we walked in together his hand placed on my bottom to show the world I was his. I shivered at the thought. Then during the limo ride he poured Dom over my body licking up as he went. Then in the suite the candles he had planned, the slower sweeter sex and then his thoughtfulness when we bathe together in. Suddenly I realized all the care he shown me that day.
I stopped all my moments sitting up in bed. Chuck cared for me. His tenderness showed me that and I believed he cared more than a friend. With that new found realization I smiled. After dating Nate for year who barely remembered my favorite color having Chuck go out of his way to remember so many of my favorite things that day it filled me with warmth. Realizing that I loved Chuck was a shock but realizing that he had feelings for me as well was warming. It made me feel like I had something to fight for. I was not going to give Chuck. He was totally going to be mine.
So when I finally went to sleep that night I felt this lukewarm feeling in the pit of my stomach that I knew was a physical manifestation of love. Loving Nate never felt like this, it never came this easy, and it never made me feel so happy. I went to sleep with a smile on my face as I dreamed to get Chuck to love me, then admit it, and then agree to be my boyfriend. It was going to be tough but I knew it was going to be well worth it in the end.
Of course with love comes heartbreak but then again that is the danger that often comes with affection.
A.N: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Next chapter will explain Chuck's actions a bit more and finally the characters are going to be in school. They skipped a lot of class last week so we will see Nate, Jenny, Serena, and Blair. Since I replaced daredevil episode with the Lost Weekend chapter the next guiding episode will be the Handmaiden tale. As promised we are ending with episode 1x06. Right now in the timeline we are opening the next chapter on Monday and the party will be on Saturday for all those keeping track.
Sorry no notes this chapter. I wanted to put this out asap but I will return to the notes in the next chapter.