(A/N: The characters have had their fun. Be prepared for angst!)

.

He awoke with a splitting headache, in a room he did not recognize, with no recollection of how he'd gotten there or why. This was happening on a disturbingly regular basis since he'd met Envy.

Bits and pieces of the night before filtered back to him, although the narrative grew rather choppy around the time Envy had apparently decided it had a vendetta against his liver, and then there were fragments of the fight between Envy and Greed, and…?

Wherever he was, the building was old, full of creaking and groaning floorboards. He heard footsteps in the hall outside, as footsteps only can be heard when the structure seems to squeak and mutter with every movement, and the door was opened by Greed.

"Ah, so he's alive." The sin said when he saw Kimblee sitting up. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. In his hand there was an opaque glass, which he held out to Kimblee.

"Here. Drink."

"Isn't that what got me into this situation?" He took a sip and grimaced. "What is this?"

"Hell if I know." Greed said, taking a seat on the bed. "I just asked Mo for her best hangover remedy."

"Where are we?"

"The inn above the bar. You were in less-than-optimal condition to direct me to where you live, and for that matter I wasn't great to be driving you there."

"Did anything happen?"

"As a rule of thumb: if they can't remember their address, they're not in a state to give consent."

"That's…bizarrely honorable of you."

"Coercion's not my style. My name is Greed, not date-rape."

"Thank you. For the room and…remedy, as well."

"No problem. The latter is on Mo with her complements; her thanks for stopping Envy and me destroying her place."

"Would've stepped in soon if I'd been thinking clearly. Are you and Envy in trouble?"

"Envy's gonna be in trouble when I get my hands on the little worm." Greed said, scowling. "But this is nowhere near as bad as when Envy transformed with you. That was fully public, verifiable by an infinite number of bystanders. Most of Mo's patrons have a less-than-friendly relationship with state authority so they might not even report it. And if any of them do its still just hearsay about a wild, drunken bar fight."

"A questionable story from a questionable source."

"Right." He made some expression that was half grin, half grimace. "At least, that's the argument I'm going to make to Father."

"I see. Good luck with that."

"Yeah...speaking of luck, what happened when you followed Envy outside? I expected someone to find your mangled corpse in a dumpster the next day."

"A kind vagrant took that bullet for me. Actually, it went better than I would have hoped."

"Oh?"

"Envy let me hug…'it'…?"

"Close enough. Go on."

"And then said that…that I was the only human who deserved the pride my kind takes in itself." He smiled. "So I assume that means Envy likes me."

Greed just stared at him. "Envy said that? Are you sure?"

"I'm not known to hallucinate. Although maybe I shouldn't have repeated it…"

"I won't tell. Hell, no one would believe me if I did."

"It was in response to me disclosing something rather self-deprecating. Probably trying to cheer me up."

"The Envy I know would've just laughed in your face."

"I think you two need to work on your communication skills."

"You gonna be our family counselor?"

"Sure." Zolf Kimblee: monster therapist. He should have cards made.

"You might bite off more than you can chew with all this, you know. If by some stroke of really random luck you do end up together, you'd face a slow and painful death if you ever strayed."

"Envy can be both male and female. What would I need to look for in another person?"

"That's still assuming Envy would be either."

"Are you trying to talk me out of it?"

"Just making sure you know what you're getting into. Maybe wishing I'd taken advantage last night while I had the chance. I was just joking around when we bet. Envy would never share you with me."

"Maybe I would share Envy with you."

"They'd be snow-shoeing in hell the day that happened."

.

Envy was guarding the tunnels. It was dull work, though necessary. The entrances to the underground were supposedly secure, but locks and gates could always be broken. If anyone were to find their way in, they'd have enough trouble simply finding their way out again. However, if got in, if they did keep their bearings and find their way, they might see something they shouldn't. And if they were that lucky, they might just get out wit their lives, too. They might get out and tell others, and that was where the problem came in: not in what a human could do, but what humanity could do.

It didn't make sense for them to patrol in pairs. Even if something were to happen, they did not need backup, and the area they had to cover was so large for their small number it wasn't logistically advantageous to go in groups. It wasn't explicitly against the rules, though, and so Envy sought out Lust in the winding tunnels.

She was the only one with whom Envy could say it felt any attachment, when asked. It was easy to forget that, with the life they lived. Taking stock, however, Envy was feeling…friendly.

"Hey Lust." It said as it approached her from the shadows. Always best to give Lust plenty of warning on approach, unless one wanted to become a humanoid shish kabob.

"Message from Father?" She asked, turning to face Envy.

"No."

"What do you want, then?"

"Nothing."

She arched a brow.

"What? I was bored. Even I want company from time to time."

"Greed's been looking for you."

"I'll bet."

"What did you do this time?"

"I only bought a few people drinks on his tab. Dunno why he's getting bent out of shape."

"Because he's Greed, and because it was more than 'a few' people, to hear him tell it."

"You always take his side." Envy said, glowering.

"He always says the same thing."

"He's wrong."

She sighed, but did not respond, and continued walking in the direction she had been going. Envy trailed after her. After moments passed in silence, Envy ventured,

"So…Kimblee said we have souls."

That conversation had been on its mind a lot recently.

"Really." Her voice was dry. "He's just a fountain of sagely insight, isn't he?"

Envy tilted its head. "What's up your ass?"

She came to a halt, and she might as well have run Envy through with her ultimate spear, for the look she gave it.

"Let's take stock, shall we? This human has no family connections, no friends, no personal attachments of any kind and, oh yes, he's stabbing every single one of his kind in the back for the sake of personal gratification. Sounds like a trustworthy individual."

"I – he's not doing anything I'm not doing – anything you're not doing. Who are you to judge?"

"You and I are not human. We're killers but we're not traitors."

"What about Greed?"

Her eyes narrowed. "What about him?"

"When he betrays us! What else?"

"If he does, I won't trust him any more than I trust Kimblee now."

"You know Greed will. And Father trusts Kimblee."

"Father trusts him to work for us. You're trusting him with something else entirely."

"If you're implying –"

"You don't have to have sex with someone to make yourself vulnerable to them."

"W-who says I'm vulnerable anyway?"

"You're talking to him about having a soul? You've never even talked to me about that."

"Well…do you think we have souls then?"

"No. No one with half a brain would believe we do. This human is manipulating you."

"By saying he thinks I have a soul? What would he possibly gain from that?"

"I don't give a damn what his motives are. And it won't matter to you either, when you give him an opening and he uses it to rip you open and gut you."

"Giving him an 'opening'. You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

It was a low blow.

"Excuse me for caring, then. I'll not bother in future." Her voice was cold as ice. "One last thing. Did you know that Kimblee and Greed have a bet concerning you?"

Envy stared, uncomprehending. "…What now?"

"You heard me. Kimblee seems to think he can get you in bed. Greed thinks otherwise. He told me this himself, and you know he doesn't lie. How Zolf Kimblee behaves towards you is him trying to win a bet, nothing more. Thought you ought to know."

In reality, she had not intended to tell Envy that part. The idea had been to warn him of the risk while shielding him from the pain. Never let it be said that her temper couldn't be as bad as any of her siblings.

To look at Envy's face, one might not have guessed it was very surprised or upset, still in that phase where reactions are catching up to new information. She knew her sibling too well, though, not to read the subtleties. If nothing else, Envy had gone quiet, and it took a lot to shut the wiry-haired homunculus up.

Lust gave a short, bitter laugh. "And you thought you wouldn't get hurt. Be glad it only hurt this much."

Envy turned and, without another word, vanished into the darkness of the underground. Lust did not follow. She knew better than to be around Envy, at a time like this. Among their kind, there was no consoling. When they were upset, it was kill or be killed.

.

The first thing Envy felt was humiliation when the emotions finally caught up to the situation. It was familiar. Reflexive. What a fool it had been. They were probably all laughing behind its back. Lust was the only one who cared enough to let Envy in on the joke at its expense. She was probably laughing just as much as any of them, though. To say that Envy's relationship with her was better than any of the others was faint praise at best.

Then there was the confusion.

Why?

Literally, why would Kimblee do this? What was his motive? He had said that he…that he liked Envy, but obviously that was one big fucking lie. Now Envy thought about it, choosing it over Greed had probably been a lie as well.

He's smart enough to know I'd never want Greed's sloppy seconds.

Envy was an idiot for believing it, even for a second –someone picking it, over Greed? Envy had been an idiot this whole time.

Envy felt the void within itself shudder, stirring.

So he didn't choose me over Greed. Big surprise there. But if he had Greed, why bother with me at all?

Male humans didn't have to have a reason for desiring something, Envy reminded itself. They could be happy with one person and want countless others. They were similar to Greed in that way: it was about the conquest more than whomever they conquered.

Envy frowned. Maybe that was Greed's angle. Maybe he was the one behind this whole thing.

If he could seduce someone who could seduce me, that would be an indirect conquest of sorts. At least, I'd sure as hell feel used by both of them, if it had come to that. And it saves Greed the trouble of touching me himself.

If you own someone, after all, it follows that you own all that they own by extension. Convoluted, yes, but Greed could be as complicated as any of them, for all that he came off as a creature of simple drives and desires.

In that moment, Envy was honestly angrier at itself than Greed.

How did I not see this? It's so fucking obvious!

A coil of melancholy doubt drifted across Envy's thoughts.

What about all he said to me? That we were similar, both unwanted and scorned from the beginning. Was that all a lie?

Envy wasn't used to being the one manipulated. It actually felt a hint of bitter, perverse admiration.

He played me pretty damn well.

So well it hurt. It had been such a sweet lie.

The only shred of consolation in all of this was that Kimblee, and by extension Greed, would never win. No matter the human's motivation, Envy was never going to have sex with him. They would lose this bet whether or not Envy was wise to it.

Just because they'd lost, though, did not leave Envy feeling as though it had won, because Kimblee had in fact had Envy fooled. That wasn't about to make Envy assume a gender and sexuality, but for a moment there Kimblee had made Envy feel as though…

As though I have a soul.

Envy smiled, tasting tears on its lips. Lust was right, only a fool would believe that.

There was no word for how Envy felt. It was more than sadness, more than anger, more than any emotion to be named in Amestrin, Xingian, Drachmanish or Xerses. It was triggered by jealousy, yet it went beyond that. It was the void, the crushing emptiness at its core, to which jealousy was merely a gateway. And tonight, it was eating Envy alive.

It barely registered the sound of its own sobs as they echoed through the cavernous passageway.

Envy's thoughts were a jumble of confusion and conflicting reactions. Even now, that human was all Envy could think about. It hated him, it wanted to be with him – wanted to kill him – to talk to him – wanted him to make the hollow feeling go away.

It is the nature of all creatures to seek out comfort, homunculi were no exception. The more pain they were in, the stronger this urge became. And if that comfort was based in a delusion, then that delusion became preferable to reality.

Tell me that I have a soul…that I'm not ugly. Tell me…tell me you like me. Even if it's a lie…

The emotion stirred something within Envy; a faint, distant memory long neglected.

…It had been long enough since Envy had realized all Father wanted was a pawn. This realization had been helped along by Greed, who never pulled any punches when it came to the disillusioning truths of life.

Who says truth is a virtue, anyway? Sometimes lies are so much better…

Yet even after Envy had come to terms with what Father truly felt for it – nothing much at all – there was still that yearning to be close to him, like feeling the pain of a phantom limb. A phantom love, long dead, and yet Envy still felt the twinge of it. Even if the proximity was painful, Envy was drawn to Father like a moth to a flame. They all were. The symbolism was especially apt in Envy's case, being, at its core, something of an insectoid.

And now, now Envy felt the same damnable, illogical attraction to that human…how strange, that Kimblee would bring all this to the surface. How long had it been, since Envy had reminisced about its family's past? Not long enough, that was to be sure.

Even now, if Father were to care at all…if Envy could take shelter in his light…the human would not matter. Maybe even Greed would not. Father shone like the sun in Envy's mind, glowing, golden, radiant. Envy was nothing, nothing of him, and how could be so cruel, to make his children so far from himself?

Even a few hours ago, Envy would have crawled out of the ground like the bug it was, would have gone to that human, and the human would have given Envy hot tea and maybe food, would have let Envy lay underneath his window where it could see the sky. Envy wouldn't have talked to Kimblee about Father, but they might have talked about other things, things to make it forget or at least be distracted a while…

Envy was more than underground now, it was in the void, and there was no getting out no matter where it went or who it talked to. It was lost in its own yawning, soulless emptiness. No one to save it, not now, not ever.

There was a breath, a whisper, in the shadows, and Envy felt the hairs on the back of its neck stand on end. The one thing that could have made this situation worse…

"Envy." Pride's small voice, faint as a breeze, whispered in the dark.

Envy shivered. "Please go away."

Envy was almost as polite to Pride as it was to Father. However, while its mannerisms towards its parent were born of a mixture of fear, loyalty, and a self-serving agenda, Envy's motives with Pride were outright fear. Father could be benevolent if he chose; rare, but he had his moments of kindness.

If Pride had ever had a kind moment, it was before Envy was around to witness.

"Did the human hurt Envy's feelings?" Mockingly sympathetic.

"Leave me alone!"

A tendril of darkness pierced Envy's brainstem. Pride always had annoyingly accurate aim. Not like fighting with Greed, where they just pummeled the hell out of each other.

"Why do humans put so much misguided effort into that fallacy called 'love'?" Pride asked, when Envy's body had recovered enough to hear and see once more.

"Who the hell said I was in love with –"

"ANSWER ME."

Sharp pinpricks were touching Envy everywhere, just hard enough to open drops of red where the thorns of darkness intersected with Envy's corpse-white skin. Pride's spikes did not promise death, just infinite amounts of pain if Envy said the wrong thing. Or moved. Or breathed too deeply.

"Because they are weak." Envy recited, forcing itself to be absolutely still. This was the first lesson its elder brother had taught it. "They must band together and form ties characterized by their concepts of love and sentimentality, in order to survive."

"Very good." The spines withdrew. "And do not mistake me, those mechanisms are not…without their uses. Humans need such things to survive. Are you a human, Envy?"

"No!"

"I think you must be human. Only humans seek out attachment to other humans."

"I didn't seek him out." Envy growled. "Greed was only using him to –"

"Do not blame Greed! You're as bad as Greed, if you fell for that, which it seems you did. The two of you, fighting so incessantly. It's because you both cling to elements of inferior life-forms."

"I'm not like Greed." Envy managed a strained smile. "If I was, I would have banged Kimblee seven ways to Sunday by now."

Pride laughed, as Envy had been rather hoping he would. Pride did have something of a sense of humor, and every once in a while that could get you out of a very bad situation.

"True. You're better in that regard than Greed and Lust. Yet to say that you're better than they are, is not to say much. You need to let go of these follies, if you want to rise to your full potential. You do not need love, you do not need protection, you do not need trust. These things, which humans need, will only weaken you."

"I need to trust Father, though – trust that he'll give us what he promises."

"You do not 'need' to trust him. You need to do what he says, because death is the only alternative. You may choose to believe in what he promises as a source of motivation, a thing to focus on, but you need only trust that he will kill you if you stray."

A tendril of darkness reached out, brushing a tear off Envy's face.

"Stop these shameful things. I'll cut your eyes out."

Envy bit its lip. "Yes, Pride."

"Good." The eyes closed, one by one, until only two remained, placed in relation to each other as though Envy was speaking to a creature who's face was merely concealed by the darkness, rather than darkness itself, with its real body located somewhere miles away.

"Think about happy things. Think of the revenge you'll get on both of them. Think of torturing the human's weak body to death. He's sturdy, as his kind goes. It could take days. Weeks, if you have that long."

"I…I doubt Father would be pleased with me."

"Father need not know. I would not tell. Every day, the other humans in Lab Five mutter about killing him, whisper about how he is a monster in man's clothing. You could blame the death, the mutilation, on one of them."

Somewhere deep within itself, Envy was surprised. It realized it did not want to torture Kimblee to death. How simple it would be, if the solution was that easy, but it wasn't. How strange. And how unfortunate for Envy, if Pride were to realize that.

"Pride…this is where that trust thing comes in. For all I know, you're baiting me, testing my loyalty to Father."

"You've been comparing notes with Greed."

"I've listened to a number of his drunken rants, if that's what you mean."

Greed had faced a number of such challenges, failing as many as needed to learn not to trust a word of what Pride said. Perhaps, Envy mused, that was the reason Greed hated lies so fiercely. Maybe he, like Envy, had once had some feeling for his older brother.

"You can get revenge on Greed, at least."

"I can." Envy agreed. "Although he's after revenge himself at the moment."

Pride made a derisive sound, unfitting for a child's voice. "Greed is easy. His folly makes him vulnerable." He giggled, which was fitting and yet just as creepy. "I can tell you where each of his cars are hidden."

Envy gave a surprised laugh. "I've never known you to involve yourself in our fights."

"Just setting you on the right path. There are rewards for good behavior, and punishments for bad. Always remember that."

Envy shivered again.

"Yes."

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(A/N: Oh Envy, your family cares about you just enough to ruin your life. For the people who may object to sad!Envy, I do agree that this isn't cannon. However, in the series we only see Envy a a villain; I need to extrapolate on its character somewhat if I'm going to portray Envy as a protagonist. My logic is that Envy's emotions are very extreme in intensity, be they anger, sorrow, glee, etc. I think we can all agree that Envy is not stoic. Thanks for reading!)