Present Day
Penelope put Christopher on the counter of the bathroom.
"Hey honey, please stop crying." She said as she wiped his tears with a tissue. "Mommy, just wants you to be healthy and fruits and veggies have to be washed baby."
"I'm not a baby," he cried.
"I know. You're mommy's big boy – but you can't eat everything. Grass and dirt aren't food."
"But I can eat it."
"Yes, you can but it isn't food."
"But, I can eat it" he repeated
"Yes, but just because you can eat it doesn't make it good for you honey- and I only want you to eat things that are good for you and clean." She smiled at him and he smiled back.
"Does that make me a bad mommy?"
He shook his head.
"Ok, so when we go outside you are going to what?"
"Not eat grass, and dirt and clean the fruit?"
"I love you, big boy."
"How much? How much?" he asked as if he was on the Price is Right.
She spread her arms as wide as she could and said this much. He jumped from the counter to her arms. This was a game he was getting a bit to big for she thought, as his body slammed into hers. As she turned to the bathroom door she saw Derek.
"Hey little man!"
"Daddy!" he squealed as he leapt from one parent to the next.
"You have to listen to your mommy – understand?"
Christopher shook his head so eagerly, you would have thought Derek promised him a new hot wheels car.
"Now go outside, apologize to Uncle Dave and stay away from the garden." With his marching orders, Chris charged to his next adventure.
As he watched Christopher go, she asked him, "They know right?"
"Yes, as you know a table full of profilers don't miss a thing," he replied cynically.
"I didn't want to tell them like that – I wish sometimes you would just listen to me."
"Oh so I screwed this up too?"
"I'm not saying that," she said frustratedly.
"It sure sounds like that to me."
"This isn't the Derek Morgan Show—I'm not out to get you. They are our family too and I don't want them to feel awkward."
"Come on now,– I'm staying in a hotel, while my family is 5 blocks away—that is awkward. Very Awkward to say the least."
"Derek we agreed to this and now- aaagghh forget it. We should just go out there and address it and call it a day—I am tired of arguing."
As they emerged from the house all eyes were on them. When the approached the head of the table, Derek began to speak, "As you guys know we are trying out a trial separation. We hit a few bumps in the road and thought it would be best to give ourselves space and time to assess our situation," he said as if he was talking about an unsub.
"We didn't want this – Well, I didn't want this awkward moment" gesturing to the table, "so we" she said gesturing between her and Morgan "were hoping that we could figure this out before we had to have a talk about it—because when you talk about it become real – but it is real, I guess. I guess it is real when you can't be under the same roof—so maybe it's been real for a while," she said looking at her hands instead of the faces at the table—which she new they would assess as soon as she left.
She exhaled "We need more margaritas" looking at the empty pitcher on the table "I am going to make more margaritas." She turned and headed to the kitchen.
"I think she is going to need this" Beth said grabbing the empty pitcher. As Derek joined the table JJ rose and passed their daughter Kayla to Will.
Derek, "Sorry to drop that on you guys—She's been wanting me to tell you all but"
"Are you ok?" Emily asked.
"No but, we are going to work through this," he said watching her power walk to the house.
"What happened?" Emily asked knowing she had no authority to.
"We've been arguing over everything – I feel like she mediates on what to nag me about. I don't do enough, I don't share enough, I'm not there enough—nothing is enough for her anymore—the more I try - the more I fail."
"Maybe you should take sometime off," Rossi suggested.
"Well my mom is taking the kids for 3 weeks and we are going to date— as per our therapist instructions. I never thought I would be this person—"
"As long as it get you guys back on track—you gotta do what it takes," Jackson said trying to boost him up.
In the kitchen, Penelope is looking for a pitcher.
"Looking for this." Beth says as she passes her the pitcher.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you—I wanted to but I thought this negative energy would pass and the universe would bring us back to our happy place—instead we are stuck in the I hate you phase," she laughed cynically to herself as JJ entered.
"The I hate you phase?" JJ asked.
"I don't know where to begin. We've been drifting apart with me being the assistant chair of the department and Derek leading Team B—we are like two ships in the night. It's not like your team—where they lean on each other—he shoulders so much responsibility and rarely comes home before 8pm – Also specializing in crimes against children is his passion but it wears on his soul. He has so much weight on his shoulder because he has so much to prove – that he compartmentalizes us right out of the picture. I mean know how hard the job is but it seems like he never lets the cases go. They linger in his head, he can't sleep, and when we go to therapy – he is so removed that it feels like it is me against him instead of us fixing this. He is so defensive – it's like he can't imagine himself in my shoes. What I feel y'know." She said whipping away her tears
"Hey all couples go through this—you will get past it, honey," Beth said rubbing her shoulder.
"I do believe all things happen for a reason so maybe we have to learn to re-appreciate each other, " she mumbled. "I just need him to be present – you know when he is with me - be with me – but he isn't. He is always somewhere else." she said holding back the tears. "aaaggghhh, Can we do tequila shots as we make the margaritas?
"Sure," Beth said as she grabbed glasses.
She poured them a shot and they slammed it, like they were at a frat party.
"He is seen as the golden boy of FBI. They wanted him to lead the BAU team in NYC and Boston and he turned them both down—they even offered him Hotch's job." JJ said.
"I know – I know, I should give it more time and let him get settled but it has been two years and I just feel so lonely—mentally."
"But he should try and make more time for his family. When Hotch talks about Haley he says that he realized too late how easy it would have been to give her the time she needed but he made the job more important than her. He obsessed about each case till there wasn't any room for her in his head. He didn't learn how to be a father till she died – I don't mean to go all morbid but Derek will figure it out—He loves you more than anything."
"I'm not so sure anymore- Do you want to know how I heard about the case in Chicago? I heard him telling Tamara after my meeting with Strauss. He was discussing his feelings on Buford's death with Tamara—why is Tamara visiting my husband at work—and why is he confiding in her and not me? "
"He would never cheat on you, Garcia," JJ says as if she is shocked the thought crossed her mind.
"How do you know? I mean she is like always around—and it takes everything in me not to hack his email and phone records—because once trust is gone what do you have left and I really don't want to know if they are – you know. I told him he was having an emotional affair with her and - I just can't. - I mean why her? She is so freakin' pretty, smart, and attractive" she muttered. "He asked me y'know. He asked me if we should separate after Christopher started crying asking us to stop fighting – and now he acts as if I put him out." She said crying as she squeezed juice out of the limes for margaritas. Poor lime, Beth thought, as she watched Penelope pulverize it.
"I mean it isn't all bad" she sniffed as she picked up the next lime. "but sex can't be the only way we connect can it? I mean we have a nanny and we could have a date night but we never take advantage of it. He hasn't remembered my birthday in 3 years or our anniversary and I feel like such a nag—I mean I don't mind being in charge of that stuff—" she broke off and cried, "but it feels like if I wasn't - we would do nothing, y'know? I am the designated driver of this relationship and I would like to have a drink once in a while."
"Now he wants to fix things but I don't even know where to start. It just seems too late." She said regaining her composure "and I am too angry – I've been taking yoga two times a week, searching for the fun woman I used to be."
"It will get better—I promise" Beth said, "When I look up love in the dictionary I see you guys."
"You see who we were not who we are today – because today we are…"
"Maybe we can get him to come back to our team- We do miss him, we've tried a few new agents but they don't mesh."
Penelope shook her head "and then he will resent me for it"
"Well, what is your plan back to love?" Beth asks
"That is the million dollar question?" she says as she raises her tequila for a toast.
As Derek and Hotch threw the ball, to the boys—he asked how he does it? Make it work – work life balance.
"I wasn't so successful the first go around—remember. What I've learned is—there is always going to be a case but I only have one Jack and Beth. So I spread my duties out a bit more. JJ profiles and splits the communication liaison duties. We all do the paperwork digital so I can approve it from anywhere."
"My team is so new, it feels weird to delegate across the board like that. I used to judge you know—I didn't want to be the man who needed to take a day off to mentally prepare to be with his family—but the cases we see in crimes against children truly rattles me to the core. I always wanted to protect children against these heinous crimes but it takes so much out of me. Do you know I background check every teacher and coach who interacts with my kids – I just – I don't know."
"she is my world, Hotch," Derek continued, "I need to figure out how to make home life work—how do you make that work?"
Hotch was perplexed
"It's like she hates me sometimes and everything I do is wrong. It's like when I come home—I am greeted with a to-do list a mile long. Everything is work—hard work. I wish we could just be—every weekend we have an agenda a mile long and I god forbid I ask to just stay home—it's like I am being a lazy father. It's as if she tries to cram in every thing when we see each other that we are just overwhelmed. She says I've forgotten her birthday and anniversary but she starts planning it a month out. All I have to do is show up with a gift and she gets mad that I haven't put in any effort but its like – you've done all the work. She treats me like I'm a kids she has to get dressed and change. Ever since I became the Unit Chief , she treats me like a victim or something fragile—like I will come apart at the seams."
"Well, If you want to come back—to our team, I'm sure we could work something out—maybe we could have two unit chiefs and expand our department."
"No, Hotch. I can work this out."
"But at what cost?"
He continued to throw the ball to Henry – he didn't know the answer to that.
"We are going to therapy and I think we are making progress—I just need her to be Penelope not this neurotic hippy-dippy-alpha-mom who mistakes me for one of her children" he said with a grim chuckle.
"If there is anything I can do—don't hesitate. We can watch the kids for date night or something—anything. What you guys have is magical." Hotch said.