"Come on Con, we have to scrub up."
"She's our daughter we can't."
"If we don't she dies." Connie just froze "this is your chance, save her." Connie nodded slightly and followed him in. "She's arrested!" He started compressions as Connie just stared, "Connie bag!" The nurse stepped in as Connie just stood there holding Grace's hand. "Alright oxygen away, clear. Connie clear!" He grabbed her wrist and pulled her away as he pushed the button to shock Grace. "Alright she's back in sinus on the machine. Check her pupils now.' The nurse did so and then looked up at them.
"Her pupils have blown, brain death. Its the machine that's keeping her heart going."
"Very tactful you idiot. Find me a doctor now!" Sam yelled the nurse looked shocked and started to speak "S-sorry I just well you're doctor's so I..."
"You assumed we could take it! We may be doctors but she's still our daughter. Find me a doctor now!"
The nurse nodded timidly and managed to find one who'd just finished with another patient he walked in and checked Grace's ops
"You're right, Mr Strachan, Mrs Beauchamp, your daughter has suffered some serious trauma and her pupils have blown, this means there is no activity in her brain. We call it a brain death. The machines are the only reason she's breathing and has a pulse. With your permission we'd like to switch them off."
"No!" Connie screamed speaking for the first time since re-entering the room "you can't switch it off! You'll kill her please!"
"Mrs Beauchamp I truly am sorry but she's already gone its the machines that are keeping her alive."
"Then let them keep her alive! Please!"
"Mrs Beauchamp, you are a world class surgeon. You know what brain death is and I'm sure you've had cases like this. You have to let her go."
"She's my daughter! My baby girl!"
"I know, I know but you need to let her go."
"No! You can't kill her! Please don't!"
"Connie, Grace is gone." Sam spoke up.
"No she's not! She can't be! My baby!"
"Come on Connie, she's dead. We give our permission."
"No! No we don't! We don't give permission! You keep her on there! You keep her alive! That's your job." By this point Connie was entirely hysterical "She's not gone! She's not! She's only eleven! No! No no no no no no no no no..." Connie then collapsed to the floor in a crumpled heap. Sam bent down next to her and hugged her. He'd had lots of days to get used to the idea, she hadn't even had one. Eventually when she'd calmed down she got up and walked over to Grace
"She's so young. My baby. Grace, Grace baby if you can hear me I want you to know I love you. More than anything. And I know I never got it right, I always put the job first and I never got the chance to put it right. But that never meant I loved you any less. I guess in truth I was scared, I never admit but I'm terrified. My parents were so great I felt I'd never match up to that. But that's no excuse. I failed you and I'm sorry. I love you and know I'll never get the chance to show you how much. You were my hope, when everything went wrong I just had to look at you and it all seemed okay. Even when I was falling. My beautiful baby girl. I love you so so much, its okay to let go. I love you" she then hugged Grace's lifeless body before turning to the doctor.
"I give my permission" she said slowly tears streaming down her cheek. Sam then went over and spoke to Grace before they turned off the machine that was keeping her alive. "My baby." Connie just kept crying over and over.
And that was my final string, the string that held me together finally broke. My baby gone in the flicker of an eye. That pain absorbed me but what came next was the thing that would swallow me up. Because afterwards I would have to carry on knowing I would never see my little girl again.
Sam went back to St James's the next morning to say one last goodbye to Grace only to find Connie asleep with her body laid protectively over Grace's. He gently shook her shoulder causing her to jolt awake "w-wha?" She then looked at Grace and immediately burst into tears as it all came back to her. "Connie, let me take you home. You should get some proper rest." Sam said gently as he put his hand on her back. She didn't speak just collapsed into him so he gently stood her up and led her out to his car, he sat her down in the passenger seat and drove her back to her house. She was in tears the entire time and didn't speak a word. He kept trying to talk to her but she just shrugged it off until eventually they arrived at Connie's house, she got out and ran up, locking the door the second she was in so Sam couldn't get in. She just wanted to be alone.
I didn't know how to cope. All I wanted was my baby girl to come home and talk about her day or to ring me up from America I mean that wasn't ideal but it was better than this, this hell. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even go to work to take my mind off it. Nothing could take my mind off it, I didn't do anything just sat staring at walls letting it consume me. Yet again I did nothing, when she was dying I did nothing to save her. She died, another aspect that was my fault. I didn't stop it, I gave in and let them take her off the machine, I failed her again and again.
Charlie was sat in his office when he received the call from Connie telling him and he didn't know what to do. Did he tell the staff? To warn them or keep it to himself. She hadn't said not to after all. Rita walked in to find Charlie in a daze she had wanted to talk to him but it could wait.
"Charlie are you okay?"
"What? Of course, why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know you just seemed preoccupied."
"Well I... Its Connie, she rang me to tell me Grace had died."
"What?! How?!"
"A car accident apparently I don't know the details. The thing is do I tell the staff? They should know but is it right for me to say?"
"I know its hard but I reckon you're going to have to."
"But how?"
"Do you want me to be there with you?"
"If you wouldn't mind. Its just so hard, to lose one so close to our own especially someone so young. She was only 11 Rita."
"I know Charlie, I know." She said patting his arm "how's Connie?"
"She didn't sound good."
"Okay come on they need to know" she said as he followed her out. He called all the ED staff together before speaking
"I have some very sad news which I really wish I didn't have to relay. Earlier today Grace Beauchamp passed away. I don't know the details so please don't ask. We can only imagine what Mrs Beauchamp is going through so I ask you all to be gentle when she comes back, don't bother her with issues that either me or Zoe can solve or you could solve between you. Okay? If anyone needs to talk my doors always open. Thank you."