Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.

A/N1: I have had discussions with Oystercatcher1 about Polly. I am going to continue to portray her the way I have been doing because it feels more natural to me for a UK Piper to have a best mate from a different part of society like both my sister and I have had. Also it strikes me that Piper was rebelling in her early twenties and thus would have sought friendships with people outside her social class at University. I have drawn on family, friends, current and former, and one particular former work colleague in constructing the UK version of Polly.

A/N2: There are some bits of cockney rhyming slang that are heard throughout England 'butchers' for 'look' (from 'butchers hook') comes to mind, when one of those comes up I'll explain it in the text rather than using Larry (poor boy).

A/N3 I have drawn on another former work colleague in constructing the UK version of Larry's mum. My former colleague had been at the Greenham Common Women's Peace camp in protest at the deployment of cruise missiles at RAF Greenham Cmmon.

It was seven o'clock that evening when the door buzzer went. The dishes from the evening meal were in the dishwasher and Piper and Larry were trying to relax before his parents arrived.

"That'll be my mum and dad. You ready?" said Larry.

"As I'll ever be."

Larry let his parents into the house.

After Larry's parents had been greeted, divested of their coats and sat down with drinks Piper began.

"Amy, this is mainly for you since Howard and Larry already know this."

"Yes my dear, thank you, but whatever it is I am sure it won't be a problem for me. I had more than my fair share of youthful indiscretions I can assure you!"

"OK thanks. Once I start this story I don't want to be interrupted as it is difficult to tell."

There were nods all round.

Piper then told the story uninterupted. When she'd finished Amy spoke:

"Oh is that all! I thought there'd be dead bodies! I do so like a story with dead bodies."

"Uh?" to say Piper was surprised would be an understatement.

"Well does this change who you are now, dear? No of course not!"

"Thank you so so much." said Piper, letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

"No need to thank me." Amy turned her head to address Larry, "My boy you make sure you look after this girl. None of your moralising now. You fell in love with her, so love her, be in love with her! Remember none of this changes who she is now." pause "I spent a few nights in Holloway you know!" Gasps from Larry and Piper. "Oh I was involved in student protest movements in the eighties, helping the Greenham Common women. Well, I got arrested at a protest in Grosvenor Square, outside the American Embassy, when I was a student. I was charged with Criminal Damage and refused to pay the fine. So I ended up in Holloway for a week! It's how I met your father." Howard nodded in confirmation.

Her Majesty's Prison (HMP) Holloway is a large, by British and European standards, women's prison in north London with an capacity of 501. It used to have a seriously bad reputation. Her Majesty's Chief Inspector of Prisons (HMCIP) very publicly marched his team out of an inspection of the prison in disgust in December 1995 and refused to return until conditions improved. Since then things have got a lot better, for instance officers now regularly choose to eat from the same menu as the inmates. That is not to say that there aren't still problems with the latest report in 2010 noting that most inmates still didn't feel safe.

"DAD" Larry was panicking. This was becoming like multiple episodes of 'Luther'.

"I got her out. I was a young law student at Cambridge. I heard about these protesters being arrested for trivial acts. I volunteered to help in any way I could."

Larry was getting an entirely new view of his parents.

Piper wondered what her parents were going to say. It wouldn't be anything like this, she was sure of that.

They chatted on for a bit and then Larry's parents left.

"So how does it feel to be surrounded by criminals?" Piper asked playfully.

"Don't even." Larry's voice had a warning note.

"Sorry." Piper was having difficulty not giggling.

After a bit Piper said "Pub for last orders?"

"Really? After today?"

"Especially after today!"

"Oh all right then!"

They walked in to the pub. Larry went to the bar to get a pint for each of them while Piper found a table.

"'ere love what was going on in your street this morning? Police and that." a man she didn't know asked Piper.

Piper decided to go for a cheeky version of the truth. It'd be in the local paper by Friday anyway.

"They were arresting me of course!" she said.

The man laughed uproariously.

"That's a good 'un that is love." he was barely able to get the words out he was laughing so much.

"I'm an international drug smuggler, can't you tell?"

The man laughed some more.

"Got any of that 'eroin love? I 'ear it's real good for chilblains!" He chuckled.

By then Larry was back with the drinks. He looked at the scene in front of him with a mixture of amusement and horror.

"Oh you're all right mate. Your good lady 'ere was just telling me how she got arrested this mornin'!"

More uproarious laughter.

After he had left and Larry was certain no one else was within earshot he said "What did you tell him that for?"

"Larry: as Polly would say, 'get that down yer Gregory!'" Piper pointed to his pint. "I was fairly certain he wouldn't believe me and in any case it'll be all over the local papers next week. I'm fairly sure I saw a reporter in the crowd when I was taken away."

"Not you as well! Gregory?"

"It means neck, darling, neck from 'Gregory Peck'." said Piper with a smile.

Larry looked horrified. The man, who was now at the bar, looked on and decided he would get the local paper this week because you never knew, she might have told him the truth and he needed a new supplier. She would be burned of course but she might know someone...