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Chapter 8

Secrets and Trust

Remus checked his watch. 12:30. He had a half-hour lunch break, so he put on his coat and reached for the Аpothecary keys, when a the bell above the door rang merrily.

"Hello, kind sir. I was wondering if you could help me? I'm looking for a special blend of dried nettles and beetle powder."

Remus looked up to see his girlfriend, smiling broadly at him.

"Lisa! What are you doing here?" he asked, unable to keep the big grin from blooming on his face.

"We work close now, so I thought I'd surprise you!" Lisa said happily, holding up a plastic bag he assumed to be full of food.

"You are incredible," he said, kissing her cheek swiftly. "Is that Shepherd's Pie?"

"Mmm, it sure is." Lisa giggled, impressed that he could smell it through the plastic take-away box. "You love it, I love it, why fight the inevitable?"

Remus chuckled again and reached for the keys that lay on the counter, when an angry man with an impressive black mustache rushed in.

"You!" The man, Mr. Canham, the owner of the apothecary, pointed a finger at Remus, his eyes burning with rage and indignation. "Out! Now! I never want to see your snout here again, do you understand? Get lost!"

"Of course, sir. I'll just need—"

"I SAID OUT! You filthy, disgusting animal, how could you keep your true nature from me?"

"Mr. Canham, I get paid by the hour and—"

"You're asking me for money?" The wand whipped out of the man's pocket, and a spell fired from its tip but collided with a powerful shield charm only centimeters from Remus' chest. Lisa's wand was raised, her eyes burning with rage.

"And what is your reason for letting him go? Has he been performing poorly?" she asked, her anger bubbling just under the surface. Remus groaned internally.

"I decide who I employ and who I don't!" Mr. Canham sputtered, his wand aimed at her now.

"Mr. Canham, please, she didn't—"

"Leave my sight at once and be glad I didn't call the Werewolf Capture Unit! Monsters like you should be put down on the spot!" Mr. Canham said with contempt, spitting at Remus' feat. They young werewolf decided not to push the issue and quickly dragged his fuming girlfriend out of the apothecary before her temper had the chance to explode.

"What are you doing? He owes you yesterday's and this morning's wage! As if you weren't already working for scraps!" Lisa exclaimed indignantly.

Remus sighed deeply. "There's no point. At least the curse didn't hit me this time." As soon as the words left his mouth he winced, realizing his mistake.

"... This time?"

Remus looked down at the ground. He had spared Lisa and the Marauders the details of his many firings, knowing that their Gryffindor nature would flare up and they'd go seek justice in his name, while all he wanted to do was leave it behind him and not cause any more problems. People were right to be scared, to be disgusted by him. He was a werewolf, after all. A monster.

Remus felt Lisa's fingers press lightly under his chin and lift it up. To his surprise, she wasn't shaking in indignation but smiling at him gently.

"Don't do that. Don't bow your head down to them. You are Remus Lupin, werewolf, and you are what you have always been – clever and capable. Be proud of who you are, because you have reason to be. I know I am proud of you. The way you take everything the world dishes out at you, but you still manage to stand tall and keep going inspires me to do the same, and the fact that you can endure a painful transformation each month and still come out of it able to smile and laugh never ceases to amaze me. So keep your chin up, because no matter how bigoted or stupid they are, they can never take that away from you."

Remus looked at her and felt the heart melt in his chest. His eyes were beginning to sting, but he closed them and cupped her cheek with his right hand, resting his forehead against hers. How in the universe had he managed to win the love of a girl like her?

"Let's go. The food is getting cold," Lisa said, and he took a step back.

Remus couldn't believe how mature she was being about all this. He half-expected her to send a nasty curse at his ex-employer, but she was handling it surprisingly well. Maybe the independent life outside of Hogwarts finally had some influence on her and she had grown up so gradually he hadn't even—

Suddenly, Lisa spun around, her wand whipping through the air. There was a deafening crack! and the Apothecary caught on fire. Remus' mouth fell open, but before he could even scold her she grasped his hand firmly and Apparated them away.

oOo

"You didn't!" Lily giggled, and Lisa shushed her, though she had to stifle a laugh as well. The two of them were lying in wait outside Malfoy Manor under James' Invisibility Cloak, scoping out the place for the Order. The house was frequently used as a meeting place, and if they could listen in on any conversations, it could give them vital information. Neither James nor Remus were happy about such a dangerous assignment, but they both kept it only to frowns and a few accusing looks. Lisa and Lily had only exchanged a glance and rolled their eyes at their pouting.

"Of course I did! He tried to hex Remus!" Lisa replied.

"But you do realize that setting buildings on fire is against the law, right? You can go to Azkaban for this!"

"Oh, please." Lisa waved dismissively. "Like the Ministry will even bother investigating. They're up to their eyeballs in Death Eaters. As are we."

"—they're getting cocky, too!" a voice drifted down the alley. "One actually had the nerve to whip out his wand at me! Needless to say he wasn't even capable of coherent thought after we were done with him."

Lily and Lisa exchanged disgusted glances when they recognized the owner of the voice, which was Mulciber, walking towards them with the usual crew of Avery, Snape and Rosier, and the unfortunate edition of Regulus and Dorcas. Lisa groaned internally. So far, she had managed to avoid a direct confrontation with her ex-but-not-really best friend. Her face must've shown some of the dread she was feeling, because she felt Lily's fingers wrap around hers and give her a reassuring squeeze.

"It's almost boring at this point," Avery drawled. "You've been using that same spell for weeks. Mix it up a little!"

"I'm practicing," Mulciber said. Even in the dark, Lily and Lisa could tell he was grinning. "I want it to be perfect when I finally get my hands on Fawley."

Lily's eyes widened and she shot a look at her friend, who resolutely kept looking at the walking figures.

"Why her?" Dorcas asked, also sounding rather bored. "What makes her so special?"

"Oh, it's not something for a lady's ears," Mulciber replied, and Lisa couldn't help the wave of revulsion that washed over her. "Let's just say... she and I had an encounter, right before Graduation. And I still have something I need to repay her for..."

Avery sniggered. "He tried to have his way with her and she bit his ear off."

Lily's body petrified, the group of Death Eaters laughed, and Lisa wished she could sink into the ground.

"So that's why," said the quiet voice of Regulus Black. "She's the one that got away."

"Oh, trust me, she won't be able to repeat that feat a second time," Mulciber said. "I enjoy women of strong character. Makes it all the more satisfying when they break."

"You seem confident she will," Dorcas said bitingly. Lisa cringed. If this gave her friend away, she would never forgive herself.

"Why are you getting all offended? Last time you met, you sent her flying across a corridor," Avery threw in.

"I'm not getting offended," Dorcas countered immediately. "I'm getting annoyed. I hate insufferable arrogance a-la Black and Potter."

"Don't compare me to those blood traitors!" Mulciber growled.

"Then stop getting on my nerves! It's not a secret you do disgusting things to the prisoners, so keep that to yourself, or at least brag after you've done it!" Dorcas said crossly. "And will you start cleaning up after yourself already? I'm not your maid, and I'm sick and tired of going in after you and finding the cells covered in—"

The group entered Malfoy Manor and the two girls under the Invisibility Cloak were no longer privy to the conversation. Lisa could feel Lily's eyes on her for a good couple of minutes.

"Lisa—"

"Lily, we're on duty. We'll talk about this later."

The redhead was about to protest, but Lisa clutched her fingers tightly. Lily wasn't happy about it, but they were dangerously far into enemy territory. They couldn't get closer to the house without tripping the alarm charms, but their time was not wasted, as other Death Eaters began arriving shortly after, chatting about recent raids and the horrible deeds they'd committed.

After a few hours whatever meeting was going on inside ended, and Lisa and Lily waited until the very last of them left before Apparating under the cloak and materializing on the dirty London street in front of Lisa and Remus' new flat, which was just as run down as the last.

"See you tomorrow," Lisa said quickly, making for the building.

"Not so fast!" Lily followed, folding the cloak. "You have a few things to explain!"

"I don't have to explain anything!" Lisa snapped, not even bothering to look back, and just climbing the stairs quickly.

"Yes, you do!" her friend insisted, matching her step. "What was that about? Why haven't you said anything, we'd want to know if Mulciber was targeting you. When—"

Lisa made it to the door of the flat and whirled around, silencing the redhead. "Lily!" A long look, charged look followed. "You promised."

Lily stared silently at her friend, whose eyes were becoming wet with tears. Suddenly her green eyes widened with realization as a certain memory emerged to the forefront of her mind. "At the Victory party... when you were missing... that was his blood all over you?" Lisa said nothing. "Does Remus know?"

For a moment, something between anger and determination flashed in the blonde's eyes, and her hands balled into fists. "You promised me, Lily. Remus can never know about this."

"But why? He would want to know, and he should, what if—"

"If what? Knowing will only upset him and make him angry, possibly at the worst moment. I need him to keep a clear head when we're fighting, not looking over his shoulder to check on me! He knows to be weary of Mulciber, and already perceives him as a threat. Knowing the bastard has it out for me specifically will only serve to make him paranoid, which is the last thing he needs."

Lily looked back defiantly, but they both knew Lisa was speaking the truth.

"... It's your choice," Lily said. "But I think you're making a mistake. He deserves honesty."

"It's for his own good."

"Shouldn't he be the judge of that?"

The door suddenly swung open, and Remus stood in its frame.

"The judge of what?" he asked, his eyes moving from one to the other.

"How long have you been there?" Lisa asked, her voice tinged with panic.

"Long enough," he replied, fixing his stare on her. "What don't you want me to know?"

Lisa shot a desperate look at Lily, not knowing what to do.

The redhead gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tell him. It's best he learns it from you." And with one last, reassuring smile, she turned around and left.

Lisa stared after her for a moment,before walking past Remus and sitting on the couch with a big, heavy sigh. He joined her shortly and sat next to her. He didn't urge her to say anything, so she remained silent. After about a minute, he spoke.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Lisa writhed her hands nervously, completely determined not to give the secret away. She couldn't let him know. She couldn't let him see her in that light, couldn't let him know how weak, how defenseless she was. How dirty she'd felt after it. "Remus... do you remember a little before Graduation, how I... pulled away?" He was silent for a long moment, then nodded. "And how I asked you if I could just keep this one secret?"

"And you still won't tell me what happened?" he asked. She shook her head. "But Lily knows?"

"I didn't tell her! She just... found out. Accidentally."

He was quiet again. "She seems to think I would like to know," he said.

Lisa kept looking at her lap. "Well, that's not up to her. Please. Just this once."

"Why don't you want to tell me? What could be so bad you'd want to keep me ignorant of it? Haven't I shared my darkest secret with you?"

Despite the tears that were threatening to fall, Lisa managed a weak laugh. "Oh please. If that was up to you, you still wouldn't have told me. I found out on my own."

Remus' mouth curved into a small smile. "So if I find out on my own, then I'm allowed to know?"

"Well, I won't wipe it from your memory, if that's what you're asking," Lisa said, still smiling slightly. "But please. Don't look into it. Don't ask me questions. "

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Does this have anything to do with the person in the hood?"

"No," she answered quickly.

"And it's not something dangerous?"

"Not any more dangerous than being targeted by Death Eaters," she said lightly, and he chuckled. A small feeling of guilt moved in her stomach at this, but she ignored it. She wasn't lying.

"And you're sure—"

"Yes, I'm absolutely sure you don't need to know it and that it's not putting me in more danger than I'm already in," she finished for him. "Lily thinks you'd want to know, and yes, she's probably right, but it won't accomplish anything. You can't do a thing about it."

He stared at her seriously for a long moment. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," she replied firmly. "I can deal with this on my own, and I promise you, it'll only make you worry pointlessly." That last statement was probably a mistake.

Remus' eyebrows knitted. "So it's something that would worry me?"

Lisa wanted to kick herself. "You'd worry about everything. It's just not something you can help me with and you'll feel powerless."

Remus thought about it for a moment more, than grasped her hands in his. "Alright. I'll drop it if you can explain to me why you don't want me to know. Would I react badly?"

Lisa looked down at their hands. She could be honest about this. "It's not really because of that...well, maybe partly. I just..." She took a deep breath. "It's not a big deal, but it has to so with me, and I'm afraid... I'm afraid you would look at me differently if you knew."

His hand rose and caressed her face. "Nothing you can say can make me love you less."

"You're only saying that because you don't know what it is," she said, but tears were starting to burn in her throat.

"Is it something you did?" he asked softly.

"You said you'd drop it," she reminded him.

Remus sighed. "I will. You dropped it when I asked you to back away from my secrets. So I'll do the same for you."

"I'd forgotten about that," she said with a small chuckle. "It was over two years ago."

"But I haven't. You told me then that you would trust me, and you didn't press me to reveal why I had scars and why I didn't want to talk about it. I think you've proven since then that you're worthy of my trust."

Lisa threw her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. He enveloped her in his embrace and stroke her head comfortingly.