Authours Note: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far, I may post another chapter later since I didn't put one up yesterday but no promises.

The atmosphere was even more tense than she had thought it would be. All conversations stopped since no one knew what to say not even Noel. He just held out a pile of paperwork which she snatched from him before storming off to her office.

The second she'd left conversations struck up again but this time Connie Beauchamp was the only thing anyone was talking about. "Poor Mrs B. She looks dreadful." Noel said

"So would you if you'd just lost your daughter" Louise said back

"Yes but she's lost so much weight, she didn't have any make up on and she seemed to have lost her usual sparkle."

Charlie then walked past them "Alright that's enough gossiping, yes she's back, yes she looks different and frankly she could do without the comments thank you very much." Everyone who had been stood at reception scuttled off except for Robyn who came up to Charlie "How is she?"

"How you would expect her to be Robyn, she's grieving that does funny things to people. She's not a machine like you all seem to think. She is human. Anyway she just needs us all to treat her gently and not let her do too much okay?" Robyn nodded and then went back to work

"Did you manage to get in last night?" Zoe said causing him to spin around

"Yes, it was dreadful, there were wine glasses and wine bottles everywhere she told me she hadn't eaten or slept since it happened so I made her an omelette and she had all of three mouthfuls. I sent her to bed to try and sleep, amn hour later and I had to wake her up from a nightmare. She ended up asleep in my arms looking so vulnerable. I cooked her a fry up in the morning which she refused to rate and told me to get out."

"Oh wow, has she spoken to Sam recently?'

"I don't think so he rang whilst I was there but she just ignored it. She's shutting people out Zoe and I don't know what to do."

"For a start Nurse Fairhead you could stop gossiping and get back to your work." Charlie spun around at the sound of her voice and was about to protest but thought better of it so just walked off.

"You know he's only trying to help you" Zoe spoke up.

"I don't need help, I can manage perfectly fine on my own thank you very much"

"Sure. It certainly looks like it."

"Excuse me but do I have to remind you I am your boss."

"You are my boss but you're also my friend, you're the one who called me back after Jeff's death, called me back for you, because you needed me. Well I'm here Connie. Whatever you need, even if its just a shoulder to cry on I'm here." Connie looked for a second as rthough she might cave but shookm it off maintaining her icy composure.

"Connie Beauchamp doesn't cry and she doesn't need help."

"Right okay, you know its okay to admit you're really not okay. No one will judge you for it." She then turned and walked away leaving Connie shocked but she covered it storming off to her office.

When she reached it she sat down at her desk and picked up the picture of Grace. She stared at it for a long time before throwing it against the wall in a combination of hurt and anger. She then went over to pick it up but realised the frame was ruined so she sat down next to it with glass in her hands and wept holding the photo tight. A short while later she was still sat on the floor crying when Rita came to talk to her about rotas. Seeing Connie on the floor she stopped herself at the door, not knowing whether to go comfort her or not, whether it would be accepted.

Thinking she couldn't just leave her like that she knocked on the door gently and then let herself in. "Mrs Beauchamp, Connie. Is there anything you'd like a glass of water perhaps?" Connie looked up at Rita as if she'd gone mad. She wiped her eyes before speaking

"What makes you think I need help or would accept it from you?"

"Look I know what I did was wrong, I jumped to conclusions but that doesn't mean I can't care now."

"I almost lost everything because of you. I don't need your help."

"I really am sorry for what I did."

"How nice will you please go."

Rita reluctantly left seeing she wasn't going to get anywhere. No sooner had she left Sam walked in. "Do people not know how to leave me alone!?"

"Connie, I know this is hard for you hell its hard for me too but we need to plan the funeral and sooner rather than later."

"I'll sort it okay stop nagging"

"Look if you don't sort it by Friday then I'll sort it. I know you don't want to say goodbye it we have to."

"No we don't, a goodbye will make it real and final."

"I know but we can't drag it out. Would you like me to take over?"

"No I can mana... You know what, do it but we're the only guests, me and you."

"That's not fair Connie there are lots of people who deserve a chance to say their goodbye."

"No I can't deal with people who barely knew her crying and grieving."

"What about her Grandma, Zoe, Charlie, school friends?"

"Fine, me, you, her grandma, Charlie and Zoe but that's it. I can't cope with other peoples grief, I have enough of my own."

"This funeral isn't about you, its about Grace. She should be able to have everyone who loves her come to say goodbye, not just the people her mother thinks she deserves." Connie just stared at him blankly "That's what you really think that I'm forcing them on her? No I just... She's my baby girl why should I have to put up with everyone telling me they're sorry for my loss and how like her mother she was and she was too young and how much she must've loved me and a whole load of other bullshit."

"Its not bullshit, they are sorry, she was like you, she was too young and she did love you a lot."

"Yeah well why should I have to put up with a whole bunch of strangers telling me that, you say its true but its not. They're not sorry for my loss, they're sorry for their own. She wasn't like me because if she was then God help her. She wasn't too young, no ones too young she just wasn't old enough. And as for loving me I highly doubt that's true."

"Please just let me have anyone who wants to come." Connie considered it but the fear that people would either sympathise or see her for who she truly is was too great.

"I want to say yes but I don't want their sympathy"

"Why?"

"Because... because I-I don't deserve it... Sam, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve people telling me how sorry they are when it was all my fault, they should be telling me what a horrid mother I was because that's the truth but..."

"I understand, you don't want people there because they won't blame you so you'll feel guilty but also you're scared that they will blame you."

"What? N-n-no I want them to blame me."

"You don't not really, you just feel you deserve it. But let me tell you this, you don't deserve to feel guilty or to be blamed Connie, none of this is your fault."

"I wasn't there!"

"Yes but I was and that didn't make any difference did it! Connie this isn't your fault if anyone's its mine. I was the driver!"

"But I-I..."

"Connie please, you can't keep doing this to yourself. We weren't the only ones to love her Connie, let them come" Slowly and reluctantly she gave a slight nod as tears streamed down her cheeks he reached out and pulled her close holding her as she let it out.

"I just can't get my head around it... I can't believe she's gone. I just keep expecting her to call or to come running downstairs and then when she doesn't..." Her hand went up to her mouth as she cried.

"Its okay, it's going to be okay... I-"

"Its not going to be okay! My little girl is dead! How can it ever be okay?!"

"You know that's not what I meant... It will get better, the pain won't ever go away but it'll get better. I-"

"You what Sam?! You're sorry?! You understand?! What huh?!"

"Of course I understand! She was my daughter too!"

"Yes a daughter you didn't even care about for at least the first year! You wanted nothing to do with her! And then you... You killed her! It was you like you said you were the driver! You did it! You! You! Get out Sam! Get out of my office! Now!" He just stared at her with tears in his eyes before walking out. Everyone at the nurses station had stopped to stare and they all saw Connie shut the door and slide down the other side with her head in her hands. But no one dared to comfort her for fear she'd bite their head off.