Chapter 3: Little house – Amanda Seyfried

"Noel, come on! Get your human-butt out of bed! We're going shopping in Siena!" Heidi shrieked in excitement jumping in my bed like some teenager instead of the centuries old vampire she actually was. I groaned. I know it was the first time I was apparently allowed to get out of the castle for a little over two weeks, but shopping?! That was so boring! Besides, Heidi was just going to find some clothes and I didn't care what I wore, so I really wasn't needed to come along. If they would let me go outside the castle walls, I'd rather it be somewhere I could take a few pictures or simply sit under the open sky.

"Take Demitri or something" I grumbled from under the covers and suddenly said covers was gone. I balled up into a fetal position. I didn't even bother trying to blindly find my covers again as I knew it wouldn't be in my reach.

"Aren't you supposed to be jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of going shopping? You are a girl, right?" Demitri joked, but I didn't want to open my eyes. I was so used to always having someone around me all the time– there was always someone keeping me company. The only time I was actually alone was in the bathroom.

"All girls doesn't have to be into the same things, you know" I muttered hugging my pillow, but before I knew it someone turned over my madras and I was send shrieking to the floor. My door burst open and I peeked from under the madras. Much to my embarrassment, Alec was standing in the doorway looking almost worried around the room, before he spotted me. I still didn't understand why my body reacted so intensely to his presence. My heart always seemed to beat faster and my breathing sometimes became difficult to control. To top that, I was having some weird flutters in my stomach, but it was in no way a bad feeling. If I was allowed to contact the people I knew, I would've called Beth days ago to ask for her advice. She always knew what to say to everything. I knew people called her the b-word and a sleep-around – and not just behind her back – but also know she was just misunderstood. Yeah, she said things without sugarcoating it and she could be a bit harsh at times, but she was my best friend and I could always count on her – that be advice, someone to tell me to pull myself together or taking my mind off of something by trespassing into a frat party. Not that I'm that much into partying, I only go when Beth forces me into one of her tiny dresses and practically drags me to some party or other.

Alec lifted the madras away from me and gentle pulled me to my feet. Even though he wasn't that tall, he was still a few inches taller than me. I smiled shyly.

"Heidi, why were you tormenting her yet again?" he asked with one of his almost-smiles. I was strangely aware of his hand still holding mine, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away. I liked the feel of his cool skin against mine. It was sort of different from the other vampires – the feel of his skin – but I couldn't quite describe it.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic! I am taking her shopping, but she seems ridiculously uninterested" Heidi pouted. I rolled my eyes knowing all too well that my disinterest wasn't going to stop her the slightest. She could be so demanding, but I didn't mind. She was happy to dress me up and pick out my clothes.

"You can't force her to go if she doesn't want to, Heidi. She is a person, not you private doll" Alec said in annoyance and I winced at his sharp tone.

"Don't worry about it, Alec, I don't care about clothes, so it's a good thing someone cares enough for two people" I wasn't sure if I made any sense and blushed.

"You don't always have to be the peacemaker, Noel. If you don't want to go, you don't have to" he assured me, but I just smiled at him. Didn't he understand? It wasn't about me, that wasn't why I was letting Heidi do all this.

"Of course she has to go! It's a crime not to care about clothes or your looks and she just confessed!" Heidi said already running through my closet in order to find something suitable for me to wear. You would think she would be much faster, but every morning it was the same thing.

"You're overreacting! Noel would look beautiful no matter what she wore. Demitri, Felix, don't just stand there with those stupid grins on your faces! Tell her, she is being ridiculous" Alec rarely get worked up, but he always seemed to pick fights with Heidi. Felix had told me that Alec didn't like Heidi stealing me away all the time, but I was sure Felix had only been teasing when he said that.

Then something registered in my head and I looked at Alec with wonder.

"You think I'm beautiful?" I breathed. Why did it mean so much to me if he did? I never cared much of my appearance. He seemed taken aback by my question. Heidi crossed her arms over her chest looking rather amused, while Demitri and Felix looked as if they were going to give Alec hell with their never-ending teasing and mockery. Nevertheless, my full attention was on a rather flustered looking Alec. Oh, he was so cute when he got flustered like that! Such a shame it rarely happened.

"That was not the point" he almost stuttered.

"Noel, I'm borrowing your camera" Demitri smirked and in a flash he was already taking pictures of Alec - who looked as if he was about to snap Demitri's neck.

"I will find Jane if you don't delete that" he growled threateningly, but I couldn't help but giggle. Alec smirked at that, while Demitri feigned hurt - spending time with the centuries old goofball, had made me better at telling the deference if Demitri was kidding or being serious even though it could be hard at times as he had a brilliant poker face.

"Don't you care about your boyfriend killing you best friend?" he mock-sniffed and I giggled – ignoring the strange flutter in my chest as he referred to Alec as my boyfriend.

"Don't say unnecessary stuff like that" Alec snarled and I felt a pang of what could only be described as disappointment, but I shrugged it off.

"Enough of this. Noel, get changed. We're going whether you like it or not" Heidi said and pushed me into the bathroom after filling my arms with clothes. I sighed and did as she told me.

..:-:..

I flung myself on my bed as soon as we came back several hours later. Demitri and Felix lay down on either side of me while Heidi looked at us disapprovingly. We had spent the last hours of the trip complaining about wanting to go back. Me, because my feet was so sore Felix had to give me a piggy-back-ride and my hair was starting to get all static from trying on clothes. They wanted to get back because they were simply bored out of their minds and making fun of passing humans didn't amuse them after two hours.

"I don't think I will ever be able to walk again" I groaned. My legs were still throbbing and my feet were so sore it was a miracle I didn't have any blisters this time.

"I just regret not being able to sleep for the first time in a few hundred years" Demitri groaned.

"I think I almost did sleep at some point" Felix commented. Heidi snickered, but I let out a giggle at their antics.

"Oh, come on, you big babies, it was fun" Heidi scolded and we all looked at her as if she was insane. She just rolled her eyes and started unpacking the trillion bags she had made Demitri carry – as Felix was busy carrying me in the end and she said she was too much of a lady to carry the bags herself.

The door burst open and Jane ran to Heidi's side – I was so used to people coming in and out of my room on their own accord without knocking that I didn't even flinch anymore.

"Heidi, where have you been?! I have a date with Tom in half an hour and I need you!" she shrieked in panic. It was weird seeing her so… well, human, as she usually either hissed at me or ignored me with a face void of emotions – not that I had spent much time in her company as she usually just avoided my presence. Alec told me she didn't care much for any human so I shouldn't take it personally. I sat up and looked at her person. Her hair was hanging loosely down her back instead of the usual tight bun she fancied wearing. She didn't wear her black cloak, but a simple dark dress which was actually rather elegant.

"I'm coming right away" Heidi said dropping whatever she had in her hands and followed the petit blonde out of my room. I wished I could be of some help, but as earlier mentioned; I knew nothing about fashion or clothes. Jane still seemed to hate me, but she had gone from sending daggers my way to simply ignoring my presence, which was actually worse. I wanted her to like me, but I couldn't force her to change her opinion on me. Her mate, Tom was fun to be around, but I knew that he – like Jane – didn't care much for humans. There was actually quite a few in the Volturi, who held no love of any kind to my fragile race, but they had been of that opinion for more time than I could even fathom, so it was easy to accept. However, with Jane I just couldn't seem to accept her dislike of me. Maybe it was because of Alec. I started at the thought. How could Alec have anything to do with me wanting Jane to like me? Sure, she was his twin and all, but… I don't know. I guess I wanted Alec's only biological family to like me, because he was important to me in a different way than Heidi, Demitri and Felix was. I don't know. Gosh, I miss Beth and being able to go to her for stuff like this.

"Noel, Earth to Noel" Demitri was snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. I smiled sheepishly at my two friends. I must have been spacing out again.

"Sorry, did you say something?"

"Only if you wanted to get out of here before Heidi comes back and wants to dress you up?" he asked with a wicked grin. I nodded enthusiastic and they chuckled. Felix all but threw me onto his back before they raced out of my room. As always when we went this fast, everything around us were a blur, but I didn't mind. It was as if I were in an entire different world with my two best friends – like when Trevor and I hid in our three-house when we were younger, separated from the world around us.

When we stopped, I discovered that they had brought me to the garden. The castle had a closed-in garden with all sorts of flowers, bushes and threes. There was even a small fountain in the center. Felix put me down, and even though my feet still hurt and my legs felt weak, I seemed to gain new energy. I giggled and skidded through the garden with Felix and Demitri a few feet behind me. Demitri had been thoughtful enough to bring my Nikon, which was now hanging around my neck. I snapped a picture of a hummingbird near a flowerbed. I lay on the ground, not caring if the white dress got dirty and zoomed in on a bee. It brought a smile to my face, taking a picture of that bee. I thought back to my childhood before dad died. I didn't have my Nikon back then, but mom had gotten me a disposable camera and I had been running around our back-yard taking pictures of every little thing. Trevor had been lying in the grass on his back with closed eyes and a bee had landed on his forehead – I had of course captured the moment, before commenting the bee to my brother and he had jumped up with a yell. The bee had stung him, but I had loved that picture. Moments could be so fleeting; it would be a shame not to capture them even though you could never capture all the glory of a single moment in a camera. You could only get the shadow of the moment, but memories grew dull over time while a photo was there to remind you of times long lost.

"Heidi will murder you if you get dirt on your dress" a familiar voice pulled me back to reality and I looked around a bit disorientated. Alec was standing just above me with an amused smile, but…

"Where did Felix and Demitri go?" I asked from a sitting position on the grass-covered ground. It couldn't have been more than a few seconds I had been spacing out, could it?

"They had business to attend to. Aro wanted a report on how things were going with you" he said stiffly. I padded the ground beside me and he reluctantly sat down. My heart fluttered in happiness as he silently had taken my invitation and I let my hair fall in my face – hoping he wouldn't see my blush – but he gently brushed the curtain of auburn hair behind my ear. I felt my eyes draw towards him. He sat stiff as a board not seeming to know how to relax his body. I automatically took hold of his legs, gently bending them by the knee, before trying to make him slouch a little on the shoulders. It felt as though I was trying to form a stature with my bare hands, but he let me do it.

"What are you doing?" he asked with an unreadable expression and I blushed slightly.

"Making you sit more relaxed. Your position didn't seem all that comfortable and if you sit on the grass it's because you want to relax and enjoy the moment" I explained still blushing and gave him a small smile. He seemed to consider my words before he leaned back so that he was resting on his elbows and crossed his ankles.

"Better?" he smiled and I looked at his boyish face in awe. I quickly took a picture of him without even thinking, but luckily, he didn't seem to mind.

"Much better" I smiled and laid back on my stomach – my camera gently put in the grass beside me. I watched a white-winged butterfly dance from flower to flower. More bees were chorusing through the air. The sun heated my back and there was barely a breeze. It was a beautiful day and usually this sort of atmosphere would have calmed me, but I couldn't seem to ignore Alec's presence. I was overly aware of him looking at me, and it sent shivers down my spine. It made me rather self-conscious, but I also felt strangely delighted.

"So we're just going to lay here?" he said breaking the silence. I could hear the amusement in his voice and smiled to myself.

"Not if there's something you'd rather do" I said and turned to look at him, my head resting on my arm, picking absentmindedly at the grass with my free hand.

"I think I could think of several things to do" he smirked suggestively as if I knew to what he was referring. I sat up and looked at him.

"Like what?" I asked with a curious smile. For a moment, he just looked at me with that unreadable expression of his before bursting into laughter. I smiled confused as he rolled over in the grass. Sometimes I didn't get the jokes people told me and I got a feeling this maybe was one of those times. I knew he was laughing at me, but there was nothing cruel about his laughter. It was a beautiful sound. Did he know that his laughter was this musical? Or was it something he wasn't aware of?

"I'm sorry, Noel, I just tend to forget that you don't get it when I'm flirting with you or make less than innocent comments" he said still trying to stifle his laughter.

"I'm sorry about that. My brother used to call me an airhead some… You were flirting with me?" I started apologizing, but then asked in astonishment.

"Sort of" he grinned. He was sitting Indian-style directly in front of me so that his left knee almost touched my arm.

"I'll try being more aware of it the next time then" I assured him, but he just gave me a smile that suggested his doubt. I rolled over on my bag and shifted so my head rested against his legs. He seemed to freeze momentarily, but before I had time to apologize about my spontaneous-ness and move away, his hands was lazily running through my hair. It was nice and I closed my eyes with a content smile.

"What do you want to do? I think we got a bit sidetracked" I smiled lazily keeping my eyes closed.

"I was thinking you maybe want to eat dinner with me tonight? You will be the only one doing the eating of course" did he sound nervous? No, not Alec Volturi. Alec was never nervous or unsure. Right?

I opened my eyes to look up on his face. Half of his face was sparkling and almost blinded me as the sun hit his exposed skin, but I was so used to this unique quality that I didn't take long notice of it anymore – in the beginning I had freaked out a bit.

He seemed hopeful and looked as if he didn't dare smile at me. It confused me a bit, because that meant it wouldn't just be a normal dinner in the Volturi kitchen, right?

"I would love that" I breathed out and my heart skipped a beat as he smiled brightly down at me. His red eyes twinkled with delight and it was contagious.

"Good. I pick you up at six then"

I told him yes, as I closed my eyes yet again. He was gently massaging my scalp and I couldn't help but wonder if he was aware of how good he was at it. I felt weirdly electrified – not like static or something, but a completely different kind of electric. My body was summing with it all the way down to my toes, and I realized my feet and legs hadn't bothered me for some time now. My heart was rather calm considering how it always sped up when I was around Alec. He always made me feel at ease and safe like no other did. With him, it was a different kind of safe than with my brother or Felix and Demitri. Moreover, he didn't just make me feel at ease as in I relaxed around him, but I was at ease in myself and in my surroundings. It was so intense and odd to me. So unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time – like when you forget something, but it's at the tip of your tongue, you just can't remember it completely.

"That feels so good" I muttered. His hands stopped momentarily, but it was only for a brief second.

"Well, at least I know I'm doing something right then" he answered cheekily and I smiled.

"Oh, you definitely are" I giggled as he gently brushed his fingers across my cheekbone. He started trailing his fingers across my face as if he was blind and wanted to picture my features in his mind.

He chuckled. I felt as though I could stay like this forever – spending time with Alec just doing nothing.

"Noel!" I sat up with a start almost guiltily as I heard Felix call my name and at the same time bursting my little bubble of bliss. I didn't know why I felt guilty, but for some reason I felt like a child being caught stealing from the cookie-jar. I blushed and looked sheepishly at Alec who was smirking amusedly at me.

"I guess my time is up for now then" he said and helped me to my feet with no effort whatsoever – but then again he was a vampire after all.

I smiled happily and kissed him on his ice-cold cheek in a moment of bravery, before running off to find Felix.

"See you at six" I smiled over my shoulder before we both went in different directions. It wasn't that I wanted to hurry away from him or anything, I actually wouldn't have minded staying with him a bit longer.

I needed to seriously figure out what these feelings meant. I had never experienced anything like them and I wasn't sure how to address them properly - every name I seemed to give these feelings simply didn't suffice.

"Oh, there you are. What have you been up to?" Felix smiled knowingly and I blushed.

"I've been spending some time with Alec. He actually wanted to keep me company for dinner so I have until six o'clock" I told him with a smile, ignoring his knowing smile. I wish people would stop looking so freakish smug all the time! I felt deluded from some sort of big secret of something!

"Where's Demitri?" I realized the shorter vampire wasn't around.

"He is on a mission with some of the other Volturi guards. He'll be back tomorrow, but don't try and dodge the subject" he smirked at me as we walked into the castle and down the corridors towards my room.

"What subject?"

"The subject of who is going to be the next president of get-your-act-together. No! I'm talking about your date with Alec, the better half of Volturi's evil Witch Twins, tonight!" he said in mock-exasperation.

"It's not a date, Felix" I said rolling my eyes with a smile, but he didn't seem convinced.

"You might not think it's a date, but it's a date or else he would've just joined you in the kitchen instead of going through the trouble of asking you"

"Felix, I really don't think he meant it as a date. He is just being nice" I said a bit unsure of myself. Was it a date? No, wouldn't he have said if it were? I really had no idea how dating worked, so it was possible I missed something he said between the lines… right?

"If you say so, little miss clueless" Felix smiled still not believing me.

..:-:..

"You're going on a date with Alec!" Heidi shrieked and I cringed. Not her too!

"It's not a date and how do you even know about my… not-date?" for goodness sake, now I almost called it a date myself!

"You can't keep secrets in the Volturi. There's ears and eyes everywhere" she shrugged before turning into a personified tornado, raging through my closet while I sat comfortably on my bed. I was facing Felix who sat beside me as we played chess. I used to play with my granddad, before he moved in to the retirement home and I rarely could get any chance to come visit him.

"No matter what you believes, missy, it's a date and I'm going to make you look irresistible" Heidi's voice was slightly muffed as she was talking from inside the closet while making my room look as if said closet had exploded.

"Just don't overdo it" I muttered not taking my eyes away from the board. It was my turn and my king was in a jam.

"Would you please stop playing that stupid, old man's game and act like a girl from the 21. Century?! Aren't you excited?" Heidi emerged with a slightly annoyed expression and arms full of silk and cashmere. I made my move and looked at her in confusion.

"Excited?" I was losing in chess, what was there to be excited about?

She made a sound that was half-way between a groan and a sigh before dumping whatever she had in her arms on the floor.

"You are a girl, aren't you?" she said in a voice suggesting she was speaking to a toddler.

"Yes?" what did that have to do with anything?

"You want to look pretty for Alec, right?"

"Of course" I blushed. I always wanted to look good for Alec. It was rather strange, but I really cared about what he thought of me both physically and as a person.

"Then why aren't you fretting about your date?! He is coming in an hour, and you're just sitting there entertaining the Hulk!" she shrieked.

"Hey!" Felix yelled and I looked up at him.

"Should I be fretting?" I asked him almost nervously. He gave me a warm smile.

"Naw, I say, you just ditch Alec" he said teasingly.

"I can't do that!" I gasped and he chuckled. Heidi rolled her eyes.

"God, how can a modern, young woman be this oblivious? She is either a child or lost in the goddamn time…" Heidi grumbled loud enough for my human ears to pick it up and I blushed. Felix chuckled and put the chessboard away.

"We can resume our game another time. You better go take a shower or heads will roll" he smiled and fifteen minutes later, I reemerged from the bathroom wearing nothing but some fresh underwear and a towel.

I had to admit, I was starting to feel rather nervous and panicky. I remembered how Jane had panicked over her own date with Tom and I was beginning to understand why she had been so frantic. I wanted Alec to like me and think of me as pretty even though I wasn't quite sure why that was so important to me. In the end I was almost hyperventilating so much, Felix got worried for my well-being. Heidi managed to get me into a rather tight black dress with a cut that exposed most of my right leg all the way to my upper-thigh.

"Heidi, it's too much!" I said as she placed me in front of the full-body mirror. She had painted cat eyes with eyeliner. My auburn hair was neatly done in soft curls that fell down my exposed back.

"Nonsense! Alec will love it" she smiled somewhat wickedly.

"He'll go crazy" Felix commented, but I couldn't say if that was a good or a bad thing.

"I can't possibly…" but before I had time to finish, I was interrupted by a knock on my door. My heart skipped a beat and I swirled around so fast I almost fell over my own feet.

"Right on the dot" Heidi smirked as I went to open the door. I fidgeted and tried steadying my breathing, but wasn't sure how much I succeeded as Felix chuckled behind me. I was blushing as I opened the door to reveal a smirking Alec. He looked me up and down with a look in his eyes that made my blush grow deeper.

"You look stunning, Noel" he smiled so sincerely and warm, I felt my heart skip a beat. Gosh, if this kept happening, I would have a heart attack before the night was over! Maybe something was wrong with me. Whenever I was around Alec, I seemed to have some sort of heart-disorder or something, and that weird, but oh so good feeling I couldn't quite put a name on, whirled through my entire being. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me.

"Thank you. Heidi has been working very hard to…" I swear I could almost hear Heidi roll her eyes. Alec chuckled as I trailed off. Alec looked quite handsome himself in a black tuxedo and a dazzling smile on his face.

"And I appreciate it very much, thank you, Heidi" Alec smiled and looked over my shoulder towards the woman who had proclaimed herself in charge of my wardrobe. I tried to hide my blush, but couldn't help smiling at her somewhat grateful even if my outfit wasn't really me. I was glad Alec liked it after all.

"Ready to go?" Alec asked and I met his eyes before nodding.

"No! Wait! Your shoes" Heidi exclaimed as if I was about to jump off a cliff without a parachute. I sighed as she placed a pair of bright red pumps in front of me, but I still obediently put them on – which made me as tall as Alec.

"I'm ready" I smiled at him.

"Bring her home before midnight or I'll come get her" Felix warned teasingly and gave Alec a devilish smile.

"Yeah, you wouldn't want that" Heidi commented with a rather odd smile and a suggestive look in her eyes. Alec growled in annoyance, before gently lifting me up and speeding away with me. I let my hands rest on his stone-hard chest. It was so weird to think that his heart wasn't beating, but this was the case for all vampires and I was getting used to it.

I tentatively looked up on his face. He seemed deep in thought. Did what Felix and Heidi say bother him? Was it something else? Did he have a mission soon? Maybe he was going somewhere far away. I felt a pang of sadness at the thought.

"What's wrong?" I almost jumped in surprise. I hadn't realized Alec had seen me watching him. I blushed slightly. We had stopped moving and he gently put me down. We were just by the castle door. Maybe he was taking me out into the town. Or maybe he was bringing me to Siena. I knew the Volturi wouldn't want to risk me being seen by someone who knew me.

"Nothing. I was just thinking" I looked towards the door before glancing back at Alec with a small smile.

"So where are we going?" I asked happily, not really caring where we were going. I was just looking forward to spending time with Alec – who was currently smiling brightly.

"You really think I will rob you of the surprise?" he asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes, but… he also seemed somewhat nervous.

I shyly took his hand and sent him a smile for him to know that I would be happy no matter what he had planned. He smiled wryly and kissed the tip of my nose, making me blush so deeply I felt like a tomato.

..:-:..

"How is it to live in the Volturi? I mean, you work for them, but you all still seem like a family" I blushed slightly. I hadn't even lived with the Volturi a month yet and seeing as I was most likely going to spend the rest of forever here, I was curious to know more about this place.

Alec seemed taken a bit back by my question, but answered soon after with a tiny smile. We had just left the restaurant and were now walking casually down the streets of Firenze. Can you believe it?! Alec had arranged for us to go to Firenze! Unfortunately, I had forgotten my Nikon, but Alec had bought me a disposable camera, which was almost completely full by now.

"I guess we are quite close, but we have spent many centuries together after all. As to how it's like to live here, I like it here of course – or else I wouldn't stay" he smirked and I blushed slightly.

"Naturedly" I muttered. Maybe it was a stupid question. He might not even be of the same opinion as me about living here. It's all about circumstances, right? He told me very little of his human life with Jane, but from what I could tell, it was no walk in the park. They had been outcasts in their village and betrayed by those their family in the end. He hadn't told me about the circumstances of Jane and his turning, but I could tell the memory brought him much pain so I didn't ask. Of course, he would prefer the Volturi who practically save him and his sister.

However, I couldn't help but think how different his human life was from mine. I had always had people who loved and protected me. The only person who ever truly hurt me was dad when he felt as though death was easier than dealing with his problems – even for us. I'm still not sure why dad killed himself. Trevor said there was a letter, but I wasn't allowed to know the content and mom burned it in a fit of rage. She still blamed dad for leaving us like that, but she rarely got angry about it anymore. She just got distant whenever she thought of dad.

Gosh, what wouldn't my disappearance do to her? I had already been gone for what seemed like ages, but in reality was no more than a few weeks. She must've called Trevor by now. Were they mad at me? Sad? Worried? Did they believe me to be dead? Did they still look for me?

"You're worried about living with the Volturi?" Alec asked and I had to turn his question in my head a few times to get back on track. I sighed heavily, not quite sure if I should tell him about my greatest worry of living with the Volturi or if it would do more harm than good. In the end, I didn't see why I shouldn't tell him. He was one of the few people in my life right now, who I could really confide in and on some level I wanted his advice and reassurance, that I wasn't just making a selfish, cowardice decision by choosing to be turned rather than die.

"It's just… well… I don't know how to begin" I stuttered and Alec silently lead me to a nearby bench. He pulled me down with him, gently holding my hand and it gave me the comfort I needed.

"No matter if I die human or become a vampire, I will never see my family or Beth ever again. I'm just not sure, what's the right thing to do. Besides… What in the world should I do with an eternity, Alec?" the last part came out as more of a cry and I sniffed hopelessly, wishing I could hold back my tears, but I still felt my eyes well up. He let go of my hand only to grab my upper arms with both hands. The look in his eyes was so intense – almost desperate – as if he was trying to hold on to something that was rapidly slipping through his fingers.

"Spend it with me"