Dear Anthony
I hate myself, I hate what I have done and what I am becoming. I lost myself more than once and hurt so many people including you.
I wanted to take the easy way out and just die, but you had to go and make sense. A friend also made me promise not to do anything stupid. So I am trying my best, but its hard being such a failure in the eyes of everybody. There's just nothing left to give me motivation to work harder or seek a silver lining of this dark grey cloud looming over me, casting my life into a shadow.
You know my deepest secrets and my biggest fears, but the only fear I have is loosing you, and I have already done that. There is no way around this and to be honest, more and more of my fears are becoming a reality. I think I might be living in hell, a relatively evil one that gives me hope and then crushes me to pieces along with all my dreams.
Oh, I met a good friend online, just like how I met you. He's from America, but we talk almost every week on the phone and we do video calling. He's a cool guy and always tries to motivate me, but like I said, it doesn't work. Tristan is awesome, he really is, but I am scared I might hurt him, he's already so hurt.
I don't want to hurt anybody, especially you. I will always love you.
Drenith
My life crumbles before your eyes, my soul is torn to shreds... You see, yet you do nothing, but I forgive you, because I do it for you. You are my soul, my life and my light. Shine on in this dark world, never forget me.