As you walk down the streets illuminated by the artificial lights, hand in hand with Sans (Papyrus took the stuffed panda off your hands) you start feeling people's eyes on you. It's putting you off for some reason. The fact that you're sleep deprived probably isn't helping, and you feel amazingly irked by the unwarranted stares.
Sans seems to notice your tension as he tells you to just ignore it. You grumble annoyed but try to do just that as you don't want the day to be ruined by something so insignificant.
Until a couple of shady looking guys bump into your shoulder quite forcefully and (no doubt) on purpose.
"Monster fucker." One of them mutters under their breath and it sends you over the edge, your vision going red. It all happens so fast you don't even register it.
You grab him by the shoulder and shove him against the wall with as much force as you can muster. "Say that to my face!" You growl at him, feeling an anger take over you that you're not quite sure where it came from, power you've never felt before surging through your veins. Your left arm is pushed against his neck, cutting off his air supply, making him choke out something unintelligible.
His buddy starts to go for you and you use the magic Sans taught you to lift him off the ground and against a light post without even looking. He lets out a yelp. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
Do it. They deserve it. You know you want to!
You feel a bony hand grab your right wrist, which you hadn't realised you were holding above the first guys' head, with a magically materialised knife in your hand.
When it sinks in what you've done you back off and drop the two guys from your hold, shocked. "YOU FUCKING FREAK!" One of them shouts as they run away.
You look down at your hands shaking. What were you about to do? You lift your head to look around you and see people staring at you with horrified expressions. But what's worse is when you see the skeleton brothers. Sans is expressionless, his eye sockets dark bottomless pits. Papyrus looks scared. Of you.
"What have I done…?" Your voice shakes, just like your entire body now. You want to run, crawl into a hole and die. But you're paralysed.
Sans' eye flashes blue and for a second the thought that he's going to hurt you flashes in your mind. You feel like you deserve it. But all he does is grab you and Papyrus and teleport you to the house, away from everyone's prying eyes.
Once Sans lets go of you, you take your head in your hands and start breathing fast. It feels like the world is crashing around you and your legs give out.
"W-WHAT'S GOING ON?" Papyrus asks concerned.
You feel hot tears stream down your face as you hug yourself. What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? You chant in your head, trying to drown out the voice laughing in the background.
"Pap, go to your room, I'll take care of her, don't worry." Sans' voice is monotone, letting nothing on as he sinks to his knees next to you.
"But brother…" The smaller skeleton looks up at him and his dark eyes say everything that needs to be said. Without another word Papyrus turns and does as he was told, setting the little stuffed toy on the couch. You choke on your tears when you hear the distinct click of the lock.
Sans lifts your tear stained face to look at him. His expression is emotionless and you're shaking from the guilt and the fear.
He hates you. He wants to hurt you. He wants you dead.
Chara's voice taunts inside your brain. But it doesn't even matter. You feel the same way. The images of Frisk dying at his hands flash before your eyes. You deserve it. Every bit of pain, every bone piercing your skin, every bit of hatred he has reserved for Chara.
He puts his bony hand to your chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, body quivering. "Do you trust me?" He asks softly, making you sob harder.
He offered me mercy too. I indulged Frisk's pleas for once. Guess how that turned out…
Despite the gut-wrenching terror you're feeling you nod slowly, holding on to a sliver of hope that he still loves you. You feel a tug at your chest and the breath being sucked out of you for a moment.
You wonder if that's how it feels to die.
But when you open your eyes everything is exactly the same. Except in front of you floats a white heart, hovering above Sans' hand, illuminating both of your faces. He grits his teeth as he looks at your soul, a red streak going right through the middle, almost looking like a bloody wound, seeming like it's pulsing in time with your accelerated heartbeat.
"W-what's that?" You ask through violent sobs.
"Chara." He deadpans.
"No, you said he was gone, that I was just scarred. He's just a voice in my head. I'm crazy aren't I? I've just gone insane, that's all…" You cry, tugging at your hair desperately, rocking back and forth. Sans' soul breaks as he looks at you in such agony over something that is entirely not your fault.
I'll always be with you sis. You're not getting rid of me.
"No, you're not real. You died in my arms. I saw you die. I've seen you die twice. You're not real. You're not real!" You tell the voice, completely glossing over the fact that you'd be talking to yourself if you actually believed what you were saying.
"Star…" Sans' voice sounds broken but you don't even notice in your attempts to drown out Chara. His soul is aching inside him as he stares into yours, dimming with your anguish. He gently shoves your soul back into your body getting up to his feet and pacing around the room, fumbling with his phone as you shake aggressively, crying. "I'm taking you to Alphys."
You shake your head. "No, I don't want to be tested. Nothing's wrong. I've just lost it. Chara's gone." Sans takes your face in his hands.
"Star please, she can help you. You'll be fine."
"You don't understand!" You nearly shout at him. "I can't… I can't do this again… I can't kill him again… I can't kill him again…" You cry, your lip quivering as the tears keep rolling. "He's died because of me too many times already. I can't go through it again…"
"If I lose you to him… I'll…" He can't finish the thought. It's too horrible for him to bear. He doesn't realise he's crying too. "Please just let me help you. Let me make this right."
"There's nothing wrong." You repeat through your tears. "I…" Suddenly the room starts spinning. "I can't…" You feel like you're falling and everything goes dark. Sans calling out for you is the last thing you hear.
When you come to, you're leaning against a cold hard surface. You try to get away but you're restrained at your hands and feet. You tug at the bonds and they bite into your skin painfully. It's all too familiar and you start to panic.
"Let me out!" You scream. "Where am I? Let me go!" You look around in a frenzy, trying to figure out where you are but all you see is darkness. Your breathing quickens as you lose control of your emotions, telling yourself it's just a nightmare, that you're not back in your father's grasp, that he's not going to experiment with you anymore. He's dead, just like Chara.
I'm afraid I'm still here.
You shake your head, pulling on the restraints once again. "Get me OUT!" You shout to anyone who will hear you.
There's suddenly a blinding light and you close your eyes to stop the pain of the sudden brightness. Skeletal hands are on your face followed by pleas of forgiveness.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to do this. I can't lose you, please forgive me."
Now isn't that precious? He put you back in chains, how loving.
You keep trying to get out of whatever's holding your members in place and Sans tries to settle you down. "Calm down, you'll hurt yourself…" He says as he strokes your face, your eyes are still closed but you can just tell the pained look he's wearing.
"Get me out, please Sans, get me out." You beg.
"A-are you s-sure about this?" You hear Alphys' concerned voice echo through the room. You realise you still don't know where you are.
You finally open your eyes and find yourself in what looks like a lab. A dark, cold lab that reminds you too much of your past. Salty tears run down your face and Sans wipes at them with his thumbs. Your eyes look into his and you can see the guilt flooding in them.
"Please… Don't do this…"
He rests his forehead against yours. "I love you…" A sob wracks your body.
As he steps away from you, you struggle against the restraints once again, crying out, begging them to let you leave. But they're not listening. A large metal casing closes around you, the opening at the front leaving your vision of the two monsters unblocked.
"Alphys please! Let me out! I'm begging you please don't do this!" You yell.
Your father's hands on you as he injects the monster's magic into your veins, ghost on your skin. The aching in your chest as he sliced you open comes back as strong as when it happened. You scream as you feel a similar, very real pain shoot through you, your soul being dragged out of your chest without warning.
Sans turns away, unable to look at your face. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." He mutters even though he knows you can't hear him through your cries.
Alphys types away at a computer, inputting commands to the machine. She looks at your soul's readings. "T-there's two soul frequencies. I d-don't know if I can s-separate them. She must've a-absorbed the soul when it shattered inside h-her…" The small monster looks at the skeleton. He's not looking back at her. "This machine was o-only used to remove dead h-human souls' d-determination Sans…"
He tries to drown out your screeches but it's impossible. He can't take your pain any longer. "You have to help her Alphys."
"I-I might need more time…" She says looking at the screen.
"We don't have more time!" He sounds desperate.
"If we do t-this she c-could not m-make it! The t-tear could k-kill her!" Despite his protests Alphys turns off the machine for now the top rising once again.
You gasp as you feel your soul returning to you, Sans immediately at your side. He leans against you, his head on your chest and he's so filled with guilt it's unbearable.
You can't look at him and he doesn't feel like he deserves it anyway. "I'm so sorry. I can't let him take you." He turns to Alphys. "I'll hold her together. Even if it's the last thing I do, I'm ridding her of this demon!"
"S-Sans you c-can't be near the machine when it's t-turned on. It'll a-affect you just t-the same."
"I know." He says gravely.
You bring yourself to stare at his face. "Don't do it. I'd rather die than lose you both."
He takes your face in his hands. "It'll be fine. I promise." But you can see the fear in his eyes and hear the doubt in his voice.
"Sans…" He closes his eyes.
"I love you Star. I always will." He says once again. You can't help but notice the finality in his statement. "Do it, Alphys."
She trembles slightly stroking the keys to do as he said. You're both enclosed by the machine, and the atmosphere feels heavier.
You scream at the awful feeling once more, not taking your eyes off of the small skeleton, pain twisting his features as his own souls gets ripped out.
Slowly he opens his eyes, the right one a pit of darkness as the left comes to life with a flaming blue iris. The air electrifies with his magic and he reaches out to your soul, his own orbiting it. The yellow monster hesitates as she looks at the scene, the commands ready to be entered.
"DO IT!" He chokes out. Blue tears form in the corners of his eye sockets.
"Sans…" Your voice is strangled. An enormous pressure weighs down on your chest and you feel like your entire being is being split in two, your soul cracking as something pulls at its core.
Sans cries out in pain and you see his own soul starting to split at the middle as he struggles to use his magic to keep yours whole. You feel the bite of the strips at your wrists and ankles as your body jerks from the incredible pull on your soul, the blood red infecting the purest of whites getting sucked out. You scream yet again, your throat raw.
Sans' magic starts to falter, his body shaking, his soul tearing, one of the blue beads streaming down his cheek. "I'm not. Giving up. On you." He says through gritted teeth, keeping your soul between his hands which you notice are splintering too.
You throw your head back, the tears rolling out of your eyes. You don't know what hurts more. Your soul slowly shattering or watching his do the same.
The last of the redness in your soul gets pulled, turning into a mist that starts surrounding it.
The small skeleton uses all his strength to push the haze of Chara's broken soul away from you and into a container inside the machine, the crack in his cyan heart deepening, making him cry out in agony. "Alphys get rid of it!"
"I-I have to turn it off f-first." The crack grows bigger.
"Sans you're-" You start to say but you're cut short when the machine dies and he pushes your soul into you before it breaks.
He falls to his knees, the blue heart not returning to its host.
Alphys contains the remains of Chara's soul and runs over to the other monster, panicked and not knowing what to do. You want to reach out to him but your hands are still held tight at your sides.
"NO!" You shout. "Sans please!" His hand finds yours and it feels sandy… Like it's turning to dust…
Despite everything you're not going to give up on him either.
Your eyes glow red with your magic and you use all the force in your body to break the restraints, ignoring the sting of skin ripping and peeling off, blood running down your hands. You hold his soul in your hands, throwing all caution away as you close your palms around it bringing it close to your chest.
His eyes widen and his whole body jolts. "You're not dying!" You demand putting one hand to your chest and for the first time in your life pulling your soul out yourself, you don't even know how you did it but you somehow know you have to.
You hold it out and let it crash into Sans', throwing your arms around him.
His memories flash in front of your eyes, his emotions flood your heart. He breathes sharply into your neck as he feels the same. Your souls meld together and make each other whole, filling in all the gaps, healing all the scars.
"S-Star…" He stutters, a small crack to his voice as the overwhelming sensation brings him back from the brink of death. He groans as his soul reforms with bits of you, marking him forever, his blue filling the place where the red stood before on yours. His brain is filled with images from your past, feeling all the pain you endured at the hands of your father in his bones but all of it pales in comparison to the amount of love you feel for him, even with the hint of fear and betrayal pushed back to the depths of your subconscious.
In your own mind you see bits and pieces of his own life, a tall skeleton in a black coat, a smile on his brother's face as he holds him in his arms, small and new, a man made of fire and a door in a snow covered forest. A soul being scattered into a void, a red scarf sitting in a pile of dust, red eyes glowing in a hall… And a white heart shining with the stars.
As your souls return to their rightful places, bonded and with each other's mark you don't let go of each other.
Alphys just stands there, with wet eyes, watching the two of you hold on to one another as if your lives depended on it. Which quite frankly they did just a few moments ago.
"A-are you okay?" You can't find your voice to answer her.
"Never better…" Sans sighs into your hair. "I can feel you… You're part of me now…" Regaining his strength he uses it to squeeze his arms around you as tight as he can. "You gave your soul for me…" He feels so exhausted, literally like he was just broken to pieces and glued back together.
You are also dead tired. As the high of adrenaline from your souls melding together wears off you start to feel the throbbing of the raw flesh of your wrists exposed to the dusty air and the weariness of losing your brother again holding your heart in an iron grip. "You're so stubborn…" Your voice is hoarse, it hurts to speak.
"Do you still want me? I went against your will… I hurt you… I'm sorry." You start to laugh but it turns into a groan of pain.
"I just saved your life and you're really asking me that?" You struggle to speak, resolving to not say anything else for a long time.
You feel his body move as if he were chuckling, but no sound is heard. You think maybe he's too drained to actually do it. Even so he pulls away from you and manages to get to his feet, his legs looking like they were about to fail him a couple of times. "I don't think I can teleport us back home…" He says putting a hand against a wall to steady himself when he nearly falls over after attempting to reach for you.
Alphys nods understandingly and takes the small skeleton's arm over her shoulders, his feet dragging as she takes him somewhere else, presumably to rest, but not before asking you if you'll be okay on your own for a couple of minutes. You nod, really not wanting to speak. As they both disappear in the distance you're left alone.
Your mind is blank. And it's a blissful feeling. You didn't know you missed it this much. No dark thoughts. No nagging voices. No terrifying images. Just pure, unbothered peace.
Closing your eyes you drink it in, hoping that you can have more of these moments from now on. Wishing with all your heart that you can finally let everything go and just be… happy…
The lizard monster's steps scare your stillness away and with some effort you force your eyelids open. Alphys bends down and does the same to you that she did to Sans, albeit struggling a bit more as your weight is fully on her shoulders, your legs not even budging at your command to move.
It's still a ways down a long corridor and through a door until you both come to a room full of beds. You see Sans passed out in one of them, his ribs rising and falling slowly, a faint blue seeping through his shirt. You're sat down at the end of the one next to him and Alphys goes to get something.
She returns with some bandages and rubbing alcohol. That's going to hurt. You think to yourself.
You hiss as she dabs at your wrists to disinfect the wounds, making them feel like they're on fire. "S-sorry…" She murmurs. You manage a small smile to ease her worries but bite down on your lip so hard when she does it again that you actually cut through it. Your blood tastes like pennies in your mouth but you lick it off just the same.
Once you're patched up you let yourself fall onto the bed not even bothering to turn and settle yourself comfortably. You just want to die to the world for a while. Your body shuts down entirely and you don't even have time to think about how your soul now has cerulean sewn into it.
NOTE: Heavy chapter I know, but I've been waiting froever to write it and I've been trying to get it the way I want it, I hope you liked it :)
As always leave any feedback you may have