I actually really struggled to write in Chuck's POV. I had been so focused on my other story For Love or Money and that Chuck is so different. This Chuck is so insecure and lonely but has this false charm and bravado that everyone falls for. Writing that is so hard because I don't want him to seem too weak but I don't want him to be overly sure of himself. Ever since Blair and his first night together the day of the photoshoot Chuck has been very raw, very tense, and on edge. First with Nate, then his father, and then he is walking on egg shells with Bart and Blair. Blair story line is more wrapped up then Chuck's is. So I really to convey the right pace for him. Enjoy.
To the reviews, thank you. I always look forward to reading a new one. To comment about wanting to see Jenny's story continue I am sorry to say Jenny's role in story in terms of moving the plot is over. The idea is that the story would pick back up at 1X07 continuing with the drama that surround them. Thus, I purposefully left some loose ends to better envision that since this is only a beginning not the end. I just wanted to see how C & B from the first episode would look like rather than have them pick up at 1X07.
iAlliegator, I wanted to show their relationship have some depth to it before they confess their love for each other/really embark on a relationship. I like the idea of this being new to them in different ways. For Blair, Chuck is her first sexual encounter while for Chuck she is his first love. The bromance is key to Nate's storyline since I wanted to give him more character, as I mentioned constantly. Plus, since C and N are so different I wanted this fic to show the true friendship behind that difference. Lastly, as you mentioned the lost chapter fic is needed reading. The next two chapter will make little sense as Serena's pregnancy fears, Carter's return, and more will be central.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
— Lao-Tzu
I figured it all out I told myself. I needed a plan to ask Chuck to be my boyfriend. Simple. But not really. For all of my confidence and ability to direct people to do my bidding I had only ever had one boyfriend. Getting Nate to ask me out was simple I just left some direct hints and he asked. Plus, it was Middle School, I hardly think that it applies now. I was no Serena with her army of boys following her. Most of the guys in class were terrified of me that I had no practice even flirting. But spending too much time in this limbo world of friends with benefits with Chuck was not who I was. I loved labels they give everyone a role in the social hierarchy. This in-between world of fuck buddies was not my style. So I decided that on the night of the upcoming mask ball I was going to have him follow clues to find me. Through the clues he was going to realize my end game and if did not want to be my boyfriend he would not show up and if he did he would show up on the roof. Not accounting for rain which the plan was perfect.
The only catch in the plan was getting the girls to be my maidens without shocking them that Chuck was my intended target for the scavenger hunt. It would have been nice to have Serena here for moral support but ever since our trip she has been distant. I invited her but she told me see was sick. She really did not eat anything during lunch so she probably was not lying. So I was left alone with my minions to explain the plan with no support.
"So are we clear on positions for the night of?" I asked the girls as I pointed to the chart of the floorplan I had attained.
"Just to be clear this is for Chuck Bass. As in Chuck Bass who goes to our school and sleeps with everyone," Penelope asked.
Before I could answer Iz added "The Chuck Bass who is Nate's best friend?"
"Who got into a fight with Nate last weekend?" Kati also asked.
I took a deep breath not wanting to yell but who was I kidding they needed to be put into their place. "Yes, that Chuck. The Chuck who has the best dirt on each and every one of you. The Chuck who is a billionaire with own private limo, personal chef, and two tailors. The Chuck who no one had ever manage to lock down until me. So yes bow in my greatness when I succeed." (1) I ranted up with a flippant turn towards the foyer that told them I was done and they could leave.
They quickly shuffled out and I knew we were going to have to have another meeting. They clearly were not quick thinkers.
"Miss Blair," Dorota called for me back into the living room. She was collecting the props I used to return them my room. "You sure about Mister Chuck being boyfriend material?" I know it was out of concern but I was annoyed with everyone questioning my plan. It only made me question myself.
"Of course," I told her even though I was not sure. Besides him saying no or not showing up was not my greatest fear. Rather I keep having nightmares of dating him until he would cheat on me with someone better or prettier or skinnier.
I once again made my way to leave and return to my bedroom. I was halfway up the stairs when the elevator sounded I paused to see who it was. My mother came walking into the room filled with her usual grace. I looked at her and she stopped and looked at me. We had not spoken since Sunday night when she slapped me. I was avoiding her and she, I thought, was avoiding me. However, her earlier than normal arrival home made me think she had wanted to see me today.
"Blair. We need to talk," she said in a stern no messing with me voice.
"I am busy," I said just as Dorota came into the room stopping short and bumbling the charts letting one fall to the ground. Eleanor bent to pick it up pausing to read it. It was the title slide that read Operation Romantic Rooftop Rendezvous. It was a working title that came to mind after a late watching of Roman Holiday. (2)
She arched an eyebrow in my different and I could feel the heat wash over my cheeks.
"No doubt with Chuck Bass," she said filled with sarcasm.
I said nothing and instead walked to my room my feet stomping as I went. I was hoping that she was would have not followed me. It was not really her style but of course she did follow me. Now she cares about my life.
I was lounging on my bed flipping through Vouge pretending that I did not notice her presence. She took a seat at my desk rolling the chair closer to my bed.
"You did not go to your appointment last weekend. We had a very clear deal Blair," she reminded me.
"I was out of town," I reminded her slipping flipping the pages.
"Yes something I did not know until I was looking for you before my event that you were supposed to attend. I had a dress made just for the occasion." She said her anger slicing through.
"I am sorry I was not here to hear to wear your hand me down versions of Waldorf originals," I responded my anger lashing up as I finally sat up ready to speak my mind. I was still upset over the fact that she picked Serena to head her line over me.
"What is that even supposed to mean. You love wearing the line. This is what I mean. You are seeing that boy and you are going through some teenage rebellion phrase. It is not cute Blair so get over it," she snapped standing up to show she was done. But I was nowhere near done.
"This is not about Chuck! This is about you! You missing my Ivy Mixer only showing up to ask Serena to be the face of the line. The Waldorf line because apparently me, a Waldorf is not good enough to be seen wearing your clothes. Then you come in here pretending that you care about me missing my meeting with Doctor Cohen when you only care that I was not at your party which meant Serena was not at your party!" I yelled at her releasing not only weeks of frustration but years.
She looked at me silently our eyes focused on each other. I waited holding my breath for her reaction. "Blair. I had no clue you felt like this. Why didn't you just say anything?" she asked as she moved to sit on the bed closer to me. But I moved away and stood up. I was like a bottle bursting I had so much more to say.
"You keep bringing up Chuck like he is a one man wrecking ball but he isn't. He was the one who got the deal with Marc Jacobs, yes but I loved it. For years on the set on your shoots I always felt inadequate to the models and designers in the room who had all that attention. For the first time it felt like everyone was looking at me not because I was the smartest or sassiest but because I was the prettiest girl in that room. Jacobs wanted me, me to wear his clothes. You know how good that felt when my own mother constantly complains about me when I wear her clothes. Do you even understand how much you fucked me up! It was you, mom! It was you that made me feel the way I feel about myself," I said half yelling and by the end crying. I wrapped my arms around myself as I turned away from her.
I know I was misplacing too much of the blame on her but it was still mostly true. Plus, it felt good to just yell and be honest about so many things. Dr. Cohen would probably say I was giving up too much blame rather than admit some of my own shortcomings but even she would admit that most of my pressures in my eating disorder came from my mother.
"Blair," she said as she placed an arm on my shoulder but I shrugged her off. She walked away and seat once again in the rolling computer chair. I sat down as far as I could from her on my bed pushing the pillows out of the way. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand probably smearing my makeup. We sat in silence for a while until finally she spoke again.
"Blair," she began but her voice cracked and she paused. "Blair, I am sorry if I did anything to make you feel less than. You are an amazing daughter. You are so special, beautiful, intelligent, fierce and strong. The thing with the line occurred because my marketing team sent over a list of 'It' Girls that we wanted to hire and Serena was on that list. The only problem was we could not really afford to pay her as much as she should have because the line is suffering at bit. The scandal with the Captain really hurt the company finically. We were already paid the down for the loan at the company the Captain worked with. We lost all our startup money for the new lines and stores. We will bounce back but we need to make a splash this time around. I was so excited about having that edge in booking Serena and helping the line that I forgot about you. It was not until after; I admit that I thought to have you included which is why I designed a special dress for you. I sorry if my clothing suggestions ever came out mean or too callous but I am so obsessed with image since I deal with it every day. I just never thought my obsession with hemlines could lead to you thinking ill of yourself. When I was just critiquing myself when I said those things…" her voice trailed off but I looked at her. I was hesitant to forgive and I give her a questioning look hoping she would further explain.
"I design clothes Blair. Sometime I would see you dressed up in Chanel, DVF, Stella McCarthy, Jason Wu, and Marc Jacobs outfits and they are my competitors. And you would look so beautiful in their clothes and I compared how you looked in their clothes to mine. It was misplaced criticism and I should have realized the effects. I am so sorry, Blair," she finished off.
Wiping a few more tears I nodded but I did not want to talk any further and she seemed to understand that. She stood up and left the room without another word. I took a shower to let myself cry in private and to muffle my sniffles.
I was going crazy thinking over and over my conversation with my mother. In order to take my mind off of our conversation and trying to stop to determine if she really truly meant what she said I texted Chuck. I still needed to determine if he was indeed coming to the ball.
Hey I texted while biting my lip. Silly random texting in the middle of day was not something that we did.
Am I being summoned he responded. I could just imagine his smirk.
Idk want to be? I shot back a smile tugging on my lips and tug in my stomach.
Would love be but a bit later. I have some stuff to do at the club he wrote and my eyes zoomed in on the word love. I know he did not mean it in a romantic way. With a beating heart I took a moment to carefully think of my next response.
I hope you aren't watching anyone else on that stage It was a girlfriend like statement. I was calculating his response. If he felt afraid on my text, then he would only have sent me a one-word response or worse none at all. I bit harder down on my lip. A minute passed and then what felt like two. I threw my phone on my bed and walked away from it. I felt like throwing up. I should have never sent that text. What was I thinking. He was Chuck Bass Victrola had half naked girls on stage all the time. Of course he was looking at them. He was probably sleeping with them in the back room.
Just like that my phone buzzed and quickly jumped to grab it. I took a moment before reading it wanting to seem just as lax about this as he was. No one with your presence has graced that stage since that night he wrote. The butterflies came pouring back.
Late dinner? I asked hopeful that I could see him tonight.
Sorry I can't. Dinner with the Van der clan since my father is back in town he wrote. For a moment, like I used to with Nate I thought he was lying. But Chuck had not lied to me yet so I should trust him I suppose but a sinking feeling came about me. I did respond to him since I was a little peeved. Then my phone vibrated in my hand. Wanna meet up after tonight? It was clear to me that this was a simple booty call. While that was what we were doing these past couple days I felt a bit of hesitation before I responded.
My mom is in town and so is your dad. As fun as your limo is it is getting kinda old I responded with a bit of bitterness. I wanted a commitment that more than limo quickies from Chuck or at least a response that told me I should have some hope for this scavenger hunt to work in my favor.
Bart is probably going to stay with Lily as he has been- so come to my suite and stay the night I could almost hear the indifference through his words. But I knew it would be a bigger deal than he was letting on. I had not stood a night with him ever since the first night that left me disappearing and fleeing in the night.
I texted him to let him know that I agreed and I was interested in staying the night. Most importantly he was flirting and his invitation filled me with a sense of hope that maybe Chuck did want this to become serious. So I decided that I would approach him being my date in for the Mask Ball tonight.
Don't be late and try not to be stoned or high at dinner Bart texted me and I messaged him back stopping the rapid fire texting between Blair and I. My father made it very clear to me that I was expected at dinner to meet Lily and her children. The last time I saw Lily was when we were getting high in the living room of my suite and my father and her were caught making out. I laughed to myself.
I hope you aren't watching anyone else on that stage Blair text's flashed over my screen. I flicked my tongue on the roof of my mouth. I paused trying to decipher the way in which I wanted to respond to her text and her suggestion.
I drafted about for different response ranging from over eager, to indifference, too sleazy but finally I sent her No one with your presence has graced that stage since that night. I hoped the compliment made her smile but I was a little put off when she quickly asked about dinner instead of returning to talk about that night. It pricked at me as I wondered if a part of her did indeed regret that night.
But I had dinner plans and I explained them to her. Not wanting to miss out on sex with Blair I quickly asked if she wanted to meet later in the night. Eventually she agreed and I smiled to myself. If you would have told me a two weeks ago that I was having daily sex with Blair Waldorf I would have laughed in your face but now that it was occurring I could not help but feel a sense of happiness. To know that she wanted me and enjoyed being with me made me stand a little straighter and taller. After years of trying to feel like a man I suddenly felt like one.
I arrived at the suite that the Van der Woodsen's were staying at while their condo was redone. I came ready to charm Lily and be the perfect son that Bart wanted. I desperately wanted the week to go well since it was all leading up to our business meeting. Hopefully then at least Bart would see me as a man.
"Charles, it is such a pleasure to officially meet you," Lily greeted me as I arrived handing her a bottle of rose champagne and fresh lilies. She laughed as she accepted the flowers.
"Father like son, huh," she said her eyes twinkling as she looked back at my father when she smelled the flowers. I followed her gaze surprise by the smile on Bart's face. He looked at ease, calmer than I ever remembered. Then he eyes came to rest on me. They soften a bit before he turned away.
"Serena," I greeted her as I walked further into the room to find her and Eric already seated at the table.
"Hey Chuck," Serena said trying to smile but it was clear her mind was somewhere else.
"I am not sure if we formally met yet Eric," I said extending my hand out to shake Eric's hand. He looked terrified of me as if I was going to bite his head off or something. But he shook my hand and then smiled an innocent smile that was deep with kindness but his eyes displayed a darkness that I either never noticed before or was new. Spotting the bar, I walked over to pour myself a drink.
"Chuck, you are still underage last time I checked" my father said softly as he walked over to me clearly not wanting to be heard.
"Nonsense, I let Serena drink wine with dinner and Eric is welcome to some of this lovely champagne that Charles brought," Lily said as she walked into the dining room having uncorked the bottle and having it in a champagne bucket.
"Well in that case I'll leave my scotch for desert and join in with a champagne toast," I said smoothly.
"A toast. How wonderful," Lily said.
So we toasted to new beginning which was Serena's idea and we began our dinner. It was weird at first to navigate the conversation. Even I felt a twinge of nervous wishing I would have had that drink instead of the champagne.
"So, Eric are you ready to go golfing this weekend," I heard my father ask Eric when were in the middle of our main course and I shockingly turned my head in their direction awaiting his response.
"Yes. I am not sure how good I will be at it," he said shrugging and I felt like I was being swallowed whole. Bart out golfing with Eric. His girlfriend's son. Suddenly it was clear to me how little I mattered to the Big Bad Bart.
Lily must have noticed my discomfort and pulled me into a conversation with Serena regarding our recent modeling experience. But the rest of the night I felt numb. My drink at dessert did nothing to help me. It was only when Blair came into my suite that suddenly I the air I was breathing got softer and easily to inhale. So much so that I think I surprised her when I pulled her into my arms when she walked in hugging her and breathed in her scent for a few good deep breaths wanting to feel like I mattered for someone. Wanting that sense of pride and manliness to come back to me.
I got up stretching walking over to grab my laptop that was on my desk across the room.
"Hurry up, I am getting cold," she sassed from the bed as she was underneath the heavy comforter. "Or you can stay there and I can enjoy the view," she teased as I stood in my naked glory as I stood with my back to here. I rolled my eyes at her antics while smiling.
"I thought you like my front more than my back," I teased.
"I do. I do. But just to be sure why don't you turn for me," she flirted holding up her pointer finger to motion in the air. I did as she commanded. "Side profile," said turning her finger a bit. "Yes, you will do," she teased making me laugh.
"Oh, I will do huh?" I playfully asked as I walked back to the bed and yanked the covers off of her. She gasped at the cold air hit her. I paused taking in her form. Only the desk light was now on in the room letting me see her against my dark sheets her light skins illuminating the space. Her swallow breaths making her chest rise just so, her thighs that were only minutes just wrapped around my waist were strong and somehow so soft and delicate.
"What are you doing?" she finally asked after a moment too long.
"Trying to figure out which side of you is best." I told her my eyes finally coming to rest back on her eyes.
The lust was clear in them as well as her sleepiness. It must have been already two in the morning and we had school in only a few hours. I found myself caring about her sleep schedule over my own sexual gratification. I blinked trying to suppress my urge to grab her and kiss her. Instead I sat next to her and pulled the covers over us not once touching her. Turning my laptop on I punched in my password and tried to focus. Blair had asked to see my upcoming proposal for my father and I wanted her opinion.
"Here," I said handing her the laptop trying to pull her closer to me once the laptop was on her lap. She shrugged my arm off of her and refused to look at me. The light from the laptop wash upon her face alerting me to the wetness of her eyes.
"Blair?" I questioned softly as I tried to put my arm around her again but she pushed my further away this time handing me back my laptop. I realized she was attempted to crawl out of the large bed but the size of the bed allowed me to place the laptop on the side dresser and grab her ankle at the same time. I was not letting her run away from me again like she did before.
"Get off of me!" she kicked trying to get me to let go.
"Why are you angry?" I asked as I held on to her ankle as softly as I cold. Naked fighting was new for me but so was having a girl I actually loved in my bed.
"Nothing!" she yelled finally kicking herself free of me raising to her knees on the bed crossing her arms over her chest.
"Something Blair. If you don't tell me I will never know," I explained to her. Usually I thought I was pretty good at understanding Blair but this was confusing. Were girls always like this?
She huffed and looked away from me not blinking as if to stop the tears. Wiping one tear away made me reach out for her again this time she let me place an arm on her shoulder.
"You look right at me and said you were looking for the best part of me. Then you looked right past me and completely went cold like you found nothing at all to like about me as if you found me"- she said her words making me realizing how easily my actions hurt her. Is this what a relationship was. One look, one wrong word, could break your heart? I stopped her speaking as I moved closer to her and kissed her forehead pulling her into my chest. Memories of the Ivy Mixer came back and her eating disorder. Blair was not weak but she was fragile and the wrong message from me can block her recovery. Suddenly I felt shitty in my attempt to want her to sleep over rather than attempt around round of sex I somehow hurt her feelings. (3)
"You got it all wrong," I told her pulling back from the hug as I looked down to look her into the eye. "Every part of you is wonderful. So beautiful, open, sweet, powerful, bossy, my Blair," I said kissing her forehead before kissing her lips. "I was just trying to not jump into another round of sex because even though I am insanely gorgeous and with the stamina of well a teenaged boy we do both have school tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep," I told her with a smirk.
She looked at me as if she was judging the truth in my words. "Your Blair?" she asked and I felt a twinge of embarrassment in the pit of my stomach that I ignored.
"Mine," I repeated my confidence overplayed. Blair finally smiled and leaded up to kiss me.
"Come with me to the mask ball," she said in more of a statement then a question.
"As your date?" I asked rubbing my nose against hers.
"Something like that," she teased.
"In front of the whole school?" I asked.
"Something like that," she said again.
"So what does this maybe date that would maybe be in front of all our peers entail?" I asked.
"You have to follow the clues my maiden's give you. They will lead to you a prize," she whispered in my ear. I felt a surge of pride well up inside me again. She wanted to be me to be the hero in her story.
"All that work when I already have you in my arms now," I said pulling back a bit from her. Looking in her eyes I realize that she that there was a sense of fear in her eyes. As if I would say no. Titling her chin up a bit. "I'll be the guy there looking for you," I told her before kissing her and pulling her down on top of me as we laid down. I felt her smile into our kiss and felt like finally I was doing something right.
(f)- Sorry no fashion notes since Blair was just in her uniform again.
(1) I really think that Blair getting the school bad boy to commit to her would cement her place in high school. Not only would she be Queen but she manages to get Chuck Bass to admit he loves her. It would make her the Amal Clooney of Constance. (B.T.W, Amal is George Clooney's (the notorious serial dater actor's) totally brilliant kickass wife)
(2) Roman Holiday is my favorite Audrey movie. She won the Oscar for best actress in it. Spoiler: Basically it is about a princess who runs away for a night while in Rome. She meets an American journalist and he wants to get an interview with her. But they fall in love and they walk all over Rome. She goes back to being a princess. She sees him at a press conference where someone asked what is the best city she went to on her tour and she shouts "Rome! By all means Rome!" They say hi briefly at the press conference and she has her life and he has his. But they know they will always have Rome. I love love this movie and the romance in it would inspire anyone.
(3) I like the idea of Chuck being aware of her eating disorder but kinda fumbling it up also. He is not perfect and she is sensitive after her conversation with her mother. They kinda have to talk it out for the first time here but Chuck is not letting her run from him again.\
Please review. We are so close to the end. They really mean everything to me.