Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.

A/N1 Bits of cockney slang from the last chapter (sorry I didn't explain them at the time) 'china'=friend. 'Roasie'=tea (from Roasie Lea), I'll try to be better at explaining these as I go. Living in the East End of London some of these are just natural. I'll try using Larry as the conduit and see how that feels. Oh and 'Luther' is a hard edge Brit cop show with very blurred lines between cops and robbers. It is available on Netflix, it is said to be Barack Obama's favourite TV show.

A/N2 I hate to criticise Jenji but if this was a British show I feel certain that Polly would have been gay to make it clear that her dislike of Alex didn't stem from homophobia. I have therefore done this.

Piper pulled back from Polly.

"You've got a slight bump! Was that the good news you were going to tell me? It worked! Jen's egg and donor sperm yeah?" she asked with a genuine smile on her face the first time today.

"Yep. four months gone but didn't wanna say until all the results came back normal. You're the first to know. Well apart from her indoors of course." Polly said.

Larry laughed – he hadn't heard the phrase 'her indoors' to refer to one's wife in a long time.

Jen and Polly had been together for five years. They had married three years ago in a Civil Partnership ceremony at Kettleford Town Hall and planned to convert their Civil Partnership to a Marriage when they were allowed to in 2014. They had been through three cycles of IVF before this one took.

"Do you know the sex yet?" Larry was grateful for the distraction.

"Not yet" said Polly.

"Still it's wonderful news. Just what I needed after the day I've had! I hope I am free for the birth." said Piper.

"Yeah you should be. Even if they charge you you should make bail and the trial won't be for at least 9 months the way good old British Justice works. Unless you go on the run. The Costa del Crime, mi dad always fancied that." Polly said with a laugh. The Costa del Crime is a reference to the time not so long ago when there was no extradition treaty between the UK and Spain.

"Yeah but there's the small matter of the extradition treaty these days." Larry was wondering where this conversation would lead. He was certain he wasn't equipped for life on the run.

"There's always South America. I doubt there is a treaty with Argentina!" said Piper only half joking.

"Yeah but you'd miss the Cricket, that's what stopped dad." said Polly.

Larry laughed. This conversation was getting surreal.

"Anyway we're having a few friends round tomorrow night to celebrate. Was going to invite you but after this morning you probably want time on your own." said Polly.

"No. What do you think Larry? Perfect antidote to this morning?" said Piper.

"Yes!" Larry threw up his arms in a gesture of confused submission.

"OK, I'll fuck off then! As soon as you hear anything from the filth you let me know, all right?" said Polly looking directly into Piper's eyes.

"Who are the filth?" Larry was confused.

"You know, Pigs, Old Bill, Fuzz, Cops." Piper was looking at a very confused Larry, "The Police Larry, do try to keep up."

Larry still looked confused and decided to change tack "Have you got the car with you? Can I give you a lift." he asked.

"Come off it Larry it's only just down the frog." said Polly.

"Frog? That's road right? From 'Frog and Toad'?" said Larry.

"The boy's learnin'" said Polly.

With that she left.

"I love your friend but at times it sounds like she's talking a foreign language." said Larry after she'd gone.

"I think we'd better invite your parents over for drinks this evening and tell them. Your dad is having to split himself in two at the moment. Your mum deserves an explanation." said Piper.

"Yep. But first we need a chat." said Larry.

"OK, but you now know everything." said Piper.

"I don't feel like I do." said Larry.

"I need a beer. Got any of that Pride left?" asked Piper.

"Eat first." said Larry.

"The filth gave me a ham sandwich. Seemed appropriate really: eating their relatives." said Piper with a smirk.

This was too much for Larry.

"So you've been living it up while I've been sitting here worried sick all morning?"

"Yeah, being locked into a 1.8m by 2.7m cell with only a bed and a stainless steel loo for company is your idea of living it up is it? Must remember that next time we book a holiday!"

"Sorry darling, really really sorry." said a mortified Larry.

Piper walked out to the kitchen found a bottle of Fuller's London Pride and poured it carefully into a pewter tankard.

"What would you like to eat?" She asked.

"A sandwich. I think we have some meat from the relatives of our early morning visitors in the fridge." Larry sounded a bit more relaxed.

"Any mustard on that?" asked Piper with a relieved laugh.

"Yeah! And a tankard of Pride." said a distinctly relaxed sounding Larry.

Piper downed her half litre in one swallow and then made Larry's sandwich and poured his beer and another for himself. She carried the drinks and food into the living room and put them down on the coffee table.

"So how did you meet Alex, through Polly? And did you and Polly?" Larry asked between mouthfuls.

"No Polly and I are just friends and always have been. Alex is the only woman I ever slept with." Piper took a sip of beer before continuing. "I met Alex when I was looking for casual work in a pub in Manchester."

"The Gay Village?" asked Larry referring to Manchester's famous LGBT friendly region around the old canal.

"Yeah, I'd tried everywhere else. Polly and I had written a CV*. Well a pack of lies actually. But it didn't work anyway. She was at a table with a group of women my age, I later learned that they were mules back from a successful trip. She came over to where I was sitting, made fun of my CV and invited me over. I think at that stage she had me in mind for a mule Anyway we went out on our own that night, she kissed me, and that was that. I was very much in love with her. She seemed glamorous and sophisticated." Piper took another sip. "Anyway that is how we met."

"And criminal." said Larry.

"Yes but I didn't find out about that until we were going to a party in Manchester one night. Polly had come up from London. I think she thought if I'd met someone in Manchester she could too. Anyway her 'this one's crooked' antennae were twitching the minute she met Alex. She tried to warn me. But I wouldn't listen. When I asked Alex what she did and who the people at the party were going to be she told me the truth. But I was so in love with her that I didn't bother. We went to the party and Polly told me it reminded her of the parties her dad threw for local villains in Bethnal Green. He's met the Krays you know, he was at Reggie Kray's funeral. Anyway I should have listened but I didn't." Piper stopped.

"Right, OK why did you carry that bag of money?" Larry thought he was getting to know Piper all over again.

"Alex told me she was in deep shit and would I please help. Her organisation was in danger of collapsing. She promised me it would be a one time thing and I could get the train the whole way, no chance of loosing baggage. So I agreed." Larry arched an eyebrow. "Larry she'd paid for everything for two years! I couldn't say no!" Piper said then she continued "Then she asked me to do it again a year later and this time I came to my senses and said no. I left her in Bali. I was quite cruel - her mother had just died. Now you know everything. I wonder if she told the filth about me in revenge! I'll fucking kill her if she has!"

"Do I? Really Piper do I? I still feel like I'm in the middle of a Luther episode. Oh and please don't mention killing someone again even Alex. I think you're being serious!"

Piper got up walked to where he was sitting and sat in his lap with her arms round his neck and faced him.

"Yes" kiss "you" kiss "do" kiss.

Larry still didn't look convinced. But once Piper had got up he went to phone his parents to invite them over for drinks.

Once Larry had finished his phone call Piper called her parents to get a family meeting arranged at their house near Virginia Water for the following Sunday

*CV (Curriculum Vitae) is what we Brits call a Resumè.