Chapter Three

The Teenage Girl Conundrum

A knock on his door brought Sheldon out of his internal recitation of his vows to Rosemary. Before he could say enter, his future brother-in-law, geologist, and minister of the Cooper-Fox wedding threw open the door.

"Hey, looking snazzy, Coopersaurus," Yoshi said, walking into the room, regarding Sheldon. Yoshi wore an all-black tux ensemble with a bright, lime green bow tie. Surprisingly, his hair, usually spiked and streaked with some outrageous color, remained simply black.

"How is Rosemary?" Sheldon asked, knowing from the sound on the stairs outside his door Yoshi just came from the room above.

"Gorgeous," the younger man grinned. "We should…"

"Hey buddy," came a voice behind Yoshi, and Leonard entered the room. "We should head down. Less than ten minutes now."

"About to say the same thing," said Yoshi excitedly.

"You have the ring?" asked Sheldon, frustrated he had to trust Leonard with something so important. Leonard often did foolish things.

"Yes, for the fiftieth time, Sheldon," Leonard sighed in familiar exasperation.

"Is Rosemary wearing her red boots?" Sheldon asked Yoshi as the three men approached the door.

"Couldn't see," he answered. "But both Fox sisters look…well, like foxes." He laughed jovially. "Lil always looks hot in blue. They somehow make her eyes a deeper brown, like you could get lost in them quite happily for some time."

Sheldon paused and looked at Yoshi, and something suddenly struck him. This fast-talking hipster would be his brother in a few short minutes. Sheldon realized weeks ago that he would not only be gaining a wife but a family as well. And while Sheldon always felt a kinship with Yoshi, recent events solidified their relationship more, past mere acquaintances or even the friendship Sheldon had with Leonard.

"I tell you I can't wait to get up under Lil's dress tonight, know what I mean?" he elbowed Sheldon as they began to move downstairs. "Hers looks simple to get off. Rosemary's on the other hand…"

"What?" asked Sheldon, trying to get some clue as to what his fiancé looked like.

"It just looks complicated," Yoshi laughed.

"Well, Sheldon is a genius," Leonard said with a chuckle.

As they entered the commotion of guests, Sheldon thought back to the day Rosemary came home from dress shopping, speaking of buttons, lace, and ties, and wondered just how difficult dress removal would be. Perhaps he should grab some scissors before they headed to their room for the evening.

March 2017

"I think this is it," Rosemary said, beaming at her reflection in the mirror, the faces of her mother and her sister wet with tears.

"You look so beautiful," Michelle Fox sobbed, dabbing her eyes.

"Oh Rose," sighed Lillian happily. "And Sheldon will love it. It reminds me of that Arwen dress you wore for comic con."

Rosemary nodded, looking at the dress up and down. Cream colored, with an empire waist and long sleeves, which dropped from her elbow to the floor. The scoop neckline would leave plenty of room for the turquoise necklace she would wear from her late grandmother. She would definitely be bringing a Native American edge to a traditional pre-Raphaelite look, but she knew Sheldon would love it, being distinctly his Rosemary. The red boots, however, would completely clash.

Lillian, who knew of the promise of the red knee-high boots, laughed. "Looks like Sheldon won't get his boots after all."

"I promised him, so I'll wear them," she said in a firm tone, not wanting to argue with her sister or let her mother know about Sheldon's little Rosemary as Wonder Woman fetish.

Lillian rolled her eyes in spectacular fashion, then pointed to the back of the dress. "Whoa! How many buttons?"

Rosemary shifted to look at the mirror showing the back. The saleswoman, who helped dress Rosemary, smiled.

"There are fifty," she laughed. "I'm just really quick at getting people dressed. Do it several times a day."

"Well, Sheldon will get his red boots, but might not get the rest of Rosemary," Lillian giggled, and their mother joined in.

Rosemary felt herself redden, but began to laugh as well.

That evening at dinner, Sheldon listened as Rosemary described the fifty buttons on the back of the dress, not telling him much else.

"I think I'll manage, Rosemary," he said smugly, taking a bite of the homemade mac and cheese.

"They're quite small and…"

"Rosemary," he said, knowing his tone was becoming haughty, but not worrying as he was making a very valid point. "I have several degrees and decorations, I successfully brought my basketball team to a league win…"

"Sheldon, your teammates helped…and there are only four teams in the league," she laughed.

"Nevertheless," he continued, clearing his throat. "I am an accomplished person. I doubt some buttons will get in my way."

"Just didn't want you to be frustrated on our wedding night," she shrugged. "But I'm sure the great Sheldon Cooper can handle anything, right?"

Sheldon smiled and nodded, knowing he'd made his point.

But the next afternoon, a lazy and rainy Sunday, Sheldon found something he could not handle. Sheldon sat on the sofa, playing video games alone, Rosemary upstairs on a scheduled call with Governor Swanson about her impending education bill. A cup of tea at his side, Sheldon felt content, his mind soothed by the game.

The doorbell rang, and he paused the game, unsure who could be there. Opening the door, he became even more puzzled. Ivy, the thirteen-year-old girl who lived next store, stood on the doorstep, her clothes drenched from the rain, her eyes red and puffy.

"Hello…Sheldon," she stammered in a sob. "Can…can…can I…um…"

Sheldon stepped aside and gestured Ivy into the house, closing the door. Ivy hugged herself, shivering, and Sheldon opened the coat closet and pulled out one of Rosemary's sweaters, which Ivy took with a small smile.

"You seem distressed," Sheldon said, not knowing what to say. While he'd interacted with Ivy many times, he found little in common with her except of their mutual love for Star Wars and interest in Captain America, although he knew Ivy only liked the superhero because he was "hella cute."

"Is, um, can I see Rosemary?" she asked.

"She is on a very important call with the governor," he said. "May I offer you a hot beverage?" He moved toward the kitchen, Ivy following. "You know I am skilled with coffee and…"

"Mocha, please. Shot of caramel," she whispered, and Sheldon noticed her nose dripped from crying. He handed her a tissue from the box by the sofa, then gasped, finally seeing her face in better light, gaudy make-up smeared everywhere.

"Ivy!" he cried. "What happened to your face?"

"I…the girls at school…make-up…oh, it's terrible," and she sunk into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and sobbed.

Sheldon fixed her drink, grabbed his own tea, then sat silently beside her in the kitchen, having no idea what to say, wishing Rosemary would hurry up and get him out of this very awkward moment.

Hmmm…girls liked to talk, teenagers especially.

"So, how is school? Are you enjoying your classes?" he asked.

"Oh Sheldon," Ivy broke into another sob. "There are these really mean girls, and they told me Troy liked me, and I like him. So I messaged him on Insta, just like a hello or something. And then we talked, and I asked him if he liked me, and he said like a friend and thought Jules was prettier. And Jules wears make-up but I don't so I told dad, and he said I was too young but a bunch of girls do and…and…" She broke down crying again, sipped her mocha, then cried some more, causing her mascara to darken underneath her eyes.

Sheldon felt panicked. Where was Rosemary? He had no idea how to talk to a teenager, much less a teenage girl. Especially about boys and make-up and mean girls. Sheldon hardly experienced his teenage years.

But he did have his feelings hurt in the past, many times, by mean kids who seemed like the girls of which Ivy spoke. He took a deep breath.

"They sound…terrible," he said. "I'm…I'm sorry that happened to you."

Ivy looked up, regarding him through his tears.

"I wish…" she whispered. "I wish my mom was here. She could help me with things, like make-up and stuff."

Sheldon nodded, remembering Ivy, and her little sister Jasmine, lived with just their father, a longshoreman at the Port of Tacoma. Their mother, who went in and out of rehab, struggling with drug addiction, had no contact with her daughters.

"My dad…I know he…he tries," she said. "And I yelled at him, and he yelled at me and then he started to cry too and…" But she fell silent for several moments, then continued. "My dad hardly ever cries. I was really mean to him…and he does so much for me and Jas." She began crying again.

Sheldon sat, at a complete loss for words, so he stood up and put together a plate of cookies, then sat back down again.

Good Lord, get off the phone, Rosemary!

After neither Ivy nor Sheldon spoke for several minutes, Sheldon finally said, "Your father sounds a lot better than mine."

Ivy looked up at him again, her tears stopped for the moment. "What was he like?"

Sheldon told her about his father, memories he just recently, at the prompting of Rosemary and his sister Missy, began to review and consider. Most were unpleasant, Sheldon realizing he held a lot of bitterness towards the man, and he would try his hardest not to be like him, as a husband or a father.

When he'd finished his brief summary, Ivy nodded, then looked at the table intently. "Sometimes it feels like my mom died. We can't have any contact with her. It's like she's gone and…"

"Ivy? To what do we owe the pleasure," came Rosemary's cheerful voice as she entered the kitchen. Sheldon let out a deep sigh of relief.

Ivy leaped up and grabbed Rosemary in an embrace, her sobs renewed. Sheldon just shook his head, not understanding anything that just transpired.

Rosemary leaned back to look at the girl. "Ivy…my God, this looks like a MAC makeover gone horribly wrong. What happened?"

The comment got a weak laugh from Ivy, and she sat back down, Rosemary joining her. Sheldon took the opportunity to leap to his feet and return to his video game in the living room. But he kept the game on mute, wanting to listen to how Rosemary handled the weeping teen.

And once again, Rosemary impressed Sheldon with her ability to relate to others. She listened to Ivy's angst, reassured her of her beauty, pointing out several attributes, damning the stupid teenage boy Troy for his lack of tact, saying he was a blind idiot. She told the girl her father was probably confused and scared, just like Ivy. Raising a teenager is not easy, and Ivy laughed with Rosemary as she shared stories of her and her father during her teen years. He heard her offer to help Ivy with her make-up, teach her techniques, and be there for her if she needed to talk about anything else girl-related

Sheldon had been listening so intently that he jumped, startled, when the doorbell rang again. Answering, he found Doug, Ivy and Jasmine's father, on the doorstep.

"I saw Ivy come over…we needed a moment apart. Sorry we intruded," he said, stepping inside.

Before Sheldon could reassure his neighbor everything was fine and rules of etiquette dictated neighbors assist one another in times of crisis, the man continued.

"Jesus, Sheldon, she's a teenager now, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing," he whispered, frowning deeply.

Ivy rushed in and hugged her dad tight, and Sheldon stood by Rosemary, watching the father and daughter. Finally, Doug raised his head.

"Thank you so much," he said.

"Listen, Ivy can come over any time. And if it's okay with you, we can go to the mall Saturday afternoon to get a little bit of make-up, and I'd be happy to show her some things," Rosemary said.

Doug just smiled and nodded, looking on the verge of tears. As Ivy returned Rosemary's sweater and stepped outside, he gripped Sheldon by the hand.

"You are both good people," he said quietly, then turned and walked with his daughter back to their townhome.

Sheldon returned to the couch, Rosemary slumping down beside him. He needed to process what just occurred, so he turned to her.

"So Governor Swanson said to come to his office Monday with Senator Meagle," she said, as if Ivy and her father hadn't just laid out their family drama for them to see.

She continued to talk about her conversation with the governor, but Sheldon stopped listening, struck by a sudden realization. He and Rosemary planned to have kids, and while Sheldon could see himself holding an adorable little baby, smiling up at him with Rosemary's eyes, or his daughter grown, the government appointed ambassador to the lunar colony, he never considered his child as a teenager. Somehow, in his daydreams, the child went from baby to adulthood, nothing in between. How would he cope with a teenager?

But Rosemary didn't seem concerned, and she finally ran upstairs again to call Senator Meagle, leaving Sheldon to resume his video game and worry about a child that didn't even exist.

Tuesday evening Leonard usually Skyped with Sheldon at 7 p.m. sharp, a tradition taken up as Penny now attended a class at the community college that night. Settling in front of the computer, Sheldon's face soon greeted him. His friend wore a smart-looking suit and tie.

"Hey," said Leonard. "How's it going, Sheldon."

"Okay," mumbled Sheldon, obviously not.

"What's up with the suit?" Leonard asked. "Meeting tonight?" He knew Sheldon sometimes had late-evening meetings with others at SpaceX think tanks across the world.

"No," said Sheldon, still looking distressed. "Rosemary and I are playing Catwoman and Batman tonight. But I felt more in the mood for Bruce Wayne. Maybe put on my cowl later."

Leonard raised an eyebrow, slightly confused. "Are you going to some sort of costume party later?"

Sheldon sighed heavily. "It's a coitus role play game, Leonard. Try to keep up."

Leonard felt his jaw drop. "Sheldon, you dog," he teased. "Do you and…"

"I would like to discuss the prospect of children," Sheldon began. "And I need some…counsel."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I thought I wanted children. But something recently happened that made me begin to consider I might not be…father material."

Leonard studied Sheldon, who always seemed so confident, and now looked very dismayed, particularly for someone about to engage in superhero-themed sex.

"What happened?"

He listened as Sheldon spoke about an incident with the girl next store, fear that he wouldn't be able to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child coming to the forefront.

"I know I struggle socially, and…well, I don't want to mess up," he said, then stopped his lecture.

"Sheldon, you and Rosemary would be doing it together. And you have a lot to offer a child. You have more parenting skills than you think," Leonard responded, then immediately regretted his words. Now he'd be required to list those skills, and he had trouble coming up with Sheldon's parenting attributes.

Sure enough, Sheldon asked, "Such as?"

Leonard thought hard. "Well, you would make sure they were clean and healthy and safe. And you would be able to help them with their schooling."

Sheldon nodded. "Are you and Penny planning on children?"

"We've been talking about it more and more since Amy and Erik got pregnant," Leonard said, but then felt his usual feelings of doubt sink in. How would he and Penny be at parenting? Sure, they would have smart and beautiful children, but imagining raising a teenager, years of his own life he disliked intensely, made him shudder. "But now that you mention it, I don't feel so good about it."

"Yes!" Sheldon said. "Then it's settled. Rosemary and I will no longer have children."

"Um…isn't that something to discuss with Rosemary?"

"And we should no longer engage in coitus, as there is always the possibility of pregnancy," Sheldon said with formal finality. "How about you, Leonard? We should make this a pact as best friends and…"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on Sheldon," Leonard said, but now his mind was spinning with thoughts of him and Penny as parents, and he found several aspects of the prospect of parenting absolutely terrifying. "Listen, Sheldon, I totally agree with you that having a kid will be frightening and…"

"Oh Bruce…Bruce Wayne," came Rosemary's voice from a distance, possibly behind Sheldon's laptop where Leonard couldn't see. "You ready for the Bat Cave?"

Leonard watched Sheldon's face change dramatically, his eyes widen, his mouth gaping open, staring above the computer screen. Suddenly, Leonard saw a pair of fuzzy handcuffs land in Sheldon's lap.

Sheldon looked at Leonard, smiling sheepishly. "Forget everything I just said about coitus. I was being foolish. Good-bye."

Then Sheldon disappeared, the conversation cut off. Leonard no longer pondered the fear of having children with Penny. He began to plan on how to get Penny to play Batman and Catwoman with him, hopefully in the very near future.

The next day at work, Sheldon poured over data from his recent study, his back a little sore from the previous evening, but the rest of him enlivened by excellent coitus that continued throughout the night, Rosemary waking him up at 2 a.m. for another round, Sheldon climbing into the shower with her for a quick session that morning. Still, the thought of children plagued him, and he planned to speak with Rosemary this evening about his insecurities, knowing he always felt best when they talked through things.

"Hi Sheldon. Have a moment?" asked Grant, the head administrator of the Puget Sound SpaceX campus, entering his office.

Sheldon gestured toward the seat across from him.

"We're adding another engineering building and hiring several new people," he began. "Human resources will begin the process next month, interviewing in early summer, with the facility opening sometime around the holidays. I know you worked with some high quality people down at Caltech, so I was wondering if you knew anyone who would be interested. Maybe give them a heads-up to get their resume and recommendations together before the official posting."

Howard immediately popped into Sheldon's mind, and that evening he called his friend, who shouted into the phone with excitement, hanging up before they were able to say a proper good-bye in order to get his application materials together.

Shaking his head, Sheldon went to the living room and sat on the sofa next to Rosemary, who quietly read one of the comics he'd purchased at the shop Saturday when she'd been dress shopping. With the television off, the light rain falling outside, the evening was quiet and perfect for an important conversation.

"Rosemary," he began, trying to sound professional. "I need to speak with you about something important. And since the…ah…well, incident on election night, I feel it's important to always be up front and straight forward with you."

His fiancé sat down the comic book and turned to face him, looking concerned.

"After this Sunday's visit from Ivy, I have concerns about having children," he began, then proceeded to tell her about his feelings and his conversation with Leonard.

When he finished, a smile crept across her face. "You were going to give up coitus? Silly man. What changed your mind?"

Sheldon felt himself blush. "Well, that lacy black bra and panties, topped with those cat ears. And the handcuffs."

"Which you wouldn't stay in!" Rosemary scolded playfully. "The goal is to be teased, drove crazy."

"But I like to touch you. Plus, those were very poor quality handcuffs."

Rosemary giggled. "Okay, okay, Houdini. Back to the kids. You think you'll be a terrible father?"

"Yes. For a teenager, anyway."

Rosemary looked at him for a long time, Sheldon loving her thoughtful look.

"You do realize I'm terrified too," she said.

"You don't look it. And the way you helped Ivy…"

"Sheldon!" cried Rosemary. "That's just simple girl drama, dumb teenager shit. I'm afraid about…about everything! Giving birth and what to feed the kid and I still want to work but I want us to have quality time with our family, but what if I want to run for a higher office? I have all these goals for my life, my career, things I want to do, changes I want, need to see happen. And then goals for my personal life with you, like raising a kid who is kind and smart and appreciates geek culture like we do. And I think sometimes those things conflict and…and…" She fell silent, staring at the coffee table.

Sheldon regarded her, realizing he had to remember that Rosemary always put on a confident face for the public, but this was her true self, the one he got to see and loved best. The one he found a deep connection with their evening in front of the fire at the McCarthy's bed and breakfast well over a year ago. And for some reason, her insecurities helped soothe his own.

"Rosemary, you can still do all those things. I want you to do all those things. I've already made plans. The world needs Rosemary Fox," Sheldon said, then remembered something Leonard told him the night before. "We'll be doing this together, raising a child."

"I just don't want to screw up," she said softly. "It's not like messing up on one of my masks. This is a person."

Sheldon nodded. "But…well, I still want one. And I still want to have coitus."

Rosemary laughed. "Me too." She scooted over and leaned on Sheldon's shoulder. "Just imagine, we'll teach them to be true nerds, like us. They'll collect comic books, quote Star Trek, and appreciate quality British television."

Sheldon leaned down, allowing Rosemary to lie on him, her soft, warm, fragrant hair spilling onto his chest.

"What should we name him or her?" asked Sheldon.

"Bilbo," Rosemary said with finality.

"Bilbo Cooper?"

"Yes," laughed Rosemary.

"How about Obi-Wan?"

"Obi-Wan Cooper?" scoffed Rosemary. "Can you imagine attendance on the first day of school? His name in public will be Ben." She began to giggle. "Or Jabba. Jabba Cooper. Or Jabba Cooper-Fox."

"Those names won't matter, as we are having a girl," said Sheldon firmly.

"We are?"

"Yes. Every time I think of our future child, it's a girl. And she looks like you," he said.

He couldn't see Rosemary's face, so he didn't know her reaction to this news. But she was silent for quite some time.

"What do you think of, when you think of her?" she whispered.

"Well, I used to think she would be president, but now I just picture you in the Oval Office. No, she'll be the ambassador to the lunar colony," he said, the original daydream prompted from a recent discussion at SpaceX about plans to build on the moon to create an easier starting point to Mars and other space destinations.

"Does she like Doctor Who and Tolkien?" Rosemary asked.

"Oh yes," Sheldon said, then began talking about all the things he wanted to teach her, about physics and superheroes and basketball. After a while he stopped, the rain falling harder outside.

"That sounds nice," Rosemary said, Sheldon hearing a hint of sleepiness in her voice.

He now lay completely on the couch, Rosemary on top of him, and although he knew his back would be even sorer later, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep with her, comfortable and warm in sharing his daydreams of the future with his wife-to-be.

Now, coming down the stairs to be greeted by wedding guests, that evening came back to Sheldon as he saw Amy and Erik. Amy, nearly eight months pregnant, wearing a mint green dress, beamed up at Erik, who took a break from photography before the ceremony to hold his wife. Amy and Erik would be heading to Gabon with their new baby in a few months, both continuing their work, making their child part of everything. And if Amy, with her insecurities, and Erik, with his anxiety, could take on child rearing and still pursue their lives' works, he knew he and Rosemary could as well.

Amy caught sight of Sheldon and gave him a broad smile, then was joined by Penny, who whistled at him.

"What a hottie," Penny said as he approached the two women and Erik with Leonard and Yoshi close behind.

Sheldon turned to Leoanrd. "You have the ring, right?"

Leonard sighed heavily. "No Sheldon, in the time since you asked me, only a minute ago, I got in the car, drove up to Mt. St. Helens, and threw it inside."

"Sarcasm, Sheldon," teased Penny.

"I know," snapped Sheldon, starting to feel nervous. While the assembly wasn't large, the guest list not topping twenty-five, he could now see all the people he would speak in front of in mere minutes. But then he remembered the previous July, at the international physics convention, speaking in front of the physics world, and he did fine because Rosemary sat in the front row. And now she'd be standing right in front of him, his future wife, the mother of his future daughter.

Sheldon let that thought comfort him as Yoshi began to wave people toward their seats, the wedding about to begin.

Author's Note: Next time, Rosemary and Sheldon visit the Cooper clan in Texas, and a sudden family emergency thrusts Sheldon into a role he may be unprepared to play.

Thank you for reading.