Thank you to my wonderful Beta, Tamani. And once more, I'm sorry to all of you who aren't big fans of romance, some of the beginning parts are romance-y. Thank you everyone, for sticking with me this far through the story. Edited by Tamani 17/07/2015
Selfish
Hinata stared at the ceiling, wondering how all of this happened. How had she managed to get into this position? What had just happened three hours ago? What… how… why… those were all questions that she wasn't able to answer: all questions that she may never be able to answer.
But whatever the answers were, the steady beating of Itachi's heart was distracting her from thinking about them. It was a comforting sound, one that she wasn't used to hearing; probably because this was the first time that she had ever lied on his chest. And, to be perfectly honest, it wouldn't be the last time, either. Especially now… that they had… entered their rather… peculiar… relationship? It was a relationship, right? What else could it possibly be? After all, they had kissed… and now here she was, lying on his chest.
Hinata wasn't really sure what to think about it. Her mind felt empty and too full at the same time. She was in a relationship with Itachi Uchiha. She was in a relationship with Itachi Uchiha. She was in a relationship with Itachi Uchiha. When and how had this happened?
It wasn't like it was a bad thing, she mused. No - it was just something rather unexpected. She never thought that she would ever enter such a relationship, never mind the fact that it was with the ex-genius of her village, and one of the most powerful shinobi in the world. And to think that if neither of the massacres had happened, they probably never would have even met. She would still be chasing Naruto without a clue or care of his existence, while he would be up to his ears in clan affairs. But, what had happened had happened and now here they were, with her head on his chest and her legs entangled with his. And he… well, he was probably sleeping.
Hinata shifted her body, trying to reach a more comfortable position on top of him. But, apparently he was awake, because he squeezed her and whispered, "Don't do that." Her eyebrow twitched. Why was he pretending to be asleep when he was awake? Sighing, her eyes went back up towards the ceiling. No, it was impossible, after all. She'd never be able to fully comprehend the thought that Itachi and her were… dating.
She'd never really thought about him in that way before. Previously, Itachi was always like a dream to her: someone that was perfect in many senses of the word, and someone who she should try to be like. In fact, he was often too perfect. It made her feel uncomfortable, like she wasn't good enough. Like she would never be good enough.
Bad thoughts.
Maybe… Just maybe, Itachi didn't want her in particular, but just wanted someone next to him. Maybe he was just too tired of being alone, and decided that she was the most suitable companion. And logically, she was. Personally, she was honoured to be thought of in that way. By Itachi Uchiha, no less.
So, a companion. No, not like a companion… more like a marriage. As Itachi had said that she would ultimately be responsible for his life, it meant that she was bound to him for the rest of it; not that she particularly minded, but still. Having such commitments… It suddenly felt like a big deal. No, maybe she was going about this the wrong way. Maybe she'd just be responsible until he found someone more suitable to pass the responsibility on to. Yes. That sounded less binding; more practical. Certainly more sensible and conceivable.
That reminded her… since they were in an intimate relationship, did that mean that they would end up having sex? It was a very likely possibility. Hinata snickered under her breath… if her father could read her mind from the grave he would collapse right back into it. To think that the 'innocent' Hinata Hyuuga could be thinking such things! But, then again, she had lost her innocence a long time ago.
And even though she had yet to engage in sexual intercourse, she was actually vaguely interested in it. It was normal, after all; she was sure that Naruto, and Sakura, and even (probably) Itachi had thought about it, especially by her age.
She'd never thought of doing it with anyone in particular, but now that she had Itachi… Well, she could ask him, couldn't she? It wasn't like he was asleep.
"Itachi, when will we have sex?" She felt the body underneath her stiffen, and she wondered why. Was she being too forward? If so, she'd better rephrase that… "Will we ever have sex?"
"Please stop." His voice was so weak and pleading, and unlike him, that Hinata wondered if he was sick.
"Stop what?"
"Stop… saying the word… sex." His body was too still, and for a split second, she thought he wasn't breathing. But she knew better. He was probably just… embarrassed. Embarrassed?
She visibly smirked.
Shifting her position once more, she brought her head closer to his, her mouth on his ear. "Sex," she whispered, before repeating the word multiple times. Each time, her voice got just that bit lower and huskier. Honestly, this felt like child's play. She would've been disappointed if she hadn't found it cute.
"Do you want me to attack you?" He tried sounding like a wolf, but in Hinata's ears, it sounded like a small puppy instead.
"… Are you threatening me this time?" One of her hands slipped under his shirt. "You do know that from this position, I can suck all of the water from your body?" She wasn't being serious, and Itachi knew that. Still, it felt kind of good to threaten him.
"I'll have you paralysed before you can do that," he promised, his hand already on top of hers. Giggling, she removed her hand from his skin - Itachi sounding threatening was just too funny.
Thinking about it, however, it was amazing. How did he manage to bring up her mood like this? Just yesterday, everything was so bleak - so useless - so pointless. Hearing that he was contemplating death himself, Hinata had also given it a thought, and ended up thinking, it might not be that bad. Especially if he were to die, too. Being killed at her sister's hands… it was such a fitting death. She was sure that Itachi thought so, too.
After meeting Hanabi, Hinata no longer cared. With that attitude, she had disclosed some of her private thoughts and feelings to Itachi - not caring whether he hated her - not caring that she had previously decided not to. She didn't think that having Hanabi hate her the way she did would have such a large effect on her. But then again, she had stopped anticipating feelings and emotions a long time ago.
And then Itachi told her he was going to die.
At first, she had been angry - betrayed, almost. How could he tell her to her face that he was going to leave her? How could he say that he was going to give up, after everything that they had gone through together?
That was when she realised. How fitting it all was. And how much it suited herself, too.
Death.
She didn't deserve to live! Heck, what was she doing right now, being happy? She had no right to be happy, not when her family was lying in their graves because of her, not when Hanabi had every right to hate her- "Hinata?"
Itachi was evidently worried, and his hand hesitantly reached towards her face and brushed her hair back. "What's wrong?" That was right. If she didn't live now, Itachi was going to die. She had a reason to live. And even though that was now thoroughly established, they still had a couple of things left to clarify.
"What are we going to do now, Itachi?" She felt as lost as how Itachi looked. "I mean, you've always planned to die, haven't you? So… what now?"
Itachi took a deep breath, and shifted her so that she was now laying next to him, and no longer on top of him. "I still have to die," he started, and Hinata tried to keep her mind blank. She'd listen to him until the end, and then explode. His words were most likely his normal way of playing around with her. Most likely. "Itachi Uchiha still has to die," he paused, and Hinata tried not to give into him.
She failed. "What are you talking about?"
"Itachi Uchiha still has to die," he repeated, emphasising Uchiha. "However, the way that I will die has changed. Or, to be more precise: the only person that can know that I'm alive… is you."
Hinata frowned. "So basically, you're going to fool the whole world with your spectacular genjutsu abilities - you're going to fool Sasuke Uchiha, a fellow Sharingan user?"
He nodded slowly, seemingly pleased that she understood. Well she didn't. Or rather, she refused to understand. "And where do I fit into this? No - I get it - you're going to use me as your link to the shinobi world, aren't you?" She knew him too well. Of course that was what he was planning. He was Itachi Uchiha, she shouldn't have thought for a second that he could've planned anything else. "Well, I refuse."
Pleadingly, he gripped her hand. "But I have to die. Sasuke has to 'kill' me so that he can go back to his village and be hailed as a hero. And Sasuke-"
"I understand that. What I'm refusing, however, is to be your link to the outside world. Itachi Uchiha will die. There will be no sneaking around, disrupting the events through me."
He blinked. "Then what alternative are you suggesting?"
Hinata sighed. It was so simple, why couldn't he see it? "I'm suggesting that we completely forget about our ninja roots. I'm suggesting that we start over, as something else - regular people in a regular place. There is no need to meddle any more than we already have." He looked bewildered, and it was kind of cute. His behaviour was making her think he was cute a lot today, she noticed. Whether that was a good thing or not, she didn't know.
"That's too selfish, Hinata. We can't not help! Look at the world around us: there's so much chaos, and destruction, and we have the power to-"
"Then let's be selfish, Itachi! They don't need us, not anymore. They can all take care of themselves; we've helped too much already." She was doing a lot of interrupting today. That was fine, though. As long as she somehow managed to make Itachi understand. "You are too self sacrificing," her voice softened. "Let's just enjoy the rest of our lives. Together." Although she didn't know how long they would be together, she had obviously made the right choice of words. She could almost see, almost taste his resolve breaking.
"You drive a hard bargain," he replied, beginning to snuggle into her hair. Itachi Uchiha, the infamous Akatsuki. Snuggling. "I hope you're ready for your training. I'm warning you... I'm not the nicest teacher around."
"I wouldn't have it any other way," she responded, sinking into her pillow. She wondered if she was being spoiled by Itachi: having someone so smart and understanding would surely make her forget how to interact with normal people. Of course he understood the fact that Hinata Hyuuga would also have to die. Of course he understood that the genjutsu needed for that would have to be taught by him.
And to show her appreciation, she thought that things had to get a little bit more physical. It wasn't like she minded initiating things - and in this case, things was synonymous with make out sessions. Gripping his hand, Hinata shifted her body weight so that she was once more on top of him - but this time, instead of just laying on top of him, she was straddling him. Pausing, she took a second to stare down at him - what now? She'd never really done this before. Does she just… go for it?
"I never knew I had a thing for dominatrixes. I guess you do learn something-" she interrupted him, this time with a kiss. Boy, she was doing a lot of interrupting today, although she highly doubted he minded. Well maybe he did, he did like to be the one talking- where the heck did he think he was putting his tongue?! Oh, two can play at that game! She inhaled through her nose, and exhaled through her mouth, and warm air hit the back of Itachi's mouth. He did a little moaning sound, and she let her fingers travel to his-
"Am I interrupting something?" The voice made Hinata and Itachi instantly separate, both of them going into defences stances while looking like a mess at the same time. They took a while to stare at the figure, while the figure just stared back blankly.
"… Goddamn it, Pein!" Itachi cursed. The Uchiha smoothed his hair back, doing his best to look presentable. Hinata had never seen him so flustered before; but that was only to be expected, given the situation that they were in.
"I would have coughed, but I had a feeling that even if I did so, you would not have noticed. For all intents and purposes Itachi, I now also posses blackmail against you." Also? Hinata glanced curiously between the two Akatsuki members. What was she missing? She couldn't really… recall anything… she'd have to ask Itachi about it later…
Speaking of him, she'd never seen him scowl so openly before. But as soon as she made that observation, he rearranged his facial expression to once more reenact his usual stone mask. "What did you come here for, Pein?" That was right - why did Pein come in the first place, anyway? He usually didn't contact them unless it was important.
"Sasori is dead," Pein started listlessly, carelessly. "Deidara is injured," he continued to morbidly list. "In Sasori's stead, we have a new member: Tobi. It would do you good to meet him in the near future. That is all." His hologram flickered awkwardly, and it almost looked like Pein was searching for the right words to say. "I will not further disturb you in your… making out."
The red head disappeared this time, much to Hinata's relief. But she hadn't forgotten about his brief conversation with Itachi that had left her feeling a bit out of the loop. "So what was all that about, hmm? Is there something you aren't telling me?" He looked at her blankly, before an expression of recognition crossed his face.
"Well, I accidentally found myself seeing Konan and Pein making out, so that was what he was referring to. It wasn't really important."
They stayed silent. They both knew what had to be said, but neither wanted to be the first to mention it. Finally, Itachi conceded with a sigh. "Sasori's dead," he started, hiding his awkwardness with a neutral voice.
"Yes," she agreed, turning her eyes away from him. Sasori was dead. The puppeteer that usually stayed quiet in the corner was gone. Killed. Dead. She wasn't really sure how to feel about it. Should she be happy since a despicable Akatsuki had been killed? Or should she be sorrowful since a comrade had died? Even though she didn't know Sasori well, she had been acquainted with him for two years, and had seen him on a regular basis. Could she really feel nothing?
Yes, she could. She was so desensitised by now that Sasori's death didn't even make her blink. It didn't matter. Everyone died at one point, anyway… But if that was so, why couldn't she let Itachi go? Did no one really matter? Or more like, why was Itachi so different compared to everyone else? No, that was the wrong way to go about it. Itachi would evidently be more important, seeing as he was the person who knew her the most. Maybe he was the only person to have ever really known the real her.
"We should head back to base," Hinata decided aloud, slowly standing up from her previous lying position on the bed. "We've wasted enough time here."
"I was actually rather enjoying our escape here," Itachi uttered regretfully, also rising from the bed.
"Don't worry, Itachi, we'll get plenty of chances to make out," she teased, before deciding to tease him further. "We'll also get plenty of chances to go beyond making out!"
He turned his head away from her. "You are fully aware that that wasn't what I was referring to," he said, his voice steady. But he couldn't fool her: the back of his ears were red, and even though she couldn't see his face (a move done on purpose, she was sure) she would wager that he was blushing.
Finally deciding to spare him of any more embarrassment, she exclaimed, "Well, it's time for us to leave. I will certainly remember this place, though." Lots of rather memorable events happened here. Maybe both of them would come back one day, just to reminisce on the memories that they had made.
An hour later, they found themselves running through the forest, in the direction of the Akatsuki base. The silence was heavy, for some unknown reason, and it was making Hinata feel uncomfortable.
"So… what do you think of the new member, Tobi?" She tried breaking the silence, but it only made Itachi more tense.
"I have a bad premonition. Currently, I am going through all the information we know about Obito Uchiha."
After that, the silence had become a constant throughout the rest of their journey. When they finally got back to the base, it was Itachi who opened the entrance to the cave. Hinata activated her Byakugan to take note of the chakras in the building: there were seven that she could recognise, and one new one. And the new one had an uncanny… Uchiha-like… feeling. No, she was certain that it was a chakra that belonged to an Uchiha.
"I think your premonition may have been correct," she muttered, snapping out of her momentary daze and taking a step forward. It wasn't like it really mattered that he was an Uchiha - not to them - not anymore.
A loud laugh echoed across the cave, and they heard a scream announcing, "Tobi is a good boy!"
"Yes, my premonition was indeed correct," he muttered. "I would have never been able to forget that laugh. I have no trouble remembering voices, even if I haven't heard this particular voice since I was a young child."
Hinata risked a glance at Itachi, and stopped in her tracks. His eyebrows were scrunched up, and his eyes - they were worried. They weren't uncaring, like they should've been. At that moment, Hinata was certain of one thing: he had yet to let go. And she needed to remind him that he didn't have a choice anymore: he had to let go. For his own safety, for his own wellbeing. And for her selfishness.
"It doesn't matter, Itachi," she began, her voice pleading. But only slightly.
He stopped, turning to face her. His eyes were hooded, and she understood then that she hadn't been able to get through to him. "It really doesn't matter. They can deal with it. It has nothing to do with us." She chose her words carefully, not wanting to upset him, but wanting to persuade him at the same time.
"I…" he took a deep breath. "I didn't know that being selfish would be such a hard thing to do," he ended up chuckling, and with his light laugh, she saw the tension ease out of his body. Good. That was how it had to be.
But their conversation had led them to being impervious to their surroundings. It had let them leave an annoyance to sneak up on them. In hindsight, it was disgraceful.
"So these are the fucking new lovebirds, huh? Oh, don't play dumb, you shits, our great bastard of a leader, Pein, told us all about it." Hidan wiggled his eyebrows. "I never knew you had a thing for younger women, Itachi - but looking at Hyuuga's damn fine ass, I understand where you're coming from. I mean, if I wasn't so fucking dedicated to Lord Jashin, I would've loved to have a go knocking her up, if you know what I fucking mean? You should know what I fucking mean, as you're all fucking mind readers, and…"
Hidan's as awesome as always. I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Cheers, Aurora.