The small skeleton's soul is now inside you and it tries to connect but is stopped by a seemingly unbreakable barrier. Even so, your eyes gloss over and your chest feels heavy with both your burdens. Your knees go weak, the weight of Sans' magic pulling you down finally becoming too much to resist. You fall forwards to the floor, him following right behind you, still holding on and unable to stand up on his own.
The magic that bursts from his soul at a steady pace surrounds yours, over the black fog that encases it and his consciousness is transferred to you.
Suddenly, when Sans opens his eyes, he's no longer in the judgement hall but in an entirely different plane altogether. His surroundings feel familiar despite being nothing but a strange darkness with no end in sight. It feels familiar because this space belongs to you and the depths of your being and his soul knows yours better than his own.
He brings his hands up in front of his face and turns them over, inspecting them carefully and noting how it seems like they have a faint cyan glow about them. And when he looks down at his chest the intensity of that glow is increased tenfold, almost blinding in the dark environment. Putting the self-inspection aside he tries to focus on what he's supposed to do.
His mind feels hazy and he's not sure if it's because of his physical injuries or the fact that this is your subconscious and that's exactly how your soul feels. With a violent shake of his head, Sans listens closely to his surroundings, the faint hiss of whispered voices invading his conscience. His head twists in the direction it felt like the noise came from and without a second thought he starts walking towards it. It isn't long until he sees something.
In the distance there's a weak glow that immediately makes his soul leap with recognition. He steps closer and the glimmering light takes shape, turning into a person lying on the ground in foetal position. He can tell that it's you without a shadow of a doubt and starts running towards you. But when he's a few meters away from you, arms outstretched towards you, he runs into what looked like an invisible barrier, stumbling backwards from the impact. He looked in awe at the black ripples that spread around you like a bubble, like someone had thrown a rock into a previously still and undisturbed lake.
Sans' sockets widen slightly as it sinks in how massive this wall seems to be. Like a two-way mirror he can see inside but when you open your eyes, filled with glistening tears and fear, all you see is darkness looming over you, the voices ringing and echoing all around filling you with dread and sorrow.
You squeeze your eyes shut yet again and curl back further into yourself. Sans gasps when he feels himself being pushed further away, the barrier growing larger and thicker. The glow from inside dims as if you're being smothered by your own darkness and it nearly breaks him. All of a sudden he starts feeling exhausted and heavy, like the suffocating black that's taking you hostage is slowly creeping into him too.
Your soulmate puts his hands against the barrier and pushes against it. It doesn't budge just as he expected. He can hear the terrible things that are shouted at you inside your head. A chant of 'freak', 'useless' and 'no one would ever love you'. He sees you tremble with each word and when he hears the heart wrenching sob that wracks through your body he feels angry.
Hands ball to fists and he punches the prison you've built for yourself. "Don't listen to them! They're all lies! Star, please! I'm here!" He shouts at you as the dark ripples form growing circles from where he hit the walls.
You can't hear him under the voices and you just try to make yourself smaller still. For a moment all other voices go quiet for the worst of all to speak loud and clear, a fragment of a memory passed.
"All this time wasted on you. You're nothing but a failed experiment."
The words are like a knife cutting deep into your heart and fuel for the rage that rises in Sans. His whole body quivers, bones rattling and he hits the barrier with all the strength he can muster.
"Stop! That's not true!" With each sentence he punches the wall harder, his eye spilling blue magic, like a flame fed by the hatred in those words that are quickly followed by countless others like it. "Stop saying that! She's wonderful and I love her!" His voice is closer to a growl than anything else, and with one more forceful blow, the tiniest crack appears.
A shy beam of light trickles out of it and in a second of shock Sans brushes his hand over the newly formed fissure. Your head snaps up and you stare right at him, seeing the light that bleeds in through the line of brightness, shining in the suffocating dark.
He looks straight at you, feeling your eyes burn holes into his skull despite the fact that you're not actually seeing him. He starts calling for you, screaming for you, hitting the invisible wall with all his might, wishing for it to break down.
Inside, you hear something faintly underneath all the voices. But it sounds muffled, as if you were underwater and they were just outside. You slowly and painfully get to your feet, and Sans freezes. Your eyes are glistening with tears, the glow of your aura dim. You can't stop staring at the crack of light in front of you, like a bright beacon in the never-ending darkness. Your lips are slightly parted and he just wants to take your face in his hands and kiss them.
"Darkness is where you belong." A voice sneers and you close your eyes with a sob, hugging yourself and collapsing down to your knees.
The briefness of hope you felt was all but gone. You were here for a reason. You had no right to hope for what was beyond.
Fury rises in Sans once more and he's back to trying desperately to break down your walls, feeling himself getting pushed further away. The tiny crack he managed to create closes slightly. He looks at you in absolute despair, watching as your own dark thoughts surround you, the walls growing thicker. The voices loom over you like shadowy figures, holding you hostage and slowly snuffing out your light, sucking the life out of you.
What hurts him the most is that you could stop this if you just let your walls down. If you just let him in, he could help you. He punches the barrier again, pushing against it in an effort to stop it from pushing him away in turn. His soul is aching terribly as he sees the crack glue back shut, inch by agonizing inch.
"Listen to me! Let me in! Please!" He begs, shouting as loud as he can to no avail.
He feels the remnants of his energy start to dwindle. Placing his closed fists on each side of his head, leaned against the barrier. He lets himself slide down to his knees, bones rattling from the unbearable guilt of not being able to do anything. When he's supposed to be the one closest to you, he can't reach you for the life of him.
He places his hand over the fissure that's now almost gone, nothing but a scratch on the surface. Blue beads of magic start forming at the corners of his eye sockets.
"Please…" He whispers miserably. You don't even budge from your hunched position, hands covering your ears uselessly.
He slumps his shoulders, head and limbs falling limply. He feels defeated.
"Don't give up…" Another voice echoes around him. You seem to hear it too because you lift your head ever so slightly, a flash of hopefulness ghosting over your features.
Sans clenches his jaw and takes a hand to his chest, a sudden burst of newfound resolve igniting his spirit. He summons every ounce of strength still left inside him and assaults the bubble of darkness that's surrounding you.
"I'm not going to give up." He mutters through gritted teeth. The crack slowly grows back to its beginning size. "I made you a promise that I'd always bring you back into the light." His fists connect with the wall and bounce back, but he keeps going. His left eye has come to life with a burning flame that sparked in his soul. "I'm not giving up on you, on us!"
You tremble, looking around you and seeing the darkness shift, not knowing how that's even possible. But in front of you, somewhere in the distance light keeps leaking in. It almost looks as if it's growing stronger. It has a warm glow, inviting. You feel heavy, burdened. It's like someone's holding you down with the weight of your own sins, the weight of your tortured memories.
You ignore the unbearable load on your shoulders. With everything you've got you drag yourself towards the light. You can't do more than crawl at first.
Sans is on the other side, calling you, encouraging you, telling you how much he wants you, needs you and loves you. Your soulmate is fighting to bring those walls crashing down, spent but still going. When he sees you coming towards him it feeds the flame in his being.
With each tortuous inch, you feel yourself getting stronger. You finally manage to get yourself to stand, but it's as if hands are clawing at your ankles, making it extremely hard to move. You start to wonder why you're here, and why you didn't want to leave.
"Come on! Just a little closer! I'm right here!" Sans shouts through the barrier that's got you prisoner.
You think you can almost hear someone calling for you, urging you forward. There's something there, beyond that light, you're certain of it. And with every fibre of your being you want to get to it. You reach out in front of you, you're so close you can almost taste it. Your arm is shaking weakly as you take another painfully arduous step.
"S…" A word starts forming on your lips that you're not entirely sure where it came from.
With a screech of pain you fall, short for breath. It feels like the whole world is weighing down on you. You're so close. You stretch your arm as far as it goes, the darkness beneath you rising like cold fingers and wrapping around your body. You let out a choked cry as you feel it grip your legs and start pulling you back down, the angry voices raining down on you like a storm of misery.
"NO!" Sans screams on the other side, hitting the invisible wall harder than he thought possible. "Let her go! Star! Please! FIGHT BACK! You're almost there!"
The crack grows larger still and the light bleeds in. You notice that it has a cyan tinge to it. It feels so familiar.
The darkness inside you keeps trying to pull you down further but you dig your nails into the ground and let out a grunt as you pull yourself forward. You shout as if ready to go to war, when really that's exactly what you're doing. You're at war with yourself. You push yourself off the ground, springing free from the pull of the darkness, tears streaming down your cheeks.
"You have nothing. This is what you are. You can't leave." The voices chant. "You're useless, no one loves you. You don't deserve anything but despair!"
The words pierce through you like sharp swords but you keep going, determined to reach the light. The closer you get to it, the louder the voices spew hatred at you. But at the same time they're easier to ignore because all you can focus on is that beacon of hope. You latch onto it with everything you've got.
You're almost there. You can almost touch it. Sans is right there even though you don't consciously know it. He rests his hand over the crack, not quite wide enough to get it through. You're so close he could reach out and touch you if only that wall wasn't still between you.
Your hand reaches for the fault in the barrier but you stop yourself at the last second, doubt flashing across your face. And in that split second of hesitation, the crack grew longer and spread to the ground beneath you.
Both of you followed it with your eyes and from it, right behind you, a dark figure rose and formed. It looked just like you but darker, with blood red eyes and a sickeningly twisted smile spreading over the lips. It grabbed you by the waist, another hand coming up to pull your head to the side, whispering into your ear in a voice that once belonged to your torturer.
"You don't have to worry about your future anymore. You no longer have one." It laughed and the whole fortress you'd built cracks like a broken mirror.
Your eyes widen as you look straight at Sans, the ground breaking beneath you and leading you down further into the darkness, the dark creature enveloping you and starting to swallow you whole. Sans' soul sinks in the split second that he sees you falling again. He's momentarily frozen in shock until he feels like a hand is on his back and pushing him forward to fall down with you.
The words 'save her' echo in his head as he plummets into the darkness after you. Your arm is still reaching towards him and the wicked cackles of the darkness is all he can hear as he stares at your terrified expression. You weren't trying to keep him out. You were trying to keep that thing from getting to you, and you left only fear and basic survival instinct behind in the process.
"I promised you." He says bringing his arm down to you. There's a literal fire in his eyes. "I'll keep that promise if it's the last thing I do."
You're both falling endlessly, down into the depths of your being, the depths of your darkness. He dives towards you, fingertips brushing against each other in a reminiscence of the beginning of this whole mess. But this time he can save you. He will save you. He stretches as much as he can muster and his phalanges wind around your hand, gripping so tightly it almost hurt.
As soon as you connected you explode in a blinding light that spreads all around. The dark figure that was holding on to you suddenly lets go with a screech, acting as if burned. The brilliant brightness spreads until there's nothing else but the two of you. It feels like you're being surrounded by raw emotion and the dark fog around your soul has finally lifted. You feel his soul envelop yours and bathe you in his love. Finally, you're together again.
Just as it had begun, it ended. You find yourself on a cold tiled floor, surrounded by the vastness of the judgement hall. The horrible images Chara showed you flash before your eyes until your gaze falls on your soulmate, lying behind you somewhere between consciousness and fainting.
You crawl over to him, sobs already wracking your body. You can't see much over the blur of tears that flood your field of vision. All you can see is a stain of red where Sans should be. The salty droplets fall from your eyes onto your hands hovering over his blood-covered shirt. To add to that pain, you realise that the voices aren't gone, despite now knowing they're not real.
But real or not, what they're saying doesn't ring any less true. You did this to him. This is your fault. Your hands are shaking violently, all of you is. Nothing but a string of unintelligible noises of despair and horror leave your lips as you choke on the sobs, not knowing what to do.
"S-S-Sans…" You stutter out, voice cracking so badly it would've been enough to break anyone's heart.
He groans slightly and you fully break down crying. He's still alive. He's not dead yet. But you don't dare to touch him, bring his soul out, or yours for that matter. You did this to him. You hurt him. You can't trust yourself anywhere near him anymore. Especially not with those people inside your head. Even knowing that they're a figment of your imagination, you might still listen to them. You can't risk that happening. You can't hurt him ever again. You can't hurt anyone ever again.
However, you can't just leave him here to die either. One thing you know for certain. You've teleported like him before. It was out of instinct, fuelled by fear and a need to get away, but that didn't matter. It is your only option. Through your desperate weeping, you focus hard on where you are and where you want to be, praying that who you need will be there. You bring your trembling hands down to rest on both of the small skeleton's arms and call forth all of the magic you can muster, bending and ripping the fabric of reality.
As soon as you find yourself in the living room you let go of Sans and crawl backwards away from him. "Papyrus!" You scream in high-pitched hysterics. "Papyrus, please! Papyrus!" You call frantically.
Much to your relief, the lanky skeleton comes running out of his room, eye sockets wide. When he sees his brother sprawled on the floor, clothes completely stained with blood he immediately leaps to his side.
"What happened?! Sans! BROTHER!" He yells.
"P-please, you have to help him." You manage to say between the uncontrollable sobs, not even noticing that he's already enveloping Sans in healing magic. "Y-y-you have to save him. I-I can't. I c-c-can't." Bringing your hands up to cover your mouth, you dissolve into a wailing mess. "I'm so sorry."
You choke the words out before getting to your feet and stumbling to the bathroom, locking yourself in there. You feel unwilling to actually leave before knowing Sans will be fine.
Papyrus doesn't have the time to make sense of what's going on, his brother being the top priority at the moment. Not knowing where exactly his injuries sit, Papyrus just surrounds his whole body focusing on the points that seem to be sucking out most of his energy. It seems like it's concentrated on his ribs so he gathers all his efforts on that particular area. He lets out an immense sigh of relief when the other starts squirming slightly, eyes opening slowly.
"Paps?" Sans mumbled, feeling awfully disoriented.
When he finally realises where he is, he shoots up, wincing from the pain in his ribs. His younger brother puts an arm behind his back to steady him.
"Don't move! I'm trying to heal you!" He scolds.
But despite the pain he tries to worm out of Papyrus' hold. "I gotta… Where is-" He cuts himself off when the room starts spinning and dark spots appear in his vision.
"Like I said…" The taller of the two starts, forcefully picking Sans up from the floor and placing him on the couch. "Stay still, I'm taking care of you!"
With his dizziness there wasn't actually much he could do, so he just sat back and waited for his brother to be done. When he seemed sufficiently satisfied with the results, Papyrus eased his magic to a halt, raising the elder's stained shirt over his chest. His features twist in concern seeing the ribs still cracked and splintered in several spots. Despite anyone's best efforts that would take at least a few days to heal.
"You should rest now, Sans." He murmurs, letting the shirt fall back down.
Your soulmate grabs Papyrus' arm and looks him straight in the eyes. "Where is she, Paps? I'm worried about her."
The younger's mouth turns into a straight line of apprehension. When you arrived you looked guilt-ridden, filled with regret and scared… Possibly of yourself. And now his clearly weakened brother wanted to go see you. He isn't at all sure that is the best idea. Even so, the look on Sans' face didn't leave a shadow of a doubt that this wasn't a request but a demand.
"I saw her going towards the bathroom, I think." Papyrus whispers resigned.
"Thank you." Is all the other says before getting up with great effort. "Oh, and call Alphys. Someone's with her, he'll talk to you. Tell her to bring him over." Sans says, remembering that he had left Gaster with the tiny scientist.
He then proceeds to drag his feet across the hall, leaning against the walls for support before nearly collapsing by the bathroom door, knocking on it weakly. The only response he gets is a heart-wrenching sob, but he feels relieved. At least you haven't left. He tries to twist the knob but you've locked the door, obviously.
Sans grunts quietly from the effort of gathering enough magic to teleport to the other side of the door. You yelp at the sight of him, crawling away and curling into a tiny ball at the farthest corner of the small space.
"Y-y-you need to stay a-away from me." You sob. You could actually make yourself disappear now, you could clearly tell he was fine, under the circumstances. Despite that, you find yourself unable to leave.
Sans simply laughs through his pain, looking straight at you and leaning an arm against the toilet to hold up his head. "You know I can't do that, sweetheart." He merely states.
He tries to inch closer to you but you flinch away, raising your arm in front of you in some sort of warning. "Please, Sans. D-don't come any closer." You beg. He completely ignores your request and scoots closer still. "I don't want to hurt you again!" You shout as he's still crawling forward. "I c-can still hear them Sans, please…" You cry, voice lowering to a pained whisper.
The small skeleton drags himself until he's right in front of you, your arm shaking as you keep it held up to ward him off. You breathe out another plea for him to leave and he takes your outstretched hand in his, tugging at your arm. You're pulled forwards into his arms, causing him to groan faintly from the light impact to his sore ribs. His silent complaint sends a wave of guilt through you and you sob harder into his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry…" Your voice is stretched thin from the effort of speaking through your ceaseless tears. "You ne-eed to stay away from me s-so I don't hurt you anymore." You whisper in hiccups.
His fingers run through your hair gingerly. "Then why are you holding on to me so tightly?" He asks softly, the question holding no mirth or even curiosity, more of an acknowledgement than anything else.
You realise that you're clasping his jacket in such a vice that your knuckles are surely turning white. The voices call you a hypocrite. Once again, they're not wrong. You let yourself melt into Sans' embrace, letting your anguish out in the resounding howls of a tortured soul.
Slowly and gently, he rocks you from side to side, not saying anything due to exhaustion but also to respect your needs. He knows he has to let you cry. Holding you and being there for you is the only thing he can do right now.
Staining his clothes even further than they already are, you keep weeping into him. You cry until there are no more tears and no more feelings. You cry until you've grown blissfully numb and the voices are nothing but a distant whisper in the depths of your subconscious. You slip under the soft blanket of much needed sleep.
NOTE: BACK TOGETHER YAY! But there's still that problem with the voices, huh? :/
I enjoyed writing this one out, hope that translates to you enjoying reading it as well and that it reads okay :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and as always, feel free to leave any feedback, it really keeps me going ^.^
Until next time...