So I drove straight home, but I didn't tell my mom about Mr. Hobo and his friends. It's was already gonna be hard to be here without her worrying about me 24/7. I gave my mom the oil and went straight to my room. I take off my jacket, kick off my boots and lay on my bed.
"Who was that guy by the streetlamp?" I think.
"He looked like J-...no that's ridiculous. It must've just been a kid with the same facial structure as him. That's all. That's it...
but that smile..."
As soon as I think that, I feel a cool breeze on my cheek. I mean, it wasn't just cool, it was freezing. It gave me the goosebumps. I sit up and run to the window. It's closed shut.
Maybe the air is on?
I think in more of a question than statement because I don't believe it myself. I walk over to my doorway.
"Mom! Do you have the air on? It's freezing!"
"Are you kidding?! Why would I have the air conditioning on in this weather?!" My mom yells back.
"It's actually pretty warm down here." she adds.
I step outside my doorway and she's right. It had to be at least 80 degrees in the house. But when I step inside my room it feels like around 50.
"Are you alright?!" My mom calls back up to me.
I start to wonder that myself. It takes me a few moments before I decide what to say.
"Yea, I'm alright! I just left the window open in my room!' I lied
"Okay well dinner is about ready. Come down and get your plate!"
"Alright!" I say as I head back into my room. I walk back over to my bedroom window to make sure it's completely closed, which it is. I sigh.
"Whatever.." I say to myself and start back out my room. As I step outside my doorway I swear I hear a chuckle. His chuckle. I stop in my tracks and take a few breathers.
Come on, it's just my imagination going crazy. Get it together.
I close my bedroom door behind me and meet my mom downstairs for dinner.
***
The next morning which was the 16th of December marked the first whole day I'll spend back here in Cedar. I check my IPhone and see it's 10am. God, it was great to be able to sleep in.
I wipe the sleep out of my eyes and grab my glasses. I walk down my hallway toward the bathroom and I hear voices downstairs in the dining room. I can hear my mom's voice and another women. I take a few steps down the stairs to hear better.
"Yea, I don't know. I don't think she's adjusted to him not being here.." my mom says.
"Hmm..I don't think any of us has adjusted yet." the women says and it's then when I know who she is. It's Jacqueline.
"Jackie, I'm sorry. Don't take it like that." my mom says her voice full of regret. I can only imagine how Jacqueline is doing. I know it's almost been a year, but it only feel like yesterday Jack was around. Maybe that explains why I've been hallucinating. The memories are still fresh.
I really didn't want to talk to Jackqueline. Have that awkward moment between us. I never really went over Jack's house unless Jack was home, so me and his mom we're close but that was when Jack was alive. What would I have to say to her now?
"Hey Aunt Jackie, how are you holding up? Hey Aunt Jackie, how often do you think about Jack? All the time? So do I."
I can't come up with a decent topic to talk to her about without bringing Jack up. As I shift my weight on the stairs, the wood steps creek.
"Oh shit.." I say to myself as I try to rush back upstairs and realize that there wouldn't be a point. I would have to face the music sometime.
"Kat? You up?!" My mom called.
"Yea, I just got up." I say rubbing my eyes as I walked downstairs so they couldn't tell in my eyes that I was lying.
"Well Jackie is here. Come say hi." my mom said as I made a right turn as I hit the bottom of the staircase. I slowly walked down the hallway toward the front door, which to the right of it was our dining room. I quickly try to think of what to say, how to look.
Should I smile like everything is fine and I've already recovered? Or should I just look her straight in the eyes and say "I miss him too"?
I'm already a few steps from the room and I still haven't come up with anything. So I decided to do what I do best these situations. Wing it.
"Yea, she just came back yesterday. She already looks like such an adult." I hear my mom say.
"Really mom? I've only been gone 6 months!" I say jokingly as I walk into the room.
"Oh hey! Jackie just wanted to see you before you headed out for the day."
I look over at Jackqueline and a lump forms in my throat. Looking at her reminds me of Jack since he favored her. But there have been some unpleasant additions added since I've been gone. There are now bags sitting under her once glowing hazel eyes. It looks like shes lost weight also. Looks like she's dropped a few pants sizes, and I don't think this was the result of a healthy diet. She grew out bangs and wears a single braid down her hair. It's weird because before I left, her and Jack could be mistaken for brother and sister, now she actually looks like a mom.
"Hey Aunt Jackie." I say as I wave. She gives me a half smile, and I can't help but to walk over to her and give her a hug. For some reason, our hug isn't a quick one. It lasts for about 10 seconds. It was like we knew what we wanted to say each other but instead of speaking it we did it through embrace.
"How are you holding up?" I feel her say.
"Not good, I cry every night when I think of him."
"It's okay I think of him all the time. Remember, running away won't stop the memories from coming."
"I know. I'm sorry for leaving."
"It's okay, your here now. Everything will get better."
"How do you know?"
"Because everything always turns out right in the end, if you allow it"
After what seemed like an eternity we break our hug and look at each other. We both nodded to each other like everything that needed to be said, was.
"So.." my mom sounding like she wasn't sure if she was interrupting something or not.
"What are you planning on doing today, Kat?" She asked.
"Oh, I'm not really sure. I was thinking about catching up with a few people, but I don't know."
"Yea that sounds like a good idea." My mom said before taking a sip of her coffee.
"Oh, Jane would love to see you. She asked about you a couple of times while you were away." Jackqueline said.
Geez, I totally forgot about Jack's sister Jane. I can only imagine how hard it must for her. Being 10 years old and witnessing your brothers drowning no doubt took a toll on her.
"Oh, really? How is she?" I ask.
"Well.." Jackqueline says with a sigh.
"Let's just say some days are better than others."
I nod. I knew what she ment all too well.
"Where is she? I can hang out with her a little bit before I start my day."
"Oh she's outside. I made her go and play with her friends. It's winter, she should be having fun at this time, not staying in the house thinking about last year. "
After Jackqueline said this she looks down at her coffee mug and rubs her index finger along the lining of her coffee mug. I thought I had better step in before this goes down a road I don't want her on.
"Oh okay.." I say with a peppy smile.
"..I'll hang out with her and her little friends. I can catch up with everyone. They all seemed to like me a lot" Which was weird because I wasn't much a 'kid' person. Jack was perfect with interacting with the kids of the neighborhood. I was just there to be his sidekick.
"Okay, sounds good. So you gonna leave right now?" my mom asks.
"Yea why not?" I say.
"Alright, well don't forget to take your scarf and jacket and-"
"Mom, wasn't that you that called me 'such an adult'? I'll be fine." I say with a smile. I walk away from them and sigh.
Well, that went way better than I thought
As I walk up the stairs I remember that I have to pee...badly.
I stepped outside my house and the first thing I noticed was that even though the sun was shining, it was still snowing, but ever so lightly. I looked across the street and saw Jamie Finnick and his friends hanging out in his front yard. I spot a huge snow ball on the ground. As I look at the kids, it seems like they are all searching for something. I see the Donovan twins with twigs in hand, Cupcake with an armful of rocks and Jamie with a hat and scarf in hand.
"Snowman" I say to myself and smile.
I put my hands in my jacket pockets and start walking over toward them.
Jamie is the first to see me as I'm crossing the street.
"Kat! Hey, look you guys! Kat's here!" He says pointing to me. Everyone lifts their heads to look at me and I hear cheers from everyone. I start to feel my cheeks turn red. I never really liked being the center of attention. That was Jack's thing. Next thing I know, it feels like all the kids in the neighborhood are surrounding me asking me questions.
"How's college?!"
"How long are you staying in Cedar?"
"Do you miss Jack?" said Joshua Stiles. Everyone was suddenly quiet and looked at him.
"What? I wanted to know!" He said shrugging his shoulders. Cupcake hit him on the shoulder, knocking his glasses off. Poor kid, he hasn't learned what questions are appropriate to ask whereas, everyone else seemed to get the picture.
I sighed and put on a warm smile as I knelled down to them.
"Okay, to answer all your questions. College is awesome, I'm staying for 3 weeks, and.."
I pause..
"...yes I do. Very much."
As I said that, I look into the huge eyes of the children around me and see the same look. Sympathy.
I think of a way to shift this conversation.
What would Jack do? What would Jack do? I think..
I stand up and look over to what would soon be the body for a snowman.
"So, what is that supposed to be?" I ask like I'm oblivious.
"That's our snowman!" Jamie proclaims.
I walk over to the huge snowball and look down at it.
"I don't know, I always thought snowman had arms. And a hat. And a face." I list off jokingly.
"Well we're not done!" Jamie said correcting me.
"I'm getting the hat and snarf." he says.
" We have the sticks!" the twins announce.
"And I have the rocks!" Cupcake says proudly.
I laugh "Look at you guys working together. That's cool."
"Yea, we wanna be done by night time." Joshua said rushing toward the snowball and started building another one.
I shield my eyes from the sun and look at the sky.
"Well...you guys better hurry. It's almost noon." I say with caution.
At that moment, everyone looked at each other as if I pointed out something they hadn't realized. Everyone scattered, running to whatever job they were supposed to be doing. At the moment, I realize the person I came out here for wasn't in sight. I walk over to Jamie, who was currently entertaining his friends wearing the top hat and scarf. I tap him on the shoulder.
"Hey Jamie." I say.
he turns around quickly.
"Huh?"
"Umm...do you know where Jane is? Her mom said she was out here."
"Oh, she's umm-" He turns around searching.
"Over there." He said pointing. He was pointing about 2 houses down. Jane was walking on the curb.
"She doesn't hang out with us a lot anymore.." he said looking up at me.
At that moment, the Donovan twins call Jaime over and his attention is shifted over to his friends. I look over at Jane and sigh. I realize that this is probably what I was acting like. I slowly walk over to her and notice her small footprints in the snow. At first, they are firm and solid steps, and slowly they start to drag. Before I know it, I'm standing above her while she sits on the curb.
"Jane?"
She looks up at me and her eyes widen, like she had seen a ghost. Hell, I might as well have been dead to everyone the last time I was here.
"Kitty!" she proclaimed. She rushed to stand up and wrapped her arms around me. She had my arms pinned down as she embraced me.
I started to think of the time she first gave me my nickname. Jack and I were 10 years old and she was about 3. I went over to his house and we went up to Jane's nursery. When we entered her room, Jack's face lit up. His eyes were no longer filled with worries. He wasn't thinking about test we had the next day. He wasn't thinking about how much he hated Greg. He wasn't thinking about why his own father had left when he was a baby. He was thinking about her. He pulled Jane up from her crib and held her on his hip. He made funny faces at her and blew raspberries into her face as she laughed.
"Jane? Jane, look..."
He pointed at me and she followed his finger and looked at me.
"That's Kat..see? That's Kat." he said with a smile. I awkwardly try and wave to her with a smile.
Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. As if she didn't understand.
"Kat. Like a kitty." Jack said.
"Kit-ty?" she said in 2 syllables.
"Yea! Kitty! Very good!" Jack said in a congratulatory tone, sounding like a parent. I remember giggling at how funny he sounded and he glared at me.
"Kitty? Kitty! Kitty!" Jane yelled.
"Hey! Why does she say your name better than mine?!" Jack complained. I laughed.
"I don't know. Maybe she likes me better." I joke. He glared at me.
"Yea right." he said with a smirk. And I knew he was right. She loved Jack.
As I came back to reality, I notice that I lost feeling in my arms. I look down and notice that Jane was still hugging me.
"Jane?" I say.
"Huh?" she said looking up at me with her big brown eyes.
"I can't feel my arms." I say with a smile.
"Ooh, sorry" she said pulling away quickly. I chuckle and rub my arms to get the feeling back.
"It's alright.." I say with a smile.
"So what are you doing?" I ask her.
"Oh nothing." she said looking down at her footprints.
"Well, why aren't you hanging out with your friends? They're over there makin' a snowman."
She shrugs her shoulders.
"I don't know, I don't feel like it."
I frown and kneeled down to her eye level.
I pull some of her long hair behind one of her ears and sigh.
"Jane?"
"Yea?" she says with a smile. Just happy to see my face.
"Umm...how are you doing?" I ask her with a serious face. She's smart enough to know what I ment. After a few moments, her eyes became watery, and she wiped her tears.
"Hey,come here.." I grab her and embrace her in a hug.
"It's gonna be alright okay?" I say as I rub the back of her head as she wept.
"Okay? I'm here if you wanna talk or anything okay?"
She pulls away and I see a tear trail on her cheek.
"Hey, you better wipe that off before it freezes" I joke with a smile. She laughs and wipes her cheek.
"Okay, so can you promise me that you'll have some fun with your friends...at least while I'm here?" I ask seriously.
"But why?" she asks, not understanding.
"Because, I don't want you end up,like..." I was gonna say like me, but I didn't think that would give her the right idea.
"...end up not happy. Your a kid. During this time your supposed to be having fun with your friends. Okay?" she nods her head.
She sighs "Alright Kitty" she says with a reassuring smile.
"There ya go! Come here." I say as I drag her into another hug. She laughs.
As we're hugging, I look over her shoulder and I see him.
Jack.
He was sitting on top of a snow covered car. He didn't notice me, but he was watching the kids, who had managed to get into a snowball fight. He had his head covered with a hood with his hands in his pockets. and I knew I was going nuts. All of a sudden I hear Jane's voice..
"Kat? Kat?" she said shaking me.
"Huh? What?" I didn't even notice that I completely zoned out.
"What's wrong?" she asked worriedly. I looked back to the snowy car. There was nothing there of course.
"N-nothing" I say with a smile.
"Now, go play with your friends." I say as I shove her toward the rest of the children.
"Alright!" she laughs as she runs away. I look back toward the car and, of course, nothing was there.
***
The rest of the day, I kept thinking about what I saw. I felt like I was going crazy. When I got home, I went straight to my room and laid down on my bed. I sighed as a tear ran down my cheek because I knew that I couldn't talk to anyone about how I was feeling. I couldn't say
"You know, I sometimes see my dead best friend around the neighborhood"
Yea right. They would send me to the closest nut house in Jersey. I felt alone.
As I wept, I started to hear a cracking. It was a cracking of ice. I stood up and followed the sound to my bedroom window. In the lower corner of the window was a part that was frosted with ice.
That wasn't the strange part.
The strange part was when I turned around, I heard a wiping sound. I turned back to the window and saw in the frost:
Wuss
My heart started beating fast and my breathing quickened. I suddenly felt a cold breeze against my back. I turned around and...
I saw him.
Jack was standing right in front of me. At least I thought it was him. The only things that were different about him were that his eyes were an icy blue and his hair was snow white. He was wearing the same jacket I had seen him earlier in. A navy blue sweatshirt with a hood and brown skinny jeans.
He stood there in front of me with one of his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face.
"Hey.." he said with a slight wave.
That is the last thing I remembered before I fainted...