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Chapter 5: Without you – David Guetta

Alec POV

There was no word for it. I hated Noel's best friend. I was even at the point where I had wished she were human just so she couldn't be in Noel's life anymore – but I instantly felt bad for that thought. Noel deserved all the happiness in the world and if this Beth could help give her that, then I might as well suck it up.

"There you are, lover-boy. Have you seen my little ginger anywhere? She disappeared again. You know, I think she is running away from you, witch-boy. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she really don't fancy you all that much. Not that I can blame her. You are a trillion times older than she is after all. It's kind of disgusting actually. Could it be described as pedophilia? Hmm, I'm not sure" ok, I take it back. I wanted her out of here! Unfortunately, for me she seemed to stick around like a parasite and she had the unfortunate habit of showing up everywhere.

"Shut up! It's not pedophilia! We're physically the same age" I snapped without looking at her. I really didn't want to deal with this. I had already turned to walk in the opposite direction as her, but of course, she was now following me. I didn't know what her problem was and honestly I really didn't give a rat's ass. I had enough trouble controlling myself so I wouldn't rip her to pieces and send every little bit of her in different direction in the world. Maybe I could get away with burying part of her in Kalahari and then some other part high up in the Himalayas? It shouldn't take too long and Noel never had to know a thing.

"And that's all that matters, isn't it? Being physically compatible" she said in a way too suggestive tone. I curled my hands up into fits and refused to answer that question. It hadn't been what I meant, and it was none of her goddamn business.

"Why are you two even friends?! You're the most despicable person I've ever met and she…" I turned to confront her as the click of her heels started to pester me. Noel was… there was no word for it. She was so innocent and sweet it almost hurt. She was clumsy and seemed to be in constant need of assistant even though she would never ask for it. She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid my eyes upon, but she didn't seem to notice or even know that. Instead, she saw the beauty in everything around her and made the world seem a brighter place. Did that sound cheesy? I didn't really care if that was so.

"When I first met her, it hadn't been my intention to become her best friend, you know. We were both at a boarding school in England. I thought her little innocent act was intriguing and I wanted to see if it was just that: an act. I picked on her. Destroyed her digital camera. Started rumors behind her back. Made other girls pick on her. You get the drift. Nevertheless, she never blamed me for any of it. She either thought I had done something on accident or that I simply hadn't done anything to be cruel to her. That it was just the way I showed affection or something. Stupid girl" the she-devil smiled – and not her usual cruel, condescending smirk, but a real smile. It must've been that smile that made me listen to her instead of punch her brains out. Why did it not surprise me that she did all that to Noel? My Noel!

"I'm not even sure when I stopped trying to get on her nerves and became her friend. I guess I'm still trying to make her react badly to my antics or I just want her attention. But I love that girl to death, and this is the last place or situation I want her to be in. No matter what kind of gift Aro thinks she is going to have as a vampire, she would never be able to use it to his advantage – unless he suddenly becomes peacemaker of the world. Not likely. She would never forgive herself if she was either tricked or pushed into using whatever gift she possesses to do others harm, no matter what crime the Volturi thinks they have committed" she continued almost sadly and I knew she was right. I would never openly admit that I agreed with her, but I knew everything she just said was the truth.

"The thing I'm most scared of is her first year. I fear killing a human could be the end of her and I don't know how to protect her from that" I said in a quiet voice. If anyone had told me an hour earlier that I would have a sincere conversation with this pestilence of an immortal, I would have deemed them mental and torn them to pieces. Or made Jane torture them back into normality.

Beth looked at me solemnly for a few moments, but I couldn't tell what she was thinking - not that I wanted to. She was most likely trying to find a way to use my little confession against me. I was already regretting ever opening my mouth.

"You'll just have to try. Vampires doesn't necessarily have to eat human blood" I was surprised she answered seriously.

"Aro wouldn't like one of his guards going vegan" I argued, quickly recovering over my momentarily shock.

"Then she will destroy herself with her self-blaming and I don't think Aro wants a broken guard either"

I curled my hands into fists yet again, but loosened up after a moment. The parasite on heels was right. Again.

It would have been better if Noel had never come to Volterra that day. If Heidi hadn't picked her up along with those other victims. If Aro hadn't been the one to approach her in the throne room. No! No matter what would happen in the future, I could never wish for Noel's death. It pained my undead heart even to think about it. I just wished… I wished she had never moved to Italy. I knew I would never have met her then, but it was worth sacrificing that if it meant she would be happy and alive.

"We can't change the past, Alec, but we can strive to make to the future more bearable or even better. At least, that's what the klutz told me once" she made a grimace, clearly not comfortable. Well, suck it up, I never been comfortable one second with her here.

..:-:..

"Chelsea! Have you seen Noel?" I asked as soon as I spotted the tall woman. She was walking towards the throne room with Corin – most likely going to see Aro. I was surprised she even left his side. Moreover, Corin always stayed with the wives. Well, I wasn't one to meddle in Aro's affairs. He would do what was best and if he needed them both, it would have to be in a very important matter.

They both turned to look at me with secretive smiles as I approached.

"You just missed her. I'm not sure where she is as we speak, but she is currently turning Demitri and Felix into a pair of five year olds" Chelsea smiled in amusement clearly recalling something funny. This was getting ridiculous. I was anxious to find Noel as she had been avoiding me for the past week and a half – more or less. She had been avoiding Beth too, but that was different. I was more than happy she avoided that she-devil, but avoiding me! That hurt.

I sighed heavily.

"You know, Alec, if you care for the human you better try to work on a truce with Elizabeth" Corin interjected and I sighed yet again. I knew that, all right! Not to mention, even though I just had a heart to heart with the she-devil yesterday, I still didn't like her any better.

"It's not my fault! She keeps being an outright bitch!" I couldn't help but raise my voice a little, to which Chelsea raised her eyebrow at me. I was never one to let my temper get the best of me that was Jane's department. I was the leaned-back, calculating one while Jane openly showed her frustrations and let her temper get the best of her.

"Then be the grown-up of the two of you. Noel is surely tired of your constant bickering – just like the rest of us – but she is either too nice to tell you or too tired of doing so. Put yourself in her shoes. Her boyfriend and best friend can't be in the same room. That got to sting" Corin shrugged, not really caring, but obviously wanted the whole thing done and over with. I hated when everyone was right. Wait… did she just call me Noel's boyfr…

"Alec!" of course Jane had to come around the corner. I turned around to meet my sister's furious gaze. Tom trailed after her like the lost puppy he was. Seriously, I liked the guy and he was good to my sister, but he was so whipped! It was a wonder he hadn't realized it yet, but I guess it was for the better. He outweighed my sister's temperamental and a tad sadistic nature. They were harmonious together and that says a lot! Jane was… happy with him, though she never showed it in public, I knew she appreciated and loved Tom – or she would have tortured and dismembered him long ago. She is not exactly the person to 'put up with someone' unnecessarily.

"Yes, dear sister?" I said in mock innocence. I did enjoy teasing her, especially when she was mad. And that was not just because I knew she would never use her gift on me.

"Get your human under control! She's running wildly all over the place with Felix and Demitri as her lapdogs! It's a nuisance with all that insane giggling and yelling!" my sister complained. Corin and Chelsea had already disappeared down the corridor, clearly taking advantage of the opportunity to go back to their duties.

"They were just playing around. I think they're pretending to be James Bond or Ethan Hunt, or something" Tom explained, not the least bit affected by his mate's rage. That might be one other reason why he was so perfect for her. He could deal with Jane's temperamental nature and he never backed down for her when she was throwing one of her hissy fits like she was doing now – though this was a mild one. Most people backed away from her because of her power. Not that she was a victim on the matter. She didn't like most people either. Even as a human, she liked to keep to herself. Well… ourselves. As we used to always be together before Tom - and now Noel - came along. It was so weird not spending close to every moment of every day in each other's company anymore, but… it was also strangely liberating. I still loved her just as dearly as ever, but it was nice being… detached to put it frankly.

"Where did you see her?!" I asked, but Jane simply crossed her arms and looked away. I rolled my eyes at her childishness – I know, very hypocritical of me. Let her be offended if that's what she wanted.

"They went to the clock tower" Tom smiled wryly with a toss of his head in the said direction. I nodded my thanks and ran towards the clock tower. I caught their scent here and there, but it was always faint. I started to grow impatient. Would that stupid girl just stop running and hiding?! I needed to speak with her. I needed to see her. It had been days since I last saw her – literally! Felix and Demitri wouldn't even let me near her room anymore as if I was some sort of decease-bearing leper! They might be responsible for her safety, but I wasn't a risk to her dammit!

We hadn't even had time to discuss how I was suddenly chosen to be the one to turn her, because that stupid, obnoxious best friend of her showed up! I wasn't even sure how I felt about it – but I had strongly mixed feelings about. On one hand I was glad to be the one to do it, but on the other hand… I just wasn't sure I could do it when it came down to it. It would be like killing her. I knew she would become an immortal, but she would also lose so much – like her constant blushing and her dead-give-away of a heartbeat. Those were things I loved and adored about her and… turning her would take all that away. I knew turning her was the only way she could stay with me. Our conversation from our first and only date still haunted me. I was scared shitless of her maybe changing her mind about becoming a vampire and choosing death over immortality – over me. If she wanted to die rather than live forever I wasn't sure what I would do. I don't think I could ever let her go, but I also didn't want to live an eternity in regret. There was nothing more poisonous than that and it would only make her fade away. She needed to want it and I needed to know she wasn't still second-guessing her choice. And I needed to make sure she actually wanted me to turn her.

I rushed up the dusty stairs of the rarely visited clock tower. Their scent grew stronger and soon I could hear the sound of a steady heartbeat. Da-thump. Da-thump. Da-thump. If my own heart hadn't been dead and unmoving I might have thought the heartbeat to be mine. It disseminated to my entire being. I momentarily closed my eyes and took in the sound. It was so beautiful to me, almost sacred. It was the sign of my love's presence, her life. Seriously, I was falling fast and hard. It was a wonder Jane hadn't given me hell about it yet – oh wait, she had, multiple times.

Another sound joined the steady drum of her heart: her laughter and whispered words. It seemed she indeed was playing around with her two bodyguards. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. As I reached the top of the stairs, I felt the need to take a deep breath, though I did not need the air. I knew Felix and Demitri was aware of my presence, though they did not seem to make Noel aware of it. I silently thanked them for finally letting me near her. I was on the verge of using my gift if they hadn't stopped acting as an Alec-deflecting force field. Yeah, I had no idea what I was internally babbling about. Desperation does that to a man, you know - even an undead one.

I opened the creaking, wooden door to find the trio sitting Indian-style on the dusty floor. You could see the back of the clock behind them with the many gears ticking slowly in the gran installation. You could even glimpse the inverted numbers through the giant clockwork if.

"Oh, Alec, you found us" her voice floated airily towards me and rolled around me like a delicate blanket. Her heartbeat quickened much to my amusement. I always adored how her heartbeat seemed to speed up when I came closer. I wasn't dense or naïve like her – cute as it was. I knew her body reacted to my presence and I had to admit it was a giant boost for my ego – though I'm sure Heidi would tell me I didn't need any boosts on that front. She met my eyes with a small smile and a twinkle in those lovely blue orbs of hers. I returned her smile, even though that had not been my first intend. I wanted to talk to her. Ask her why she found the need to avoid me. However, as soon as I saw her, I found it didn't matter as much. What mattered was that look on her face as if her day just got better because of me. She was the sun and stars to me. I don't even know when I got to feel this way towards her. When I first saw her when Aro had spared her life because of something, he saw in her, I had felt a strange pull. At first, I had thought it to be a mere attraction because of her obvious beauty, but now I knew better. She was supposed to be my mate and I just had to be patient until she realized this too. I wouldn't say I would wait forever, because not even I was that patient if she didn't figure out her feelings towards me soon, I might have to push her a teeny tiny bit.

"It wasn't easy. I'm surprised you managed to keep yourself hidden from both Beth and me this long" I smiled, not daring to step into the room as if I would be invading something sacred.

"I had help" she blushed. I could hear the rush of her blood as she did so. It was a good thing she wasn't my blood-singer, or her constant blushing would have driven me mad by now. Demitri smirked at me while Felix stood.

"Let's go, Demitri. Noel, come find us when you need some saving" he half-joked.

"Or yell" Demitri grinned as they made their way towards the door. I had to step a few paces away from the door in order for them to get past, but I didn't move any closer to Noel who was still sitting peacefully at the floor. She looked so small and unreal sitting in the dust with the dim light flowing in through the clock behind her. The rays of sun that had managed to get through was reflecting specks of dust, making the room look more dreamlike than it were in reality. The sun played lazily with her hair, making it look almost as if it was on fire. Her baby-blue eyes twinkled at me with the same open and carefree look about them as always, though there was a tint of guilt to be traced in her expression. Her clothes were a little tousled and slightly dusty from sitting in there. I couldn't help but notice that she weren't wearing one of her many sundresses today, but instead wore tight jeans that complemented her legs and the shirt she was wearing hung loosely around her torso. Her sweet scent teased my senses and the most welcoming way. I could almost feel the mortal heat radiating off her from all the way over here.

"Oh, I don't think that will be necessary, but thank you" she smiled serenely at them. My observations hadn't lasted more than a millisecond. Felix chuckled before giving me a pointed look. I rolled my eyes. As if, I would hurt her or make her upset. Well, I was happy she had someone to look after her other than just me.

I looked back at her when we were finally alone. I could hear the others move almost silently down the flight of stairs. Noel hadn't moved from her spot on the floor. She had started fidgeting with her hair, not willing to meet my eyes now that we were alone. Good. Then she was aware of what might be coming.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" I asked, still not moving from my spot near the door. She then met my eyes with a sorry look. Man, I had to keep strong, if I didn't want her to get away with this! She didn't even know how cute she looked with those puppy-dog eyes of hers.

"I didn't mean to, I just… I don't know how else to get you two's attention. It's not like you listen to me when I'm saying anything" she said quietly and I, of course, couldn't help but feel bad. She had me wrapped around her little finger and she didn't even know it.

"She started it" I heard myself say. Great, now I felt bad and extremely childish - more than I did before.

"I know" she offered me yet another of her tiny smiles. She gently padded the space beside her as a silent invitation. I felt my body move on its own accord and before I knew it, I was sitting beside her on the dirty moth-eaten floor. I felt like an awkward teenage boy sitting beside his school-crush, which was almost funny when you thought about it. Here I was, a centuries old vampire trapped in a 15 years old* body that had never been in love before I met her and all I could do was hang on to a childish urge to blame her best friend instead of taking the responsibility upon myself. Chelsea and Corin was right. I really did need to grow up. If Beth didn't want to lay differences aside, I had to be the one to do so anyway.

I tentatively took her hand that was still fidgeting with her hair and met her blue eyes. I forced back a smile as her heartbeat leapt.

"Can you forgive my stubborn childishness? I promise I'll try to tolerate her. Or die trying" I couldn't help adding the last part in a teasing note. She smiled widely.

"That's all I wanted. Well, not you dying and there really is nothing to forgive. An apology would have been more than enough actually" she started rambling and I smiled wryly as she blushed in embarrassment. I placed a quick kiss on her nose and reveled in the quickened pace of her heart. I wondered for the billionth time how her body would react if I kissed those rosy lips of hers. How heavenly it would be to let my hands wander across her pale, soft skin. Feel her pulse under my fingertips. Hear her…

Snap out of it! I couldn't think like that! It could have immense consequences if I were to give in to those wants. She was so pure and innocent. I did not dare to risk ruining that. She was so precious to me and though I would love nothing more than to have a more physical relationship with her, I almost didn't even dare think of it - at least not while she was still human. It was too risky. She was far too fragile and soft for me to lose any kind of control.

Man, this must have been like for that mind reader in the Olympic coven. Arg, now I'm comparing myself to those vegetarians. I might not dislike them as much as my sister did, but I did not care for them either. They had been nothing but trouble since Isabella joined them – and as a human too!

Focus, Alec, focus!

Noel pulled me back to reality as she delicately laid her head on my shoulder. I tensed at first, her scent enveloped me in a cocoon of mandarins, roses and strawberries, but I soon relaxed and rested my head against hers. Ah, if a heaven truly existed this would be it. I put my arm around her tiny frame just to keep her closer – or maybe I just wanted to make sure she didn't go anywhere. Or maybe both.

"Can we stay like this for a while? I have missed you, though I guess that's my own fault" she giggled quietly and I could feel the vibrations go through her body. I chuckled. I wanted nothing more than stay like this.

"I forgive you" I teased though I had missed her more than I cared to admit. She giggled again. It was contagious, her happiness. It made my unmoving heart soar.

She shifted slightly so that she was leaning more against my side than before, her head now resting against my chest just above my still heart. She sighed contently.

"It's so weird that you don't have a heartbeat" she muttered as if talking to herself, but I of course heard her clearly.

"That's what you get for being dead" I answered in a half serious note. She was silent for a moment.

"I can't imagine not having a heartbeat of my own" she said almost melancholically as if she had already been turned. I held her a little closer to my side. I found that I didn't want to talk about that - not yet anyway. It could wait. There were still a few months to Christmas. We had time. I sighed. Who was I kidding?

"Me neither"

..:-:..

"Explain to me again, why we're doing this" I wanted to know, as we climbed the highest tree in the garden. It was an old apple tree, not more than a few meters and the branches were easy to climb. Noel had pulled me by the hand to the garden a few minutes ago from the clock tower, leading me straight towards the tree we were now trying to climb. She was on a branch above mine when she decided we were up high enough and she sat down on a steady-looking branch that could easily hold us both. She smiled happily at me as I sat down beside her, waiting for an answer.

"Sometimes it's nice to do something for no reason whatsoever other than just doing it. I think it's good for the soul to sometimes do something with no purpose" she reflected in a dreamlike voice. I felt a smile tug at my lips at her words. I should've known she would've made me climb several meters up in an apple tree for no reason whatsoever. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. The sound of her fluttering heart was the sweetest music to me.

"Then what now?" I asked, looking forward to what she might come up with next. She was swinging her legs almost lazily back and forth in the empty air under us, a light blush decorating her pale cheeks.

"I don't know. That's the beauty of it, isn't it?" she smiled serenely, raising her camera to look on the world around us through it. She rarely left her room without that monstrous thing. It seemed so heavy when it hung around her delicate neck, but she never seemed to take notice of it, as if it had simply become a part of her being.

"The sun is going down soon. Have you eaten yet?" I asked casually. She was such an airhead; she often forgot to eat if one didn't remind her.

She turned the camera in my direction, but didn't take a picture, simply looking at me through the lens.

"Now that you mention it, actually no" she smiled goofily and lowered the camera. I smiled wryly as she confirmed my suspicion. She quickly lifted the camera and took a picture of me with a triumphant smile. I was so used to her taking random pictures of me and everything around her; I didn't even get surprised anymore.

"Yes! I got it" she smiled and leaned closer towards me to show me her newest edition to her trillion of pictures. Felix had to give her a laptop for her to store her many pictures as the camera's memory had been filled more than once already.

"See, see!" she breathed passionately with a twinkle in her eyes. I smiled widely at her enthusiasm. I loved how fired up she got over photography. She could take a picture of the simplest, every-day object and still act as if Christmas had come early.

I compliantly glanced down at the picture of me smiling wryly at the camera. I couldn't see why she got so worked up about it, as there was nothing special about the picture. Yeah, it was beautifully taken and I looked good, but that was just one of the benefits of being a vampire. I never liked getting my picture taken. Maybe I was just old-fashioned. I was after all born in a time where humans were so superstitious and afraid of everything that was different that they burned so-called witches.

"Let me take one of you. You're a much more fascinating subject than me" I winked at her and took her camera, not waiting for an answer. She smiled with a blush.

"That's not true" she said almost getting outraged at the thought. I chuckled and brought the camera to my face. She was still blushing furiously as she offered me a tiny smile.

"I'm far more comfortable behind the camera" she argued.

"Too bad, now smile" I ordered with a smile of my own. She gave me an awkward look.

"I'm no good at posing" she told me. I had to try something, if I wanted a good picture were she didn't smile stiffly at me. She was so shy and obviously didn't like being the subject of attention. I gently lowered the camera and tilted my head slightly to the side. What could I do?

"What?" she asked taking notice of me being up to something. I smiled mischievously as I came up with something and lifted the camera again.

"Nothing" I told her innocently before continuing.

"Just… tell me how you got the camera" I asked truly curious though I was trying something too. She got a melancholically look about her face and the softest of smiles played across her lips.

"My brother, Trevor, gave it to me as a birthday gift a few years ago. I had long wanted a professional camera other than disposables and my digital one. I used up all the memory in a day or two because I was so happy about getting it, Trevor and mom actually got a little sick of me those days" while she talked I discreetly took a few pictures. She was beautiful even though there was something sad about it in the moment. I knew she missed her family immensely, but I also knew there was nothing I could possibly do. It would be like signing their death sentence if she came to visit them, and if she simply went to see them without them knowing, it would only make matters worse. I lowered the camera to rest on my lap. I could say nothing that would make her loss any easier. I didn't even fully understand it. I hadn't loved my family like she did hers. I hadn't even cared for anyone in my family other than Jane and I had never been kept from her like Noel was being prevented from seeing her family. I guess I would hate it, if I couldn't go see Jane whenever I wanted like I had been able to my entire life – or should I say: afterlife.

Noel met my eyes still wearing that soft smile of hers, but it quickly grew wider and less melancholically.

"I don't regret how my life has turned out, Alec" she said as if she had heard my thoughts and I almost felt heartbroken. I was very torn on this matter. On one hand, I wanted her to be happy even if that wasn't necessarily with me, but on the other hand, I wasn't sure I could truly live without her. I knew there was no way I could let go of her now that she was here, but I also knew how selfish that was of me. The one thing I didn't know was if this life was truly what was the best thing for her, if death were more gentle for her or if I wished for her to never have come into my life in the first place.

"How can you not?" I had to ask. She took the camera and hung it on a branch before turning to me yet again. She gently took my hand and met my eyes. It was always unnerving for me to see her being serious. Maybe that was because it rarely happened. Yes, she had a situational awareness as she knew what times called for, but most of the time she was just so carefree and happy as if nothing could bring her down.

"For one, I'm living in what seems like a fairy tale to me" she smiled and I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. It was more like a nightmare than a fairy tale, but I knew she would never agree with me. For some unknown reason to me, she didn't seem to naturally fear us vampires. She had even told me about thinking we were death angels when she first saw us. Angels! That was a comparison I hadn't heard ever before.

"And if I hadn't been included in the Volturi – or at least on the way to be included – I would never have met Felix, Demitri or Heidi… or you" she blushed deeply and her heartbeat quickened. My own would have jumped if it could. I knew she was physically attracted to me as I could easily hear and see it, though she didn't know herself yet, but that didn't necessarily mean she loved me like I loved her. I wanted desperately for it to be true, but I didn't dare to read too much into her words - or physical reaction. She was too sweet and dense to come with underlying meanings. Don't get me wrong, I like that part of her, but it just made me so confused sometimes. Weird, when she is so straightforward, one would think it would be easier to tell what she was thinking or feeling. Yes, I know she told me she liked me just before that she-devil of a best friend came along, but with Noel, one couldn't be quite sure if it was meant as a friendly comment or something more.

"Me?" I pushed. I know. I know. But I couldn't help it.

"Of course" she said matter-of-factly. I sighed. Heidi was right. If I wanted Noel to know of my feelings, I would have to spell it out for her, but I wasn't ready for that yet. As a vampire, I had gotten used to having all the time in the world, which was why I never hurried anything unnecessarily. I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing in this situation. Noel wouldn't be human for more than a few more months, but then we would have an eternity to figure things out.

Still, I couldn't help but feel as though time was slipping through my fingers.

AN: *yeah, I know Alec and Jane was turned when they were 12-13 years old, but I thought 15 fitted a little better – I have "consulted" with wikipedia for twilight just to be sure on certain details such as that... I don't feel like I make much sense, so I'm just gonna shut up now.

I hope you enjoyed my Alec POV and I'll try uploading next chapter as soon as possible.